The Case of the Maltese Toadstool

by Smitty Werbenmanjensen

It's been nine years since their glory days at Hogwarts. But Harry and his trusted partner Ron are about to embark on their most perilous adventure yet....

1. Chapter 1 through 28

"The Case of the Maltese Toadstool"

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Prologue

Four years. It may as well have been forty. Four years of pain. Justice be damned. Four years of suffering alone. No more. As the mysterious brunette drove her car to Whitechapel, all she could think of was justice and the price she had paid dearly for it. Tonight...her journey back from the depths of hell begins...

Chapter 1 The Mysterious Brunette

Ol' Harry sat back on his chair, put his feet up on his desk and lit a cigar. Another case closed, another 5,000 Samolians and another hot night in Whitechapel. After a few puffs he decided it was time to hightail it out of there before the throngs of hookers started lining the streets around Buck's Row. Then she entered. A slim, wavey-haired brunette with skin as pale as buttermilk. Her black dress with a plunging neckline was starting to make him think twice about his plan to avoid solicitation tonight. This girl was giving him a look he could feel in his hip pocket. Still, there was a strange feeling of familiarity with this one. If he didn't know any better…he could swear some form of enchantment was at work here.

"Puh-please, Mr. Potter...I need your help," she pleaded with wild eyebrows.

"Lemme guess," he drawled. "Running from a boyfriend?"

"N-no," she answered. "I...I have to get somewhere unnoticed."

"What's your name, dollface?" he asked, taking another drag of his cigar.

"Hermione," she answered, bowing her head humbly.

"Who the bloody hell would give you a name like that?" he joked and then ducked to avoid her slap.

"Don't make me shmack you shweetheart!" he chuckled.

"OOOoooooh! I came to you for help, you bastard!" she cried, her eyes flashing and her eyebrows getting wilder by the second.

"100 pounds, love," he said flatly. "In advance."

"Huh?" she replied with her brow crinkled. "I...believe I only weigh 98 pounds, Mr. Potter."

"Money, you crazy broad!" he laughed. "Clams, Samolians, Rocks!"

Reaching into her purse she fetched all she could.

"Another 500," he added. "When we're done."

"Um...I only have 60 with me, Mr. Potter...puh-please help me," she said with a set of pleading eyes that would melt butter on an eskimo's igloo.

Resigning himself to her charms, he took her money.

"So...what's this little caper of yours?" he asked.

"I...I must get to a friend undetected and...and get her out," she replied, the life returning to her beautiful hazel eyes. "She's an unwilling guest of...Draco the Hammer."

"Whoah!" he gasped and put his cigar out. "Are you NUTS? Or more to the point...do you think I'm nuts!?"

"PLEASE!" she repeated and fell to her knees. "I'll do anything. Please, Mr. Potter!"

Harry thought for a second. The Malfoy Mob are dangerous racketeeers to be sure. Guns, drugs, gambling, prostitution, real estate, Polyweed...even frozen concentrated orange juice! And only god knows how and why the remains of Peter "The Rat" Pettigrew were found in several dozen cans of tuna at a local grocery store. The fact that the Malfoys owned the canning factory was deemed circumstantial in court. His first reaction would have been to send her away. But her genuine concern for a friend touched him. Not to mention she was now hugging his right thigh and giving him an uneasy feeling in his loins.

"I dunno, doll," he replied, his voice cracking like a bad karaoke singer. "Draco's dad isn't the kind of guy you cross."

Trembling against his right thigh she looked up at him and pleaded with the most beautiful set of hazel eyes he'd seen in a while. She stood up with tears streaming down her cheeks and threw her arms around his neck.

"I-I'll do anything, Mr. Potter," she repeated, her voice cracking.

As he gently pulled her arms off of him she began to sob louder. To her surprise he held them to his chest and massaged them.

"It's okay," he whispered. "Now...who's your friend?"

"Ginny," she replied, steadying her voice. "Ginny Weasley."

"WHAT!?" he squealed. "MY Ginny!"

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Chapter 2 The Wrath of Won Won

Harry couldn't believe his ears. He knew that something was wrong the last time Ginny slapped him across the face. It was different, almost final. The half-empty bottle of booze in the bottom drawer told him he wasn't over it. Harry reached for his friend once more, offering this sultry, bushy haired vixen some of his relief.

"I knew that would mean something to you." sobbed Hermione as she accepted the drink.

Does Ron, his partner for almost ten years now, know of any of this? Should he dare ask? Too late. The front office door slammed shut with the untimely arrival of his best mate and partner.

"Oi, Harry, get out of here already. Go home and try to..." Ron cut himself off as he walked into Harry's office. He usually took no notice of the odors of Harry's den, the smoke, the booze, but this was different. Her scent carried him the rest of the way in.

"Well, to whom do I owe the pleasure?" he directed the question to the lady now holding her unladen hand out in greeting.

"Hermione Granger, and you are?" Her eyes ran up and down his muscular but poorly dressed body. She couldn't quite size him up.

"Weasley, Ron Weasley" replied Ron.

"No! She told me not to let you know. Shyte! She'll kill me when she finds out."

Harry Jumped in, "What's goin' on with my Ginny?"

"Your Ginny?" Ron ejaculated loudly.

"Hold on mate." Harry said, but Ron was addressing the black clad vixen now.

"What is going on with my sister?"

"Sh-she's in trouble with the Malfoy gang" Hermione said timidly.

"BLOODY FREAKIN' HELL!" Ron roared and then BAM. Harry didn't see that one coming, or else he would have at least tried to duck. When he came to he could see Ron standing in the corner helping himself to the remainder of his whiskey. He had a splitting headache. "Sorry mate. Lost control."

Hermione was holding an ice pack to Harry's forehead, "That'll leave a nasty scar. You hit the corner of your desk after..."

"Yeah, I get the picture." Harry said as got up and walked over to his cabinet and pulled out a small shaving mirror. There was a lightning shaped gash and a swollen black eye. Funny…there was something oddly familiar about that as well.

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Chapter 3 The Naughty Partner

For a moment Harry considered his reflection in the spotted & dusty mirror, and the thought occurred to him that this newest addition to his face might actually add to his reputation as a seasoned fighter of the Dark Arts. It would certainly give Malfoy a second's pause before blowing his brains out with the Avada Kedavra curse.

Harry's internal monologue was interrupted by odd sounds of slurping, and he shifted slightly in front of the mirror to reveal the scene behind him. Dammit; he should have known. There was his partner, Weasley, snogging the gorgeous stranger. What WAS her name again? Something like Herman but more effeminate. A stranger who moments ago, had offered herself sexually to him as payment for his services. For the millionth time Harry reminded himself to never leave even a slightly-attractive client alone with his partner.

"Ahem," said Harry, and the slurping noises ceased abruptly as the couple broke apart, Weasley with a devilish grin and what's-her-name still teary-eyed yet looking considerably more appeased than moments before.

"When the two of you are quite finished, we need to talk about how we're going to get Ginny out of Malfoy's evil clutches." Harry felt an enormous jab of jealousy and a slight twinge of shame as he recalled how he had dealt his Ginny such a raw deal when he turned her away. His only comfort was that her other older brothers, Bill & Georgie, hadn't decided to come pay him back for how he had shafted her.

His relief was literally shattered when his glass office door was blasted open and two red-headed hot-headed men strode boldly into the room with looks that could stop the Hogwarts Express dead in its tracks.

"We thought we'd find you here," said old One-Ear George, as he eyed his brother Ron still in the embrace of the voluptuous mistress with tears still staining her dark eyes.

"Yeah, and if you two don't get off your whiskey-puckered asses and save our sister Ginny, we'll make sure old Georgie here has another couple of identical twins, one-eared and all," snorted ol' Billy The Wolf as he took a large swig from Harry's bottle.

Harry, despite his growing trepidation at taking on the Malfoys, smirked openly. With the Weasley Brothers on their side, Ginny's chances of being free from the Malfoy gang ... well, they weren't necessarily better, but at least now it'd be one hell of a fun ride.

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Chapter 4 Me and my BIG MOUTH

Harry brought his Studebaker to a quiet stop on Mitre St. across from the wharves. Hopefully his partner Ron wasn't still sore from the news, he thought. As an afterthought, he hoped Ron's fist was still smarting from the left hook he landed on his now sore chin. All in all he hoped Ron and his shady bootlegging brothers, ol' One-Ear George and Billy the Wolf, stayed put back at the office like he asked.

There it was, the Malfoy Canning Company. Not quite an eyesore considering the majority of the abandoned homes and other businesses surrounding the wharves were dilapidated old hovels, the main tenants of which were rats and cockroaches.

"Where are they keeping her?" Harry asked, looking through his binoculars.

"There's a warehouse on the other side," Hermione replied. "Draco always has his goons take her there until he's through conducting business with other mobsters. If you can only get in there...I know the vent in the room leads to the old boathouse and-"

"Whoah!" Harry interrupted. "Whaddya mean'you', dollface? This is your caper, remember?"

"Oh, I'd love to help but I'm rather awful at this sort of thing," she replied, hoping he'd buy such a load of baloney.

"Why you lying, spoiled little Oxford dame!" he shot back. "You're coming with me and that's final!"

"Buh-but...the goons they'll-"

"That's Gregory the Houndog Goyle guarding the door, schweetheart. The ex boxer. He's as dumb as a horned frog and a million times hornier. Get it?"

She moaned like a petulant school girl at his implication.

"Oh, alright," she surrendered. "It's for Ginny."

After primping herself she walked in Goyle's direction. Her exaggered swaying made Harry shift his pants front as he stayed ducked in the shadows behind her. He was right. Goyle was a dumb as a sack of peanuts and started wolf whistling the minute he caught sight of her. The tongue-wagging was a bit much though. And he'd never seen a grown fella drool so much in his entire life.

"Hello, big boy," she said in a breathless tone as she fetched a cigarette from her purse. "Got a light?"

Seizing the opportunity as Goyle fumbled in his pockets for a lighter, Harry pinged him on the back of the head with the butt of his pistol.

"All in a night's work, schweetheart," he joked. "This idiot doesn't even smoke. What a mook!"

It's a pity he didn't count on the other big palooka lurking in the shadows behind him.

"Harry, look out!" Hermione yelled.

As he turned to open the door, the last thing he remembered was the calloused fist of Vincent's nephew, Buster Crabbe, coming right at his chin.

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Chapter 5 CANNED

Tuna. As if the smell wasn't nauseating enough. It reminded him of his sweet Ginny and how she nursed him through his post-Voldermort depression and repeated bouts of alcoholism. How he longed for a juicy, disgusting T-bone steak for lunch only to have sweet Ginny stroll into his office every lunch hour with a healthy meal. Chicken salads, tofu, a strange concoction called hummus. And the spring water didn't exactly wash the taste away.
And water was exactly what he got in his face just now. God, he wished he wasn't tied to a chair.

"Wakey wakey, you little flakey," Crabbe teased. "How's that jaw, you ol' has-been?"

"Well, I think you hit like a girl," Harry lied. "Even Ron hits harder than you."

"Oh yeah!?" Goyle chimed in. "You're a...uh...and...you're a..."

"Good comeback," Harry shot back. "You big lummox."

From around the corner Draco himself walked in. Ten years, ten more inches of hair and ten pounds later, he still looked like an Orlando Bloom as "Legolas" from 'Lord of the Rings'-wannabe. As he closed in, he wrinkled his frow and feigned nausea at the smell of Harry's breath.

"Well well...if it isn't my old pal Harry Potter," he remarked. "Or what are you calling yourself these days...Jack Daniels...Johnny Walker Red...Jim Beam?"

"Where's Ginny?" Harry asked, wanting to strangle him with his own blonde locks.

"With me, Potter. But don't you worry your sotted head. I've no intention of harming the lass...as long as Lieutenant Percy stays out of my affairs for the next few days."

"You let her go!"

"No, Potter. There's a war about to erupt on these docks. And it would be better for all if Percy's bungling Keystone cops were out of the way."

"I...I'll keep them off your back...just hand Ginny over."

"Sorry, Potter...we got lucky with that "Canned Rat" caper, no thanks to you. I refuse to take any chances this time around."

A bright, white burst of light and the Weasley trio appeared flicking Stupify spells left and right. Goyle, attempting to use Harry as a shield ran face to face with ol' One-Ear George whose scarred head, missing 1/3rd of his hair on one side and misshapen forehead was even more frightening up close and personal.

"Mooohahahhahahaha! In me power!" One-Ear George bellowed.

Screaming like a little girl who just lost her popsicle stick to a playground bully, Goyle ran for the door and disappeared behind Draco and Crabbe while a host of their goons lay stupified all around the warehouse.

Freeing Harry from the ropes binding him, Ron looked around and asked, "Where are they keepin' them, mate?"

"I...I dunno...he separated us," Harry answered, hoping not to get another left hook.

"Oh, for the love of...!" Ron started but stopped to look around. "Where...where is Hermi-...Hermio...th-that Hermininny broad?"

"Uh...he's got her too," Harry said, bracing for the worst.

"You lost that sweet piece of ass too?!" Ron bellowed.

"Well, she was..." Harry tried to finish but for the third time in one night...another balled fist connected with his chin.

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Chapter 6 The Bucket o' Blood

Retreating to One-Ear George and Billy the Wolf's underground hideout at the Bucket o' Blood Bar and Grill, Notary Public, Harry and Ron plotted their next step.

"I don't believe this," Ron fumed. "I tell Ginny a million times but she still goes out alone in this part of town!"

"Go easy on her," Harry chided with an icepack on his chin. "I...I wasn't there for her...I haven't been good for anyone for a while now, in fact."

Rifling through the morning mail, One Ear George paused as he saw the morning headline in the Daily Bugle. It was a familiar face to be sure. An old friend who was obviously in serious trouble.

"Oi, look who's gone missing," he announced as he plopped the newspaper on the table. "Good ol' Professor Neville."

"WHAT?!" Harry and Ron blurted out together.

...Professor Neville Longbottom, head of the Herbology Department at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry went missing yesterday while inspecting a shipment of rare plants aboard the H.M.S. Greengrass. Longbottom gained reknown when his team discovered that English Ivy, cross-bred with Magoomba Hydra root from Tibet created a potion which causes plant life to grow at an astounding rate. Dock officials, along with local law enforcement at the 8th street wharves deny any foul play although rumors of a drug war between the Malfoy Mob and Finnegan's Irish Brigade have been brewing for months in the area...

Harry and Ron exchanged knowing glances as One-Ear George and Billy the Wolf exchanged puzzled looks.

"POLYWEED," Harry and Ron said together.

"Bloody hell," One-Ear George muttered. "Who do you suppose got to Neville? Whoever did is going to have one helluva stockpile of Polyweed in days rather than weeks!"

"I don't know," Harry answered. "But I'm gonna find out."

Reaching into Billy the Wolf's desk, Harry pulled out a bottle of Crown Royal and took a swig.

"How do you wanna play this, mate?" Ron asked.

"Stealthy," Harry answered. "Keep Percy outta Malfoy's hair. We gotta...we gotta play it straight."

Taking the bottle away before before he could take another swig, Ron looked his partner in the eye and said, "Then lay off this 'til we at least get Ginny back safe, mate."

---

Chapter 7 The Marauders

Hours laters...

Ron slammed the phone down. Along with Harry he had been busy most of the evening calling up old friends.

"Oi, what's wrong?" Harry asked.

"I just got off the phone with Dean. Apparently that Hermi- girl was working undercover for the Ministry. They weren't too happy when they discovered the Malfoys got to her and according to Dean...our office was trashed."

"The Ministry?"

"No...he was staking out the place with Luna. The Quibbler's trying to get a jump on the competition. They said our ol' buddies Seamus Finnegan along with Cormac McLaggen and Ernie McMillan were leaving there with a bunch of goons..."

"Bloody hell...Finnegan's Brigade."

"Not only that, he heard one of 'em mutter something to the effect of, 'Maybe the professor will talk'. I'm not sure I like the idea of taking on the Malfoy Mob and Finnegan's Brigade, mate."

Taking a deep breath, Harry thought it through.

"Ginny comes first," he said finally. "Malfoy didn't want the cops in the middle of this war. Piss on that. I'll...I'll see if I can call in some favors from old friends. Malfoy never said he'd mind if

"He's gonna want what Neville knows, Harry."

"Wait...why would Seamus trash our office and then go back to see if the 'professor' will talk?"

"The secret MAIL!" they said at once.

The two of them got up and ready to go as the door swung open. There was One-Ear George, Billy the Wolf and good ol' Charlie the Animal Weasley along with Zacharias Smith, Michael Corner, Cho Chang, Romilda Vane and Lavender Brown."

"Marauders," announced One-Ear George. "At your service."

"Ready to get dirty?" Ron challenged.

"Hooo YAH!" they answered in unison.

---

Chapter 8 TRASHED

Peering over the edge of the trash bin behind the building which housed the Potter & Weasley Ace Detective Agency, Notary Public, Michael Corner vomitted uncontrollably. Next to him, crouched in neck-deep trash, Zacharias Smith searched as well as he could with one hand holding his nose shut.

"Ready to get dirty?" he muttered sarcastically, imitating Ron. "The things we do for truth and justice!"

Peering out around the alleyway, Lavender Brown and Romilda Vane stood sentry while the boys worked. Even from a distance Harry could hear them enthusiastically speak of standing up to the two worst mobs Whitechapel had ever had the displeasure of dealing with and a mention or two about...Won Won.

"Ahem," Harry cleared his throat while tapping Ron on the shoulder.

Ron stood up in the trash bin inspecting a wooden box and faced him.

"So uh...what's with the two skirts, partner?" Harry asked.

"Lavender's got a connection in Seamus's merry band. She's a heck of an asset, mate. And uh...she's easy on the eyes as well."

"And...Romilda?"

"Well...uh...she was eager to help and...uh...she brings me stuff every now and then...and..you know..."

"No, Ron...explain it to me."

"Well, she came poking around a couple of months ago...when Ginny moved into her own apartment...asked about ya and stuff...but don't worry, mate...I set her straight."

"Straight onto your...winky?" Harry added as Ron blushed with guilt.

"FOUND IT!" said Michael, fetching a mushroom-shaped urn from the bottom of the trash bin next to theirs. It was antique solid brass with a strange double keyhole configuration.

Harry reached for the hidden pocket on the outside of his left boot. Ron reached for his own on the outside of his right boot. They suddenly exchanged panicked expressions.

"That Hermy girl!" Ron exclaimed.

"Hermione," said a familiar voice. "Looking for these?"

Hermione was leaning against the back door of their office holding up 2 golden keys.

"I feel sooooooo used," Harry groaned as he climbed out of the bin.

"No wonder she spent all that time on her knees," Ron muttered.

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Chapter 9 Sacking the Ministry monkey

"The Ministry would very much like your cooperation in this case, gentleman," Hermione said as she approached them. "If you would be as kind as to hand over the urn..."

"I don't think so," Lavender snorted. "We're not doing this for the ministry and we're not doing it for the greater good."

"Yeah," Romilda added. "We're with Won-Won...er...with Mister Weasley all the way."

"Friends of ours are in trouble, Miss Oxford," Harry chimed in. "We'll be the ones to decide on OUR best course of action."

Putting on his best smile, Ron approached Hermione in as relaxed a manner as possible. Zacharias had slowly made his way behind her...

"Now look, love," he started as he approached within arms reach. "Why don't you and I step into my office and discuss the situation."

Crinkling her brow, Hermione responded, "I'm not discussing anything with you until you'd had a bath."

Zacharias sprung into action hitting Hermione low and knocking her off her feet as Ron grabbed her from behind and slapped the keys out of her hand. They flew in wide arc right into Michael's hand. Dumbfounded, Harry watched as the Ron and Zacharias struggled to pull Hermione towards their van while Michael opened the rear doors.

"RONALD, WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Harry yelled.

"She's a bloody Ministry monkey!" Ron answered. "She could start all kinds of trouble for us!"

"So you kidnap her?" said Harry. "GOOD SOLUTION!"

"Ohhhhhhhhh GOD, somebody get me a Glade spray bottle!" Hermione said panting as the stench of Ron and Zacharias overcame her.

Bending her over the bumper of the van, Michael took out a set of handcuffs and started to put them on. Hermione kicked backwards and scored with Michael's testicles.

"Oh you...!" Michael groaned he doubled over, feeling as if he was about to cough up a left nut. "Biaaaaaaaaaaaatch!"

Ron grabbed the cuffs but Harry took them away. Hermione then flung her head backwards and connected with Ron's chin and shoved Michael away, freeing herself.

"Look, I'm sorry for the plight Ginny is in but I need that urn for my case," she pleaded. "I won't say anything about your plans for rescuing her."

"You bet your scrawny arse you won't!" said Lavender shortly before landing a right hook and knocking Hermione into the back of the van.

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Chapter 10 The Maltese Mushroom

They all filed in into the van as Harry tried in vain to calm himself.

"MORONS!" Harry yelled at the rest of the group as he drove the van back to the Bucket o' Blood Bar&Grill, Notary Public. "When they throw all our arses in Azakaban I'm gonna demand they put me in the furthest cell block from the lot o' ye!"

"She was provoking me," Lavender offered. "Acting all high and mighty like that."

Lavender knelt before Michael on the floorboard behind Harry, reaching for his crotch.

"Does it hurt, Mikey?" she asked.

"Yes," Michael answered in a slightly high-pitched and off key voice but then grunted manly as Lavender rubbed his sore nuts.

Romilda rode shotgun next to Harry. Every now and then she eyed him as he drove. And every now and then Harry would turn the wheel sharply when making turns just to annoy them.

"It'll be alright, Harry," she tried to reassure him. "Does that...scar hurt?"

Romilda reached for Harry's scar and stroked it as Ron looked on from the very back of the van. Romilda making moves on Harry? Lavender stroking Michael's frick and frack? 'What about me?', he thought. Looking down at Hermione on the floorboard near Zacharias feet, Ron felt a little left out of the love loop.

Reaching for the gag on her Hermione's mouth, Zacharias tried to make nice and remove it.

"Is that bet-", he started to say only to have Hermione bite his finger. "Arrrrrrrrrrgh! Children of the CORN! $hyte!"

Freeing his finger from her mouth, Zacharias grabbed Ron's arm and traded places.

"That wasn't very ladylike," Ron chided.

"And your odoriferous emanations are not exactly manly," Hermione shot back. "Won Won."

Harry finally reached the Bucket o' Blood Bar&Grill, Notary Public and pulled into the back just as Romilda tried to stroke his scar again.
He grabbed her hand and was about to chide her. Romilda braced for it, hanging her head down in shame.

"Romilda," he started. "I appreciate you trying to cheer me up and all but..."

Harry stopped. A loud chorus of men singing "The Minstrel Boy" caught his ear.

"I think...we better get outta here," Michael remarked.

It was too late. Harry's window was shattered by a tire iron as he tried to get the key back in and gun the motor. A large pair of Irish hands was at his throat and his cohorts were starting to exit in similar fashion. Ernie McMillan yanked Ron by his red locks out of the van window just as he threw a canvas sheet over Hermione to hide her.

"SHYTE!" yelled Ernie as he dropped Ron face first into the pavement. "SHTYE!SHYTE!SHYTE!"

Ernie stepped away, wiping his hands on his jeans.

"What are ye' on about?" asked Seamus as he approached.

"I mean they SMELL like shyte, Seamus!" Ernie bellowed as he retreated back with the dozen goons Seamus brought with them. "WoooOOOoOoooOooOo...! They smell worse than one of Cormac's farts, mate!"

Harry crawled over to Ron as Romilda and Lavender cowered behind Michael and Zacharias.

"Where's Hermione?" he whispered.

"Hiding in the back, mate," Ron answered.

"What ye be doin' crawlin' about the ground like a pair of great woolly sheep?!" Seamus asked them. "Get off yer knees, ya Limey bastards!"

Standing up slowly, Harry and Ron rested their backs against the van with the rest of their crew as Harry reached behind Ron and dropped the keys on Hermione's head. He knew her type...Ministry super spy...expertly unlocking her cuffs when the opportunity presented itself. His suspicions were confirmed as Hermione reached up and stroked his hand to signal him.

"Now...let's be friends," Seamus began. "Hand over the TOADSTOOL and we'll leave ye be."

"The what?" Ron asked.

"I thought it was mush-", Zacharias began but stopped when Romilda kicked his shin hard. "Ouch, goddamnit!"

Ron turned around and opened the back door.

"Um...I thought it was here," he said as he saw Hermione making her way to the driver's seat. "Um...maybe it's on the right passenger seat, Romilda?"

Romilda knew the signal and went to pretend to look. Lavender went and pretended to check the middle row of seats. Harry did the same. Michael and Zacharias helped Ron inspect the back. Suddenly Hermione gunned the motor back to life and peeled out of the parking lot.

"FOUND it!" Michael teased as he held the mushroom urn aloft and gave Seamus the finger and started singing with "Rule Brittania" with Ron.

---

Chapter 11 CORNERED!

Driving down Travis St., the merry group whooped it up as they headed back to the office.

"Well," said Ron. "It doesn't get any closer than that!"

CrrrrrrrrrrrrASH!!!!!!!

Draco's goons smashed their truck into their van, crumpling the front silly and ramming them into a fire hydrant. After a moment to recover, Harry could see Draco and his goons exitting and coming towards them. Harry crawled to the back of the van.

"Ron!" he said trying to shake his friend back to reality. "We gotta go, mate!"

Michael and Zacharias thought ahead. Zacharias placed the mushroom urn in a canvas sack as Michael placed a football in another. Romilda and Lavender helped a wounded Hermione out the passenger side as Draco and his goons inched closer.

"Potter!" Draco called out. "It's over! Only I can save your sorry arse from Finnegan's Brigade!"

Harry and his Marauders gathered in the middle of the street as the hydrant rained down cool water on all of them. At least their stench was going away. Looking in Draco's direction, their hearts sank as Draco held his wand at Ginny's neck.

"Go ahead, you cockroach!" Hermione challenged. "The Ministry's placed a spell on Whitechapel and the surrounding 6 counties. You're as weak as the average muggle now, Draco!"

"Stupefy!" yelled Draco, pointing his wand at Hermione.

Hermione spoke the truth. None of their wands would work now. And from down the street came the sound of an approaching mob. Unfortunately...it was Finnegan's mob. Suddenly another pickup truck came careening down the street and smashed right into Draco's, sending it tumbling. In it were the remaining Marauders, One-Ear George, Billy the Wolf, Charlie the Animal, Cho Chang and tagging along were Dean Thomas and Luna Lovegood. Taking advantage of the moment, Ginny broke free of Draco's grip and ran into the waiting arms of Harry.

"Good timing, bros!" exclaimed Ron.

As they all exitted the van and ran towards Harry's group, Finnegan's Brigade closed in. And from the other side of the street came more of Draco's goons led by Buster Crabbe and Goyle.

"Potter!" Seamus bellowed. "That TOADSTOOL will do a lot of good for me Irish kin, lad! I only seek to assist me countrymen who have suffered from the serious blight fungus that did a number on our POTATO crops, man. You'd be doin' an entire nation a world of good, Potter!"

"I may not be Irish, Potter," called Draco. "But I know a load of BLLLLLLLLLLllllllllarney when I hear it! I wouldn't lie to you. I want the TOADSTOOL for my own selfish self interests! Whaddya say, Potter?!"

"Well, my gosh...what a choice," joked Harry. "Maybe you two barnacleheads should consider taking a course in diplomacy!"

"SPLIT!" yelled Charlie as Michael tossed one of the canvas bags to Luna. Both Cho and Michael along with Charlie, Bill, Dean, Luna and George ran down one alley as Harry, Ron, Romilda, Lavender, Zacharias and Hermione ran down another.

Seamus's crew of about 60 men split into two groups as did Draco's equally sized groups, chasing Potter and his comrades down both alleys. All through the chase, both Englishmen and Irishmen traded blows in pursuit of a toadstool-shaped urn in which the contents were unknown to all.

"Well this is turning into one hell of an evenin', eh?!" Ron gasped as both him and Harry ran along either side of Zacharias, who was holding a canvas bag like a football. They rounded the corner and ran straight into a five of Draco's goons. Michael lost the bag to Buster but a swift quick in the nuts later, Romilda picked it up.

Seeing Hermione twenty feet away she called out, "Go long!"

As Romilda did her best impression of Tom Brady, Lavender and Ginny threw themselves at the feet of Draco's goons as they started to pursue, making them land on their faces, as Harry and Ron recovered. Helping the girls to their feet, the chase continued.

---

Chapter 12 RUGBY in the streets

Gasping for breath as they rounded a corner, Billy's group found themselves forced to tangle with six of Seamus' goons. Cho went Bruce Lee on 'em and jumped high, double-kicking two of them in the face as Michael picked up a nearby trashcan and knocked another 2 down with it. Dean bodyslammed another into the pavement as Luna held onto the canvas bag like a baby. Billy felt his primal instincts gushing forth as the moon rose high in the night sky and bellowed out his best wolf howl. But the laughing from Seamus' bunch made him look at himself.

Sure...he had the ears and some hair...but he was nowhere near the size of his full grown werewolf self. Looking up at the moon, he discovered why.

"Oh buggers, Bill," groaned Charlie. "It's only a bloody 'alf moon tonight."

The chase continued as they neared the wharves on 7th Avenue with Finnegan's Brigade in hot pursuit. Sirens and flashing lights were heard and seen as 2 police boats approached, one of them with Cornelius Fudge standing on the bow with a megaphone.

"Cease these shenanigans, NOW!" he bellowed.

"Do you trust him, Bill?" Charlie asked.

"About as far as I can throw 'im, bro," Bill answered.

"Hey, 'old on you!" Fudge called out to Bill and his bunch.

Coming up Mitre Street, Harry and his bunch fared no better as Draco and his goons caught up to Hermione who pitched the canvas bag to Romilda, who pitched it to Ron, who pitched it to Zacharias, who pitched it to Harry who fumbled it away after being clothes-lined by Goyle. As four of Draco's goons dove for it, Michael kicked it to Lavender who scooped it up and continued running.
Unfortunately Cormac McLaggen tackled her down and the canvas bag emptied its contents...a football.

"It's a bloomin' DECOY!" Cormac yelled as he waved off the other goons.

As the throng neared the wharves, they could see little Luna running frantically towards City Hall with Bill and his bunch guarding her.

"Get it, damn ye!" Seamus yelled. "GET the toadstool!"

Harry and his bunch caught up to the crowd of English and Irish. Elbows and fists caught faces, chins and ribcages as the scene degenerated into a no-holds barred rugby match. Luna lost it to Ernie McMillan as he yanked her hair.

"I've got the TOADSTOOL, lads!" he cheered, just as Goyle elbowed his face.

It bounced off the ground a few times and fell out of the canvas bag. It's antique brass finish leaving no doubt that it was the object of their collective madness now. Draco pounced on it only to be stepped on and mauled by the moving mass of bodies. It found it's way near Dean who tried to dive for it as English and Irish arms reached out and locked together in a what amounted to a half-assed scrum. As it rolled away...it inexplicably opened and came to rest at the feet of Cornelius Fudge.

"Wha...?" he muttered as he picked it up. "Where are the bloody contents!?"

A loud crescendo of groans and cuss words echoed in the night as Fudge threw it back down in disgust. The goons broke off into smaller groups and eventually disappeared back to their collective hideouts leaving Seamus and Draco to end things between them.

Bleeding and covered with dust and grime, Seamus turned to Draco and simply said, "It's your bloody fault, ye stupid blighter."

"Until next time," Draco answered, dusting himself off. Turning to leave, he added, "You little Irish prick."

---

Chapter 13 The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of

"Well that's that, eh lads?" Fudge said to Harry and his Marauders. "You would've gone a long way with the Ministry."

"Too bad about their friend Neville, right?" Hermione spat back.

"Oh come now, Agent Granger," said Fudge. "Your assignment was the urn. That's all. Now come along...I'll give you a boat ride back to the Ministry."

"I'd rather walk, thank you," Hermione answered.

As he turned to leave, a bruised, battered and bleeding Ron picked up the urn and sobbed lightly.

"What the bloody hell, mates?" he groaned.

"All this for an empty fargin' brass mushroom," Charlie added.

Taking the mushroom away from Ron, Luna rubbed it with her sweater and sighed. Then she took her sweater off and wrapped it.

"You're taking it?" Harry asked.

"For a brief moment in time, this was an object of men's fascination," Luna started. "It's been said by the tribes of bushmen in Maki-Maki that such an object is charmed."

"The bushmen of..."

"Never mind, mate," said Ron as he brushed past Harry.

"It's now the stuff that dreams are made of," Luna said as she walked back towards town.

As they started to follow her, Harry pulled Ginny to him and kissed her deeply.

"That...is the stuff that dreams are made of," he whispered in her ear.

Racked with uncontrollable sobs, Ginny hugged him tight for support and kissed him back. After trailing kissing up and down the nape of his neck and along his jawline and back to his mouth she finally spoke.

"M-my place, love?" she asked.

"Yes," Harry answered as he took her hand and followed the rest of the group.

Ron caught up with Hermione who had developed a limp. The right leg of her slacks had been torn open and a large gash was showing. He offered his arm as he approached only to catch her frantically trying to fold a piece of paper and stuff it in her pocket. It was obviously the contents of the mushroom urn.

"Well well," he laughed. "You're not a Ministry monkey after all."

Pulling him into an alley, she whispered to him, "Listen...there's a mole in the Ministry. There's more to Professor Longbottom's find than mere dreams of a bountiful supply of Polyweed. Will...will you help me?"

Ron pulled her close and kissed her passionately. It was a gamble he was willing to take.

"W-was that..." she began, feeling weak in the knees."Was that your way of letting me down or...?"

"I'll gladly help ye, doll," he answered. "If I can taste those soft lips some more."

Hermione tried to rationalize her actions. Perhaps she'd had enough of the prim and proper Oxford lads she was used to dating, or being surrounded by crowds of well-dressed playboys and tennis pros. Perhaps what she'd been missing all this time was a down-to-earth uncouth scoundrel. Whatever the case, she smiled and kissed him back.

As for Ron...this Hermione was a mystery.

No wonder the attraction.

After all...both he and Harry had made mystery their life's work.

Chapter 13 A Pleasant Respite

Limping all the way back to the office, Hermione welcomed Ron's eager help but was still unsure of whether or not to trust him.

"I trust you'll keep your partner in the loop?" she asked.

"Harry and I have no secrets," he replied. "I just hope Ginny can straighten his arse out this time around."

"I'm happy Ginny's safe," she continued. "But we've much work to do. Neville's assistants were all taken into protective custody by the Ministry."

Ron locked the door behind them and pinned her against it, raining kisses along her jaw line before planting his mouth over hers.

"Ron!" she breathed as she pulled her head to the side. "Professor Neville…the case…the contents of the mushroom!"

"It can wait," Ron answered as he planted his mouth over hers. "This can't."

Hermione almost let her guard down…but her instincts were too strong. And Ron discovered that firsthand as she bent his thumb back and twisted his wrist painfully.

"Arrrrrrrrgh, alright…I give!" he squealed as she stopped him from retrieving the contents of her pocket.

Ron was kicking himself inside but was glad he at least got to get in a little snogging. He mentally prepared himself for another chiding.

Of course, he wasn't prepared for Hermione ripping open his shirt and pushing him over the arm of the waiting room couch and onto his back. Nor did it prepare him for Hermione straddling him and raking her nails gently down the front of his bare chest. Who was he to complain? He decided it was a game of Cat and Mouse as he bided his time waiting for another opportunity to get into her pocket. He reached down and fondled her right buttock through her slacks but didn't go for the pocket just yet. And besides, she had quite a firm, squeezable bottom. A few expert moves later and Hermione had Ron in his skivvies. He tried to respond in kind only to have her slap his hands away and remove her slacks herself. Damn! That forces a change in tactics he thought. But after Hermione removed her blouse and teasingly removed her bra in the most painfully slow fashion, he resigned to enjoying himself instead. He reached for and rolled them both off the couch and onto the carpet. Those sweet, soft lips were irresistible as he planted his mouth over hers again and gently parted them with his tongue. Her tongue had a hint of a peppermint taste as he rubbed his against it.

Then he stopped.

This is too good.

To hell with the contents of her pocket, he thought.

Cradling her in his arms, he gently picked her up and carried her up the steps to his office/bedroom. Whatever happened, he hoped she didn't think him pathetic in that he was so frugal he refused to rent his own apartment….

Chapter 14 A Whole Lotta Love At Ginny's Place

Ginny fumbled with the lock but finally managed to open it. Harry simply smiled and followed her in.

"Heh, I told ya I'd get it open," she said and smiled at him.

Harry looked around the apartment. It was a bloody mess, he thought.

"I've…been a bit lazy," she said, sensing his displeasure at the mess.

"It's alright, love," he answered. "My efficiency apartment is no better."

"Efficiency? What happened to your apartment on Penny Lane?"

"I…gave it up. Too many…memories."

Harry hung his head and leaned against the wall. Ginny moved closer and lifted his chin. Her hopes for being a pillar for him to lean on were dashed to pieces as she looked into his eyes and felt his anguish. He tried to stiffen up but the tears welling in his eyes gave him away. It was more than Ginny could take at the moment and she let her tears run freely. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him repeatedly on the lips while running her fingers through his hair.

"God, I missed you," he sobbed.

Ginny pulled him away from the wall and forced his lips apart with her tongue. Harry felt her hunger as she sucked on his tongue so forcefully it hurt. Their hands explored each other as she reached under his t-shirt and he under her blouse. But as Ginny pushed him towards the living room couch, he tried to steady himself and stuck out his hand to prevent a nasty fall. Unfortunately, his hand landed on Michael's neck as he and Lavender hid there under a blanket.

"What the…!?" Harry gasped and reared back.

"WE'RE SORRY!" Lavender squealed as she pulled the blanket towards her to cover herself.

"YOU'RE SCREWING ON MY £1500 LEATHER SOFA!" Ginny bellowed.

Just then Zacharias came strolling into the living room completely naked.

"Hey, what's all the…YIKES!" he squealed and retreated to the rear bedroom.

"Hey!" Harry called as he ran after him. He caught a glimpse of Romilda's naked form just before Zacharias slammed the door shut.

"As if this evening couldn't get any goofier," Harry muttered.

He could hear Romilda groaning and Zacharias trying to comfort her. Oh well, who was he to spoil another's ones fun? He might as well take Ginny out to an all-night diner or something he thought as he slowly made his way back to the living room.

Returning to the living room, he was puzzled to see Ginny, dressed in a bathrobe, merely handing Lavender and Michael a bottle of Febreze and a towel.

"We're very, very, very, sorry, Ginny," Michael groaned. "We just kinda made it a habit to uh…watch your apartment while you were gone. We didn't have a key so we kinda…pick the lock to get in when we needed to."

"No wonder my lock's been hard to open," Ginny muttered.

Harry tried his best to smile as Ginny looked his way. He wasn't quite prepared for Ginny taking about two steps in his direction before dropping her bathrobe to the ground and walking towards him stark naked.

"I promise we'll clean up and…" Lavender began but the sight of Ginny's bare bottom made her stop.

Ginny pinned Harry against the door of the master bedroom and rained wet kisses up and down the nape of his neck. She also gave in to the urge to wrap her legs around his waist. Harry clumsily reached behind to open the door. He and Michael exchanged awkward glances shortly before the door opened and he fell onto his back with Ginny wrapped around him.

'What the heck', Harry decided.

They all earned it tonight.

---

Chapter 15 Cat and Mouse

Hermione eased herself off the fold-away bed which disguised itself as a wardrobe to save space. It was time for a good little spy like her to sneak off. Unfortunately, the cheap bed wouldn't let her. The minute her weight was off...the bed unforgivingly closed, sending Ron in an ungraceful arc into the bed's folded state.

Frantically pulling it back down, Hermione put her weight on it and immediately checked on him.

"Ron?!" she gasped. "Mister Weasley?!"

She moaned and cupped his cheeks, alternately slapping his left cheek and his right.

"Please be alright," she groaned as she continued he frantic slapping.

"I'll be fine once you stop slapping me!" Ron said wearily as he shook out the cobwebs. "I had this weird dream I was shot over a wall by a catapult."

"Um...well, I got up to use the bathroom and the bed flipped shut with you on it," Hermione explained.

Ron giggled making Hermione let go of his cheeks and cross her arms defensively.

"Yeah, like you weren't going downstairs to make sure that Ottendorf cipher from the mushroom wasn't still in your pocket," he said with a grin.

"OHhhhhh you...you TOAD!" Hermione shot back and stood up quickly. Good thing Ron was prepared and simply rolled off the bed as it snapped shut.

"Ohhhh c'mon, love," he said with grin. "You enjoyed the Ronald Weasley Express, eh?"

"One night with me does not a stud make," Hermione as she put her bra and blouse back on.

"I hate a girl who talks backwards," Ron muttered.

Ron pulled on his boxer shorts and sat backwards on a chair, leaning on the backrest. Hermione eyed him in the mirror as he seemed to enjoy watching her get dressed. Finally, she realized what his silly grin was all about. Her slacks and panties were nowhere to be found.

"Okay, where are my bloomin' slacks?" she asked with her hands on her waist. "AND my panties?"

Ronald reached into the pocket of last night's jeans crumpled on the floor and took out a piece of paper which has obviously been torn in two.

"First...show me the other half," he ordered with a silly grin on his face.

"Ohhhh you..." she fumed."Just when I thought you've gone as low as you can possibly go, you find a basement door!"

Ron flipped the bed back down and sat on the edge. He then motioned her to come closer. Hermione did and waited with her eyebrows crinkled together in rage. Ron then tapped the bed with his hand and Hermione complied by sitting down next to him.

"H-haven't you had enough?" she asked.

"Lie down, gorgeous," he whispered in her ear. "Something about you has me hungry for more."

She did as she was told but the minute Ron tried to lay down next to her, she seized the paper from his hand and hopped off the bed making it close up on Ron once again. This time she latched it shut.

Pulling a drawer open, Hermione grabbed one of Ron's boxer shorts, put it on and grabbed a pair of his jeans to wear. The sound of Ron's frantic banging gave her a sense an immense sense of satisfaction. She couldn't help giggling like a schoolgirl all the way back to her car she parked in the back alley.

---

Chapter 16 Early Morning at Ginny's

Michael awoke early, hoping to get dibs on the bathroom but found it locked. Inside was Zacharias.

"Who's there?" Zacharias called out.

"It's Michael."

"I've got an awful conundrum, Mike. Simply awful!"

"Well open the door, mate."

Zacharias opened it a crack and Michael poked his head in. The sight of Zacharias wearing Romilda's panties caused him to burst out laughing.

"Romilda was stark, raving mad about last night and took my bloody underwear with her before I woke up!" Zacharias explained.

Just then Harry was coming down the hall wiping the sleep out of his eyes. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Michael with his head in the doorway laughing like an idiot.

"Um...Michael?" he asked. "Some people don't like it when you do that."

"Harry, c'mere, mate!" Michael answered and waved Harry over.

"No!" Zacharias protested. "C'mon, now!"

Harry and Michael forced the door open as Zacharias tried to keep it shut. Harry was a little more polite. At least he wasn't cackling like a hyena the way Michael was.

"Umm...Zach...you're not supposed to boil your underwear," Harry tried to say with a straight face. "They will shrink."

"Damn it Harry, lend me a pair!" Zacharias pleaded. "Or at least a pair of jeans! Romilda took mine!"

"What the hell am I supposed to wear?" Harry laughed. "This is Ginny's place, mate. Not mine."

"Well what about you?" Zacharias asked Michael.

"I kinda soiled 'em after last night's impromptu rugby match," Michael answered in between bouts of extreme giggling.

"Then what the bloody hell are you wearing under your jeans?!" Zacharias bellowed.

"Nothing!" Michael answered.

The commotion finally woke up the girls as Ginny and Lavender came strolling towards them.

"What's all this, then?" Ginny asked.

And the rest of the morning went by with most of the bunch leaving Ginny's with cheeks sore and sides aching from uncontrollable laughter. Lucky for Zacharias, Ginny kept an old pair of Harry's jeans in her closet.

---

Chapter 17 The Cipher

Harry parked the Studebaker and he and his cohorts exitted in their usual fashion. All except Zacharias, who was pausing every now and then to pick at his buttcrack.

"Oh shut up, Michael!" he shouted as Michael let loose a barrage of giggles.

Harry tried to sip his morning coffee with a straight face as they entered their headquarters. Harry went for a refill at the coffee machine as Michael and Zacharias each grabbed a styrofoam cup. Ron's banging caught their attention. It was subtle at first.

"What the bloody hell is that?" Michael asked.

"OH, it's probably that stupid rat trying to get out again," Harry yawned.

But Ron's banging become more insistent and furious.

"That's a bloody big rat," Zacharias said as he put down his coffee and pulled out his wand.

Harry led them up the stairs and with wands at the ready, traced the sound to Ron's office/bedroom. They entered to the sound of banging and muffled shouts for help.

"Blimey...have we got a boggart?" Harry said aloud as they peered in to see the foldaway bed latched shut and shaking. With Michael and Zacharias standing by with wands at the ready, Harry unlatched Ron's foldaway bed, opened the wardrobe style door holding it in and helped Ron fall back out.

"Crikey, Ron...I knew that bed would get the better of you someday," said Harry as he helped Ron to his feet.

"It was that...Hermi-...ohhhhhhhhhh...," Ron started but began to go weak in the knees and had to be helped by Michael. "Head drain. Bloody sucks being upside down for an hour or two!"

"I-I'll set her straight Ron, no worries," Harry reassured him.

"Don't bother mate," Ron said with a faraway look in his eyes. "She's...something else."

Ron's blank stare gave way to a crooked smile as he got dressed. His crooked smile needed no further explanation as far as Harry was concerned.

"HARRY!" Ginny yelled as she came in the door and caused all of them to jump back and point their wands.

"Please don't do that," said Ron. "It's been a long night."

"Oh, sorry," Ginny apologized. "Dean and Luna are downstairs. They received a strange parcel in the mail last night."

As they all filed out of the room, Zacharias waited back so he could pick his buttcrack again. Ron caught the motion.

"Itchin' fer action, Zach?" he joked.

Zacharias merely gave him the raspberry and followed him back downstairs.

"Hi guys!" Dean and Luna said in unison.

On the table before them was a large box addressed to..."The Elder" c/o Luna Lovegood.

"When we saw 'The Elder', we knew it had to be a code for you, Harry," Dean explained.

Luna helped Harry open the box and inside was yet another mushroom urn with a double-key configuration. Only this one was silver instead of gold.

"Wow, another toadstool!" Luna beamed. Also inside was a letter personally addressed to Luna from Neville. She opened it and read it to herself as Harry and Ron fetched their keys from their boot pockets again. They eagerly unfolded the paper contents of the urn as Luna smiled to herself while reading. Dean, unfortunately, was teasingly looking over Luna's and reading her letter out loud.

"Dear...Blue Eyes...I miss the feel of your soft skin against my cheeks...and the feel of your creamy thighs around my-"

SLAP!

Luna gave him a well-deserved slap and folded her letter back up and slipped it in her purse. Ginny stifled a laugh but Michael, still giggling inside over Zacharias' panty-debacle let out a loud guffaw.

"Crikey, 'Tails of lizards, ears of swine, chicken gizzards soaked in brine'," Harry said aloud as he read from his piece.

"Now are eyes are thus entwined, thy will is broken thou art mine," Ron said aloud reading from his.

Suddenly both papers glowed and the letters upon them transformed into the names of mostly familiar documents.

"The Magna Carta...The U.S. Constitution...Dante's Inferno," Harry found on his.

"Hamlet...The Time Machine...Professor Peabody's Guide to Wooing Women," Ron found on his. "What?! Professor Peabody's what?"

"Well, 'TMC' on your Ottendorf cipher obviously refers to The Magna Carta, Ron" said Harry.

"Yes, but I can't make it work without the other 'alf of the cipher," Ron groaned. "And you-know-who has 'em, mate."

Just then Hermione strolled in with a two baskets full of croissants, kolaches and various edible sundries.

"You're right, Ron," Zacharias said with a grin. "She is something."

"C'mon Michael," said Dean. "Let's grab a croissant and fetch these books from our private library upstairs."

"Are you sure a copy of Professor Peabody's Guide to Wooing Women is back there?" Michael asked as they filled their coffee cups and grabbed a croissant.

"Quite sure, mate," Dean answered. "Ain't that right, Zach?"

"SHUT UP, Dean!" said Zach as he fumbled with his buttcrack again.

Ron strolled to Hermione who was smiling at him sideways while spreading cream cheese on a bagel.

"I kinda missed ya after you left," he said to her in a hushed tone.

"I'm sorry for locking you in," she answered back with an adorable blush. "It just...came to my mind and it was just too funny not to try. And I knew you'd be ok...Won Won."

Fetching the other half of the Ottendorf cipher, Hermione gave it to him and gave him a peck on the lips before going to fetch herself a cup of coffee.

---

Chapter 18 Beware of Malfoys bearing gifts?

Working into the late evening hours, Harry's crew managed to piece together the hidden message sent by Neville.

Luna, Cho, Lavender and Romilda entered their headquarters and the smell of burgers and fries wafted in.

"Oi, I could use a little meal right now," Ron sighed.

"What is this stuff?" Harry asked as he sampled some fries.

"It's American fare, I think," Cho answered. "I figured we'd get a variety after that sauerkraut and sausages we had for lunch."

"Where'd it come from?" asked Ron as he chomped on a BigMac.

"Oh, some Scottish place," Lavender thought. "McDougal's I think."

"McDonald's," Michael and Zacharias corrected her as they took their food to their favorite spot, a table situated upon a balcony overlooking the main office below.

"This cipher's a pain in the arse, Harry," Dean commented. "It's got plants and compounds I haven't seen since our days at Hogwarts. And instructions on mixing."

"That's not the worst of it," Harry added. "According to Ron's final translation, we have to wait for another mushroom to finish the formula and then another for the accompanying spells."

As if on cue, the office door opened and in walked Draco, Buster Crabbe and Goyle.

"Perhaps I can speed the process, lads," Malfoy offered. To his right, flashing a smile only a mother could love, Goyle was holding a package that, like the previous, was addressed to The Elder c/o Luna Lovegood, The Quibbler 1313 13th Street, London SW1P 1AE England. Four other goons accompanied them.

"I've got to hand it to Longbottom," Malfoy continued. "It took a while to break the enchantment he placed on the locks."

Reaching over Dean's shoulder, Malfoy tried to sample one of his fries. Offended, Dean grabbed his wrist and bent it backwards.

"As they say in America," Dean started. "There are two things in this world you never touch! ONE of them just happens to be another man's fries!"

"Okay, okay okay!" Draco yelped and sighed with relief once Dean let go. He then waved off the goons as they approached.

Harry waved Michael and Zacharias off as they watched from above, drawing their wands.

Taking the package from Goyle, Draco opened it to reveal a jade mushroom urn. Opening it, he handed the paper contents to Harry.

"Now...I know who's keeping Neville and-"

"We've already deduced it's Seamus and his Brigade, Malfoy," Harry interrupted.

"Oh no, Potter. Longbottom was snatched from Seamus' grasp during our impromptu rugby match last night."

A sad whimper came from Luna's lips as Hermione hugged her. Harry eyed Draco carefully. It was one thing to get Neville back, it was another to trust Malfoy whose war with the Finnegan's Brigade tore the country in two after the fall of Lord Voldermort and his Death Eater Mafia.

"No...don't tell me...," Ron started.

"I'm afraid so, Weasley," Draco continued as he seemed to hang his head down in defeat. "We found our boys back at the Canning Factory dead. And I'm sure Seamus' group down by that Buck's Row toilet they call a headquarters fared no better."

"Wh-who is he talking about, Ron?" Harry asked.

"Don Bartolo Aragon de Segovia," Draco answered. "They were...working on a joint venture with the Death Eater Mafia years ago when you took Lord Voldermort down. The...translation sheds a little light on it."

Hermione pulled Harry to her and whispered in his ear, "He probably doesn't know about the fourth-"

"Mushroom?" Draco interrupted. "Don Bartolo has it, agent Granger."

Spreading the translated papers over a table, Draco waved Harry and Ron over.

"The compound is not Longbottom's discovery, Potter. It's a re-discovery. And one that has worldwide repercussions."

"Orchidaeceae Mortiferam," Harry muttered.

"It's a "death" orchid," Draco explained. "The final ingredient required for a terrible spell. Neville's re-discovery was what Bartolo's people have been searching for, for generations. All they need now are the orchids. For centuries a secret order in Tibet kept the orchids hidden from the world. Longbottom's people happened upon them when they discovered the whereabouts of the ancient Xianhau Garden. It was within the ruins of the Zhong Monastery all these years."
"Excuse me," Hermione chimed in. "What exactly is this rare orchid?"

"Well, it's...toxic," Draco continued. "And in the hands of a wizard like Don Bartolo...a genocidal weapon."

"Genocidal for...?" Hermione asked.

"Muggles," Draco answered. "And...and anyone with traces of Muggle blood in their bones."

"I would hardly think that a Malfoy would give a damn about the well-being of..."

"Potter...may I...," Draco interrupted. For a split second, Harry and his bunch could swear they saw genuine pain in Draco's eyes.

"May I speak to you alone?" Draco finished.

Harry followed Draco as he headed downstairs and out to his car. As Harry entered through the passenger side door he couldn't help but notice a pile of gifts in the back seat along with some opened boxes of baby toys. Harry picked one up that had been wrapped poorly.

"To little...Scorpius...from "Uncle" Gregory?" Harry read aloud.

Harry looked over at Draco. He was staring blankly ahead. The expression on his face was one of defeat.

"Draco?" Harry asked.

"He's due next month," Draco explained. "Pansy and I were so...happy."

"And...your father?"

"He found out some time ago that Pansy's sister is a...muggle. He told me to break it off. We've been...secretly married for 3 years, Potter. My child...he's..."

"I understand," Harry confided as Draco broke down and sobbed.

Harry couldn't help but feel remorseful as Draco picked up a blue teddy bear with "Scorpius" embroidered on its chest and rubbed it's head.

"H-how are things with...Ginny?" Draco asked.

"We're going to be okay," Harry answered. "I...uh...need her more than she needs me."

Harry trailed off and found a bottle of Crown Royal whiskey hanging from a basket attached to the glove compartment. He unscrewed the top and took a swig.

"She's pregnant, Potter," Draco announced suddenly, causing Harry to spit up.

Draco grabbed the bottle from Harry's hand, opened his window and threw it out.

"Dry up, Potter," he said. "For both our sakes. I'll give you all the assistance I can but understand...my father is...watching me all the bloody time."

"Does he know about Scorpius?"

"No!" said Draco and exitted the car.

As they entered the office it was plain to Harry's bunch that Draco was an emotional wreck and was trying very hard to hide it.

"We've...got work to do," Harry simply announced as he eyed Ginny from across the room.

As Draco and his goons filed out, Harry walked over to Ginny as the others read the information Draco provided on Orchidaeceae Mortiferam.

"What's wrong, love?" she asked as she put his arms around his neck.

"Nothing," he lied.

Once again Harry felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. Only this time...he welcomed it.

---

Chapter 19 The Unforseen Future

"Whatever deal you made with Draco...I hope it's worth it, mate," Ron said.

"Draco has a stake in this too, Ron," Harry answered. "Did you know Pansy's sister was a regular muggle?"

"Ummm...no," Ron said confused. "Is she the excuse he's using?"

"No," Harry said as he started to close shop. "Their child."

Everyone in the room froze after Harry's revelation.

"No one can know, ok?" Harry asked them. "As much as I love family...I loathe Lucius with a passion now."

Everyone exchanged nods and incredulous looks.

As most of the crew piled into Harry's Studebaker clunker, Harry looked back to see Ron and Hermione headed up the stairs.

"Ron?" Harry called out.

Ron just shrugged and smiled back at him as Hermione disappeared up the steps.

Harry drove Ginny home but made the excuse of checking in with Bill and Charlie to do something he was dying to do now. Luna was his final passenger in their carpool. She was sitting in the passenger side seat when Harry returned from escorting Ginny to her apartment.

"Luna?" Harry asked. "I will do whatever it is in my power to get Neville back, ok?"

"I know, Harry," she answered. "You're the most resourceful wizard I know."

"Only because I have a great team behind me," Harry said. "And I...could use some help. I'm gonna move back to Grimmauld Place and I need...remodeling ideas, if you don't mind?"

"I'd love to help in any way," Luna assured him. "What do you need?"

Harry looked her in the eye and with a mixture of joy and pain, replied, "I need to make a nursery out of the den. The one next to the master bedroom downstairs."

"Oh my...Ginny?!" Luna exclaimed.

"Yes," Harry beamed. "And when all this is over...I'd...I'd very much like to live a normal family life."

Harry tried his best to choke back the tears but he was overcome with emotion and bawled like a baby. Luna hugged him and found herself bawling too.

"It's alright, Harry," she assured him. "You've got nothing to worry about, I swear!"

"You'll...you'll keep her safe for me too?" he asked, his voice quivering.

"Lavender, Romilda and Cho are nuts about babies!" Luna answered. "We'd all pitch in and we'll protect Ginny with our lives, Harry! And you should've seen how wonderfully idiotic Michael and Zacharias were when Teddy was born!"

"Yeah," Harry sniffed. "I haven't been a very good godfather, have I?"

"You've been lost for some time," Luna explained. "It's about...family. You have none. You lost them in the most awful way. We used to joke that it's enough to drive a guy to drink. You were proof of that. But now..."

"Ginny and I and...we're going to be a family," Harry cried.

The ride to Grimmauld Place seemed longer than it had ever been.

There he would start anew.

There he hoped to cherish forever what he had been missing his whole life.

---

Chapter 20 Hermione Exposed

Ron awoke. Upon rolling to the left where he thought Hermione's warm body would be, he bumped into a heavy box containing old case files. The clock on his desk indicated it was only 4:00 a.m. Where'd that gorgeous brunette go?, he thought. As quietly as possible he slid off the bed and put on a robe. Just then he heard Hermione in Harry's office talking on the telephone. He peered in and saw her looking as pretty as ever. Her disheveled hairdo gave her that sexy fresh-out-of-bed look and her robe was open, exposing her left breast. As a small tent formed around the lower part of his robe, he listened intently.

"Yes M, I'm aware of the dangers but in this case...," she spoke in a hushed tone. "No, neither Harry or any member of his team remembers me from their days at Hogwarts. The charm has not worn off but I firmly believe their team are people we can trust...What do you mean?...NO!...WAIT!...NOT YET!...Noooooooooooo!"

Hanging up the phone, Hermione buried her face in her hands and moaned. Just then Ron's memories of her came back. Their friendship...their teamwork that brought down Lord Voldermort...and most of all...their love for each other. But also the memory that she chose to undertake a dangerous mission whose conclusion has yet to be realized. A choice that cost her Ron's love. A choice between building a future with the man she loved and securing the future for all wizards and muggles alike. Ron continued to watch. Hermione was frantic. Her breath came in sobs and her tears ran freely and she sunk back in Harry's chair. It was all Ron could take. He may not have matured as much as he'd like over the past 9 years or so...but this was the great love of his life. Damn them for making him forget her. He entered.

"Hermione?" he said in the most gentle voice he could muster.

Hermione stood up with a start and innocently closed her robe. As Ron approached she slowly retreated to the rear wall desperately fighting back tears. What could she say after all this time?

"I...I...ohhh Ronald...," she sobbed.

Ron finally came as close as he wanted to be, only to see Hermione hold up her hands and turn her face away. It was almost as if she was expecting him to fly into a rage and strike her. Putting his arms around her, he pulled her close and rubbed her back in slow circles.

"I'm so...I'm so sorry, Ronald...I...," Hermione sobbed.

"Shhhhhhh...it's okay," Ron assured her.

"Do you still...love me?" Hermione asked as she ran her fingers through his hair.

Hermione needn't ask further as Ron planted his mouth over hers and kissed her deeply.

"I love you," said Ron as his tears began to flow. "And when this is all over...I'm never losing you again."

Ron pulled her away from the wall and carried her in his arms back towards his bedroom/office.

"I'll never leave you again," Hermione muttered as she hugged him around the neck and sobbed.

Across town at Ginny's, Harry and Ginny awoke with a start.

"Hermione?" they blurted out in unison.

Across the hall Lavender and Michael did the same but soon fell asleep again.

But poor Zacharias...

"Hermione," he gasped as he neared climax. A pity he was deep into making love with Romilda. Suffice it to say, it was a most inappropriate time to utter another woman's name.

Shoving him off at the last second, Romilda pulled on a robe and left.

"Wha?...wait!" Zacharias pleaded. "ROMILDA! It's not what you think! ROMILDAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

---

Chapter 21 Luck o' the Irish

Lavender waited impatiently at Percy's Cafe on Brompton. Knowing the grand plan of Don Bartolo made it imperative that the team utilized all their resources. When Cormac McLaggen finally walked in, she breathed a sigh of relief.

Not one to trust a double agent, Harry and Draco sent Michael, Zacharias, Goyle and Buster to watch her back. Lavender strategically chose a table close to the bar so the boys could listen in and if need be, spring into action. They all knew what was at stake and from what Cho could see from her booth in the south corner of the cafe, they seemed to get along just fine. Zacharias' constant fiddling with his buttcrack was making her gag.

"What the hell, mate?" Michael whispered in Zacharias' ear.

"She made me bloody wear 'em again!" Zacharias hissed back. "All because I shouted Hermione's name last night!"

"Oi, shut up, you two," Goyle whispered. "And quit with the bloody pistachios, Buster. He's coming."

Cormac made his way to Lavender's table and sat down.

"Hello, Lavender," he said as he sat down.

"You're about two bloody hours late, Cormac," Lavender chided. "Did you get the news to Seamus or not?"

"He believed me, love," Cormac answered as a waiter stopped at their table. "Scotch and soda, on the rocks. Still...he wants the formula for mixing English Ivy and Tibetan Magoomba root."

"Will your guys back off?" Lavender continued. "Or do we have another rugby match to look forward to?"

"I dunno, love," Cormac went on as he touched Lavender's wrist. "Tight little English crumpet like ye could try a little harder to convince me, eh?"

Michael started to get up but Goyle held him back.

"I've got these," Lavender said as she brushed his hand away. From a little satchel she produced pictures taken from the an office building at the corner of Chudleigh & Bromley. It was across the street from their headquarters on Bromley. The pictures showed Harry and Ron reviewing the contents of the first two mushrooms with clear closeups of the Ivy/Root mixing instructions right down to proportions, heating times and spells.

"Lovely," Cormac said as he flipped through the pile of photos. "Are ye still with that loser Cormer?"

This time it took Goyle and Zacharias to hold Michael back.

"That's really none of your business, Cormac," Lavender sighed as she once again had to pull her wrist out of his grip.

"Ohhh c'mon, now," he persisted. "Add fifty pounds and he's about as ugly as that fat arse Goyle."

Goyle let go of Michael and listened more intently this time.

"I mean, sure...Goyle did a fine job helpin' ta raise Crabbe's little nephew Buster," Cormac continued. "Too bad the chap is even uglier than his dear departed uncle."

The sound of barstools hitting the floor, made Cormac laugh. He stood up quickly and positioned himself behind Lavender.

"Ye lads suck at surveillance, by the way," he teased as Goyle's face was now red with fury.

To further goad the foursome, Cormac bent down and kissed Lavender on the cheek.

"Don't stop me," Michael hissed as he lunged at him.

"I don't PLAN to!" yelled Goyle as he and Buster chased Cormac out the door with Zacharias catching up once he pulled Romilda's G-string away from his buttcrack again.

"Michael, please!" Lavender pleaded.

The foursome chased Cormac through traffic on Brompton all the way to South Carriage Drive with Lavender and Cho far behind.

"What's wrong, Zacharias?!" Cormac teased as they gave chase. "Ye got Romilda's panties in a bunch again?!"

"WHO TOLD?!" Zacharias screamed.

Upon reaching South Carriage Drive, Cormac felt it was time for one last insult before running across Hyde Park.

"Hey Goyle!" he shouted. "When you and Eloise make love, how do ye find the hole?! Do ye roll her in dough and look for the wet spot?!"

"I'M GONNA SQUASH HIM!" Goyle screamed as they chased him across Hyde Park.

But before they could reach him, he dove for an old boot lying on the ground and disappeared. A well-placed portkey.

---

Chapter 22 Hermione's love for Ron

Ron and Hermione spent most of the morning looking over the information provided by the mushroom Draco stole. Their progress was only hindered by their inability to keep their hands off each other. They chose to lay out the parchments and photos on the kitchen island of the office cafe. The half eaten pancakes and cold coffee were a testament to their hunger for each other rather than food.

"Ron, please," Hermione pleaded weakly as he slid his hands up her blouse from behind and lifted her bra up over her breasts. "I'm trying to...ohhhh..."

Rather than comply Ron chose to run his fingers in circles around her nipples before gently squeezing them between his index fingers and thumbs and tugging on them. Why comply? If she really wanted him to stop...she'd stop him, right? Besides...her progressively heavier breathing was a clear indication she was aroused. And why was she wearing a skirt this morning if not to tease him with those smooth legs of hers?

"Do you like that, love?" Ron asked.

Hermione remained silent and chose to answer him in a different fashion. As Ron rested his chin on her right shoulder she purred and reaches down to lift her skirt up for him. Ron responded by taking out his swollen member from out of his slacks and rubbing it between her smooth buns. The T-bar of her G-string tickled him and when she reached down to pull it halfway down her thighs, Ron's member was at full attention. Reaching over her right shoulder Hermione teased Ron's hair and turned her head to kiss his parted lips which were now panting with excitement. She reached behind with her left hand and found his member warm and throbbing and moaned for him while sucking on his tongue. Ron hungrily thrust upwards with each squeeze of her hand as she teasingly kept it from its intended target.

"Please, love," Ron pleaded. "You're driving me mad. Why?"

Hermione finally pointed his member in the right direction and her hips rose in answer after answer after answer. She was not her usual controlled self, she thought to herself. But she was delighted that Ron was not his usual flippant self as well. He was taking his time and his touch was gentle. A far cry from the machine-like nature of their lovemaking before his memory came back.

"Ohhh god, slow down," Ron moaned and hugged her breasts tight.

Hermione pushed away from the kitchen island and away from Ron.

"Wha...?" Ron stood confused for a second until Hermione kicked off her G-string and pulled him to the floor on a throw rug and straddled him.

"Ummm...my head's a bit...," Ron started. But Hermione reached for the pad off one of the kitchen chairs and placed it under his head.

It was hard to read her expression, Ron thought. She was insistent in her movements but her eyes were as gentle as a lamb. And when she finally straddled him and let him inside, she kept her eyes firmly on Ron's. Her piston-like movement alternating with grinding down hard and in a circular motion drove Ron to sexual heights he had never reached. He closed his eyes every now and then but his mind was in a whirl. And each time he opened them, Hermione's eyes were completely fixated on him. But they were progressively glistening with tears as well. Her expert movements were too much for Ron as he felt close to climax. He opened his eyes and looked up at her with excitment and a bit of panic.

"Hermione...my love...I'm...ohhhhhhhh...I'm about to...," Ron was too late in trying to get her off of him. "HERMIONE!?"

Ron's body shuddered violently as he climaxed. It was the most satisfying climax since their reintroduction to each other. He looked up at her completely unaware of what to expect. She seemed so overcome with emotion. Why?

"Why did you...?" Ron started.

Hermione blinked and a tear ran down the side of her beautiful face. She bent down and kissed him and ran her fingers through his hair. Ron could feel her body trembling as he hugged her. He hugged her gently at first but as Hermione started to sob quietly, he hugged her tighter. He tried to sit up and managed to get on his knees but Hermione responded by wrapping her legs tightly around his waist, not letting his still-erect member from slipping out.

"Don't leave me," she sobbed.

"Well, it's got to come out some time," he answered.

"You KNOW what I mean, damn it!" she sobbed louder.

Ron held her tight as she continued to sob. This was no girl's heart he had any intention of toying with nor breaking. He figured he'd eventually go limp but she started to grind against him rhythmically again. It was another full hour before she finally let him go.

---

Chapter 23 Strange Alliance

Ron lay on the kitchen floor for what seemed like an eternity. His heart's pounding had finally subsided and he stood up to get dressed. It was high time he caught up with Hermione who was probably in the shower by now. As he exitted the kitchen and back towards the office, a nauseatingly familiar voice caught him by surprise. A lone figure sat in the dark on the one of the couches in the meeting area.

"For God's sake, Weasley," said Draco. "Marry the girl."

"What the bloody hell are you doing here?!" Ron squealed.

"Potter and I have arranged a meeting with our respective teams."

"Ummm...when?"

"Any minute now."

"How long have you been here?"

"A couple of hours."

"Why the bloody hell didn't you say anything?!"

"In the middle of that touchingly long love scene? That wouldn't have been very tactful now, would it?"

Draco sat back on the couch and propped his feet on the coffee table.

"Go on, Weasley," he sighed. "Granger's most likely waiting for you upstairs."

"Do you have to wait here?"

"Don't worry, Weasley," Draco yawned. "I won't listen in."

Ron left him and started up the steps.

"Just like I haven't been listening for the past two hours," Draco added with a chuckle.

Slowly over the course of the next hour, Harry's field team along with Draco's goons filed into the meeting room. Harry entered with Ginny in tow and nodded curtly to Draco who approached his side of the meeting room table. Harry waved Cho and Lavender over to him, eager to see how the meeting with Cormac went. Draco listened in too.

"Where's our favorite foursome?" Harry asked. "They did manage to get along, right?"

"Famously," Cho answered as she shot a quick glance at Lavender. After a split second, she nudged Lavender in the arm.

"Umm...yes...famously," Lavender quickly added.

"Why do I get the feeling there's some fine print in your answers?" Draco added.

"Things did go well with McLaggen...right?" Harry asked with a hint of fear in his voice.

Before the girls could answer, the meeting room doors flung open and in walked Michael, Zacharias, Goyle and Buster. Their pants fronts had grass stains on them from their desperate dive at Cormac in Hyde Park. Everyone in the room could swear they saw steam coming out of their ears as well. Spotting an Irish flag on a United Wizarding Nations display, all four of them ran towards it and fought over it, furiously trying to tear it apart. After a few moments of pushing and shoving, Goyle managed to take it for himself. Reaching into his pocket, he produced a lighter and lit the flag.
When it was flaming brightly he dropped it to the tile floor, spit on it and Michael, Buster and Zacharias took turns stepping on it.

"I guess we won't be celebrating St. Patrick's Day this year," Draco muttered.

Harry pulled Cho close and quickly added, "Hide the Guiness...and my Notre Dame football jersey."

Ron finally came down and greeted everyone. All eyes were on him and it wasn't hard to figure out why.

"What?" Ron asked.

Lucky for him Hermione came walking down the steps. She was sporting a clean pair of blue jeans, low heeled boots and a white fuzzy sweater. Her hair was kept away from her face with a hair band and she was holding a manila folder. She walked up to Harry and Ginny but couldn't find the right words to say.

"Hi guys," she said in such a low dreamy tone she could almost pass for Luna Lovegood. "I'm..."

"It's okay, Hermione," Ginny assured her with a shakey voice. "It's good to have you back."

Harry and Ron joined them in a group hug as they wept tears of joy.

Draco gave Ron a thumb's up as they shared polite glances for the first time in their lives.

All tension vanished as Bill, George and Dean came in with boxes of Chinese food.

"Oh boy!" Goyle beamed. "FOOD!"

As Romilda laid out stacks of plates and plasticware, everyone filed behind, ready to eat as Goyle and Michael fought for first position in the line.

Dean and George awaited the crowd's eventual dispersal with Zacharias who had retreated to the office minibar on the other side of the room. As Zacharias patiently waited, Dean and George sat on either side of him on barstools. They both eyed him in what Zacharias was starting to feel could only be described as a homosexual manner.

"Hey there, sweetcheeks," George breathed in an effeminate voice.

"What color panties ya wearin'?" Dean added.

"Oh, BUGGER OFF!" Zacharias bellowed and left to join the line.

---

Chapter 24 The Grand Plan

The motley group gathered 'round the table as Hermione dispersed the contents of her manilla folder.

"This is all highly classified information," she began. "The ministry has given all agents carte blanche with how they deal with Don Bartolo. But our efforts must be a coordinated effort. Some of you may have heard of the recent Anthrax scare at the Wizarding dock of Atherton, close to Southampton. It was staged by MI-5 and 6. MI-7, the wizarding branch of her Majesty's government, has used the cover of fighting international terrorism for imposing an international lockdown on all wizarding ports. The guise, of course, being a fear that terrorist are somehow working with elements of Don Bartolo's organization to wreak havoc on the Muggle world."

Just then, Pansy Malfoy and Eloise Midgen quietly entered carrying suitcases as Hermione continued. Pansy's doctor had forbidden her to eat sweets for fear of pre-eclampsia and Goyle was quick to act as she paused to stare at a table loaded with desserts.

"Nuh uh," said Draco.

Goyle positioned himself between the girls and the desserts. To add insult to injury, Goyle decided to pick up a large chocolate cake with cocoanut frosting and take a huge bite out of it before her.

"GOYLE!" Draco chided. "BAD Goyle!"

As Pansy frowned, hung her head and waddled over to Draco, Goyle and Eloise shared the cake and a giggle. Everyone gave a polite greeting to Pansy as Harry found a padded chair for her to sit on. Her belly looked close to bursting. As Hermione continued, Harry and Ron noticed Pansy whispering something to Draco. The deflated look on Draco's face was a clear indication it was bad news.

"Elements of the Special Wizarding Air Service raided a camp in Northern Ireland. It was a carefully staged battle against the Irish Wizarding Republican Army used to draw out the rogue wizarding elements in the area," Hermione continued. "We know from a spy within Finnegan's Brigade that Don Bartolo did indeed torture and kill many of their members to get the information obtained from the Jade Mushroom. It was unfortunate to have to use their organization that way but I doubt many in the Wizarding world would shed a lot of tears over it."

"Did they...get the information?" Dean asked.

"Yes, they did," Hermione answered amid a chorus of disgruntled voiced. "But...wait!...listen to me!...The information was not complete! Don Bartolo has discovered that Chinese dignitary to the Wizarding High Council, Lee Tin Yee...has the final mushroom. It's a carved RUBY. Lee Tin Yee is arriving at the Citadel in two days under heavy guard. There will be a high-profile state dinner with dignitaries from all around the wizarding world. MI-7 already has agents in place. But fear of an international wizarding incident is paramount on the mind of Cornelius Fudge. This is where we come in. We crash...er...we infiltrate the dinner, find Lee Tin Yee's 3rd Lieutenant and snatch him."

"Why the THIRD Lieutenant, Granger?" Draco piped up.

"He is Yee's most trusted member and we believe he holds vital information about the ruby," Hermione answered. "When elements of Voldermort's Death Eaters tried to steal the key to the Chinese wizarding world's Forbidden City, it was this third lieutenant who escaped with it."

"Why haven't you referred to him by name?" Harry asked.

"We don't know it," Hermione went on. "But we do know...that he has a mole on his nose."

"It should be easy to crash this party, eh?" Ron commented as he nudged Harry.

"MI-7 agents have been ordered to do their best to prevent gate-crashers," Hermione continued. "You will not be allowed to simply waltz through the doors. Don Bartolo's people will also have to find a way past them. We have two days to formulate a plan. George, Bill and Charlie have surface escape routes ready to go, although MI-7 will attempt to stop them. Our backup plan is through the air courtesy of Draco's private helicopter. It would have been nice to use our brooms but it would be a dead giveaway to Bartolo's people that something is amiss."

"So all we have to do is find various ways of getting in," Draco stated.

"What do you mean various?" asked Ron.

"Well, we can't all bloody well try and get in the front door now, can we?" Draco explained.

"He's right," Harry agreed. "There are multiple entrances into the Citadel. We can't be too obvious."

"Well that's it, then," Draco stated before taking a final sip of brandy. "Let's rest up on it and be raring to go in a couple of days."

As the group dispersed, Harry and Ron watched as Draco took Pansy aside and spoke in a hushed tone. After a brief moment, Pansy was in tears with Draco hugging her for comfort. Harry and Ron approached.

"Is everything alright, then?" Harry asked.

"No," Pansy sobbed. "Everything's awful. Just awful."

"Please, love," Draco offered. "Let me worry about it, alright."

Looking over at Harry, Draco mustered up his courage and asked, "Is there a place Pansy can stay until I can sort things out, Potter?"

"Is it your father?" Harry asked.

Draco nodded.

"She can stay at Grimmauld Place. I've decided to make it home recently," Harry offered. "We'll just...get your things and go, alright?"

"It's not Malfoy Manor but it is rather cozy," added Ron.

Pansy beamed and cried some more before giving Ron a big hug. Harry and Ron escorted her to Draco's Rolls Royce as Eloise followed with the suitcases.

"Allow me," Ron offered and bowed graciously.

"Oh thank you, Ronald," Eloise answered as she placed the suitcases on the ground and entered the car.

Goyle's large frame came close. He was still eating the cake and was watching Ron with a silly grin. Ron picked up one of the suitcases. It was so heavy that when he tried to walk with it, he fell to the ground. Dusting the dirt from his knees he decided to drag the suitcases to the trunk instead.

"Wipe that stupid grin off yer face," he muttered as he walked past Goyle.

"Oh c'mon, Weasley," Goyle chuckled. "This is the SMARTEST grin I can muster at the moment."

---

Chapter 25 The Boy Grows Up...Hermione's secret heartache

Harry locked down the office with Ginny. So far, so good, he thought. He was sure to be extra gentlemanly tonight. He even opened the car door for her. But he should have remembered to continue with their usual small talk. The ride to Grimmauld Place was quiet. A little too quiet for Ginny.

"So what bad news are you about to tell me?" she teased.

"What?" Harry answered. "Bad news?"

"You're always quiet when you're about to tell me bad news."

"Am not."

Ginny eyed him carefully the rest of the way. When they finally parked their clunker in the newly built parking garage behind Grimmauld Place, she didn't really suspect a thing. When they finally entered, Harry took a deep breath and turned on the lights.

The walls were redone in wedgewood blue with cream crown molding throughout. But a temporary red carpet led her to the former den next to the master bedroom. It was all she could do not to burst out in tears when she followed it to the newly decorated nursery. Paintings of baby angels resting on clouds adorned the walls with a pastel rainbow ending on the side of the room where an antique crib was situated. A matching day bed was to the right of the crib and the changing table on the left.

"Oh god...you...," Ginny began.

"Yes," Harry finished. "I know about the baby."

Ginny sat on the day bed and wiped away tears as Harry approached and knelt in front of her.

"I'm truly hoping those are tears of joy, love?" Harry asked.

"It's...it's beautiful, Harry," Ginny sobbed. "I'm...I'm so happy..."

Ginny sobbed even louder now as Harry took her hand. He knew was this was about. And it was high time he wised up and gave the love of his life what she deserved. Fetching a small jewelry box from his pocket, he opened it to show her an honest-to-goodness 1 carat diamond ring.

"It was my mother's," Harry announced. "And I couldn't put it on a more deserving finger than the ring finger of your left hand."

Ginny tried to say something but was sobbing too hard to get the words out between multiple "Oh Harrys". After nearly fifteen years, her love for "the boy who lived" had proven its worth.

"Ginevra Weasley," Harry asked. "Will you marry me?"

"Yes!" Ginny wailed. "I will."

As Harry put it on her finger, he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. It was Ron, Hermione and Luna with Draco trailing behind.

"Oi! What 'ave ye done to my sister?" Ron asked. "OHhh..."

Ginny proudly stood up and showed off her ring as Hermione and Luna rushed to get a hug.

"We're going to be family, eh?" Ron said as he shook Harry's hand. After realizing how silly it was, he decided a full hug was in order and squeezed his future brother-in-law breathless.

From his vantage point over Harry's shoulder Ron caught Hermione eyeing him with a forlorn look before averting her eyes and sharing Ginny and Luna's excited squeals. Draco caught the look as well and his polite smile faded.

"Um...congratulations, Potter," Draco offered and patted him on the back. "I've got to tend to Pansy, so if you'll excuse me..."

Draco eyed Hermione suspiciously before disappearing up the stairs.

"C'mon, old friend," Ron sobbed. "Let's go pop open one of them Dom Perignons."

As they disappeared into the kitchen, Ginny and Luna chatted it up as Hermione fought back tears. She watched Ron as he faded into the kitchen with Harry and feigned a yawn.

"I-..I've a long day with the Ministry tomorrow," Hermione lied. "We'll chat it up in the morning, okay?"

After a big hug, Hermione quickly disappeared up the stairs to the guest bedroom Harry let her and Ron share. She couldn't break down in front of them. She just couldn't. Slamming the door shut, she slid to the floor and cried. The truth of the past was too much to bear. But the sound of Draco's voice gave her quite a start.

"They don't know, do they?" Draco said as he turned on the bedside lamp.

Pansy was sitting next to him. Her face was a little more sympathetic.

"You've got to tell him, Hermione," Pansy told her. "It's not right."

"I can't," Hermione sobbed. "I just can't. I..."

"Our wedding was not the happiest affair," Pansy continued. "But Draco and I love each other enough to build a family together. And we have no secrets between us."

"You're a better person than this, Granger," Draco chided. "I, personally, wouldn't have left the one I loved standing at the altar but-"

"You don't know me!" Hermione shot back.

"BUT...I know you'll do the right thing," Draco finished.

As Draco stood and helped Pansy to her feet to leave Hermione eyed him with wonder. Who is this guy and what has he done with Draco Malfoy?

Before leaving the room, Draco added, "You will do the right thing. And when you do...we'll be there for you."

Pansy nodded and gave her a hug before leaving.

The mission, she thought. When it's all over...she'll deal with it.

---

Chapter 26 Plans and Schemes

"You've got to be bleedin' kiddin' me, boss!" Goyle complained as he sat on a chair with Eloise applying makeup on him.

"You've got a better idea?" Draco asked. "According to Granger this Perez character, who's going to be prowling the lower south entrance, is a major poon-hound who looks for girls on behalf of many of the dignitaries. It's the easiest way to get several of us in."

"I don't WANT to dress up like a girl, damn it!" Goyle complained.

"They know my father," Draco went on. "It'd be easy for me to get you and the girls in. I'd be your pimp, so to speak. Damn it Goyle, I can't do this without you guys! They require a minimum five girl stable for all pimps."

In the chair next to him Buster was already admiring his look in the mirror as Pansy dolled him up.

"You're scaring me, Buster," Goyle stated.

In the next room, Michael and Zacharias were checking their looks in the mirror. Their blue and green plaid kilts were very becoming.

"Why are we dressed like this again?" asked Zacharias.

"We're incognito," Michael answered as he checked his arse for pantylines.

"Oh," Zacharias continued. "I thought we were in Scotland."

"Oh for Pete's sake," Michael went on. "We stroll in with the Scottish delegation and their families. The upper north gate will be crawling with Scots and...and how is it I don't see pantylines on you?"

"I-...I've got a good brand of tightie whities on?" Zacharias lied.

"You're wearing one of Romilda's g-strings again," Michael tried to say with a straight face.

"Well, I didn't want any bloody seams!" Zacharias explained amidst Michael's howling laughter.

In the nursery, Ginny helped Harry and Ron dust off their stolen waiter's uniforms as Hermione explained their entry plan.

"Remember, we've only got a split second to get you guys through the magic detector gate with you guys under the Invisibility Cloak," Hermione explained. "Dean and I will run interference for you."

"This sounds dicey, Hermione," Harry said. "What do you guys plan on doing?"

"No worries, mate," Dean assured him. "I've got an American ghetto black routine all laid out for the guards. And Hermione's got something for 'em too."

Hermione reached up and combed Ron's hair neatly as did Ginny with Harry.

"Remember, Bartolo's people will be looking for the man with the mole on his nose as well," Hermione cautioned. "Spot him...bag him...sneak him out under the cloak if you can."

She finished and eyed him with as straight a face as she could muster. It wasn't good enough. Ron pulled her aside.

"What's wrong, Hermione?" he asked.

"Nothing," she answered, trying not to let her voice crack as she straightened his tie and let her hands curl at the base of his collar. "Nothing at all."

"We're going to be okay," Ron assured her. "We'll stop Bartolo, save the world and live happily ever after. Like...Babbity Rabbity."

Thank god for the joke, Hermione thought. She was able to hide her despair in a shared laugh.

"Do you think...they'll wise up and realize they're meant for each other," Ginny asked Harry as she looked on.

"I do hope so," Harry answered. "Hermione's been hard to read lately, though."

"I wish you'd let me help," Ginny complained. "Luna's been hovering over me as if I was eight months pregnant."

"It's a deal we made," Harry confided. "I get her Neville back...she watches over my beloved."

"Are they really an item?" Ginny asked. "You know how impossible it is to read Luna."

"I believe so," Harry thought. "And Neville...I don't know about you...but he's wiser than people give him credit for. And I have a sneaking suspicion Hermione's not telling us something with regards to our old friend."

---

Chapter 27 Lavender's Mission

It's early evening at the posh Arrow Club. Poor Lavender is playing with her fork, waiting another eternity for Cormac to show up.

"Waiter," she called. "I've been here for far too long. Has there been any sign of Mr. McLaggen?"

"I will call out for him, madam," the waiter answered.

"Mister McLaggen!"

"Is there a Mister McLaggen in the house!?"

Just then a couple enjoying their dinner behind Lavender started to giggle. She could hear the sound of kissing as well.

"Mister McLaggen!?"

Just then the man seated behind her piped up.

"Aye! Shut yer piehole ya bloody penguin!" he called out to the waiter. "What ye be shoutin' me name all about for? Do I go around shoutin' YER name out?"

Turning to look at him, Lavender shouted back, "For the love of God, Cormac! We had a dinner date tonight and I've been sittin' here for three bloody hours!"

"Aye," Cormac answered as he kissed his date on the cheek. "With yer BACK ta me. When I take a lass out ta dinner, I expect her to look at me face. That's the price ye have ta pay."

"Ah, Mr. McLaggen," the waiter interrupted. "Here is your check, sir."

"£22!? This is an outrage!" Cormac bellowed as he strangely handed the check to his date. "If I were ye, I wouldn't pay it!"

Quickly leaving his current table to sit with Lavender, Cormac called to the waiter, "We're ready to order, lad."

"It's too bloody late for dinner, Cormac," Lavender sighed.

"Alright lass, keep yer panties on," Cormac continued. "Bring us two breakfast menus instead."

Conceding defeat, Lavender nodded to the waiter and buried her head in her hands.

"Can I please just hand you this folder and be done with it?" Lavender groaned.

"No," Cormac answered. "Yer a hungry lass and I intend ta feed ya."

"You intend to pay for mine?" Lavender sighed.

"Depends on what ye have for me, beautiful," Cormac answered as he eyed his menu.

Slipping the opened folder under his menu, Lavender hoped the pictures of Don Bartolo checking into the Ritz Hotel near the Citadel would catch his eye.

"Bloody hell," Cormac muttered as he put down his menu. "The bastard's here, eh?"

"If your boys can harass him as much as possible tonight," Lavender offered. "We promise it'll be worth your while. For the entire Brigade, if you will."

"He's a cold bastard, he is," Cormac simply stated. "Not a warm fella like me."

Lavender sighed as Cormac reached under the table to massage her knee. Mistaking it for a pleasurable response Cormac proceeded to slide his hand under her skirt as Lavender snuck her stun gun from her purse.

BzzzzZZZZzzZZzzzzZZzzzz!

The waiter returned shortly to take her order.

"I'll have two eggs over-easy, toast, bacon and coffee," she ordered. "And...ignore my sotted date. He can't hold his liquor."

---

Chapter 28 CRASHING THE PARTY

It was sundown near the Citadel. The imposing Greco-Roman style building was situated in the epicenter of Ravenhurst, a hidden wizarding city in The Dales region. As with all wizarding locales, the only way in was by magical means or transportation. From atop a financial building to the east, George looked on through his binoculars as Bill and Charlie walked up on either side of him.

"Lemme have a look," Bill asked. But Charlie was having none of that and decided to try and yank George's binoculars away.

"Oi, knock it off!" yelled George as Bill grabbed the binoculars from the other side.

As Bill and Charlie's luck would have it, they broke the binoculars in two and each of them had a monocular to look through.

"FINE!" George yelled. "Keep me posted!"

"OOoooOOoOOooo..." Bill and Charlie moaned in unison as a car smashed into an invisible barrier at the Citadel's north side.

"Security's on the ball, lads," said Bill.

Down below, Michael and Zacharias blended in with the Scottish crowd as they neared their entry point.

"What are you holding your kilt down for?" Michael asked. "You look suspicious."

"There's a bloody wind!" Zacharias answered. "I'll never hear the end of it if I bare my arse in public wearing a g-string."

Zacharias' luck suddenly changed as a rotund Scottish woman put her arm around his waist.

"Well well," she breathed. "Ye McCormick lads look juicier every year. I'm Sondra, love. Sondra McKinney. Who are ye, ya juicy lad?"

"Umm...I'm...I'm Sean," Zacharias replied, trying not to wince. "Sean McCormick."

"Mmmmmmmm...ye look good enough ta eat Sean," Sondra giggled as she slid her hand down to squeeze his left buttock. "OOoooooo...what a firm juicy backside ye have, laddie."

Looking over at Michael with a panicked expression, Zacharias mouthed the words, Help me!. But Michael seized the opportunity and made his acquaintance.

"May a couple of lonely lads escort a fine lady in?" he offered as he held out his arm.

"OHhh yes you MAY!" Sondra bellowed as she took Michael's arm but kept her other on Zacharias' rump. It was bad enough she was a great big, fat thing, her laugh sounded like a drowning horse.

Bill and Charlie got a good chuckle out of it.

"Michael and Zach are in," Charlie said to George.

At the lower south entrance Draco and his stable of girls approached. The twin sets of stairs leading to the upper south entrance were teeming with people looking on with either laughter or disgust. As reported, the Perez fellow was standing in the tunnel with another goon.

"This is it, lads," Draco muttered as Buster fumbled with his phoney breasts. "Stop...touching yourself for God's sake!"

"They were crooked," said Buster. "I looked like a bleedin' Picasso."

"I don't think Picasso ever painted something this ugly," muttered Goyle as he checked his look in a compact mirror.

"Just let 'em get a load of Romilda, Lavender and Cho first, ok?" Draco ordered.

As they approached, Perez eyed the three real girls while licking his lips.

"Joo are lovely," he said as he eyed Romilda with a toothey grin. "El Capitan weel be mose plees."

As he eyed the boys, Goyle and Buster tried to put on their best girlish fronts.

"Joo are...," Perez started but quickly turned and muttered to the other goon. "Dios mio...es una puta muy fea!"

Clearing his throat and approaching Draco, Perez gave him 6 official passes.

"Joo weel tell jor fodder Hola for me, eh?" Perez asked as he opened the doors for them.

"I most certainly will, Señor Perez," Draco answered as he shook his hand and entered.

As they disappeared through the doors Perez let out a gagging sound.

"Madre de Dios!" he said to the other goon. "Some caballeros woulda kissa ANYbody!"

Bill was laughing hysterically now as he handed his half of the binoculars back to George.

"I can't believe that actually worked!" Bill laughed.

The single main gate was on the west side. Hermione and Dean approached as Ron and Harry hid under the Invisibility cloak.

"I hope you got your routine down, Hermione," Dean muttered. "Do you?"

"Don't worry, I saw it on an old American detective show," Hermione answered.

As they approached the magic detector bars Hermione and Dean picked up the pace.

"This is it, mates," Harry muttered under the cloak.

"Good luck to everyone," Ron added.

Dean and Hermione quickly lunged through the magic detector as Harry and Ron lunged in a moment after, setting off bells and whistles.

"Hey!" yelled a guard as he and another grabbed Hermione and Dean and pushed them back past the detector. "What the bloody hell is this!?"

"Yo homes, why you gotta be like that? You're trippin', cuz!" Dean started. "My homeboy's waitin' on me. Sax player's laid to the bone, homes! He can't hang, brutha! Homeboy said the moleman set me up."

The guard looked at Hermione for a translation.

"He said he's in the band," Hermione explained. "And a friend of his with the band sent him to replace the saxophone player who's taken ill. He's not aware of the contact's name but he says he has a mole on his nose. If that helps."

"You're lookin' fer a man with a mole on his nose?" the guard asked.

"Yes, a mole on his nose."

"What kind of clothes?"

"What kind of clothes?" Hermione asked Dean.

"What kind of clothes do you suppose?" answered Dean.

"What kind of clothes do I suppose would be worn by a man with a mole on his nose?" the guard asked. "Who knows?"

"Did I happen to mention, did I bother to disclose, that this man that we're seeking with the mole on his nose? I'm not sure of his clothes or anything else, except he's Chinese, a big clue by itself," Hermione offered.

"I'm sorry to say, I'm sad to report, I haven't seen anyone at all of that sort. Not a man who's Chinese with a mole on his nose with some kind of clothes that you can't suppose. So get away from this door and get out of this place, or I'll have to hurt you - put my foot in your face." the guard warned.

"Time to go," said Hermione as she and Dean left. Their mission was at least successful in that Harry and Ron made it in.

"We would run into a guard who watched the same show!" Hermione complained. "I should have told him I played the piano or something. I wish I was an accomplished pianist, actually."

"You're not alone, Hermione," Dean joked. "LOADS of women have pianist envy."

After a moment, Hermione understood the joke and nudged him hard in the ribs.

"Lovely," said George as he looked on. "Everyone made it in."

---