Carla stood in front of Nick in her perfect wedding dress. Hair and makeup perfect. As if all that perfection; the perfect dress, the perfect flowers, the perfect day could somehow cover up the ugly secret hidden under it all. The sparkling perfection that was about to be smashed into a hideous disaster. Something that felt more real to Carla than any of the perfection. She had tried to warn Nick she was a disaster, but he had never truly understood anything about her and that was no exception. She never expected she would be spending her wedding day in the middle of the kitchen at the Bistro. About to drop the big bomb she had been desperately trying to hide. Or had she always meant to press self-destruct and blow up this perfect life. One that she perhaps didn't yearn for quite as much as she proclaimed. One that she didn't actually ache for in her bones. She was SUPPOSED to want it. It was the smart thing. The easy thing. The safe thing. The thing that everyone was expecting. And why wouldn't they. Nick was the furthest thing from that charming roguish cheating alcoholic ex-bookie ex-husband of hers. So far that he couldn't possibly make her miss him more than she already did. Every day.

Peter Barlow. Just letting his name frolic through her brain made her body shiver in response. Nick was the better one. The calmer one. The perfect one. He treated her well, everyone said. Well if you were to disregard the disappointment and barely contained disgust he leveled at her when she didn't measure up to his expectations. When she drank. When she was that little bit too loud or argumentative. When she failed. For all their fights and tantrums and slamming doors, for all the pain he had caused her, Carla couldn't ever think of a time that Peter had looked at her with such disdain. Or made her feel like a failure, at least not until she managed to drive him away, until she wasn't enough. But even after he broke them, he still looked at her with nothing but adoration right up until the devastating day they walked away from each other.

All those months ago with Kylie, her words came back to her, haunted her.

"Content"

"He is perfect for me"

But were those things even real. PERFECT. CONTENT. Like really deep down was that even real at all. Or just superficial. Pretty. An illusion. So safe that it couldn't make you REALLY feel it. Not enough to risk slicing your heart to pieces.

"I always went for the bad boy. The fights, the making up"

She struggled to deny the way just the words stirred up her insides in a way that she couldn't control. Barely managing to keep the smile from forming at the flash of memory. Lingering on the making up.

"He is the one that's going to save me" she confided to Kylie, "from myself".

But did she even want to be saved. By Nick. From her actions that she had been running in circles to keep hidden, it would seem she was intent on making that impossible. She had lit their life on fire, and was waiting for the inevitable, when he left her all alone.

But these thoughts were all hidden at the back of her mind. Pushed so far into darkness there was only a prick of light to illuminate them.

Along with the dreams she had been having all week.

But that was for another time. Right now she was unburdening her soul to the man she called perfect for her, and clinging on to the illusion of a perfect safe calm life.

"This is typical Carla. Can't let herself be happy. Can't let someone love her. That is always looking for a way to destroy things" Nick droned at her, his voice dripping with self-assuming knowledge of what made her tick. Carelessly throwing out her insecurities like they meant nothing. Carla had stood at the alter with him moments before and stopped the proceedings. Nick held no fears that he was about to lose her. His voice was not gentle or caring, or even pleading. He felt superior, fully aware how much she had come to depend on him. For everything. He had scooped her up from the lowest of lows. Been at her side when others showed scorn. He had fallen for her, surely. Who wouldn't. Showered her with affection, made her feel loved again. Lovable. And at the same time, made her rely on him for those feelings. That sense of safety. And was rewarded in the way she looked at him with adoration. If Nick were the reflective type, if he were honest with himself, he would admit he allowed Carla to believe he was better than her, better than anyone. Certainly that loser ex-husband that shattered her heart. That she needed him to feel whole again. He built a little perfect cocoon around them. An easy, comfortable, calm, safe life. But Carla was made up of a myriad of cracked pieces, carefully pressed together. And no amount of calm could prevent those pieces from breaking off, sending Carla spinning beyond his control. The façade was perfect, as he attempted to save her again and again, his practiced caring smile in place, that didn't quite reach his eyes. Barely managing to conceal the weariness of her self-destruct tendencies. Nick tried his best to will Carla into being the pristine blissful transformation he envisioned, but even cracks spackled over with gleaming bright paint are still cracks. And cracks crumble until they break apart everything around them.

Something in the back of Carla's mind screamed at her that Nick didn't understand these things about her at all. Her head pounded in frustration at the condescending tone of voice. Yet again flashed the dream in her mind. That Man. This Day. The way her heart pounded anxiously as she had sent up silent prayers. But she pushed those things to the very back of her mind. Hard. And prepared to unleash her secret. And beg THIS man not to leave her alone again.

Her eyes cast downward, Carla could barely stand to look at him. "I slept with someone" Nick is silent, disbelieving. "Honestly I've been tortured" she brokenly admitted, all the guilt pouring out. Nick didn't care.

"WHO" he shouted at her.

"Robert" she admitted, apologizing over and over. "He regretted it afterwards just as much as I did" Carla promised Nick, trying to assure him, clinging onto the future she saw slipping away.

"DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME HOW HE FELT ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS, DON'T YOU DARE" Nick roared, slamming against the shelving next to him, metal clanging to the floor.

Carla gathered everything in her to quiet the fear leaping up in her at the outburst. It had been years since her attack and she had come a long way. It happened much less often, but loud noises could still make her jump. Angry men. She forced herself to stay as still as possible. Frozen. She simply nodded at Nick. He strode toward her, firing questions at her, not giving her a chance to answer. And then finally she was begging him to forgive her, to start again. She couldn't lose him. He was all she had.

"I know I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you" Carla cried to Nick, and she believed it.

Nick ignored her. "How could I not see it. I'm an idiot" he lamented.

"I'm the idiot" Carla assured him "I'm begging your forgiveness now. Please please give me another chance" she pleaded desperately.

Nick dismissed her with "Go. Leave me alone. Go."

Carla emotionally refused to accept it, "I won't give up," she promised him, "I'm going to go out there and wait for you" Her heart crumbling as he let her walk away. Yet another man she had pushed too hard. Yet another person to give up on her. Different man, but same life. Sitting perfectly still, Carla held her mask in place, surrounded by Platts like a pack of ill-behaved wolves.

"She should be over here explaining herself, not sat there like Cruella DeVille with a migraine" huffed Gail.

"She looks proper dramatic" Bethany exclaimed raising her phone for the perfect shot of her misery.

As Carla finally stood to annouce the wedding was off, she tearfully stated "It's my fault. Nick deserves better" her hopes for the happy future she knew she didn't deserve dissolving into nothing.

And then Nick strode in, stating "Let's get married" and for that moment, Carla clung onto hope. She could feel happy. She could feel safe. For once, it wasn't slipping through her grasp. And then it happened.

They were taking their vows, when her voice rang out. "Yeah, I've got objections" Tracy. Of course it was Tracy. Her heart sank. She was going to tell Nick the rest of it. The lies. The money. Her safety net was being pulled away, and her life crashed down around her. And that wasn't even the thing that REALLY made her heart sink to the floor. It was the wrong Barlow.

She had dreamed of it all week. This beautiful day smashed to smithereens. That man. Peter Barlow. That man who against every reason, despiste every bit of her strength, was the love of her life. And the futile prayers she sent up. Were not please don't let it happen. They were please please Peter.

As Tracy announced her betrayal to everyone, and went on to describe her other sins, the second voice rang out and everyone turned to look at the man they knew. The man that no longer lived in Weatherfield. Everyone but Carla. She didn't need to turn to know who it was. It was the man she had dreamed of all week.

"SHUT UP, TRACY"