Kagura was walking with her friend Sakaki. They talked about many different things. How they seemed to not get any money from home. How they were still single. How they rarely saw each other. Yet this is no story about a KaguraxSakaki paring. This is a comedy, of epic proportions.
"I still don't have a place to live in," said Kagura.
"You could crash with me!" said Sakaki.
Kagura responded by saying, "Awesome! Now I don't have to pay for anything!"
But Sakaki was startled by this idea and said, "Whoa, whoa! Where did you get that idea?"
Kagura ignored her, "We wouldn't even have to buy food. We could just have your cat Maya go out and kill stuff that we could grill."
"What?" said Sakaki, "Why would I want to do that?"
"Yeah you're right," Kagura agreed, "With our powers combined we could easily afford groceries..."
"What powers?" asked Sakaki.
"With our breasts we can trick guys into giving us money...FOR NOTHING!" Kagura yelled.
"That really works?" asked Sakaki.
"Yeah," said Kagura, "how do think I bought my ride?"
"But it looks like the Yukari mobile..." Sakaki pointed out.
"It is the Yukari mobile," said Kagura, "but it was dirt cheap!"
"Why did you buy her car?"
"Look," said Kagura, "Are we gonna be roommates or not?"
"Only if you promise to go halfsies on the rent—"
"Later bitch I'm gone."
"Sakaki, that man just called you a bitch!" yelled Kagura, "You should give him a confidence destroying bitchslap!"
"But that would be impolite, wait...are you just avoiding the idea of paying half of the rent—"
Sakaki was quickly ignored by Kagura. The "Lone Wolf" watched as her friend ran towards the man that had insulted her. The brown haired girl kneed him in the balls before bitchslapping the shit out of him.
"Now give me your money!" Kagura yelled.
"What are you, a pimp?" the man asked?
"Don't make me stab you to get the money," said Kagura.
"Why did you do that?" Sakaki asked her friend.
Kagura had a grin of triumph on her face. She held almost a hundred thousand yen in her hands. She looked up at her friend.
"Does it matter? Look at all the money he gave me!" Kagura exclaimed.
"But what about the cops, I mean they are right behind us..."
Kagura looked behind Sakaki before slapping herself in the face.
"Dang."
The 5 oh pulled up next to them. There were two officers in the patrol car. One of them was a man, the other was a young girl. And a person sat in the backseat.
"Okay trainee," said the man.
"I have a name," said Tomo.
"Shut up already. Let's just go cuff 'em."
"But, I think I know them from somewhere..." The faces of these people looked familiar to Tomo. It was like she had met them somewhere before, a long time ago.
"What the Hell?" screamed Kagura, "We're best friends! We went to high school together! How do you not remember us?"
"Oh yeah," said Tomo, "We probably need to taze the loud one."
"I heard that!" said the senior officer.
"Hey Tomo," said Osaka in the backseat, "When are we goin' to the 7 Eleven?"
"I keep telling you we are not going on a joy ride!" yelled Tomo, "Do you have any idea how hard it was to convince the other officers to let you come along?"
"Well then just drop me off here," said Osaka, "Sakaki and Kagura have wheels. I can go to 7 Eleven with them."
Tomo smacked herself in the face at this point.
"Don't arrest me officer!" Kagura screamed.
"But I have my handcuffs out and everything...," the man whined.
"Would you like a bribe?" Kagura asked.
"A bribe and a feel," the creepy police offer said.
"How about two bribes?" Kagura offered.
After Kagura handed the cop roughly fifty thousand yen, Tomo felt disappointed. She had been with the force for almost a week and nothing had ever happened. But she was mostly disappointed because Kagura hadn't been hit with the taser. Osaka got out of the car. She walked up to her friends Kagura and Sakaki with a smile on her face.
"I'll see you all in Navi!" Tomo yelled, as the car sped by.
"I didn't know you were into nerd languages!" Kagura yelled back.
"God damn it!" Tomo turned to her superior, "Give me some of that bribe won't you?"
"What bribe? I certainly don't accept bribes." The two officers argued amongst themselves. Kagura and Sakaki watched them pull away.
I can't believe that worked, Kagura thought to herself.
"We all ready to go to 7 Eleven now?" Osaka asked.
"But I need gas," said Kagura.
"This is why I got 42 and you only got 30," said Osaka, "7 Eleven has gas pumps!"
The trio of Kagura, Osaka and Sakaki drove towards 7 Eleven. There wasn't much to talk about in the car. The silence was then interrupted.
"USA, dun dun dun. USA, dun dun dun. USA, dun dun dun."
Osaka answered her cell phone. "Y'ello Osaka residence. What? Really? Yeah, just flush it." Osaka ended the call.
"Who was that?" asked Kagura.
"My boyfriend," said Osaka, "He apparently killed my pet goldfish."
"What?" yelled Sakaki, "That's terrible!"
"It's just a goldfish," said Osaka, "Besides I can always buy a—"
"USA, dun dun dun. USA, dun dun dun. USA, dun dun dun."
"Y'ello?" said Osaka, "Are you okay? Paramedics? It's not too bad? You overreacted? Okay, see you at home then."
"Who was that?" asked Kagura.
"My boyfriend, apparently he hurt himself on the shards of the fishbowl. He called the paramedics and they just left because it was nothing. He's such a klutz."
"That is pretty sad," Kagura agreed. The girl looked around at the car. She then noticed something very unusual.
"Sakaki?"
"Hmm?"
"Why are you driving my car?"
"You asked me to," Sakaki replied.
"No."
"Yes you did," said Oskaka, "I even recorded the event on my phone!"
"Now I remember why I asked you to drive!" said Kagura, "It's because I don't want anyone to see me in this hunk of junk!"
"Is that why you duck down every time a car passes by?" asked Osaka.
"Yes it is."
"Then why did you buy this car?" Sakaki asked her friend.
"In order to buy the best tinted windows I could," said Kagura, "I had to look for a low cost car. This was the cheapest one I could find that still ran."
"That's pretty stupid," said Osaka, "I can't believe anyone would do that. Then again these windows do have a nice tint to them."
"They should," said Kagura, "I had to use up all of my life insurance to get them!"
"USA, dun dun dun. USA, dun dun dun. USA, dun dun dun."
"Give me that phone," said Kagura.
"Why?" Osaka asked.
"So I can throw it out the window."
"No."
"Please! Your ring tone is very annoying. I just want to preserve my sanity," Kagura complained.
"My ring tone is awesome, hey we're here."
The three of them got out of the car. The doors of the 7 Eleven showed that there were no robbers inside. Yet before they went into the convenience store Kagura yanked them back. She had a confession to make.
"The real reason I didn't want to come here is because they kicked me out three days ago."
"What? Why?" Sakaki and Osaka asked.
"I got in a fight with the store manager. Apparently he didn't like the comments I made about Koreans…."
"Racist," said Sakaki, "I can't believe that I'm friends with you."
"I only have issues with Koreans because they beat me up everyday in middle school…because I said they were inferior…."
"Even I'm not racist," said Osaka, "And y'all say I'm from Redneckastan!"
"Look I just need you two to go in there and buy the gas…and some Doritos. God I love Doritos."
"I refuse to help you until you get over this Korean thing," said Sakaki.
"It's my mother's fault! She kept telling me that they were the scum of the Earth, just like the Chinese."
"I don't think that I want to know you anymore."
"Why do you need me to buy the stuff again?" asked Osaka.
"Are you serious?" asked Kagura, "I just told you why! And now Sakaki hates me for it!"
"I'm a little spacey at times," said Osaka.
"Just go in there and buy the stuff!" yelled Kagura.
The manager sat behind the counter. He looked at the shelves lined with snacks. The coolers lined with drinks. The wall lined with cigarettes. The tubs of jerky, a vast selection of rice products. It was boring as Hell.
The door opened.
OMG a customer! Why are those people watching her from behind the windows? One of them looks familiar... The manager's thoughts were interrupted by the girl.
"Do you remember why I came in this store?"
"No," said the manager.
"Oh well, maybe I should just go then—"
"NO! YOU BUY THE FREAKIN' STUFF ALREADY!" Kagura screamed through the window.
"What did she say?" Osaka asked.
"I don't know," said the manager, "I think that I've seen her before…."
"Are these pennies?" asked Osaka.
"No, but maybe, what are pennies?" asked the manager.
"No these are pieces of yen," said Osaka looking at a small dish in front of her. "Are you just giving these away?" the young woman asked.
"Yes."
"Really? How much is gum?"
"Did you at least buy the gas, because I know that you didn't buy the Doritos," said Kagura.
"No."
"Those were the things you were supposed to come out with!" yelled Kagura, "You didn't buy me gas or Doritos!"
"Well I came out with gum," said Osaka, "Would you like a piece Sakaki?"
"Don't encourage this!" said Kagura as Sakaki reached out for a piece of gum. "Who's going to buy the gas now?" asked Kagura.
"You can buy the gas," said Sakaki, plopping in a piece of Juicy Fruit, "Maybe this time you won't insult the guy's race."
"Argh!" yelled Kagura. She stormed into the building. She would have to confront her biggest fear, Koreans, who hated her guts. While she was inside the convenience store a patrol car pulled up to the gas station, two familiar faces inside.
"Hey Osaka!" yelled Tomo, "How are you guys?"
"Pretty good!" Osaka yelled back, "I thought you weren't coming here!"
Tomo got out of the car. "My partner likes slushies I guess, so he drove us here. What are you guys doing here?"
"Just waiting for Kagura to get into a fight with the Korean manager," said Osaka.
"Didn't she do that Wednesday?" asked Tomo.
"So she claims, why do you ask?"
"Because I saw her down at the jail. She wouldn't tell me why she was down there."
"Did you fill up the car?" asked Kagura.
"No," said Osaka, "How did it go?"
"Terrible," said Kagura with a bag of Doritos, "The man wants me to go out with him, and if I don't he says he's going to call the cops. So I'm meeting him tomorrow at some restaurant."
"It's too bad we didn't taze you," said Tomo, "I've never seen it happen before."
"How much gas is in the car Osaka?" Kagura asked.
"It's halfway full, why?"
"THIS IS WHY!" yelled Kagura as she punched Tomo in the face. "Everybody in the car now!"
"No fair! You used a sneak attack!" Tomo yelled as she watched them speed away from her. Wait a minute, Tomo thought to herself, Isn't that the Yukari mobile?
The next day Kagura was in Sakaki's apartment placing her stuff inside one of the rooms. Maya hopped up on the bed. He looked at Kagura, she reached out a hand to pet him.
"SON OF A BITCH!"
Sakaki rushed into the room to see what was going on.
"Your cat has finally decided to eat my hand!" yelled Kagura, "Ow! He hungers, for more! Ow ow!" Kagura yelled.
"Maya! Stop that!" said Sakaki.
The cat quickly stopped and then rubbed its head against Kagura. She gave the cat a look of intense hatred.
"If he wasn't your cat," said Kagura, "I would kill him."