Author's notes: This story is based solely on the anime. Therefore, the canon of the manga is not taken into consideration. For example, Wolfwood is a Christian priest, not a Plant worshipper. Thank you for your understanding.
Insurance Girls Tell All
Introduction
Melinda Baker: The project began when I heard they were still alive—Stun Gun Milly
and Derringer Meryl, the "Insurance Girls" of legend, companions of Vash the
Stampede. Well, they weren't "girls" anymore—they were old ladies of ninety years. In
our modern age of airplanes and color TV, those so-called "Old Frontier" days seem so
long ago. We think of all its citizens as having passed on to new frontiers in the afterlife.
And indeed, renowned names from that time, the already mentioned Vash the Stampede,
and his comrade, Nicholas D. Wolfwood, are a memory. I guess I just assumed that
Meryl and Milly were, too, when an overheard conversation let me in on the truth—they
were sharing a home in Inepril City.
The Insurance Girls hold a special place in my memory. As a child, I would often
play one or the other, while my brothers alternated the roles of Vash and Wolfwood.
We'd reenact old adventures of theirs, some real and some from TV and movies, or make
up new ones of our own.
Now a lot has been written on Vash, including Emil Hector's book Vash the
Stampede: Hero or Villain?, published when Vash was still alive and still in print. It
cleared Vash's name of many of the crimes and catastrophes associated with him, so
much so that many people now thought him a saint, and even the government granted him
a pardon. He was able to live a relatively quiet and peaceful life. That book detailed a
lot of the specific adventures of Vash's career, especially the ones experienced with the
companionship of the Insurance Girls.
Well, although I revisit some of those adventures in my book, recounting them
from Meryl and Milly's points of view, I wanted more to focus on romance. These women
had loved Vash and Wolfwood, two of the most legendary men of the Old Frontier. Not
just been in love with them, but had that love returned to the fullest extent. I couldn't
imagine what that was like, so I intended to meet with Meryl and Milly and ask them
everything.
I drove my truck to Inepril, site of many of Vash's adventures, and pulled up in
front of the Insurance Girls' homestead, an old-style cabin with a front porch. As I
walked towards the steps, I passed by a black cat lying on the ground. "Nice kitty," I
said, reaching down towards it. It trotted away, telling me, "Meow meow meow" the
whole time.
"That's Neko Neko," someone informed me. I looked up to see a tall, elderly
woman on the porch. She was a little plump the way senior citizens sometimes get. Her
gray hair was worn in a bun, out of which strands of brittle hair had come loose. She
was wearing bifocal glasses, white slacks and a pastel green, collared sweatshirt with a
cartoonish picture of a puppy and a kitten cuddling. From her neck dangled an ivory
colored cross pendant, with silver thread winding around it. "That cat's not very
friendly."
"How about you?" I asked.
"Oh, me? I'm friendly." She laughed.
"I'm looking for Milly and Meryl," I began to explain.
"I'm Milly."
I put a foot up on the step. "Wow, it's such an honor to meet you!"
She laughed, as though not understanding why it would be an honor.
"Does Meryl still live here?"
"Yeah, she's in the house fixing dinner. Why don't you come in?"
"But you don't even know who I am yet."
"That's okay. If you're dangerous, we know how to handle you."
Meryl was standing in front of the stove, and raised an eyebrow at me. She was
small, thin, and frail, the way some other senior citizens sometimes get. She had dyed
black, short hair. She was simply dressed in a maroon sweatshirt and sweatpants, such
as one exercising might wear, and these looked rather baggy on her slight frame. She
also wore glasses, these thick-framed.
I introduced myself, and told them about my proposed book. I told them I would
conduct both separate interviews, and also chat with the two of them together at
times. Plus I brought along a little serum—Truthgiver, both a memory enhancer
and a method for loosening the tongue! (I figured the ladies' memories weren't
as sharp as they used to be. Plus I I really did want to find out everything about
their love affairs with Vash and Wolfwood!)
Melinda: Your men had mixed reputations—described as both heroic and ruthless. I
have in my hand a testimony of one Susan Porter, who was an orphan living outside of
Keybos over six decades ago. She says, "Nicholas D. Wolfwood was very kind to us at
first, but then he shot one of us down, right in front of the rest of us. It traumatized me
for life. I took me awhile to realize Bete wasn't really a kid at all, but a member of the
Gung-Ho Guns. But that didn't heal all my scars. And I was never able to forge a
friendship with a priest from that time onward."
Meryl: You came all the way here to read that to us? You should be careful; Milly
is a sensitive woman.
Milly: Oh, it's okay, Meryl. Miss Baker, Nicholas was not proud of that incident, but his
intentions were not evil.
Melinda: Believe me, my intentions are not put down either of your men. I just want
your take on the story.
Milly: They did have two sides to them. More than two sides, actually. They were very
complicated. I've heard lots of lies—or maybe some partial lies—used to describe
Nicholas. They say he was violent, bloodthirsty, and murderous. But when I looked into
his eyes, I saw kindness. Any they say the eyes are the windows to the soul!
Melinda: Just to play the devil's advocate, but could it have been you were seeing what
you wanted to see?
Milly: Could be—but I noticed that about him and his eyes when we first met. And I
didn't fall in love with him right at that moment, so why would I be seeing what I wanted
to see then? I did end up seeing in his eyes things no on else ever saw. Hmm-mmm.
Feelings directed solely at me.
Meryl: We saw our men at their heroic best, and we saw them when they hit rock
bottom.
Milly: I think seeing them in such a pathetic state actually made us love them more.
Meryl: Yeah, you're right. It wasn't long after seeing them at their worst that we,
well, personally experienced the best they had to give us.
Milly: Hee hee. So to speak. It's been, what? A half a century for me—no, over sixty
years, and I can still feel Nicholas' hands on my skin as he—
Meryl: Milly, shush! There'll be time to tell that part later!
Milly: I can still see his naked body by the light of the moons. Sigh.
Meryl: Milly!
Milly: All right, I'll be good. Hm-mmm.
Meryl: Sigh. Vash was so sweet—he'd cry every time we made love.
Milly: I thought you said there'd be time for that later!
Meryl: Oh, I guess so.
Melinda: Was Wolfwood really a priest? In one of the movies, he was portrayed as just
a gunslinger masquerading a priest.
Milly: Oh, he was a priest, all right. He worked for an orphanage. There's still an
orphanage there today. Nicholas was just very..odd..for a priest.
Meryl: So, you admit it! He was a strange and unusual man!
Milly: I've never denied that, Meryl! It's part of what made him so intriguing! Besides,
you could never pass off Vash as normal.
Meryl: No, I guess not. Karen thought we were both nuts for hooking up with the
guys we did.
Melinda: Who's Karen?
Milly: What happened to Karen anyway?
Meryl: I heard she had three husbands and died a bitter woman.
Melinda: Who's Karen?
Meryl: Oh, just someone we used to work with back at Bernadelli Insurance.
Milly: She's not very interesting. You're better off hearing me tell you about my
Nicholas.
Meryl: I hope you're prepared, because she loves talking about him. She won't
know when to shut up.
Melinda: That's what I'm hoping for.