A/N: Set around the time of Twenty-one Is the Loneliest number, this smutty little piece of fluff is dedicated to Iwannahorn and all of my other friends in the Great White North. Special thanks to Filo for the inspiration and to the rest of the Super Cool Party People for being so cool.
Do-Right
Lorelai opened the front door and called, "Hello?" She spotted Paul Anka sitting in the hallway waiting for her expectantly and said, "Hello, handsome," as she shifted the shopping bags she held into her left hand and patted Paul Anka's head affectionately. "Where's Daddy?" she asked him.
Luke walked out of the kitchen wiping his hands on a towel and said, "I did not father that mutt," as he leaned in to kiss her hello.
Lorelai draped her arm over his shoulder as she swayed into him and drawled, "Hel-lo, handsome."
"Hey," he said with a warm smile.
"What smells so good? Aside from you, I mean," she said quickly.
Luke smirked and said, "Pot roast."
"Mmm," Lorelai hummed softly in his ear. "Have I mentioned how much I love coming home to you?" she asked as she brushed her lips over his scruffy cheek.
"You mean coming home to me in the kitchen," he said as he gave her a quick pat on her butt and jerked his head toward the kitchen.
Lorelai followed him into the room and placed her bags on the table as Luke opened the oven door to check on the roast. "I love coming home to you and coming home to you in the kitchen, but I am still trying to figure out how I'm going to get you barefoot and pregnant," she told him.
Luke closed the door and smirked as he said, "Barefoot I can do, but the pregnant thing I' not equipped for."
"No?" she asked with a pout.
Luke smiled as he turned to her and said, "I can help with that, though."
Lorelai grinned and said, "I bet you can."
"We have a little time before its ready," Luke told her as he opened the refrigerator and took out two bottles of beer and looked at her questioningly.
Lorelai nodded and asked in a too casual tone, "So, you change your mind about my skit idea yet?"
Luke eyed her suspiciously as he twisted the caps off of the bottles. "Uh, no," he said cautiously.
"Okay, well, I came up with something else," she told him.
"Why am I not surprised?" Luke said dryly.
"I had to go to the party supply store today to get some decorations for the inn. Anyway, they've added this huge costume department," she told him.
"Uh huh," Luke grunted as he took a sip of his beer.
"So I was cruising along, just looking," she said as she held up her hand defensively. "I was actually looking at this little ballerina costume for Martha, it was adorable, all pink and sparkly and, anyway," she said, cutting herself off with a wave. "I was looking up on the shelf for a tiara, and I saw this," she said as she reached into the largest of the bags and pulled out a Canadian Mountie hat.
The laugh escaped him before he could smother it. "No way," he said without hesitation.
"No! It's the whole outfit. We're going to Patty's party. You're Dudley Do-Right, and I'm Nell," she told him as she danced from foot to foot.
"Remind me, the next time Snidely Whiplash ties you to the train tracks, to just leave you there," Luke said with a snort as he turned and began pulling plates from the cabinet.
Lorelai grinned and said, "I'd let you tie me up somewhere else."
"Not gonna happen," Luke said as he shook his head adamantly.
"The tying up?" Lorelai asked hopefully.
"That and the costume thing," Luke answered as he pulled silverware from the drawer.
"But Luke," she began to whine. "Do I have to remind you again that it's our first Halloween as a soon to be married couple?" she asked cajolingly.
Luke shook his head as he dumped the plates and silverware onto the table and nodded at it, indicating that she should set the table. He opened the oven door again and used a dish towel as a pot holder as he took the roast from the oven and placed it on top of the stove to rest. "You don't need to remind me again, you've reminded me every day since they began construction on the gallows," he said as he nodded in the general direction of Babette and Morey's house. "I will, however, remind you that I have offered to help make caramel apples and hang them, or to build your laboratory, but I will not participate in any way, shape, or form. This is your thing, not mine," he said sternly.
"But we need a thing," Lorelai complained. "A couple thing."
"We have lots of couple things," Luke pointed out as he began to transfer potatoes and carrots from the roasting pan into a bowl with a slotted spoon.
"I can't do that caramel apples, that was a me and Rory thing," she said quietly as she placed the forks on paper napkins and aligned them with the plates.
Luke paused and then sighed heavily. "Tell you what, I'll stretch that fake cobweb stuff all over the porch, and I'll even help you blackout the windows so the house looks all creepy and abandoned," he offered.
"Yeah?" Lorelai asked, her interest slowly perking up.
Luke nodded as he transferred the roast to a small platter she had never seen before, and said, "I'll make you tombstones for the yard and even a coffin thing."
"You will?" she asked with a slow smile.
Luke turned to look at her and said, "Yes, I will, but I will not get in the coffin, you will not hack me open with a rusty saw, and there will be no costumes involved. At least, not for me," he said firmly.
"I can still dress up?" she asked pointedly.
Luke smiled as he placed the platter in the center of the table and said, "Oh yeah. I'll even give suggestions for your costume."
"Yeah?" Lorelai asked with a teasing grin as she sank down into her usual chair.
Luke nodded as he sat down, dropped his napkin into his lap, and then reached for the platter to serve her. As he transferred a large portion of the roast onto her waiting plate, he said, "I've always thought that you would make an excellent Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader."
Lorelai rolled her eyes and asked, "You have, huh?"
Luke shrugged as he loaded her plate with potatoes and carrots, ignoring the grimace she made. "St. Pauli Girl? Playboy Bunny?" he asked hopefully.
"You really want me to answer the door dressed as a Playboy Bunny?" she asked with a laugh.
"The bedroom door, yes," Luke said with a nod as he began to fill his plate.
Lorelai eyed him speculatively and then asked, "You had the cheerleaders' poster?"
Luke shook his head and said, "Better. I won the mirror with their picture on it at the county fair."
"Wow," Lorelai said in a tone of mock admiration.
Luke smirked as he picked up his fork and said, "Yeah, Bootsy was so jealous, but he always did throw like a girl."
XXXX
Things hadn't gone as well as he had hoped. Lorelai was so excited when Rory called to see if Lorelai was planning to attend the party her parents were throwing for Rory's 21st birthday. She was nervous and antsy by the time they got into the truck to drive to Hartford the night of the party. And now, now after seeing Rory there, with them, with her new DAR friends, in a five zillion dollar dress, eating three million dollar cake, and handing out tiny boxes of imported chocolates, he understood why she seemed despondent.
That Rory wasn't the girl she had raised. The girl Lorelai had raised didn't sip sickeningly sweet pink cocktails, she drank coffee morning, noon and night. The girl Lorelai had raised didn't wear couture, she wore Gap cords and sometimes pink marabou trimmed tiaras. The girl that she had raised didn't speak to her mother only in the haltingly polite way you spoke to acquaintances, she told her mother everything, sometimes without saying a word at all. The whole evening had been so far removed from everything that she had told him she had envisioned for Rory's 21st birthday, Luke didn't blame her for being upset.
As he sped toward home, back to the safety, security and predictability of Stars Hollow, Luke glanced over at her and cleared his throat softly before saying, "Hey. You can pull link sausages out of me if you want."
Lorelai looked over at him and they shared a quiet smile. A moment later, she reached across the bench seat and reached for his hand almost timidly, as if she were afraid that he would refuse her. Luke waited as she threaded her fingers through his, and then closed his around her hand, squeezing it reassuringly as he rested them on his thigh. He glanced over at her staring blankly out of the passenger window and felt a sharp twinge of guilt for the impatience he had been feeling about her reluctance to set a date for their wedding. It struck him hard that she wasn't completely there. That without Rory, Lorelai couldn't be Lorelai. She had been Rory's mom for longer than she had ever just been Lorelai. She probably wasn't even sure who Lorelai was without being Rory's mom, he realized with sudden clarity.
His mind raced as he searched for solutions. He plotted ways to get them talking again. He hatched a plan to go see Rory himself, to see what she was really doing with her life away from Stars Hollow, and what she planned to do to get back on track. This had gone on for far too long. So long, that even when they did both seem to want to fix it, they didn't know how.
But with an inward sigh, he was forced to admit that as badly as he wanted to help, as badly as he wanted everything to be normal again, there was no way that he could simply fix it. Going to see Rory would solve nothing. He also figured that locking them both in a room and hoping that they could talk it out, would probably backfire spectacularly. There was nothing he could say to Rory that would have any more influence than what her mother and grandparents had already said. No, there was nothing he could do to fix it, to fix Lorelai, to fix Rory. He lifted their joined hands to his lips and brushed a soft kiss over the back of her hand. When she looked over and gave him that same sad smile, Luke vowed there and then that she could pull cocktail wieners strung on a thread out of him if only it would make her happy.
When they reached the house, they moved through their evening routines with a minimum of words, dancing around each other with practiced ease as the mail was given a cursory glance, and a stray cup and spoon were washed and put into the rack to dry. "Do you want to watch TV?" Luke asked as he wiped his hands on a towel.
Lorelai shook her head and said, "Nah. I think I'll just get in bed and read or something."
Luke nodded as he double checked the lock on the back door, plucked his suit jacket from the back of the kitchen chair and then headed for the stairs, knowing that she would follow in a moment. He was in the bathroom in wearing only his suit pants and a plain white undershirt, when Lorelai appeared in the doorway, already in her coffee cup pajamas. She smiled as she watched him wipe his face and hands on the towel that hung near 'his' sink and said, "Its early, you don't have to go to bed yet if you don't want to."
Luke gave her a half smile and said, "I like going to bed early, remember?"
"That's right, Grandpa. I forgot," she said as she gave his shoulder a light rub and then reached for her toothbrush.
Luke walked back into the bedroom, unbuckling his belt as he went. He opened the closet door, and as he went to hang it on a hook, he spotted the bag from the party supply store, dumped unceremoniously on the closet floor. He paused, his hand frozen on the zipper of his pants as he stared at it for a moment. Cautiously, he peeked around the edge of the closet door to see if she was still in the other room, and then bent to remove the Mountie hat from the bag as quietly as possible. He held it in his hand for a moment, visualizing her smile as she saw him wearing it, and his pride flew out the window. He quickly dropped the hat, and stripped out of his pants, socks and undershirt. He checked his reflection in the mirror and gave his flat stomach a self conscious pat before bending over to retrieve the hat and placing it firmly atop his head. Avoiding his reflection in the mirror, Luke quickly closed the closet door and stood staring at the bathroom, waiting for her to emerge.
"Hey, don't let me forget that we're almost out of cotton balls," Lorelai called as she turned out the light and stepped into the bedroom. She took two steps toward the bed and then stopped short when she caught sight of Luke Danes standing in the middle of their bedroom with his hands on his hips, wearing nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs, a smirk and a Canadian Mountie hat. "Oh my God!" she cried, her huge smile shining at him like the sun.
He held his arms out to his sides for her inspection and asked, "You like?"
Lorelai threw her head back and laughed. "I love!" she said as she closed the distance between them and threw herself into his arms. She was still laughing as she said, "Oh God, I love."
Luke's smile warmed with pleasure as he held her close to him, so happy to have this girl back in his arms again after so long. "I love you," he said softly in her ear.
Lorelai pulled back a little to smile at him happily and said, "Well, obviously."
"Yes," he said with a sheepish nod.
"I think," she started and then shook her head slowly on wonder. "I think you're incredible," she said in a voice brimming with tenderness.
Luke smiled slyly and said, "What would be incredible would be if I can keep it on, right?"
"Right," Lorelai agreed as she began to rain adoring kisses over his face and neck.
Luke took a deep satisfied breath and ran his hands slowly up her back as he asked, "How do I look?"
"Mom," she hummed as her forehead bumped the brim of the hat. "Delicious," she said in a sultry voice before she kissed him lingeringly.
"Yeah?" he asked as she broke the kiss.
"I'd dump the chocolate box for you in a second," she told him.
Luke smiled as he ducked his head and kissed her again, his ardor causing the hat to tip back on his head slightly. He reached up and caught it before it fell off and said, "That would mean more to me if I didn't know that the chocolates were devoured before we even got out of the driveway."
Lorelai grinned at him as she stepped back and trailed her hands down his chest. "Believe me, there is nothing I would rather eat than you, Dudley."
"Nell would never say such a dirty thing," he admonished with an amused grin.
Lorelai shrugged and said, "How would you know, didn't Snidely gag her before he tied her to the tracks?"
Luke's eyebrows twitched as he grinned and said, "No, he liked to hear her scream."
"Such a dirty cartoon!" Lorelai gasped as she slipped her fingers into his waistband. She began to slide them down over his hips as she promised, "Keep that hat on, and I'm going to do you so right, Dudley."
"Can I take the hat off now?" he asked.
"No, the hat has to stay on, that's the challenge," she said as she gave his shorts another push and they fell to his feet. Lorelai reached down and trailed her fingers along his muscular thighs, letting her nails rake over his skin gently. "Think you can do that?" she asked as she slid her hand between his legs and gently fondled his balls.
Luke sucked in his breath and asked, "How about a kiss?"
Lorelai smiled and said, "Okay," as she sank to her knees in front of him and placed a gentle kiss to the tip of his cock.
Luke chuckled and said breathlessly, "Not what I meant, but okay," as he looked down at her. He pushed one hand into her hair and groaned deeply as she took him slowly into her mouth, applying only the gentlest of pressure as she slid her tongue over him.
Lorelai raised her head and looked up at him with a smug smile as she asked, "Okay?"
"More than okay," he answered.
Lorelai's smile grew as she whispered, "Hold onto your hat." When he chuckled, she said, "No really, hold onto it. It has to stay on, or it's all over," in a warning tone.
"Gotcha," he said as she reached up and pressed the Mountie hat firmly down on his head.
Lorelai ducked her head and ran the tip of her tongue gently over his balls, and then opened her mouth, drawing him in slowly. Luke groaned as his hand fisted in her hair. Pleased with his reaction, Lorelai ran her tongue over him teasingly and then let him go, eliciting another groan, this time one of disappointment. She let her tongue trail lazily up the length of his cock, and then circled the tip with feather soft strokes. Luke felt his control melting away as he flexed his fingers, and dug them into her scalp. Lorelai smiled, knowing that he was fighting the urge, and continued to torment him, letting her warm breath rush over the taut wet skin. "Lorelai," he growled.
Undeterred, she once again ran her tongue the length of him, savoring the shiver that raced through his body. When she reached the tip again, she felt his fingers tighten as he pressed her down slightly. "Did you want something?" she asked innocently as she batted her eyelashes at him.
Luke exhaled hard, his nostrils flaring as he pressed her tongue firmly to the tip and lapped at him gently. "I want you," he said in a rough voice.
"You want me to what?" she asked as she raised one eyebrow and then pecked a chaste kiss to his straining flesh, smiling as his cock twitched in reaction.
"That," he said gruffly.
"This?" she asked as she wrapped her lips around his cock and took him deep in her mouth.
"Dear God, yes," he breathed as his knees buckled slightly. Lorelai began to suck fervently, fueled by the deep groan that rumbled from his chest.
"Lorelai," Luke gasped as she squeezed his balls gently.
Lorelai rocked back on her heels and asked innocently, "Yes?"
"Come here," he said as he tugged at her arms, urging her to stand up.
When Lorelai looked him in the eye again, she smiled and said, "Looks good on you." Luke leaned forward to kiss her, but the brim of his hat hit her forehead, stopping him just shy of his goal. When he growled in frustration, Lorelai's smile widened as she tilted her head and ducked under the hat to kiss him sweetly. "Poor thwarted Mountie Man," she whispered.
"Can I take it off now?" he asked impatiently.
"Nope," she answered with a sassy shake of her head as she stepped back and began to slowly unbutton her pajama top.
"But I can't, uh, get near you with this thing on," he complained as his eyes dropped to watch as she revealed creamy skin dusted with pale freckles.
"Get near me how?" she asked teasingly.
"In all the ways I want to," he said gruffly as she peeled back the top and let it slide from her arms to the floor.
"All the ways?" she asked as she raised a curious eyebrow. "Are your hands broken, because I can tell you for a fact that something else seems to be in good working order," she said as she let her eyes drift below his waist. She smiled as she ran her fingertips up the length of his cock and said softly, "Hello, Horse."
"Huh?" he asked.
"Such a nice horsey," she said with a grin.
"Oh no, you are not…" he began to protest.
"Thanks for saving me, Dudley, but I'm really in love with Horse," she said as she stroked him teasingly. She smiled as she saw the wheels turning in his head. "Say it," she said tauntingly.
"What?" he asked.
"Yes, I wanna ride the horsey," she said with a wicked grin.
"I was not thinking that," he said quickly.
"Yes, you were," she said with a grin.
"Maybe a little," Luke said, a sheepish smile curving his lips.
Lorelai looked up at him and asked, "Seeing as how your hands work and all, can you help me with these?" as she nudged the waistband of her pajama pants down slightly.
"Sure," Luke said as he brushed her hands away and began to push them down over her hips. When they pooled at her ankles, Lorelai braced her hands on his shoulders and stepped out of them. "Much better," Luke said as he ran his hand over the curve of her ass and pulled her against him. He took the other hand and tipped the hat back, holding it firmly on his head as he bent to kiss her. "Still on," he assured her in between kisses.
"Okay," she whispered as she kissed him urgently.
Luke slid his slowly up over her hip and skimmed her ribcage in his quest to get to her breast. He cupped her gently, running his thumb over her nipple, and smiling as she moaned and pressed into his hand. "Got the hat?" she asked breathlessly.
"Uh huh," Luke grunted as he worked his way down the said of her neck, his other hand securing the hat on the crown of his head.
"Don't lose it now," she said as she stared up that the ceiling, her eyes closing involuntarily as he scraped his teeth over her collarbone.
"Step back," he said in a low urgent voice.
Lorelai took a step back and felt the edge of the bed against her thighs. She sank down onto the mattress and Luke followed her, placing one knee on the bed and leaning up over her as she fell back. He nuzzled her breast, pressing his lips to the soft skin beneath it before his tongue found her nipple and traced a lazy circle around it. "Oh, please," Lorelai murmured.
"Please?" Luke asked with a smile in his voice.
"Yes, please," Lorelai said as she laced her fingers through the soft curls at the nape of his neck and pulled him down to her. When he opened his mouth and drew the beaded tip against his warm tongue, Luke squeezed her breast roughly as he drew on her and Lorelai moaned, "Oh yes." When he lowered his other hand to her leg and pulled her thigh up onto her hip, she gasped, "Hat."
"Screw the hat," Luke muttered as he moved to her other breast.
Lorelai clamped a hand to the top of the hat and said, "No, screw me instead."
"Lorelai," Luke growled as he lifted his head.
"I mean it Do-Right, saddle up," she said as she lifted her hips up off of the mattress.
"Nice," Luke hissed between his teeth as he pushed up onto his arms.
"Want you," she said as she looked up at him. "Need you," she added in a softer tone.
"I want more," Luke said as he began to kiss his way down her stomach. Lorelai frantically grasped for the Mountie hat as he nuzzled his way past her soft curls and pressed his tongue to her clit. Lorelai cried out softly and then arched into him as he began to stroke her with long demanding flicks of his tongue.
"Luke," she moaned with an edge of a whine in her voice. Luke ignored her, drawing her clit into his mouth and sucking passionately. "Luke," she said more forcefully, giving his shoulders a push.
"What?" he asked as he lifted his head.
"Up," she ordered.
With a disgruntled sigh, Luke pushed up on his arms and stared down at her. "What?" he asked again. "Are we in a hurry?"
"Up, up," she said as she waved her hand at him. "Hat," she said as she scooted off of the bed after him.
"It was just a joke, Lorelai. I just wanted to make you smile," Luke said as he rolled his eyes and pulled the Mountie hat back down over his forehead.
Lorelai stood up, pointed to the bed and said, "Down."
"Up, down," Luke muttered as he sat down on the edge of the bed.
Lorelai placed a knee beside him and swung her other leg up to straddle him as she said, "Let's add in, out."
"Let's try adding a little romance," Luke muttered.
"I like action with my romance," she said as she positioned herself above him. "Okay, now tell me I'm pretty," she said as she began to lower herself down onto him, holding on to his shoulders to keep him upright.
"I'm not saying a word," Luke grumbled.
"Oh, you'll say the words, Dudley," she said with a smirk. "Tell me you'd be sad if I got run over by the train," she said as she began to move, slowly circling her hips.
"Devastated," Luke said with a sigh of pleasure.
"And that you'd hate for me to get those nasty rope burns," she said encouragingly.
"I can think of better ways to get them," he answered.
"Tell me you love me, Dudley," she whispered into his ear, bumping the hat and then righting it quickly.
"I think I had you confused with the other Nell," he told her dryly.
"You really want me to go there right now? I can speak that language," she warned as she increased the pace, riding him steadily.
Luke smoothed his hands down the column of her back and said, "No, don't." He pressed his lips tenderly to hers and asked, "Doesn't the hat say enough?"
"The hat says it all," she assured him. "God, you feel good," she said under her breath.
Luke smiled and closed his eyes as he focused on the heat of her body surrounding him and said, "Yeah, but how do I look?"
"You look like my hero," Lorelai answered.
"You know I'd do anything to save you," he said in a strangled voice.
"I know," Lorelai whispered as she squeezed him tightly in her walls. "Oh, I know," she told him as she let her head fall back and leaned into his hands, trusting him implicitly to hold her steady.
Luke watched, feeling the brush of her hair as it trailed over his hands, knowing that she was close and not wanting to miss that moment. When her eyes widened with awareness, he gave in, pulling her down onto him as he pressed up into her with a groan of relief. He felt the waves of sensation pulsing through her and felt his own climax bearing down on him. "Lorelai," he murmured.
As he shuddered, Lorelai wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, knocking the Mountie hat onto the bed and holding him close to her. "My hero," she whispered into his ear.