Disclaimer: I own nothing. Obviously.
I will be writing this from both points of view….so a 3 shot probably. I am dyslexic, I mess up words and my spelling is at times atrocious, if you want to complain about those things, kindly stop reading now and go away. I have had this idea in my head for 3 days so…time to get it on paper…or well...a computer screen.
It had been 6 weeks. 6 long, painful weeks since Magnus had left him. Alec looked at his phone, no new messages, and no missed calls. Alec couldn't blame him. What he had done was unforgivable. No one else knew why, what had happened. Alec couldn't admit what he had done to Isabelle or Jace. He knew that while they loved him, they would take his ex's side. Just that thought, "Ex" made his breathing catch. He was almost used to the pain by now. He wondered what Jace thought, he was always eager to go out hunting with him now. He always kept the thought in the back of his mind, nothing a demon could do would be worse than what he felt. He fought harder now, with fewer restrictions. He fought how Jace had fought before he had Clary. He felt bad now, for how he had treated Clary. He was happy Jace had her it made him fight safer. Alec no longer loved Jace in the way he once thought he had, but he was glad that some sense of self-preservation had taken root in his brother, he was easier to keep safe this way. Alec slowly got out of bed, putting on his black gear slowly. He wanted to walk, alone in the silence where the pain could take over and no one would hear his sobs. He walked out the front door of the Institute and shivered. The cold wind blowing meant a storm was coming. Demon activity had seemed to slow when the rain fell now. He grimaced slightly, no fight today. No aggression to take his mind off the pain. The pain that washed up over him like an ocean; the waves sometimes falling back to give him a breath of fresh air before the tide rose again covering him in the depths of the blackest despair. He could feel that wave now as he made his way into the dark. Right after the breakup that pain brought him to his knees. Now he would stand through it, not giving himself the comfort of the ground. Instead he stood letting the pain wash over him again and again until it was difficult to inhale. He almost enjoyed the pain. He knew he deserved it, he deserved the hatred, the numb feeling. He had always been a quiet, reserved person. He couldn't come out to his family and he had no real reason to. Sure he had thought he loved Jace but he knew Jace clearly didn't swing that way. Jace enjoyed the company of women far too much. So he had stayed silent, a protector, guardian of his family. Always there when someone else needed him. Then Clary came along and suddenly everything he knew was thrown to the wind. He met HIM then, he couldn't even force himself to think the name. And for a moment everything was okay. Everything was worth it. He was willing to have his marks stripped away, his family to disown him. Suddenly he felt alive, real, like maybe he could be more than a big brother and a son. More than another shadow hunter who would forfeit their life too early for the cause. They had all rallied behind him. His mother, sister, brother, and though not as vocal about it his father. And in a moment he destroyed all that. And for that he deserved the pain he felt. Another jolt of pain shot through him, but he heard a sound in the distance. A demon was out, even though it was pouring at this point. He shook his head slowly, so he would get the fight he wanted, even if he was alone. Fighting alone was frowned upon, especially when one had a parabatai, he knew if he was hurt Jace would feel it too and would panic. But now the demon was close, he could breathe in and feel the stench of rotted garbage, blood, and ichor. He brought his Steele up. He hadn't brought another weapon today, idiot. Fear coursed through him, as he saw it wasn't one, but two demons. Not that he couldn't handle two, but it was more of a risk than he would usually take. He could almost hear Jace screaming at him. He lunged at the demon to the right first, a quick roll and then the battle began. He felt a sting on his arm and cursed at himself. No doubt Jace would be angry with him when he got home. The fight continued for what seemed like an eternity before he heard a noise behind him. The two in front of him lay dead for a moment before crumbling to dust, he turned at the sound in time to see a greater demon above him. There was hardly time to feel fear before it attacked. Alec closed his eyes, he knew this was what he wanted. He could go out like a shadow hunter, in a blaze of demons. No more pain, no more agony, no more sleepless nights staring at a phone that he knew wouldn't ring.
"Alec!" he heard a voice, strong but smooth like honey. It was like a salve on his heart, he could hear the voice far away, his eyes closed as he accepted death. Even in death only Magnus' voice would comfort him. He could feel the ground as he fell. It was cold. Though he imagined death wouldn't be especially warm.
"Alec, open your eyes, you need to stay with me." The voice seemed to break, this dying hallucination was lasting longer than he'd like. He whole body seemed to be engulfed in pain. He wanted to laugh, even in death he couldn't escape the pain of what he had done. "Alec, please open your eyes, I love you and I can't not have you in my life, just open your eyes, I'm right here but I need you to tell me where it hurts." Magnus. Magnus was there, with him. The blur on his mind seemed to come into focus. He wasn't dead. No he was alive, and surely once he saw Magnus again the pain of him leaving again would be difficult. Slowly he opened his eyes. The warlock, his love, looked like hell. They were both covered in the black demon sludge and the poison that covered his skin burned. But it hurt more to see his love this way. His eyes were dark circles, his usually spiked hair lay limp in the rain and gore. He looked worn out, tired, almost like he had felt some of the sadness Alec had felt.
"Good, Alec, are you with me? Can you hear me, can you just tell me where the poison is?" Magnus asked his voice going from desperate and pleading to almost demanding. Alec blinked rapidly.
"My arm." He whispered his throat raw. He wanted to blame the demon for that two but his throat was always sore now from the sobs he tried to hold in. Carefully Magnus picked up his arm and turned it. The black poison was dripping out of a gash that he knew would be painful if he could feel pain in his body and not just the tightness in his chest. "I'm sorry." He whispered before he let the pain take him under.