This Life is Not Enough
Prequel to It's Been Far Too Long
He is waiting. Maybe so he can come back, do it all again. The Winchester brothers would no doubt like that. He is standing at the edge of heaven, on a cloud made of cotton candy. And he wonders why he wants to go back down to Earth, to all the pain and sorrow and hopelessness. The only thing good is the women and the candy. In fact, he can't pick between the two. But this isn't the reason why he wants to go back. He doesn't know why, he has no reason, no purpose, no nothing. There is no one and nothing to go back to. Just because he sacrificed his life for those boys doesn't mean a damn thing. For he tortured them for long enough, made their lives hell for too long. He knows it, he knows it and some days he's ashamed to say he regrets it.
But he doesn't regret for a second what he did for him. It was high time he start standing up to his brother, Lucifer thought he could always get away with whatever the hell he wanted. Even though he had lost and been killed by that very same brother he felt pride, a large amount of pride that he had stood up to him. Gabriel the little brother, stood up to the big bad wolf. As far as he was concerned he had won. After all, he wasn't officially dead. He was just stuck up here for the time being, that was all. If he hadn't sided with Sam, Dean and Kali he figured he would just be sitting down on Earth right at that moment, doing the same old same old. Things got boring and life got monotonous. He needed a change. So he was glad he had gotten away for a little while. But now it was getting boring again, now he was aching to get back to Earth and do whatever the hell he felt like doing when he got there.
He owed everything to the Winchesters, who helped show him that life was full of choices. You couldn't not pick a side forever, you couldn't just stand on the sidelines and say that nothing is your fault because you choose it to be that way. Sam and Dean had given him purpose, showed him what was worth fighting for. Giving his life was a very small price to pay after all, considering those brothers did it time after time. He looked down on them now, crashed at their hotel, one doing research and the other sleeping. It was the same routine for those two too. Nothing really had changed. It's not like they had grieved over his death, they had more important things to worry about, killing demons and monsters and saving each other's asses without much help from anyone. He wondered how they would take it if he came back to them, because he knew full well the temptation would be far too great not to go back and say hi to them. Maybe they could become their own little demon killing team. Maybe Sam and Dean wouldn't push him away, let him in because they were technically even now. But then again, maybe not.
He hadn't been back to Earth since he had died, so therefore he had no lollipops, no chocolate, no candy to speak of. This alone depressed him and convinced him to go back down to Earth. But instead he was stuck here, waiting for something, he did not know what, to happen. He had the faint hope that Dean and Sam's lives would become less busy, that they could talk and catch up. He has been lonely for so many years and he thinks those Winchester brothers might fill that void. After all, he has nothing better to do with his endless time. He's a trickster, he knows that, it's in his nature. But maybe he can be something more than that this time. Maybe he can be that helpful archangel and an annoying trickster. If he could show Dean he was worthy enough, would he budge and let him into their little circle?
He blew a light and calming breeze on the sleeping Winchester, who was sprawled out across the only bed in the room, burning in the summer heat and sweating on every square inch of his body. He smiled at Sam, who sat across the room, occasionally sneaking a peek at his dozing brother. It couldn't be clearer that they were family, that they loved each other. Their lives weren't much, but they were content enough in each other's company. And maybe Gabriel shouldn't take advantage of that. Maybe he should leave the two alone to their secrets and their hunting. Dean was better off without him. They both were.
The archangel sighed deeply and turned away, preparing for his departure down to Earth. He would stock up on lollipops, indulge a little in other ways, and fly back to heaven satisfied and content. He might even trick a few people along the way. And if he felt like it, he would go say hello to the Winchesters, tell them he was alive and kicking. It didn't mean he would stay, it didn't mean he would make nice with Dean. He would just say hello and leave, that's all this was. Dean had given him enough.
He spread his wings and flew, within seconds touching familiar and sweet smelling grass, heading over to his favorite candy shop, buying something extra for someone special. And so he indulged a little, played around a little, traveled a little. And then when he was bored he did it all again, with no hesitation. He didn't miss heaven and he didn't plan on ever going back. Tricksters were meant to wreak havoc on Earth, to humans, and that's what he would do. It was in his nature he trick, which made this planet his perfect home.
He looked out into the distance and thought he saw Dean. But it was all imagination, merely seeing things he wanted to see. It was nothing more he told himself, there was nothing more to this. He kept track of where they were at all times, he had become obsessive, overprotective, concerned and scared for their safety. What had happened to him? They had changed him, changed him in ways he could have never imagined.
He shook it off and headed to where he was. Refusing to listen. It's been far too long anyway.
FIN