Love and War

1. Lily

She loves him.

She loves him, and she knows it, no matter how much she tries to tell herself otherwise.

And it hurts her, because she can't love him, not when times are so rough, not when there's a war going on.

But how can she not love him? How can she look across the room at him and not feel butterflies in her stomach? She can't, it's simply impossible. It was impossible even when she hated him, sometimes, if that's even possible.

She remembers those days, those days when she hated him. Those days when he was an arrogant git. Those days when he made fun of people and abused the use of magic. Those days when he thought that he himself was worth more than all the galleons in Europe. Those days when he asked her out more than three times a day.

But she was always there to put him in his place. Whenever he was laughing at someone, or making fun of them, she was there with just the right thing to say that always made him eat his words. Whenever he was playing a prank on someone, she would catch him, most of the time. Besides, she wasn't made prefect and Head Girl for nothing.

Whenever he was puffing up his ego, which he usually seemed to do whenever she was in ear shot, she was there to prove him wrong and name all of his faults, a list of which she kept in her head as a comfortable reassurance for when she ever started to think otherwise.

And whenever he asked her out she was always there to say that she would first snog a hippogriff thaneven think about doing anything with him. Besides, he never really asked. It was always "I'll only go away if you agree to go out with me Evans." and "I'll stop if you go out with me Evans." or "I won't do it anymore if you go out with me Evans.", all without so much as the blink of an eye. Who would say yes to something so rude? Didn't he even have the courtesy to say her first name when asking such a question?

And of course, all of these things would turn into fights, though, admittedly, her words were always harsher.

But that was long ago, and things have changed, he has changed, even she has changed. And it's a shame really, how things can't be how she wants them to be, especially after all this time. And it's not because she's selfish, because she's not, and things always have to be her way, because they don't. It's because there's a war going on, and nothing can go anybody's way.

It's all she can do not to give up, not that's its something she does a lot, but because there's a war going on, and there are people out there that want her to give up, which makes it all the more difficult not to.

That's something she's always liked about him, how he never gives up. He never stopped doing any of the stupid things he did just because she said so, not that any of that was bravery or anything to look up to, but he always did have an affinity for breaking the rules. He was extremely good at it, him and his friends, and she often wondered how he did it, and she lately she's been finding herself looking the other way when he's doing something that would be considered as 'bending the rules'.

She loves him, and sometimes, when she sneaks a look at him down the table during dinner in the Great Hall, she sees him laughing with his friends, and he glances at her, still laughing, as though he wants to tell her what is so funny. He looks away, because he knows she won't let him, because there's a war going on and there's no time for jokes.

He loves her back, and she knows it, even though it's been quite a while since he last asked her out. It's not because he's given up, because that really isn't something that he would do, it's because there's a war going on, and things like that get in the way of the more important things that need to be concentrated on.

But sometimes she thinks, who cares if there's a war going on? She wants to be happy, he wants to be happy, why can't they just be happy? Schools almost over, and who knows when they'll see each other again? But then she thinks that now's not the time for that, it will only make it harder, people are dying left and right, who knows who could be next?

Then she realizes that maybe it is worth it though, because really, it's now or never, and if it isn't now, then it must be never, and that really isn't a chance she wants to take.

So she looks across the room again and finds that he's looking across the room too. So she gets up, because it really is now or never. Just because a war is going on doesn't mean that she has to give into it.

Because whatever happens, they're going down together.