This is a slashy humorous (I hope) fluffy fic. It is unbetaed so please review and leave concrit so I can improve my writing!
-------------"There's something wrong with Hermione."
Harry looked over at Ron. Ron had a serious expression on his face. His extremely soon-to-be-slapped face if Hermione ever heard the comment he just made.
"Yeah, mate?" Harry replied. Sometimes in these situations it was just best to let Ron talk.
"Well just look at everyone else in our year you have, let's see, Hannah Abbott and Ernie Macmillan. And Lavender and Seamus. Mandy Brocklehurst and Michael Corner. Morag McDougal and Anthony Goldstein. Susan Bones and Justin Finch-Fletchly. Frances Gretstone and Muriel Smithe. And Dean and Ginny. And Pansy and bloody Draco Malfoy that little-"
"I get the picture. What exactly is your point?"
"That everyone else in this entire castle is paired up except for her!"
"You might not have noticed this but neither of us was on that list of yours. Ron, did you ever think that maybe these things just take time and Hermione doesn't want to be rushed into something?"
"That's not it," said Ron as he tapped his foot on the floor.
Harry waited anxiously for Ron's brilliant thesis and tried as hard as he could not to just reach over and hold Ron's thigh still on the couch. Ron's leg shook harder and Harry knew he was preparing himself to speak. He just hoped that time came before he died of annoyance. His hand inched closer to Ron's robes.
"Hermione is in love with us but she doesn't want to go out with us because she thinks we would think it would be strange!"
"It would be strange."
"C'mon Harry, we've been friends with her for so long it's only logical."
"Well then what is she waiting for? Hermione is the most logical out of all of us."
"I've already figured out that bit."
Harry rolled his eyes mentally. Trust Ron to have some ridiculous solution to this completely non-existent problem. He looked around the Common Room for an escape route but found nothing. He was trapped.
"What is it Ron?" he asked resignedly.
"We need to make the first move!"
Harry went pale.
"On her?" he asked, "You mean both of us? Together?"
"Well," began Ron, "first of all, I haven't exactly figured out which of us she's in love with so I'll have to consider both of us an option until I rule one out. And secondly, I think that what we really have to do is get Hermione to notice us in a more-than-friendly way. We have to make her jealous."
"By doing what exactly?" Harry could feel the sausages from breakfast in the bottom of his stomach and he noticed with a grimace that Ron had started shaking his leg up and down again.
"Dating," Ron declared with an air of finality.
"Dating who?"
Harry knew he shouldn't have asked that the moment Ron stuck his hand in his bag and began rummaging around for something. He looked on apprehensively as Ron pulled out a grubby sheet of parchment.
"This," said Ron, "is a List. It is a list of every single witch in this school."
"Oh," said Harry.
"We are going to read every name on this list until we find suitable dating partners."
"Oh," said Harry again. He was so much in shock that Ron had prepared some form of organized planning that he almost forgot the shock he was in over Ron's horrible idea.
"First name," said Ron, "Eloise Midgen."
"No," said Harry. "Remember the nose thing?"
"Cho Chang."
"We have a bad history."
"Padma Patil and Parvati Patil."
"After the Yule ball I don't think they'll ever speak to us again."
"Romilda Vane."
"No way."
"Orla Quirke."
"Way too young! Ron, let me read the list!"
Ron handed it over to Harry. Harry read the next name out loud.
"Millicent Bulstrode."
"Never! She'd probably end up eating us for lunch."
"Su Li."
"She's one of those giggly Ravenclaws right? Bit too girly for me."
"Lisa Turpin."
"Her hair's too long."
"Daphne Greengrass."
"She's too blonde."
"Katie Bell."
"She's too pretty."
Fifty-seven names later and all of the other possible contenders in the school had been ruled out.
"There's no one left Ron," Harry said. Ron was thinking.
Ron's leg was bouncing as fast as ever.
"I don't know, I just don't know," Ron said, tapping his foot furiously.
Harry grabbed Ron's leg.
"You know," said Ron, " I bet Hermione would be really jealous if we started dating."
Harry didn't move his hand.
They sat there for a little while until Harry broke the silence.
"That's a really good idea Ron."
Ron put his hand on top of Harry's.
--------------------------The next morning Ron and Harry walked into the Great Hall hand in hand.
"Do you think Hermione will be mad?" Ron whispered in Harry's ear.
Harry shook his head no, but his teeth chewed the inside of his cheek. Idiot Ron and his moronic plans.
Harry looked up and down the Gryffindor table. There were Lavender and Parvati. And there was Hermione, sitting right next to Luna Lovegood?
Hermione looked up and moved down a seat, leaving an open chair on either side of her.
"Harry, Ron, do you have something to tell me?" she inquired, looking them both in the eyes and sounding uncomfortably like Harry's first grade teacher, Ms. Bloom.
"Well…" Ron began.
"Hermione..." said Harry, fully intending to finish his sentence and looking thoroughly surprised when no other words came out.
There was a pause.
The pause stretched on and Hermione prepared her self a cup of tea with honey and lemon.
"Meandharryaredatingpleasedon'tbemadatusI'msorryyou'retheonlysinglewitchinouryear," Ron blurted,
"What makes you think that?" Hermione asked, setting down her teacup rapidly.
"You could understand that?" Harry said, bewildered at Hermione's expert translation skills.
"You and Ron are dating and I am implored not to be mad at you two and Ron is apparently sorry that I am the only single witch in my year." The last part of this statement was said so disparagingly that Harry shivered.
"Are you mad?" Ron asked softly.
"Just answer my question, Ronald Bilius Weasley. Why did you say that?"
Hermione crossed her arms below her chest and peered down at the top of Ron's head.
Somehow she had grown much taller than Ron and Ron had hunched down to Dobby-sized.
"Well, I said me and Harry are dating because I like him and he likes me and last night I asked him if he would go out with me and he said yes and so that's why we're dating and I don't want you to be upset because you're our friend and-"
"Not. That." Hermione's voice was low and sharp and Harry blinked.
Ron just looked at Hermione, completely lost.
"Huh?" he managed.
"Ron, honestly! You are so utterly and completely blind! 'The only single witch in my year'. You think I have a problem with you two dating? I've been waiting for you two to start since Second Year! The only problem I have is with your mental capacities! How can you have failed to notice that I have been dating Luna Lovegood for THREE MONTHS!" Hermione stood up angrily.
"Let's go Luna," she said and the two girls stood up.
"Congratulations Harry!" Hermione yelled over her shoulder as she walked to the entrance holding Luna's hand.
"So you think she's jealous?" asked Ron.
"Maybe," said Harry.
"Do you think she would be very jealous if I asked you to go to Hogsmeade with me this afternoon?"
"Definitely."
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