Dan never imagined how hard it was to be a girl.
All the girls he knew made it look so easy. After all, all they did was make themselves look pretty, spend way too much time in the bathroom, talk and squeal about any cute guy that looked in their direction, and make all the guys do all the hard work.
Honestly.
Really, at first glance, there was nothing hard about being a girl. They didn't really do anything. But as Dan was practically suffocated trying to get into the corset, he realized that maybe girls had to do more than he thought.
Wait.
Back up.
Perhaps a full explanation was in order. Dan had been enjoying his Friday evening, ravaging through a bag of chips and watching a horror movie on the television, when an urgent message had appeared at Cahill Command from Natalie. Apparently, they had found out about a secret Vesper hideout in New York City, and it was very important for them to go check the place out.
Dan really just wanted to finish his chips.
No one was sure how the hideout had never been found out before, but they all agreed that it was decisively important for them to see what they could find there. The plan was simple: Break into the building and plant bugs in all the rooms to see what they could find. They all agreed that it was crucial to check the place out as soon as possible. The only problem: There was a ball going on that weekend, and at least a hundred people were going to be there.
Even worse: It was an all-women's ball.
The horrified looks on all of the males' faces was indication enough of what they thought of the event.
"Why can't you girls just go?" Hamilton asked, an almost desperate look on his face.
"Who knows what's going to go on in there? We need all the help we can get," Sinead explained, a calm look on her freckled face. "Besides, we think the hideout is underground, and that's why no one figured out it was there until now. It was really just luck that we found out about it the way we did. We need a group to go underground and look around the place while another group stays at the ball to look out for anyone suspicious."
Jonah raised his hand as if he were in a classroom. "Uh, can we be the group that goes underground?"
"No," Sinead deadpanned. "For one, I have a feeling you'd all get lost. Two, the place is going to be a tight fit, and you're all too tall to make it through. And three, I don't trust you all being in a small enclosed space without trying to kill each other."
Well. Dan really felt the love.
After much argument, the guys finally relented. Really, the logical comebacks from the girls made too much sense to deny. Not to mention the glares they were receiving did not really help boost their confidence.
And that was how Dan found himself in New York City, being forced into a corset and a dress that was way too long for his liking, and a blonde wig that made Dan immediately think of a Barbie doll. As he looked at himself in the mirror, only one thought occurred to him.
I look like a creepy Barbie doll.
Caked to his face was about a ton of makeup, making him resemble one of those creepy clowns at the circus. A red satin ball gown adorned his body, the sleeves poofing out at the wrists. He felt as if his feet were being crushed into the red high heels he had been forced into, and he was sure the corset was blocking his lungs from receiving air. A blonde wig curled into ringlets was placed on top of his normally dirty blonde hair, and he had to resist the urge to yank it off and scratch his head until it bled.
He felt sorry for the Barbie dolls.
"Nice outfit, Dan."
Reagan stood in the doorway, snickering. She was wearing a dress similar to his, although Dan had a feeling she wore no corset.
The traitor.
Dan's cherry red lips curved into a scowl. "Shut up."
"No, really, you look absolutely stunning," Reagan said, barely able to hide her snickers.
"I hate you."
"Whoa."
Dan looked up to see Nellie in the doorway, her face the perfect picture of shock.
"Dang, Dan, I never imagined you'd look so good in a dress," Nellie snickered. A camera was clutched in her hands, and Dan suddenly felt a cold feeling wash over him.
"Don't you dare," he breathed, barely managing to take a step back without falling on his behind.
Nellie shot him a mischievous smirk and lifted the camera in front of her eyes. "Smile!"
The flash momentarily blinded Dan, dark spots appearing before his eyes.
Oh, how he wished he had been permanently blind. He had never been so envious of Ted before.
The lucky Ekat.
...
Hamilton was trying to fold in on himself. The sight of him in that hideous blue ball gown was enough to convince him into becoming a hermit. His physique was not built to fit him into a dress, especially a corset.
Just my luck, he mentally grumbled to himself as he looked glumly at his reflection in the mirror. That it would be one of those Victorian style balls.
"Oh, come on," Sinead's voice drifted to his ears from the doorway. "You don't look that bad. You look almost pretty."
"Almost?" Hamilton grumbled.
An amused smile played on her lips. "Now, don't throw a fit. I'm sure one guy will see your inner beauty."
"You're a real piece of work, you know that?" he grunted, adjusting the curled auburn wig on his head.
"At least you aren't wearing much makeup. You should see Dan. I almost feel sorry for him," Sinead said, that smile still on her lips.
"Poor guy." Hamilton grimaced. He had to say, he felt a bit sorry for his buddy, but he was a bit too preoccupied with his predicament to feel really sorry for him.
"You look a lot better than him, though. I swear he was going to throw his shoe at the mirror so he could escape the sight of himself." Sinead walked further into the room, standing next to the embarrassed Tomas. "Don't worry, no one's going to pay any attention to you there. They're all girls after all. They'll be too busy looking at themselves than anyone else."
Hamilton tried for a smile. "At least there's that."
...
For once in his life, Ted was almost glad he was blind. The vehement protests coming from the other guys made him wonder just how bad they looked.
"No one will even care how you look," Amy spoke calmly, dragging a protesting Dan to the van. Ted heard the heels of his shoes being dragged against the concrete, his protests loud in his ears.
"Are you kidding? This is the worst thing you've ever made me do! Do you want to me to die of embarrassment?" Dan cried out.
Ted was amused at how everyone was acting. It wasn't as if anyone they knew would ever see them like this. It was probably a dent in their pride, Ted mused. Even if no one would see them like this, they would always know what they had done. Perhaps he would have reacted the same way, if he could see that is.
"You're reacting calmly to this." Ted felt his brother's presence next to him, his voice low in a grumble.
"It's not as if I can see what's going on," Ted replied. "I'm almost glad for that, really."
He heard his brother sigh. "I'm getting a headache."
Ted immediately felt concern. "Do you need your medicine?" He knew that it was for big concern when his brother got one of his infamous headaches. It was as if he could feel his brother's pain, just like his brother could feel his. Ted thought easily and rationally for his brother, while Ned was his eyes. He supposed that it was a twin thing.
"I'll be fine." Ned waved off his brother's concern. "Really, I'll take it if I really need it. No need to worry."
"This blasted dress is killing me," Ian grumbled. "How can you girls wear these things?"
"It takes skill," Nellie replied easily.
"You have no right to talk. You're not even going to the ball," Jonah complained. "Who invented these heels? Shoes should not be this tall."
"I've almost slipped, like, ten times," Dan grumbled. "Shouldn't I get, like, a free pass from high heels? I'm only thirteen, right? Thirteen-year-olds shouldn't be wearing heels. It's scandalous."
Amy sighed. "They're not that tall. You're just not used to wearing them."
"I find it unfair how all of your heels are shorter than ours," Ned muttered.
"Yeah, shouldn't girls get the higher heels? Yours are barely off the ground!" Dan exclaimed.
"We're going underground, remember?" Amy explained, starting to sound irritated. "We can't wear heels. You guys, on the other hand, are going to actually be at the ball. Even if you aren't going to dance, you have to at least look the part."
"Why couldn't I just fake being sick and stay home?" Dan grumbled to himself.
Ted tried not to smile.
...
The girls and the guys had split up as soon as they had arrived at the ball. It was at a majestic building, all white, with fancy columns that looked like it could have come straight from Victorian England. The ballroom was quite stunning, as well. It was large and spacious, the floors neatly polished, and tables overflowing with food in every corner. A small fountain was in the corner of the room, several young ladies gossiping around it. It was impressive, yes, but it didn't make up for what they were about to go through.
Jonah whistled. "Swanky place, huh?"
"I've seen better," Ian said testily. "Now, can we get going? I want to get this over with as soon as possible."
"At least you don't have a ton of makeup on your face. I feel like there's a ton of cement on my face," Dan complained. He was unrecognizable with all of the makeup on his face. If Hamilton hadn't known better, he would have sworn he was just another girl going to the ball.
"You look like a doll," Ned examined, squinting at his face. "Yes, just like a doll. You remind me of a doll Sinead used to have stuffed in her closet."
"Stuffed in her closet?" Hamilton repeated.
"Yes," Ned said, a ghost of a smile on his face. "She was young when she got it, and the glassy unfocused eyes made her uneasy. She immediately stuffed it in her closet the moment she thought we weren't looking."
"Are you saying that I look terrifying?" Dan asked. "Gee, you sure know how to make a guy feel better."
"Sorry," Ned said, although he didn't look sorry at all.
"We should split up to cover more ground," Ted said, looking around at the crowd of people.
"You know, I've always dreamed of being surrounded by beautiful women," Hamilton grumbled. "I just expected to be a male when it happened."
...
Hamilton scoured the ballroom, looking for anyone that seemed suspicious. There was the pretty young lady near the fountain who was clutching her purse a bit too tight, the middle-aged woman scrutinizing everyone around her with a suspicious eye, and the stunning beauty just a few feet ahead of him, standing in the middle of the sea of people, all by herself.
Hello!
Hamilton started to fix his hair before he realized that it wouldn't matter if he looked good or not. He was supposed to be a girl for the night, so he had no chance to strike up a conversation with her. It was a shame, too. She had a pretty nice figure, not to mention the flawless black hair that cascaded down her shoulders. She turned around, as if she suddenly realized that someone was watching her.
Wait.
That was Jonah.
Never mind.
...
Jonah narrowed his eyes at Hamilton, who had a horrified look on his face as he gazed at him. Jonah was confused to say the least. Had he done something to make Hamilton look at him like that? Did he look so horrifying in his dress that Hamilton couldn't even stand to look at him? It was a possibility, he had to admit. He couldn't help but feel a bit offended. He couldn't look that bad, could he? His dress fit him pretty well, and he thought that the wig looked good on him...
Oh, goodness.
He was starting to think like a girl.
...
Ian tried not to curse aloud when he saw the crowd of young men walk through the doors of the ballroom.
The girls had lied to them, the vixens. It wasn't an all-women's ball. Apparently, it just turned out that the men would be arriving later than the women.
"I'll kill them," Ian muttered crossly under his breath. "I'll make sure they never see the light of day again."
The group of women next to him looked at him with a horrified look on their faces, but Ian paid them no mind.
...
Natalie was silently fuming.
She couldn't believe she had been kicked out of the group and assigned to be the guys'... babysitter.
Had her status sunk so low as to be assigned to be the babysitter to a group of idiots? If anything, one of the Holt sisters should have been chosen instead. They had nothing to offer except muscle, and who needed muscle in a break in? The objective was to be quiet and stealthy. They didn't need loud and bulky.
"Excuse me?"
Natalie turned around to see a young man about her age holding his hand out to her. His hair was the color of a fire hydrant, but his smile was as golden as the sun. She would have found him quite good-looking if she wasn't so miffed at the moment.
"Yes?" she said, managing to sound polite.
He bowed low at the waist, his hair gleaming in the ballroom lights. "May I have a dance with the lovely lady?"
He was charming and good with words, Natalie had to admit. It would be rude to deny his request. "Of course," she said, smiling a pleasant smile.
He grabbed her hand and waltzed her around the ballroom, his steps light and swift. He's a good dancer, she thought. I'll give him that. But something seemed to be off about him. Perhaps it was the way his hair so resembled the color of blood and fire, or perhaps it was the glint in his eyes that reminded her a bit of the look her mother used to have.
Looks can be deceiving.
He was a Vesper.
She was sure of it.
...
While this was all happening, Ned and Ted were standing at one of the refreshment tables, poised and ready to go home.
"I wish I was old enough to drink," Ned grumbled. "I'd like to forget about all this."
"Think positively about this," Ted said. "It could be worse, we could be out there like the others, having no idea what to do."
"That's what we're doing right now!" Ned snapped. "Not only did the girls lie to us about this being an all-women's ball, but they made us dress like this, too! Have you no pride?"
Ted tried not to smile. "I don't know what I look like, so I'm fine."
If Ted weren't his brother, he would have slapped him by now.
...
Dan scanned the ballroom, grimacing every so often when he saw a couple twirl around the ballroom. It just reminded him of how the girls had tricked them. Those traitors!
He locked his green eyes with amber ones; ones that looked very familiar to him.
"Natalie?" he murmured. Wasn't she supposed to be underground?
She looked at him with a sort of disguised urgency in her eyes. It was as if she was trying to send him a message. He frowned. What was she trying to say?
Then he saw him.
Her dance partner was a red-head with a smile that most would call charming.
Dan thought it quite wolfish.
He briskly walked over to them, trying not to trip on his heels. As he neared them, Natalie broke out in a grin. "Danielle!" she called out.
Oh.
He'd get her for that.
He managed to put on a smile as he reached them. "Natalie!" he said in a falsetto tone. He tried not to cringe at the way his voice sounded. "I've been looking for you all over!"
"Who's this?" the red-head asked, the smile still remaining on his face.
"This is my-"
"Sister," Dan interrupted as Natalie shot him a deadly look that disappeared as fast as it had come. "I'm her sister." He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him.
The red-head raised an eyebrow. "Not much resemblance."
Dan blinked. "We're adopted."
The red-head's smile widened. He pulled Natalie towards him and wrapped his arm around her waist. "Then I suppose you really have no jurisdiction over her, hm?"
The glint in his eyes made Dan think of him as a predatory cat about to eat a canary. And Natalie was the canary.
He wasn't sure why anyone would want to eat Natalie. He was sure she'd probably taste awful.
She'd taste like coal, he thought dazedly. As black as her soul.
Perhaps he shouldn't try to help her. After all, she had lied to him. But then again, the guy did look shady, and the look in his eyes irked him. It was like he was challenging him, and Dan didn't like to lose.
"Why don't we compromise?" Dan said, plastering a grin on his face. At the red-head's confused look, he grabbed his arm and pulled him towards him. "Natalie's looking a little tired. Why don't you dance with me instead?"
Oh, the look on Natalie's face was a Kodak moment.
"What the-?" the red-head sputtered in surprise.
"Let me take the lead," Dan said. "Girls have to take the lead once in a while, right?"
"What are you-?"
Splash!
Dan had twirled him right into the fountain.
"Do you think we're stupid enough to fall for that?" Natalie snapped, glaring down at him.
"Here, something for you to remember us by," Dan said.
And with that, he dropped his heels onto the Vesper's head.
...
It seemed like hours, but finally, the girls had planted enough bugs in the Vesper hideout and stolen enough items for them to leave.
"Dan," Amy frowned when they all squeezed into the van. "Where are your shoes?"
"I dropped them on a Vesper's head," he replied breezily. "His hair was the color of a fire hydrant, so I'm sure the blood won't be very noticeable."
"You did what?"
"Hamilton, Jonah," Sinead said, looking suspiciously at the two sitting in the backseat. "What's wrong with you two?"
Hamilton had scooted as far away from the rapper as possible; so far away, that he was practically glued to the window. Jonah had a contemplating look on his face, murmuring things about his dress and hair.
Sinead wasn't sure if she wanted to know anymore.
"You alright, Ian?" Madison asked warily, eyeing the Lucian from the seat next to her.
He was currently muttering to himself, looking darkly out the window. She could have sworn she heard something about murdering girls and making sure they never saw the light of day again.
She decided to ignore the fuming Brit beside her.
...
a.n. I'm sorry for this insanity. The idea wouldn't get out of my head, and so I had to write it down. I apologize for how long and stupid this was, and I'm sorry if you see a lot of grammar or spelling mistakes. This was the longest one-shot I've ever written, and I got too lazy to proofread appropriately.
Feel free to forget this was ever written. :/