Better Off With You

Sequel to It's Been Far Too Long

Dean looked back on a day he shouldn't have to remember. But one he wanted to remember nonetheless. The day Gabriel died, the day he was alone with him, in that car, when they both did things they shouldn't have done. Those actions had made things a hell of a lot harder. The archangel made a vow to protect him and Sam, but he not only did that. He said things, things that still slice into Dean's nerves, make him shudder and do everything in his power to block out those mere memories. But that was one of the best memories he's ever had. He wished he had the guts to tell that to Gabriel. But he probably already knew what he felt at this point. The fact was Gabe had said some confusing things, told Dean he meant something to him. He said he wished life could have been different for the both of them. Better. He said to tell Sam sorry for what he did to Dean. He said afterwards it didn't have the aftertaste he'd entailed. The regret, not pleasure, had been his for the taking.

There was reason for which he came back, and that reason was him. It makes you really think about where your life is going when an archangel comes back from the dead, one which you see through the window. And you freak yourself out when you realize you want him to be there, when you keep your mouth shut and wait. You want to get him alone. You want to see the trickster shocked for once. Dean is sick and tired of playing the same old game, of being on the receiving end of everything terrible thing that happens. But Gabriel hadn't been the one to hurt him this time, it had been Sammy. The archangel's return had stirred confusion within him, but it had done more good than harm. Because Gabe was back. And he had reason to believe he would stay that way. If he played his cards right.

Gabriel had opened up a part of him that he had never seen before, and best of all he had opened it up for Dean to see. The car had turned claustrophobic; Dean had suddenly found it hard to take in a deep and decent breath. With a mere touch, Gabriel had shown him how he viewed the world, humans, everything out there. He had shown him how he saw Dean, surrounded by a blinding light, one that he could not look away from. He had wanted to ask Gabe what this meant, why he only viewed him this way, like an angel, and not like other humans. But the archangel had only stroked his face and pulled away, as if denying himself something he could never have. Dean was too freaked out at that moment to do anything; he didn't know what any of it meant. He wasn't able to feel Gabe's fear, know that it echoed his own and in more than one way. He had just sighed his death certificate, and in addition to that, he was afraid of losing Dean. The human had had so many things on his plate that he was blind enough not to see this. But he still knew Gabriel's touch meant something. Meant something deeper.

If Gabe survived that meant something. And if he had come back for Dean that meant something too. The last time he had ever seen him, he had been too scared to look his way, facing off with Lucifer sword in hand, making sure all three of them were out the door safely before anything went down. Dean had looked back, Sammy didn't see it, but he had looked back because he wanted what he had with Gabriel to mean something. If the archangel didn't look back, he would at least look back. If he had only seen what had been rushing through Gabriel's mind when he held that sword in his hand, maybe he would understand, maybe he would see that he meant more to him than just one of those damn, hard to kill Winchester boys. Little did he know that they were even, that when Dean turned his back from the car and headed back inside to the party, Gabriel had looked back at what he was saving. At what he was forsaking to save.

Later in the car, driving away from the hellhole, Dean refused to take his mind off of him, knowing it would be a failed attempt anyway. He was so distracted he forced Sammy to drive, taking the front seat instantly so Kali couldn't see his face. He knew she had meant something to Gabriel back when, but he also knew those feelings weren't there anymore. There was definitely something there to feel the need to save her, but Dean got the feeling Gabriel cared a lot more about him than her, a lot more about him than he had let on in that car. When Sammy stepped outside to get some gas, she put her hand on his shoulder, causing him to look back into her bright, strong, and emotional eyes. She looked like a wreck, but amidst that wreck, she was clearly a survivor. He was actually more shocked than he could say that she used his first name.

"He gave up his life for us, Dean. You must never forget that."

He nodded and started to turn away, but she leaned forward and put a hand on his cheek, forcing him to look her straight in the eyes. He was only several inches away from her face, but was too exhausted and too depressed to care about the fear he should have felt. She could snap her fingers and break him, but that wasn't what her face said. Her face said something infinitely more.

"If he didn't tell you how he felt he was a fool. But if you didn't see it in those eyes, little one, you are truly at a loss."

Dean barely gasped before he looked away as Sammy opened the car door, sliding into the driver's seat smoothly, as if everything in the world were in its right place. Kali leaned back and crossed her legs, looking out the window, never letting on that something had happened. Soon she would be gone anyway, with the last minute being another memory in an endless sea of memories. Sam didn't start the car first thing though, he sat there looking back and forth between the two.

"Everything alright?"

"Just drive, Sam."

The key was turned and the Impala took him away from something he wanted to admit he cared about. Had taken for granted.

Clearly, Gabriel's death didn't affect Sam in the way Dean thought it would. Usually Sam cared about the things Dean didn't, if anyone had any sympathy or remorse for the archangel it would be him. But it wasn't, it was Dean. And he tried to tell himself it was that way because of the moment they had shared in that car. But he had to stop lying to himself. It wasn't just that, it was everything else too. The little moments that they had had together, the irritating, pitiful, and angry moments. The times when he saw Gabriel look him up and down as if he were something to be truly admired. Maybe in his eyes he was worthy enough. Maybe Dean would finally get his chance. The one he had been waiting for.

"Gabriel. You said you'd be here, and I was just wondering if you meant what you said."

"Always, Dean turned around and smiled, and forever."

"I'm better off with you. I know that now."

"I know. And I love you all the more for it."

Gabriel leaned in and kissed the human, taking hold of what should have been his for so very long.

FIN