Silk Spectre II kicked the door down like a bully celebrating his victory over a pulverized, mute nerd. Seconds later, as the bright light poured into the warehouse, the second Nite Owl followed, swinging his scythe about like a madman. "We know you're in here," Silk Spectre hollered, pointing her flashlight at the dusky distance before them. "It'd be best if you simply held your hands up and came quietly." Just as Dan prepared to charge towards the shadows with his gleaming weapon, the lights, row by row, flickered on. In the center of the empty, rusting warehouse stood a figure that shocked both Laurie and Dreiburg. They suspected that the criminal behind the parakeet groping was Spiced Rummer, who had just escaped from the floating island prison made out of cameras called Catscan, but the culprit was a man that both Silk Spectre and Nite Owl were caught off guard by.
"B-Bop A-Luna...!" Nite Owl growled. The former Butt Ugly Martian, who had defected after Appliance Direct made him pay too much, was a former friend of Dan and Laurie. They had met at Comic-Con and exchanged coupons. "That's right!" B-Bop cackled. He swung his arms up into the air, revealing his plump, blue hands groping some serious parakeet junk. He dropped one of the parakeets and began to smoke one of his pipes that was made out of parakeet. "B-Bop," Laurie yelled. "I understand your anger. The Chinese man seemed very friendly and their offers seemed genuine, and I understand." B-Bop took a puff from his parakeet pipe as he listened. "But you can't take out your anger on them like this."
B-Bop had enough of Laurie's Irish arguments. Flinging his pipe at her, he began to curse wildly. "Y-you're wrong!" Scratching his massive cranium violently, he continued his vocal tirade. "I'll show you...I-I'll show you, and I'll show Appliance Direct." In the his right hand he opened the head of the parakeet, which was actually a robot parakeet, and pressed the red button that revealed itself. The warehouse began to quake like a woman that just discovered vibrators. The floor below him collapsed, and, for a moment, it appeared that B-Bop A-Luna had fallen into darkness. As the shaking continued, however, he emerged from the depths atop a gargantuan mech made out of swords and knives (the top-part of the robot that he was standing on was made out of books so that he could stand on them without hurting himself).
"Behold," B-Bop screamed tyrannically. As he folded his arms, the machine followed, the thousands of it's swords clashing and clinging together as it crossed it's own appendages. "My god," Nite Owl gasped. Silk Spectre rested her hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, Dan." She whispered reassuringly among the massive rumbling. "We have ring shot on the twice, too." From his backpack, she withdrew a stone puppy that barked at her playfully.
She thrust her hand into the stone puppy, killing it instantly, and pulled from its corpse a trigger as soil and stone organs poured out. Pressing the trigger, a smaller but equally menacing mech appeared below them. "B-Bop," Nite Owl shouted to A-Luna and his machine. "I'd like to introduce you to our baby, Brass Tacks." After their infant child died of anorexia, Dan and Laurie converted it's body into a power source that fuels their massive robot.
Although it took months collecting chalkboards to build it's chassis, Brass Tacks was the most feared robot in the galaxy, and it had never been defeated. The skeleton-like monster of mechanics collided it's fists with B-Bops machine. It's mouth opened like a screaming rockstar and fired a food poisoning-inducing laser beam into B-Bop and his robot. He fell to his knees as his mech rocked back and began to retch wildly, aluminum foil gushing out of his mouth.
As the B-Bop's monstrosity fell to its knees, Brass Tack's mechanical dreadlocks pointed themselves at it and fired vinegar-bullets at the felled machine, and it was over as vinegar smoke billowed out of it's ruined chassis. "It's finished," Laurie said. "Yeah." Dan leaped from Brass Tacks and onto the destroyed heap of metal that was B-Bop's mech. Lifting B-Bop by the collar, Dan screeched as he tore A-Luna's face off with his razor sharp teeth. Before he could scream, Nite Owl forced his platinum fist into B-Bop's mouth and down his thin body, and he transformed B-Bop into his own Butt Ugly Gauntlet. Brass Tacks activated it's liver jets (they were like regular jets except instead of fire it released livers) and as they flew off from the destroyed warehouse, they decorated the city skyline with juicy organs. End Chapter 1