a/n 1 i apoligize i didnt relize how bad the grammer of this story was i have corrcected it as best i can if you see some mistakes holla and ill correct.
a/n 2 cordelias and angels thoughts are in italics
I was getting ready for work and to be honest I looked good i was pretty excited to see Angel
god whats wrong with me its like I see Angel or think about seeing him and I go all mushy and gooey and all puddle on the floor whenever I look into his eyes god Cor get a grip its just angel Its only Angels eyes but god his eyes the deep chocolate brown you can see all the pain hes been through and you just wannna kiss away all his worries and fears and hug him till he cant brea- hug him till he bursts or summin i love him so god damn much it hurts sometimes when i go home at the end of the night i feel enpty cuz hes not here oh god ive turned into a pathetic mushy love sick woman and we are one of those couples who can never be apart for more than ten seconds
I leave the apartment and head for work when I arrive I see him I kiss him morning yum! boy good kisser then we sit on sofa i just sit on his lap curled up i love times like theese when we just sit in silence and he holds me close.
Angels pov
God I love her so damn much why do I have do this why did I promise Wes I would I mean he was so worried I promised I didnt think it would be this hard to break her heart I dont want to it hurts but it hurts more than when I broke buffys heart I don't think I can do this but I hat to Wes is right we cant risk it just a bit more time holding this woman in my arms I love her so much I dont ever want tp let anything hurt her but now Im gunna hurt her Im gunna take her heart and run it straight through the planet and I cant tell her I dont love her I do I can't lie this is going to be so hard can i do it? can i hurt her? can i destroy myself? please why cant I just die would be easier
cordys pov
I feel like im falling asleep then I feel him tense I know there is alot on his mind I hear the guys come through the door as I watch him intently waiting for him to tell me whats up he dosn't the guys make coffee and settle down still nothing hes still as stiff as a board.
"Angel whats up why so tense?"
nothing.
"Angel?"
nothing.
"Angel your really scaring me."
"Sorry Cor we really have to talk."
"We are."
"I mean like alone upstairs."
"Okay." He took me upstairs Im shaking my hearts racing I know he knows I don't care I love him Im scared he's acting weird we came to a door In a room with a bacony I know he likes to come in here sometimes to think to stand on the balcony and just think brood relax whatever.
"Angel please Im really scared whats going on I want answers please I love you baby."
"Sorry this is just so hard."
"What is it?"
"I think we need to break up." And my whole world came crashing at my feet
angels pov
whys it so hard i see the pain on her face i wanna take her in my arms tell her im being stupid i dont wanna leave her ever shes gunna stay with you till she wants to leave i see her features crumble like she will cry but i know my cordy she will fight tears till shes out the room she to strong she will fight till she physically cant hold them in
"w-what?" Her voice is shaking im dying inside.
"We need to break up."
"Why? Don't you love me?" I wish I could say no I wish I could tell her no make her hate me anyhing I know iI cant it's not possible for me to hurt her like that.
"Cordy I love you with everything I am god i love you so much you dont even know but we can't do this anymore we are treading on thin ice Its like evrytime I kiss you everytime im really close with you I feel that Im so happy I could burst I feel dangourosly happy and wes made me realise I can't risk It he could come out and do you even know what he would do to you he would make you suffer make you hurt"
"How can he possibly make me hurt more than i already am?"
"Cordy please-"
"Angel dont please dont i just can just promise me one thing."
"Anything."
"We will still be friends."
"Forever Cordy if I find a way around the curse Ill come back I will find a way and I want be with you again as long as you still want me."
"I always will I have to get to work" she walked to the door grabbed the handdle before she crumpled to the floor in tears "Please Angel don't leave me don't do this I love you baby I need you I cant live without you I don't wanna live without you" I hugged her held her tight.
"Please Cor don't say that you don't mean It you have to live your strong the strongest woman I have ever known I would rather die than do this to you but I promised Wesley he made me promise to do It to keep everyone safe I love you I just cant hurt you physically."
"W-w-wesley made you promise?"
"Yeah Im so sorry to do this."
"No I understand I have to go" she left she didnt understand she was pissed .ohh wouldnt wanna be in wesleys shoes dont wanna be in mine neither.
cordys pov
oh he's so gunna get It what is Wesleys problem why does he hate me he must hate me to do something like that to me I know my eyes are puffy my mascara is probly dripping down my face I dont care what I look like my world is gone pepole can laugh talk about me and I wouldn't care but boy is Wes gunna get It.
"Hey Cordy can you get me some coffee that voice HIS voice makes me sick that voice poisoning Angels mind making him dump me ill get your coffee its the last time dear Wes cause our freindship is over."
"Sure" I said It through gritted teeth I couldnt stomach looking at him I brought his coffee to his desk slammed it down so hard some splashed over the edge "want anything else Wesley a donut Wesley? My heart on a fucking silver platter Wesley? Not that it's much good it's in peices it's broken and you know why"
"He did It he broke up with you If you ever wanna go out for coffee to make you feel better give me a call"
"And what makes you think I ever want to go for coffee with you and you make it sound all-wait I know what this is you still like me and couldnt handle that angel got there first that I love angel with every fibre of my being dont you get that you selfish man I hate you you couldn't let your best freinds be happy you poisoned his mind all this pain I feel its all cause of you Its your fault I would get out of the hotel right now before I fucking chop you into pieces peices like my heart my heart is shattered into a gizziloin ppeices leave get the fuck away and dont ever come me near again dont touch me again in fact dont even speak to me unless its buisness we are no longer freinds" Wesley practacly ran after I shouted at him I laid down on the sofa burried my head in my arms.
a wile later I heard angel come down the stairs he stood by me
"Hey"
"Hey weres Wes?"
"I hope you dont mind I threw him out Its all his fault please don't be mad."
"Im not mad um so how you doing you know?"
"Better thank you Im doing better thank you angel for checking I mean when me and xander broke up he didnt care didn't ask if I was okay if I was doing better when he cheated on me and I got impaled with a rebar my life was fucking shit back then and I thought it was gunna be better now I think mabe im being punished"
"for what what could you posibly do?"
"For how bitchy I was I hurt alot of pepole chopped them down I never cared mabe now im being punished like heres what you life could be like you could have him but no were taking it away like if you wernt such a bich mabe you could have him."
"Cordy I swear we will be together again soon when I find this cure Im not going to sleep till I do the bitch is part of you and I except and love it."
"Angel do you mind if I go home and mabe take a couple of days off its just so hard right now being around you cause it hurts so much I just need a little space then Ill be back I promise."
"Yeah go for it want me to drive you?"
"Angel sweetie its sunlight it's ok see ya in a few days."
"Cordy take as long as you need dont come back till you absolutly want to."
"Thanks and Angel I will always love you my sweet angel its never gunna change baby" I left I couldnt stand It anymore I couldnt stand being around him
************************
days later angels pov
I came home I had been on a walk I do that alot latly I just miss her next time I see her mabe we can talk I think mabeIim on to something thats when I see her she steps out from the shadows.
"Hey baby how was your day?" She sounds like shes lost it she looks diffrent too more crazy she Is holding something behind her back
"Cordy whats up why are you acting like this?" She stepped into the light I saw her face her eyes were bloodshot red and puffy tearstreakes down her face hair and makeup a mess the worst I've ever seen her now Im so worried I wanna tell her I made a mistake I want her back but Im frozen then I see the gun she pulls out from behind her back her hand is shaky "Cor you wanna kill go ahead I have reson to live without you babyIi love you but you might want this"I throw her a stake and she chucks It towards the stairs.
"I could never kill you baby I love you this Isn't for you."
"Then whos it- "I stop when she raises the gun to her head.
"Im sorry Angel I cant take this pain this It's too much"
"Cor baby please dont Iv'e been meaning to talk to you please don't" I move towards her and her grip on the gun tightens she puts slight pressure on the trigger but not enough not yet.
"Baby hear me out or I'll kill myself before you hear It hear my reasons before you can even try to stop It I dont think you will though ill be dead by the end of the night"
"okay please don't but I'll hear you out " Yes brought some time mabe I can stop it plese let it stop
"Now hears a song that relates to how Im feeling right now"
We touch I feel a rush We clutch it isn't much But it's enough to make me wonder whats in store for us It's lust, it's torturous You must be a sorceress 'cause you just Did the impossible Gained my trust don't play games it'll be dangerous If you fuck me over 'Cause if I get burnt imma show you what it's like to hurt 'Cause I been treated like dirt before you And love is "evol"
Spell it backwards I'll show you
Nobody knows me I'm cold Walk down this road all alone It's no one's fault but my own It's the path I've chosen to go Frozen as snow I show no emotion whatsoever so Don't ask me why I have no love for these motherfucking hoes Bloodsucking succubus, what the fuck is up with this?
I've tried in this department but I ain't had no luck with this It sucks but it's exactly what I thought it would be Like trying to start over I got a hole in my heart, I'm some kind of emotional rollercoaster Something I won't go on 'til you toy with my emotion, so it's over It's like an explosion every time I hold you, I wasn't joking when I told you you take my breathe away You're a supernova... and I'm a
[Chorus:]
I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon And I'm aiming right at you Right at you 250 thousand miles on a clear night in June And I'm aiming right at you Right at you Right at you
[Verse 2:]
I do whatever it takes When I'm with you I get the shakes My body aches when I ain't With you I have zero strength There's no limit on how far I would go No boundaries, no lengths Why do we say that until we get that person that we thinks Gonna be that one and then once we get 'em it's never the same?
You want them when they don't want you Soon as they do feelings change It's not a contest and I ain't on no conquest for no mate I wasn't looking but I stumbled onto you must've been fate But so much is at stake what the fuck does it take Let's cut to the chase But a door shuts in your face Promise me if I cave in and break and leave myself open That I won't be making a mistake
[Chorus]
[Verse 3:]
So after a year and 6 months it's no longer me that you want But I love you so much it hurts Never mistreated you once I poured my heart out to you Let down my guard swear to god I'll blow my brains in your lap Lay here and die in your arms Drop to my knees and I'm pleading I'm trying to stop you from leaving You won't even listen so fuck it I'm trying to stop you from breathing I put both hands on your throat I sit on top of you squeezing 'Til I snap you neck like a Popsicle stick Ain't no possible reason I could think of to let you walk up out this house And let you live Tears stream down both of my cheeks Then I let you just go and just give And before I put that gun to my temple I told you this
And I would've done anything for you To show you how much I adored you But it's over now It's too late to save our love Just promise me you'll think of me every time you look up in the sky and see a star 'cause imma
[Chorus:]
I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon And I'm aiming right at you Right at you 250 thousand miles on a clear night in June And I'm so lost without you Without you Without you
She was right In front of me now the gun in kicking distance I kick It quickly she dosnt realise till It was the over the the end of the lobby.
"That's It no expanation" She strated for the gun this was It my last chance to stop it I grabbed her held her close to me I love her I cant let her I need to tell her I made a mistake I want her back and if she throws it in my face I deserve it I hurt her so bad i know that I let Wes get to my head
"Cor please listen to me please-"
"No let me do it Angel please I cant live without you I love you theres too much pain I cant " I cant let her do this I cant let her theres noway I'll do anything theres only oneway its gunna hurt both of us.
"Cor I can't let you do this please dont I still love you baby please" She's struggling there's only one way I pull her slightly away and I punch her in the jaw I say "I'm sorry baby" And catch her before she falls and lower her to the sofa arrange her gentley on the sofa in a comfortable posistion then what I've done just hit me like I did her I hit her oh god I hit her I love her and Im hurting her more and more but I couldnt let her die couldnt let her kill herself because I love her too much and I want her back I walk over to her and gently touch the red mark oh god I'm so sorry I dont know if she can hear me but I say it anyway I walk to the stairs put my heead in my arms and cry I hit her oh god.
I heard the door open it was gunn
"Angel man whats up wid you homie? I dont look up I don't even move "angel what-" He breaks off he sees Cordy he sees the gun Angel what hapened is she-" I jump up
"She's fine she she came in here with a gun and and said she was gunna kill herself she put the gun to her head and I managed to kick it out her hand and grab her she wouldn't stop she wouldnt even listen to me I tried to tell her I wanted her back god I want her back so bad anyway then I knew I had to do anything I hit her gun I hit her i knoked her out gunn I fucking hit her on purpose it wasnt an accident I hit the woman I love gunn how can I ever face her again?"
"Angel are you insane you saved her life a little bruise will heal in a few days a fucking bullet wound to the head will never heal she will be dead she was crazy for a wile she will snap out of it I dont know when but we will stop her till she does"
"Im sorry I need to see her" We walked in I saw lying there she looks cold I'll get her a blanket I ran up to my room and saw the the picture on my bedside table it was of the two of us she jumped on my back and fred was hiding with a camera its my favourite its like we were just a normal couple man and woman in love Cordy and Angel not vampire and seer just normal I need her back screw Wes and his fancy pansy words and Angelus yeah screw Angelus he can do one I will find the cure however long it takes I wont sleep unless I do we need this but first I gotta get her back I grab the blanket and picture I slide it in my jacket pocket.
on returning downstairs I tuck the blanket round her then I feel her waking up I bolt it to the stairs and sit on them hopefully she didnt see me.
"Gunn? what I don't weres Angel going?"
"This ring any bells? "I saw him hold the gun up
"Oh god I was gunna kill myself Angel was begging me not to I was so hurt I was crazy Oh god how can I face him again it's so embarrasing"
"Well he thinks the same cuz he hit you look Cor ima do you both a favour talk sort it out you still love eachother this is stupid in my honest opinion wes is full of bullcrap I mean I love him like a brother just like you do but hes is im sorry honest is the only way"
"Tell me about it honesty rules and yeah bullcrap all the way and no I dont love him not now I dunno if I will again if me and Angel work it out theres more of a chance but yeah me and Angel so need to talk were is he?"
"on the stairs"
"Thanks Gunn"
cordys pov
I walk over to him im scared I can't even belive I did that what was I thinking I mean come on I tried to kill myself I sit next to him I go to touch his face and he flinches away it hurts but I wont give up I take his hand and squeeze it tight he squezzes it back I know he is just hurt.
"Angel baby god im still calling you baby I know it makes it harder to move on but I will never move on and if I dont call you baby it will be truly over I cant let go Im sorry god Im going on Im truly sorry for earlier I dont knlow whats wrong with me latly I mean when Xander cheated on me I never tried to kill myself I loved him I odviosly didn't love him as much I love you so much angel Im sorry Im so sorry"
"No cor Im sorry this is all my fault" He pressed his head to mine "I let Wesleys words get to my head let him let him convinse me with his imformation and big brain and Angelus-"
"Angel Wesley talks bullshit babe"
"I know that know god i've really messed up baby I want you back Cor please I understand if you want to throw it in my face I hurt you made you wanna kill yourself but I don't know what to do without you its too hard screw Wesley screw Angelus they can all go to hell there is noway im living without you I'll get down on my knees and beg if I have too"
"Angel you dont need to beg I love you"
"I love you im sorry Cordy im so-"
"Angel?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up and kiss me already" Our lips met it was like a relief the pain of the past few day all seeping out when the kiss ended Isaw the light back in his eyes like he could her I hugged him clung to him never wanted to let go "I love you baby forever and ever"
"I love you too forever and ever"
"Haha your so cute" I still hugged him tight the great thing about no breath I can hug him tightly forever well as long as I want then I see wesley over my shoulder he just came in I swear I told to never to come in again oh well im so happy I could burst I have him back im not gunna shout I see him look I stick my finger up at him "fuck you"
"who you talking to baby?"
"no one and wesley"
"he's here?
"yeah has some nerve showing up here after everything but I wont shout at him I love you baby so much"
"I love you too cor"
author note: thinking about making a second chapter