a/n: This story has no relation to the Bunny Incident. It was only inspired by it. This story will carry some of the same humor, but other than that, it's different. The child is not Tsuki, despite all the similarities you might see.

This takes place before they sent the teams out to look for the generals. Not sure how much before, but it's before that, and after Allen and Lavi came. 'Cause we just have to annoy Kanda as much as possible, you know... Sekai's idea, not mine. Though I did encourage all the horrible things we're doing to him...

Speaking of which, we don't own D. Gray-Man. We just like to annoy the characters. We DO, however, own the child and bunny. Literally. He's sitting right next to me. The whole innocence/demonized thing...he does that too. Yeah, and you thought this was all from our imaginations...

It was supposed to be a simple mission. Supposed to be. So, of course, the swarm of Akuma had shown up before they could get the Innocence.

The Finders were already gone. Kanda had kicked them outside of a mile's radius when the fighting had begun. He really didn't mind the whole death and destruction part, but the Finders were annoying and managed to constantly get in the way. Most of the Akuma were gone by now anyway.

No Innocence gathering mission was a "simple mission".

The remaining Akuma had gathered, preparing a final futile attack. And just as they were about to... they didn't. Their twisted bodies froze in place, as if listening to something only they could hear. Then, one by one, they quickly withdrew. However, Kanda was pretty sure they looked confused about it.

Kanda paused for a slight second and eradicated the few he could get, before they climbed higher and further out of reach. Better to have less of them wandering around. When the other Akuma he hadn't gotten had disappeared, he frowned after them. The three Finders who had been near the town when it had been destroyed were back. They began to search the town, combing through it methodically. An hour passed, and there was still no sign of the Innocence.

He scanned the town on his own. None of the townspeople had been present when the attack had hit. Some sort of festival in a nearby town had attracted their attention, and they were none the wiser yet about the attack or the state of their town. Walls had crumbled. Rooftops were missing. Houses were in ruins. Memories were lost.

One of the Finders walked up to him as he emerged from the remains of another destroyed house. "We're being called back. I mean us, the Finders. You're supposed to keep searching, though."

Kanda gave him a glare that said he didn't care. But why the hell was he, the Exorcist, the one looking through the town for the Innocence? Had they had a sudden decline for Akuma in need of destruction or something?

The Finder waited for another second, thinking he might respond, before turning around and walking away, glad to be getting away from the angry swordsman.

He glanced up at the house in front of him and frowned. Then he called after the Finder, "Hey. Have you been seeing a lot of stuffed animals around this town?" The Finder turned, startled both at the sudden outburst and his words, but shook his head.

Kanda scowled, looking away from the Finder and back to the house. In the window was a stuffed rabbit, leaning against the shattered wooden window frame. He'd also seen a rabbit by every door in every house he'd been in. And, if he thought about it... they were all by the doors that pointed in this direction. This house had a bunny in the window.

He entered the house.

At first, there was nothing odder to this house than any of the previous ones. Then he noticed the stuffed rabbit, appearing again and again. Walls and ceilings had crumbled, and tables and chairs were knocked over. Pictures were smashed, and scratches raked the floors. And by every doorway, leading him on, was the rabbit.

As he was about to enter another room, he frowned and paused. The rabbit was still sitting on the overturned chair by the door. So how did it get there, unless the chair had been already tipped over before the Akuma attack? Which was a possibility, but that many rabbits? Really? Unless...

He turned around, and went through the last door before the one he was currently at that he had gone through. Looking through the doorway, the rabbit was still sitting on the overturned chair. And the one that had been sitting on the coffee table near the door he was standing at now was... not there?

Kanda frowned. Well, that settled it. The Innocence was the rabbit. So he had to carry a stuffed rabbit of all things back to HQ. Damn, why did he always wind up with the worst missions? Walking back to the rabbit, he picked it up, and turned to walk back out of the house again.

Pain shot through his hand, and he released the rabbit in surprise. It had bitten him, of all things! Turning back to it, the rabbit had changed slightly. No easy pink smile was stitched on its face. Now, it could have been snarling at him. On his hand, tiny puncture marks bled sluggishly between his thumb and index finger.

He rolled his eyes at the ceiling. Not only did he have to carry a stupid rabbit back to HQ, but it was a stuffed rabbit that didn't want to go back. Great, now he would have to explain the bite marks to the other stupid rabbit (Lavi), and keep his dignity and pride intact while doing so.

Glancing back down at where he had dropped the rabbit, it was gone. He looked back up, and passed through the door, checking the room's contents. As he thought, the rabbit was lying against the doorjam to a different room. The next room was on the other side of the doorjam was completely trashed. The roof had collapsed, and so had the ceiling below it, all into the room. It was, to say the least, a mess.

Yet, when he thought about it, the rabbit had been leading him somewhere. And when he walked through to the room (that looked worse than the Black Order did whenever Komui's Komulins trashed the building), the stuffed animal was by none of the doors. Instead, even though he never saw it move or appear there, it was sprawled on one side of the pile in the center of the room, lying on its side, one paw outstretched as if to reach for something hidden there.

Kanda walked closer, and frowned again. What the hell did the stupid thing wan-

In the silence, he heard a sound. Kanda froze completely, not even breathing, and waiting for it to repeat. To his reward, he heard it again. The faint rasp of ragged breathing, distorted as if coming from under something.

Under something.

Kanda stepped forward, sheathing Mugen which had been in his hand in case of any lingering Akuma. Reaching out, he grabbed hold of a pile of rocks and shoved them away. Again, he never saw it disappear, but the rabbit was no longer atop the pile. He shoved away another handful of crumbling mortar, revealing the top of a table. The sound he was moving towards was emanating from beneath it.

He knelt and pushed away chunks of the roof and ceiling from underneath the table, the breathing growing closer the whole time. Finally, he gave another shove, and the plaster toppled over to show the cocoon the table had formed as shelter between itself and the floor for its occupant.

A girl, no older than eight and no younger than six, was lying on her side curled into the fetal position. She was directly under the table, the safest spot in the room to have been when the roof had collapsed, and ugly purpling bruises marred the visible skin. Brown hair fell in thin strips to her shoulders. Her breathing was uneven, although better now that she had more air to access with the collapsed section pushed away. She looked sick, as if she hadn't had anything to eat or drink recently, which she probably hadn't. The attack had been going on since a week ago, and there likely would've been nothing under the table.

Her arms were clasped tightly around herself, and clutched inside them was the bunny. This was definitely what the Innocence had wanted him to find. It was just surprising that it had been able to move itself so quickly and effectively, especially just to get help to this girl. So then, if it was going to take such desperate measures, this must have been its Accommodator.

Kanda reached under the table, already dreading making the haul back to Headquarters with a sick girl and her stuffed bunny, and wrapped an arm around both of them. Leaning back, he pulled them free from the rubble. The girl coughed for a few seconds, shuddering as she did. From her motions she didn't seem to be conscious. With all the dirt and dust caked over her, it wasn't surprising her lungs were having trouble.

Kanda sighed and adjusted his arms, lifting her into them. She wasn't heavy and plenty easy to hold on to in the tight ball she was in. As he stood, she relaxed against his chest

He turned and walked out of the house. It was raining. He almost went back inside to keep them both dry, and avoid tromping through the empty town with his new passengers, but stopped when he noticed the rain starting to clean off the dirt matted on her. Figuring that he didn't want to carry a dirty girl back to the Black Order, he continued walking. By the time they reached the outskirts, the rain had died down to a drizzle, and the girl was relatively clean.

With a glance at the sky, he decided not to stop for the time being. They were already on the move anyway, the clouds almost clear, that stupid stuffed rabbit with a self-satisfied smirk on its stitched mouth, and the sky was beginning to brighten as the sun rose. Making a quick decision, he passed the last of the houses and continued walking to the train station he'd arrived on.

The two of them (no way in hell was he counting that creepy stuffed rabbit as someone) were rooming in an inn. The innkeeper had given them an odd look when they had tromped in soaking wet, dripping all over the place, one finally beginning to look clean and the other looking ready to murder, and asked for a room. Either way, they were camped out there until they'd developed some relative dryness, and Kanda had gotten some sleep. He had begun to regret the idea to keep going several hours after finding themselves in the middle of nowhere with drizzle that hadn't completely done away.

He was woken when the static of his golem buzzed. The girl briefly stirred on the other bed as he sat up with a sleepy grunt to shut it up. "Kanda?" Komui asked from the other end of the line.

"What?" he responded irritably. True, it was the middle of the day, but he was still grumpy.

"Did you find the Innocence?"

"Of course. Why the hell did I have to be the one looking for it anyway?"

"The Finders were needed elsewhere, and Lavi and Allen were near. We sent them over to give you help, but apparently you weren't there. They're in the next town over. Where are you?" Komui asked, a shuffling of papers on the other end. He was probably trying to look busy before someone snapped at him to start working, which he was doing (for once) over the phone.

"Kaleton, and I don't need any help."

"I know, but once Lavi heard you were close by... well…it wasn't up to me. Anyway, just checking in!"

Kanda doubted it. He was up to something. "I swear, if you tell Lavi where I am, I will-"

"Oh, no such thing! Got to go, see you later!"

"If you even think about-"

Click.

Cutting off his end, he muttered a long string of profanities. Best get moving before the two idiots caught up to him. On the other hand, maybe he could dump the kid with them. Or they'd just follow him, which would neutralize the problem. The kid didn't speak anyway, which was more than he could say for the other two.

He stood up and looked around the room. Where the hell had the kid run off to? He turned and felt the back of his head brush something. His eye twitched, realizing what had happened, and reached one hand behind him. His hand brushed hair that wasn't his own. It was then that he noticed the small hands lightly gripping his shoulders. When had she gotten on him?

Muttering to himself again, he spent a full minute trying to get her off in every way possible without actually hurting her. She always managed to adjust her position just in time to keep a place on his back.

Someone hated him. Someone really hated him.

"Get off," he snarled to no avail. Letting out a hiss of annoyance, he grabbed the only things he'd been carrying with him and strode out the door, slamming it behind him. By then, he was ready to revert to a religion so long as the deity in charge would make sure the baka Usagi and Moyashi did not see this. The innkeeper gave them another odd look as they left, but wisely refrained from commenting.

Every religion that had a devil/demon/evil-creature apparently had a devil/demon/evil-creature that hated and conspired against him.

"Um... Y... Yuu-chan?" a shocked voice asked behind him.

Without completely turning, Kanda turned his head over one shoulder. Of course. Of. COURSE. He glared at the other two Exorcists standing there, gaping at him like idiots, and half growled half snarled, "Comment, and you're both DEAD."

He turned his head back around and started walking again, purposely picking up speed.

Behind him, he heard the stupid Usagi say something along the lines of, "That's it. I think I'm hallucinating. Allen, why are you in my hallucination? This is my hallucination. Maybe I won't get killed in my hallucination if I refer to Bookman as 'Panda'..."

When he was a good ten yards away from them, and mildly hopeful of escaping their chatter, they loudly scrambled to catch up.

"Um, Y-" Lavi began.

"Call me that one more time, I dare you," Kanda snapped.

"Right, uh...is there something you want to tell us?" Lavi asked meaningfully, glancing at the child.

"No," Kanda said shortly.

"What's with the kid?" Allen asked bluntly.

"Accommodator, rabbit's the Innocence, and she won't get off." Kanda repressed the urge to try to shrug the girl off again, but knew it would be a doomed attempt and saved himself the indignity.

"Erm, right," Lavi said. "What's her name?"

"I don't freaking know, and I don't freaking care."

"Y-Kanda!" Lavi scoffed, quickly changing his word choice at the death glare sent his way. "Be nice!" He turned his attention to the girl and dropped back a bit to speak more easily to her. "Sorry, he's always like that. I think he wakes up permanently on the wrong side of the bed every morning, but that's probably just me."

"Usagi, I'm right here," Kanda said irritably.

"I'm aware. Anyway, what's your name?" Lavi asked, probably grinning that wide stupid grin of his.

No response.

"Oh come on, we can't just make up names for you. Please tell us? Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top? Who knows, we might be able to get some sprinkles, too!" Lavi said excitedly. A short rumble said that Allen's stomach was hearing too much of the one-sided conversation. "Ah, sorry Allen."

"Just drop the food stom-subject," Allen corrected himself as his stomach rumbled again.

"Yeah..." Lavi sped up again, and walked backwards while keeping even with Kanda. A miracle with the long strides the latter was taking. "So, Yuu… What's her name?"

"I already said, I don't know," Kanda answered dismissively. Lavi gave him puppy dog eyes, which were promptly ignored. "Drop the subject."

There was muttering behind him that sounded like it was coming from Allen. "Okay, Tim? Would you mind recording this?"

"If that stupid golem of yours records this, that damn thing is going to be buried with the rest of your mangled corpses," Kanda snapped immediately.

"Can't do much slaughtering with the girl on your back, BaKanda," Allen replied easily. Kanda whipped around in response, and the two exchanged fiery glares.

"Moving on, no violence in range of the innocent..." Lavi said, attempting to dissuade the evil energies with his hands. The two ignored him for a few more moments before continuing on. "So how about this? I drop the subject... if you give me a name!" he asked in a sing-song voice. Kanda glared at him. However greatly he did not want to do a deal with the rabbit, he also wanted him to shut up. It was a tempting offer.

"If you don't say another word until we get back to HQ, then I will."

Lavi clapped his hands excitedly. He nodded up and down.

"Yeah, like that's ever going to happen," Allen said, the rolling of his eyes evident in his flat tone.

"Shh, Allen!" Lavi reprimanded. Kanda gave a glare to the excited redhead that said he was thinking the exact same thing. "Fine! I promisepromisepromisepromise that I won't speak again until we get back to the Black Order as long as you give me her name!"

"Fine. Baka."

The two stared at him blankly. "W-" Lavi began to say, before Allen stepped on his foot as a helpful reminder.

"Kanda. I don't know who taught you to give names, but that is surely the worst. Honestly, think of something creative, not rude and insulting. For once in your life," he added. "You don't want a girl growing up and thinking her name is 'Idiot', do you?"

"I really don't give a damn."

"Kanda!"

"What? And didn't I say no talking?"

"You told him," Allen pointed at Lavi, "that he couldn't talk. I wasn't mentioned in the deal, and you didn't think of it, so you have no reason to complain. And don't 'what?' me. You know perfectly well what I'm irritated about."

"Fine. If you're so uptight about the whole thing, then you name her, instead of sticking the job on someone who doesn't want it," Kanda shot back.

Allen looked at Lavi. "Well. He's got a point there." Lavi shrugged in response. "I don't know... um... Lavi, you think of something." Lavi gave another shrug, one that said, 'I don't know'. "Damn. Well... uh..."

"Exactly," Kanda said grumpily. "Now think about it, in your head."

Allen shook his head. "Touchy, touchy..." However, he succumbed to silence.

But it could only last for so long. "So, what're the bruises from?" Lavi and Allen were both giving him meaningful looks.

"What the hell is wrong with you two?" Kanda snarled angrily at the unspoken accusation. "Did you read about the mission I was on at all?"

Lavi shook his head truthfully.

"Akuma attacked an empty town. Completely trashed some of the houses. She got caught under a table that was under a ceiling and the roof." Kanda shook his head angrily. "Idiots."

"Ah, okay then." Allen paused for a minute. "How long was she under there for?"

Kanda shot him a glare. "Weren't you thinking up a name?"

"No. We're busy reveling in the sight we're looking at," Lavi said. He was grinning from ear to ear, obviously taking in the image of the girl clinging to the easily angered Exorcist.

Kanda took an angry step forward and Lavi scampered off to hide behind Allen. The white-haired Exorcist shrugged him off, diving out of the way as Kanda chased Lavi down the street while brandishing Mugen with the girl still keeping her arms around his shoulders.

The swordsman returned to his path minutes later. Lavi had probably been chased off into the next country; which was actually a possibility, considering the border was so close.

"So, how long was she under for?" Allen asked. One of Kanda's eyes slightly twitched. He was pretty sure he'd lost both of them. He couldn't be so lucky.

"No idea. Could've been the entire time, could've been a day."

Allen gave a sound of acknowledgement, and wisely decided to stop speaking since Kanda didn't seem to be in a good mood that day. But then, when was he ever in a good mood?

At some point, Lavi rejoined them, though he was badly sneaking around by hiding behind trashcans, people, walls and other things. He'd evidently crossed back over the border. Kanda decided to ignore him, but Allen raised an eyebrow at the bad hiding techniques that were obviously being exaggerated.

That was how they spent the rest of the day. Finally, the Black Order HQ came into view. Kanda grew more and more angry as they approached the building. Lavi caught up to them as they began to enter. "Erm, Yuu? You look ready to kill someone. Hopefully not me," Lavi added as Kanda gave him a glare.

"Of course he's angry," Allen sighed like it was obvious.

Lavi caught on. "Oh! Because he's about to walk through a building of people who know him with a girl hanging off his back? And we're going to be here, grinning like idiots?"

"Yup."

"And we're going to grin like idiots?"

"No."

"Yup."

Lavi and Allen raised an eyebrow at the answer Kanda had stated at the same time Allen had. He shot them an annoyed look and moved on.

"You know, maybe one of us would be willing to detach her..." Allen suggested. Kanda glanced at him, a bit surprised. Lavi did as well. Was Allen seriously offering to help him? "But since you haven't asked, apparently you'd like her to stay there, so..." Allen shrugged, keeping his expression carefully neutral, yet obviously enjoying every second of the swordsman's dilemma. Kanda looked stricken, and obviously in some sort of mental pain.

"Fine. Take her off."

The question surprised the other two for an instant. They exchanged a glance, and Kanda stared at the two with folded arms, annoyed.

Allen nodded, slowly grinning. "Hm, maybe. Although, I might be better inclined to do so if you asked politely and said please-"

Kanda stomped off, throwing over his shoulder, "Go screw yourself."

"Well, you tried." Lavi shrugged. "Did Tim...?"

"Every second of it."

"Oh this is going to be great. Make sure he records our entrance too, eh?"

"Absolutely."

a/n: Yes, yes, we're just. That. Evil. You thought the one shot was evil of us? (if you read it.) Oh no. This is. Just imagine how much we cracked up while writing this, though. Seriously. I had to listen to her giggle evilly. Yes, giggle. Creepy stuff, I'm telling you.

Also, we have discovered two things while doing hours of research:

One: All D. Gray-Man characters are all MIDGETS aka, three inches taller than me. I mean honestly! I'm taller than some of the guys, and I am not that tall! Like, three of them cannot be counted as midgets, and that's it!

Two: The Millennium's full of hot air (literally). Otherwise, there is no way he is seven foot something, and 170 or something pounds. And Tyki Mikk was my weight exactly, with three inches on me. Freaky.