Umi's Choice
"You made your choice," she snarled at herself, " they didn't care who they left behind but you loved your family!"
And they didn't? You make them sound so selfish and uncaring. They loved their family just as much as you loved yours, but unlike you they chose happiness instead of misery! It was your choice after all, it's not like he wanted you to leave. Whispered that voice again.
" Just shut up and leave me alone!" Umi screamed clapping her hands over her ears. She began to rock violently back and forth pressing her hands harder and harder against her ears totally unaware of the pain she was causing herself.
Umi didn't even look up when her bedroom door creaked open, " Umi honey? Are you all right? I heard you cry out." Asked her mom with the slightest hint of concern as she stepped into the room. A quick glance told her the bed was empty so she looked towards the window seat where she saw Umi with her head on her knees and her hands pressed to her ears. Mrs. Ryuozaki rushed over and immediately pulled her daughter into a hug.
Umi burrowed her face into her mom's shoulder absorbing what comfort she could, but despite her resolve not to was soon clinging to her mom's robe and sobbing brokenly into her mother's shoulder.
"Umi," said her mother after Umi had calmed down somewhat, "what's wrong? Your father and I know something has been troubling you, but not what. Won't you tell us, please?"
Umi slowly withdrew and looked at her mother before solemnly shaking her head and replying " nothing mom, I just had a bad dream that's all." Umi dropped her head back onto her mother's shoulder before her mother could look into her eyes and see just how false those words were.
Mrs. Ryuozaki stared at the top of her daughter's head looking mildly exasperated and just a little angry. She released her daughter abruptly and stood up. " Get into bed and I'll tuck you in just like I used to when you were little." Mrs. Ryuozaki said going over to Umi's bed and pulling back the covers. Once Umi was tucked in with the covers up to her chin her mother headed for the door. " If you need me just call," said Umi's mother. Her hand was on the knob when Umi whispered "Mom?"
"Yes?" Mrs. Ryuozaki replied sharply.
Umi hesitated before closing her eyes, sighing and saying " nothing."
Mrs. Ryuozaki closed the door behind her as she stepped from her daughter's room. She stood there a moment with her eyes closed before giving an inaudible sigh and heading for her own room. Once inside she closed the door part way and slipped off her robe before climbing into bed nude. Her husband murmured something unintelligible and cuddled closer to her. Mrs. Ryuozaki sighed and rolled away from her husband, " I just don't know what to do about that girl." She whispered to the dark of the room. She jumped when her husband said " she still won't admit anything's wrong huh?"
Mrs. Ryuozaki rolled back over until she was facing her husband, " I thought you were asleep?"
" I woke up when you got out to go check on Umi and had just dozed off when you got back in. She still won't admit there's anything wrong?" he repeated.
" No. This time she even cried in my arm's which is so unlike Umi. Then when I asked her to tell me what was bothering her she denied anything was wrong! The thing is we both know that something is bothering her and it hurts when she won't even confide in me, her own mother!" the words came out thick sounding and she choked on the last ones. A wrenching sob shook her, " I just don't know what to do! How can I help her if she won't even tell me what's wrong!" She broke down into heart wrenching sobs in her husband's arms before drifting off into an exhausted slumber.
Umi lay awake staring at the ceiling, she just couldn't shake the feeling that she had hurt her mother somehow. With a ragged sigh she rolled onto her side and curled up into as tight as a ball as she could and squeezed her eyes tightly closed, as tears leaked out. " She probably wouldn't understand anyway," Umi whispered to herself, " I mean how am I to explain to her that not only did I fall in love, but with someone who doesn't even exist in the same world or dimension. She would think I'm delusional from to much stress! Not only that but that I left of my own free will because I knew that if I didn't I'd never see them again!"
That would have been such a noble self-sacrifice, You play a martyr so well! As if the others didn't make one, in choosing to leave their families behind, instead you selfishly act as if you were the only one who had to sacrifice anything
. At least you had a choice! Poor Hikaru couldn't have gone back to her parents without destroying Cephiro which all of you wouldn't have wanted. If you ask me Hikaru made the biggest sacrifice of all in not returning to earth because she is tied to Cephire as her Empress. Hissed that little voice."I wasn't asking you!" Grumbled Umi " You make it sound as if Hikaru loved Cephiro more then her own family!"
The little voice was silent for which Umi was grateful, " besides," said Umi after a moment of silence "Hikaru might not have been able to leave but Fu could have."
Oh quit blaming them for your mistake, It's not their fault you left. Quit wallowing in self-pity Fu stayed with Ferrio because she loved him, you on the other hand obviously didn't love him enough, and he did beg you to stay after all.
"Oh, just shut up," snapped Umi.
That's fine with me I'll leave you to wallow in your self-pity, its not like I can do anything I'm only your conscience after all!
The little voice fell silent.Umi closed her eyes and as she drifted off to sleep whispered to herself " I didn't know how much I loved him until I was away from him."
Then you were a fool whispered her conscience.
The dream was remarkably real for a dream, if it was a dream Umi wasn't even sure, she could feel the wind on her face and in her hair, feel the grass beneath her bare feet. Umi looked up and gasped for there in front of her was Cephiro's palace, she placed her hand on the door and was surprised that she could feel the handle. Is a dream supposed to be this real? She wondered. Umi was about to go in when a murmur of voices floated to her on the wind, she followed the sound until she came upon Fu and Ferrio cuddled up together beneath a tree. Umi turned away wary of disturbing them when something Fu said caught her attention.
"…So sad all the time, always brooding…"
"I know," said Ferrio "just stares out the window…"
"He really misses her and so do I," said Fu "I wish she would come back I really do."
Is it me they're talking about? Wondered Umi silently
"She was a good friend and I want her back to if not for our sake then for his so he doesn't pine himself to death. But she left and there's really nothing we can do about it." Said Ferrio softly.
It is me they're talking about! "You guys I'm right here." Umi stared in bewilderment, as the two seemed not to hear her. If this is a dream why can't they here me? It's my dream I should be able to control it. Umi stared at them in confusion, eventually the couple got up and left in which Umi started back towards the palaces main entrance. Umi started towards where she thought he might be and sure enough he sat in a chair with his hands in his lap and his head resting against the back his eyes closed. He looked a lot older then when she had last seen him only a few short months ago and there were tiny lines of pain around his mouth and eyes. Umi stared at him before rushing forward with a choked sob and falling to her knees before him. "Please, oh please forgive me for leaving you. I made a mistake, I didn't realize how much I loved you until it was too late." Umi reached up to seize his hands in hers only to find that hers sank right through his…
"Please, oh please forgive me…" Umi woke choking on these words with tears streaming down her cheeks. Reaching up she scrubbed at her cheeks with the back of her hand. The sun shone in her window and with a glance at her clock which red 6 am Umi threw back the covers and hurried to the bathroom where she scrubbed away any evidence of tears. Umi retreated back to her room to change into her school uniform before heading downstairs.
"Morning honey," called Mrs. Ryuozaki when Umi appeared "Did you sleep well?"
"Well enough," replied Umi before digging into her bowl of cereal. As she ate Umi contemplated her dream, if it was a dream which Umi wasn't so sure of any more, It had appeared too real. But then I might have conjured it because I missed it so much thought Umi a small worry line creasing her brow as she struggled to understand it and puzzle it out. Umi reached up to rub her forehead as a headache began to form.
"Umi, are you sure your okay?" asked her mother anxiously as Umi put her dishes in the dish washer.
"I'm fine, just a small headache that's all." Replied Umi as she headed for the door. At the last moment she turned and took a long look at her mother before asking hesitantly "Mom? Did…did I hurt your feelings last night? Because if I did I'm really sorry."
"Of course not, what made you think that?" laughed Mrs. Ryuozaki.
Umi's father who'd over heard the last exchange as he entered the room gave his wife a narrow eyed look; she only smiled brightly before turning away.
At school Umi was able to forget her worries and sorrows (at least for awhile) as she was surrounded by her friends.
"Miss Ryouzaki, Miss Ryuosaki!" called the teacher wrapping his ruler sharply on her desk. "Do not make…"
"Huh, what…"Umi's head snapped around in surprise to find the teacher glaring at her.
"That is the second time today you've done that!" said the teacher angrily.
"I'm sorry Sensai, truly" stammered Umi. "It won't happen again."
"Be sure that it doesn't," snapped the teacher stalking back up to the front of his class.
Umi looked around the class, some of the students turned away snickering, at the notion of the great Umi getting in trouble. Umi turned to look at her friends who were watching her with concern on their faces. For the rest of the day Umi struggled to pay attention and only once more but was able to catch herself before the teacher did.
At some point in the day, Umi wasn't sure when, she had decided to try and explain to her mom what was troubling her, at least some of it. Umi arrived home at 3:30 p.m. to find her mom curled up in a sofa chair with a Japanese novel.
"Hello honey, how was your day at school?" asked Mrs. Ryuozaki without looking up from her book.
"It was fine," replied Umi vaguely as she tried to figure out what to say and after a moment sat down on the sofa next to her mother's chair before lightly touching her arm. "Mom? May I ask you for some advice?"
"Of course," Mrs. Ryuozaki replied surprised and somehow knowing that Umi was about to confide in her. She put down her book and leaned forward intently.
Well here it goes thought Umi with an inward sigh, "I have this friend who fell in love with this guy, it's the kind of love that people only dream of but never find. The problem is that he lives really far away and even though she really wants to be where he is there's a chance that if she goes she might never see her family again and its really tearing her up inside."
"How old is this friend of yours?" asked Mrs. Ryuozaki suspiciously.
"We're the same age," Umi cautiously replied.
"How old is he?" Her mother asked somehow knowing that it was Umi they were talking about.
"Only a few years older" More like a few hundred thought Umi, wonder what mom would think about that!
"Do you really want my advice? Even though you might not like it?" warned Mrs. Ryuozaki.
"Yes." Said Umi
"If their love is that strong, I think that he can afford to wait awhile until she is an adult after all it is only a few short years." Mrs. Ryuozaki looked at her daughter. Umi smiled for the first time in weeks throwing herself into her mothers arms.
That night as Umi drifted off to sleep she smiled and said "I'll be with you one day in the future…Clef my love."
In Cephiro, Clef smiled in his slumber and knew deep down that he would keep smiling until Umi came back to him.