Prologue : Wretched Love
Forgiveness is such a wretched word. I never could find it in my heart to forgive you for what you did to me. You came into my life so suddenly, then invited yourself to live with me in my apartment. You grew so close to me...then you left me behind like a child abandoning an old toy. Is that what I really was to you? I wish I could have meant more to you, because you saved me. Now I stand here, in the middle of a silent path, staring hopelessly into perpetual darkness, wishing you could come running to my side. A dying cigarette rests between my lips as I stop to think of you, and my hands sit comfortably in my pockets as I remember the first time your thin hands rested in mine. The first time your lips touched my skin I was in heaven. But what if I told you that when you vowed to be mine, it really wasn't good enough? Would you really believe me...? No, because you would know that I would be lying. It meant the world...and I can't believe I was so heartless that I let you and your undying loveslip through my fingertips. It's ironic, isn't it? I meant so little, but yet we loved each other so much.
A hooting owl lands in front of me. It stares at me, square in the eye, then bends its great head down and pecks at the stone beneath its white talons. I let the withered cigarette fall from my lips, watching it crumple beneath the rain. Our love was like that cigarette; flaring and passionate in the beginning, withering in the middle, then crumbling to ash towards the end. At eye level your grave is even more of a sight than it was from above. The words inscribed into it bring a tear to my eye, and I regret ever having to say goodbye to you. So I leave you a rose, is that apology enough? A single lavender flower...all for you.
I turn my back on this desolated graveyard, and I get back in my taxi, allowing myself to be taken back to the hotel. Maybe I can get on with my life in New York, even if you're not by my side. My hotel room door slams shut, and I fall to the bed in tears, shivering as a cold winter wind blows through my window. A soft knock sounds on my door, and it opens to the man I've moved on to. He pulls me to his arms, holding me close to his chest, assuring me that it is alright to let my pain flow freely. So please forgive me, because I need you to know that even though I let you leave me, I knew I couldn't make you stay, and even though I couldn't do anything to help you live, I remained by your side until the moment you were gone. Know that I love you, and be at peace.