The Problem With Love Potion
A\N: This is a very crazy fic. Just warning you. ^_^ By the way, if you've never watched the movie called George of the Jungle, just don't pay attention to that part. This is set it fifth year, and it's rated PG for some swearing. R\R, please!
Disclaimer: And of course, all these people belong to J.K. Rowling except for the George of the Jungle quotes, George of the Jungle, Ursula, and the George of the Jungle Narrarator, and I have no idea who they belong to. I'm also in this as a narrarator, and I belong to myself. ^_^
Hermione2
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MOANING MYRTLE'S BATHROOM
Hermione: *dropping things into a cauldron* One frozen Ashwinder egg...something with hearts on it...and last of all...gillyweed! *frowns* I wonder why you need gillyweed in a Love Potion...
Moaning Myrtle: You're gonna get in trouble for making Love Potions...
Hermione: Oh, shut up!
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THE GREAT HALL
Hermione: *puts Love Potion in a goblet of pupkin juice* Here, Ron. *all R\H shippers do 10 cartwheels in a row*
Hermione: *stares at R\H shippers*
Ron: I don't want pupkin juice, Hermione. *is about to pour it into the supply of pupkin juice for all the fifth years*
Hermione: Ron, n-
Ron: *pours in pumpkin juice*
Hermione: Oh, damn!
Ron: What?
Hermione: Um...nothing.
Narrarator Who Is Actually Me: Praying that no one would drink the pumpkin juice, she settled down to eat breakfast.
Hermione: There is no narrarator for this story! Who are you? Are you over 18? You have to be over 18 to be a narrarator! It's in here! *holds up book called A Narrarator's Guide* Where's your ID?
Narrarator Who Is Actually Me: For God's sake, who are you trying to impersonate? Some cop? *shows fake ID*
Hermione: Security! *Hit Wizards from the Ministry of Magic run in and take me to jail* (A\N: Don't worry. I escape in a few hours. ^_^)
Narrarator from George of the Jungle: While Hermione was eating breakfast, three innocent, unsuspecting victims have drunk the pupkin juice with Love Potion. Will that hero of the innocent, protector of the weak, and all around good guy, George of the Jungle, save them, or will they declare their undying love for Hermione first?
Hermione: Why can't you say something constructive, like what I should do now?
Narrarator: Because I don't like you.
Hermione: Shit.
*Lavender, Harry, and Draco run up to her*
Lavender: Oh, Hermione, love of my life!
Harry: No, she's mine! Hermione's not gay!
Draco: No, she's mine! I'm better looking than you any day!
George of the Jungle: *swing in on a vine* AAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everybody in the Great Hall: Watch out for that- *George slams into the wall* Ouch!
George of the Jungle: Hermione is mine!
Narrarator: George, you didn't have any Love Potion!
George: She is more prettier than Ursula. (A\N: The grammar is supposed to be wrong here, people, we're talking about a wild man.)
Ursula: *appears* Ex-CUSE me?
George: Um...*disappears with Ursula*
Draco: It's either me or Harry, Hermione...
Lavender: What about me?
Draco: You don't count.
McGonagall: 10 points from Slytherin, Mr. Malfoy!
Lavender: Damn you, Malfoy, you git!
Snape: 50 points from Gryffindor!
Draco: So, anyway, Hermione, it's either me, Harry, or Lavender ... *rolls eyes* Which of us will it be?
Hermione: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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THE GIRLS' ROOM
Hermione: *talking to Lavender in the Gryffindor girls' room* Lavender, I'm sorry. I'm not gay.
Lavender: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Hermione: *brightening up* Why don't you go after Pavarti? You two would make a great couple. *evil grin*
Lavender: Oh, good idea! She's a good deal prettier than you. *goes over to Pavarti* Hey, Pavarti... *starts flirting with her*
Hermione: *rolls eyes* Well, she's taken care of...I ought to curse her...I'm just as pretty as Pavarti is!
Everybody in the Girls' Room: *stare at Hermione*
Hermione: Umm... *runs down to the common room* Heh, heh...
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STILL THE GIRLS' ROOM
Hermione: *wakes up suddenly in the middle of the night* What the hell? Is that VIOLIN MUSIC? *looks out window*
Draco: Hermione, my love! *continues playing violin music*
Hermione: Sweet mother of Jesus! For God's sake, he doesn't need to serenade me!!!!!
Draco: Wingardium Leviosa! *a perfect red rose floats up to Hermoine's window*
Hermione: Malfoy!
Draco: Ye-es?
Hermione: Sto- *looks at rose and picks it out of the air* Ooh, pretty rose. Never mind, keep on...
Draco *continues serenading her and about 50 red roses float up to Hermione's window*
Hermione: I could get used to this...
Harry: *runs over to Draco with a picolo* Hey, stop serenading my woman!!!!!!! *starts serenading Hermione with the picolo*
Draco: Well, I have the more classic instrument for serenades so HA!!!! *waves violin around*
Harry: Yeah, but mine makes a prettier sound! *sends about 60 carnations up to Hermione's window* And I sent more flowers to her!
Draco: Yeah, but yours weren't roses!!!! Girls love roses!
Harry: Well, they don't love you, Draco!
Hermione: *sighs* Good grief.
Draco: Is that so? *they start in with a fist fight*
Hermione: Never mind... *shakes head* I'll never learn to live with this...*looks at flowers* But they do send pretty flowers...
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THE NEXT DAY IN THE GREAT HALL
Hermione: *talking to Harry* Well, Harry...um...I guess I'll choose...
Draco: *bursts in* ME!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everybody in Great Hall: *stare at Draco*
Harry: No, me!
Draco: No, me!
Hermione: Let's see...Draco, I'll be your girlfriend if you model Armani for me, and Harry, I'll be your girlfriend if you let me destroy your Firebolt.
Harry: No, not my FIREBOLT!!!!!!!
Draco: *while Harry is talking about his Firebolt, he snaps his fingers and he is wearing Armani and is on one of those little platforms that you model clothes on*
Hermione: Okay. Draco's my boyfriend. Harry...*snaps fingers*
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AUSTIN, TEXAS IN THE USA
Me: *sitting in my house, typing on the computer which is on the second floor*
Harry: *steps out of the closet next to the computer*
Me: What the hell? *eyes widen* HARRY POTTER??? Omigod! Can I have your autograph?
Harry: *nervously backing away* Uh-oh...
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A\N: *grins* Yes, I know I'm evil for making it D\H. Is this better? *EVIL grin*
Harry: Can I go now?
Me: No! You're not leaving until you give me a signed copy of one of your Charms book!
Harry: And I'm not doing that! I'd have no place to get a new one!
Me: Too bad for you! Ahem...Back to the author's note...*puts a Silence Spell on Harry*
A\N: So, please R\R, even if it's just to tell me the nice men in white coats are going to take me away soon...^_^
Adios! Yo soy loca en la cabeza. (Everyone who knows what that means gets a visit from me to your fanfiction page if you're an author.)
Hermione2