Like We Never Loved At All, a twilight fanfic

Summary: I tried to find a way to live without him but I couldn't. It was just too hard. Everyone told me that I was strong enough to go on. They were wrong. Edward/Jacob. Character death.

Like We Never Loved At All

You never looked so goodAs you did last nightUnderneath the city lightsThere walking with your friendLaughing at the moonI swear you looked right through meBut I'm still living with your goodbyeAnd you're just going on with your life

You used to hold me late at night, kissing me, touching me in ways that no one else will ever be able to mimic. You would give me the sweetest shy little smile as you looked into my eyes burning me with your honey colored ones as you lay beside me, promising to love me forever. Now it's her that you hold in your arms. She's the one that you're promising forever to and it makes me sick.

Just in case you're wondering yes I hate Bella Swan. Sure once upon a time she was my best friend but the day that you chose her over me she became my worse enemy. She has what I want, what I deserve and I want her dead because of it. You know how painful, how torturous it is for me to see the two of you together? To see her walking beside you in my place?

I'm a masochist for watching the two of you. Walking, holding hands, laughing and whispering softly to one another and I feel myself start to lose control, running off into the woods and shifting before I walk over to you and pull you away from her and cause a scene. I'm still living with your good-bye, yes each and every day that I wake up knowing that you'll never be mine again hurts more then words could ever describe but I guess you don't care about that. You have your precious Bella to live for meanwhile all that I have are the haunting memories of you and me, of what we could have been. How could you do this to me? Did you ever once stop to about what your decision would do to me?

How can you just walk on byWithout one tear in your eye?Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?Maybe that's just your wayOf dealing with the painForgetting everything between our rise and fallLike we never loved at all

It's nice to see that somehow you've managed to move on with her. Oh I know that you told me that it was hard to make this decision, how hard it had been for you to give me up but looking at you right now I can see that it was total bullshit. You're an asshole Edward Cullen and I hope that you'll never be happy. I want you to hurt just as badly as I do. Maybe I loved you more then you ever loved me. No other explanation makes any sense. I could never walk away from you like you walked away from me and even though you've ripped my heart out I still love you. I can't help it I'm hopeless, I'm helpless when it comes to you. You are the keeper of my heart and soul because of this I know that I am doomed. I haven't forgotten about those nights you know. The ones where I let you use me, use my body when you first started seeing her, afraid that you might hurt the girl because of your inhuman abilities. But I didn't care. I just needed to be with you, no I had to be with you so I took what you were offering with great pleasure.

You, I hear you're doing fineSeems like you're doing wellAs far as I can tellTime is leaving us behindAnother week has passedAnd still I haven't laughed yetSo tell me what your secret is?To letting go, letting go like you did, like you didI couldn't take it any more. Seeing you guys together was too much for me to bare so I had to leave that place but my heart had been left there with you even though you didn't want it any more. You know even with you miles away I still reach out for you in the middle of the night? Every bit of our time together flashing before my eyes as my hand connects with cold sheets on what would have been your side of the bed. Some nights I got angry and break things but on other nights I just cried. I hate to admit it but there is nothing else that I can do. You threw us away for a life with her. You know Alice, Emmett, Carlisle and Esme call me everyday, leaving voice messages to see if I'm ok. However Alice's last message signed my death warrant.

She told me that you were marrying her.

It's been 5 months since then and now I'm ready to die. I thought that I was stronger then this but I'm not. I don't know how to live without you and I don't plan on sticking around long enough to figure it out.

Did you forget the magic?Did you forget the passion?Did you ever miss meEver long to kiss me?

I'm sitting on my bathroom floor right now with a razor blade in my hand staring down at my wrist through eyes that are fogged with tears. How could you take it this far? How could you kiss her, hold her, make love to her the way that you made love to me? I hate knowing that you allow those sweet soft lips anywhere near hers. Don't you know that I love you more then she ever could? Don't you know how happy we could have been together if only you had stayed with me? I can't believe this shit! Where the fuck was my happy ending?

I'm trembling as I rest the blades point to my skin piercing it slightly, my heart beating a thousand miles per second. There's something faint in the background but I pay it no attention. Nothing was as important to me as this moment is. I was finally going to be free.

I cut down my left wrist first then the right. I sit back and wait to be free of this world, wait for the pain that I have been feeling for the past year and a half to stop.

Then it happens. The door was ripped clean off of the edges and there you were pulling me into your arms. Screaming about how could I do this to myself, how could I do this to you?

Damn it why didn't you come to me sooner? Why did you have to wait so long to realize that I was the one for you?

I can hear your confession of love.

You're telling me through slightly deaf ears that you love me and that you made a mistake and that we can still have forever if I would just stay with you. I could feel you bite into my neck, razor sharp fangs digging into my flesh the last acts of a desperate man. You know that because of what I am this will not work. I will never be like you. My body would destroy the venom. I was going to die and there was nothing that either one of us could do about it.

My last thoughts were of us, of every second that we have spent together since the day we met. I'm so sorry that it had to end this way my love. That you had to witness my fall from grace and my departure from this life in such a tragic way. However there was a part of me that felt a sick sense of satisfaction at your pain and tears. Now you will forever deal with the pain of how I felt when you left me. You will remember how you hurt the one you loved so bad that they couldn't go on any longer, that I killed myself in your name. Now you will know what it's like to go without your happy ending.

I hope that she was worth it.

Maybe that's just your wayOf dealing with the painForgetting everything between our rise and fallLike we never loved at all