A/N: Angst. Angst, and more angst filled with a irrefutable sense of failure.
A very generic type of fiction, I think could be suited to any number of character pairing combinations. I had the character Natsuki in mind when I wrote this, but, that's not to say that a person couldn't view this in another way…it's intended to be written as a f/f pairing…call this a writing exercise of sorts. I wanted to test my skills in ambiguity, and, do a little soul searching while I was at it.
Only meant as a one shot.
Silence
The morning sun is just peaking over the clouds, but, it doesn't feel warm. The sofa is covered with a bed sheet, but, it hasn't been slept in. A kitchen you get water from isn't yours, but, you still sit at the stool anyway, because you couldn't bear to be alone for one more night. So, you wound up where you always do during these kinds of crossroads, because your friend opens her door, smiles sadly at you, feeds you, and holds you. She doesn't ask questions, or impart her wisdom, but the pity in her eyes is evident and unmatched.
Knowing it's the end.
Knowing that in spite of all that you've done, it wasn't good enough…and, even if people say it takes two to tango, you're wondering where you took that one misstep. You sigh, the night has been long and sleepless. Even though you were mushed between two very good, and trusted friends, held all through your silent sobs that you wanted to be sure they didn't hear, you couldn't find the comfort you hoped you would. They weren't her...they would never be her. You can't grasp any peace of mind, and all the little hints pray on you like a venom.
But, maybe you don't even deserve that much, you think to yourself as you despondently sit, blankly staring outside at a parking lot. A place that used to bring you joy. Now, it only brings you pain, you know that no matter what happens now, things will never be the same again.
The folded paper between your fingers signalize that. A note that couldn't be spoken, confessions that you knew were there, yet couldn't help to save, to fix…to heal…and though you tried so very hard, the love you had was simply not enough.
You can feel the warmth of a friend's embrace, but you can't even bring yourself to hug them back because some place, deep down inside, you foolishly think one day, they'll leave you behind too…but the burden of proof is already there, you were right…again. It hurts too much to think that one day, someone might, just might, be able to prove you wrong. Right now, you're just damaged goods, collateral that came from a torrent of feelings that have been broken.
So you just sit there, letting the tears roll down your eyes, because the stabbing pain won't let you hide it anymore.
You know the final confrontation will be later that afternoon. You hope, you pray, all of your questions will be answered, and that, maybe, just maybe, you'll find some measure of solace…but deep down, you know the truth.
Even so, you drag yourself off that stool, and bid your friends goodbye, telling them you'll be alright. You take a breath, and go to the place you promised to wait. Your mind staggers, because she was the one who reached for you, talked to you…and made you fall so madly in love, that the mere thought of being separated sends a lurch to your gut…and suddenly, the French toast your friend made for breakfast feels like it's going to bite back. You look down at you watch.
Two hours left until she's supposed to meet you here.
But, you have nothing better to do anyway. Nothing better than to eye that folded note that she left on a car windshield, instead of an obvious place, like the kitchen counter, or better yet, your laptop. No, instead, she leaves her feelings in a place you're only sure to find them after she's long gone…it's as if she avoided the confrontation entirely. Still, even so, you're at the spot, waiting to see her.
Praying to see her face just one more time, because, even if she fell out of love with you, you still love her, unquestionably. The black ink taunts you, teasing you…telling you all of the things she wanted to say, that she couldn't say to your face…and with a sigh, you wonder why you let her into your heart in the first place. You contemplate all of the other times you let that happen, only to be let down…and this time, you were sure…this time, you were positive…and you wanted her in your life, your future.
That's gone now…because the ticking of the clock doesn't go by any faster, and even if it did, part of you is afraid to see her, or to even hear her voice one last time. You know it'll hurt all the more, stinging your very soul with a scar that you aren't sure can heal, because for so long, she was so much part of you, who you were, what you did…and what you thought you would be. Her absence signifies something profound, something beyond words...but, she'll never know the true meaning of that.
The shattered remains are all that's left, and you can't pick up the pieces, they're too small.