I don't own Ouran!

I Never Knew

Chapter One — Everything I Ever Wanted

Dear Diary,

You know already how I feel, don't you? That I've been struggling for a long time with my feelings about Hikaru. Trying to convince myself that they're wrong and I should push them away, or that it was okay and it didn't matter what anyone else thought. Wondering if I should tell him, when I should say something...

Why am I repeating myself to you?

New News! Hikaru...he hasn't said it, and neither have I, but...

I'm pretty sure we love each other the same way.

"Kaoru," Hikaru whispered seductively, his breath hot on his twin's ear. "Kaoru, is this okay?"

Kaoru nodded, running his fingers through red hair that was identical to, but so different from, his own. "It doesn't matter, anyway. All we need is each other."

Hikaru kissed Kaoru roughly, biting and licking at his younger brother's lips until they parted and let his tongue pass through. He pressed their bodies together with need and desire, grinding their hips together, relishing the friction through their clothed erections.

All the while, Kaoru moaned wantonly into the kiss, pulling gently on Hikaru's hair and wrapping the other arm around his neck. I can't believe this is happening, he thought. Oh, thank goodness...I never thought I would appreciate Tono interfering again…

Earlier that day, the host club stared at the twins in disbelief, knowing that they'd been had again.

"Kaoru," Hikaru started, pulling his twin closer and staring into his eyes, "I'm so sorry! I know we use these fake fights to our advantage, but..."

"No, Hikaru! It was my fault for writing the script this time! I was even meaner than when I got Belzenef, the curse doll..."

"I'm sorry! I forgive you," they told each other in unison.

"Hikaru! Kaoru!" Tamaki yelled, pushing Hikaru angrily. "Will you ever stop playing games with us?"

But the twins couldn't answer. Their eyes widened and they quickly pulled away from each other, standing an extra foot away from the other. Kaoru blushed furiously, while Hikaru stared down at the floor.

"Ah," Tamaki stuttered, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"Was that your first kiss together?" Haruhi asked bluntly.

"Of course!" Hikaru said angrily, staring at her with annoyance. "This whole twincest thing was always just a game! It wasn't like we..."

"Had ever actually done anything," Kaoru finished, red as a tomato, still not looking at anyone.

Hikaru growled at Tamaki. "Haven't you learned already not to push people around when they're close to each other? I figured you would have known, considering when you gave away Haruhi's first kiss to that girl!"

Tamaki flushed, crossing his arms together angrily. "What do you want from me? I already said I was sorry, didn't I? It's not like I wanted you to—" His cheeks turned a few shades darker red and he turned around. "Anyway, it doesn't matter if you won't accept my apology, right?"

"What do you mean by that?" The twins asked in unison, but Tamaki didn't want to listen anymore.

"Whatever," Hikaru said, rolling his eyes. "I won't forgive you with that attitude."

"Hikaru," Kaoru reached a hand out to calm his brother.

"Don't, Kaoru," Hikaru warned, taking a step back. "Don't pretend like this is okay!" He turned and ran out of the music room, Kaoru trailing close behind.

"W-wait! Hikaru!"

Kaoru shivered as Hikaru's hands ran down his bare chest and rested on his stomach, lightly stroking the pale flesh. How did that fiasco turn into this? "H-Hikaru, I..." he blushed as he trailed off, closing his eyes in embarrassment. Hikaru smiled against his brother's chest.

"You what, Kaoru? Tell me..." He lightly kissed down Kaoru's stomach, taking the hem of his orange sweatpants between his teeth and pulling down, using his hands to guide the fabric down past his hips. "Kao-chan, you naughty boy...why aren't you wearing any underwear?"

Kaoru laughed nervously. "I didn't have any clean ones left..." It was a lie; he was just too lazy to find any, but that sounded like a better excuse.

Hikaru smiled mischievously, his lips dangerously close to a certain swollen appendage. "Didn't you have something you wanted to say to me?"

Kaoru would have rolled his eyes; it was just like his brother to change the subject like that. But he didn't really care at that moment. "I-I need you, Hika...please..."

Hikaru bit tentatively down on his lower lip to control himself. "Saying things like that with that kind of voice, Kaoru...do you know what it does to me?" He blew a stream of hot air over the tip of his twin's aching erection.

Kaoru shivered, "Please, don't tease me..."

Hikaru smiled again, flicking his tongue out to taste the white fluid that started to seep out. "Do you want me inside of you?" he whispered, pressing a finger against Kaoru's virgin entrance.

"Ah, yes!" Kaoru pushed his hips down against Hikaru's finger, eager and afraid at the same time.

Hikaru ran until he was tired, stopping at the pond and staring at his and his mirror image's reflection. It was a strange sight, to see two identical boys and their reflections...

Kaoru followed his brother all the way outside of the school, stopping by him and panting. "Hikaru, you didn't have to be like that..."

"What do you want, Kaoru?" He turned, his amber eyes narrowing. "I kissed you! I'm so sorry, and I kissed you, and..." He looked back into the pond. His own eyes burned with anger, while his twin's... He looked back to see if it was true, not just a trick of the water. But the reflection didn't lie; his brother's eyes were overflowing with sorrow.

Hikaru's expression softened, and he hesitantly took his brother in his arms. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to play the game...I brought our faces much too close this time, and look what I've done. I..." His arms dropped to his sides and he looked up at the sky. It was starting to become overcast. "I couldn't protect you, this time."

"Ah—Hika-Hikaru!" Kaoru winced as his brother entered him. His manhood was much bigger than the fingers that had just been in him, but...the pleasure started to ebb away the pain. Hikaru pushed in slower, stopping once he was fully sheathed.

"Shh, I'm sorry," he breathed, gently stroking Kaoru's cheek. "Does it hurt?"

Kaoru shook his head, "Not really," he lied. "I'm fine, just...keep going."

Hikaru nodded, kissing him quickly once more. He gripped his hips and slowly began to thrust, setting up a steady rhythm. It wasn't long before he found the spot that made his brother scream.

"Hika! Oh, harder!" Kaoru's nails dug into Hikaru's back as he sped up. He pushed his hips back against his brother's, forcing his penis deeper into him. Hikaru grunted, digging his own nails into his brother's hips.

Kaoru smiled softly. "Silly, no one is hurting me."

Hikaru averted his eyes. "I mean, I couldn't protect you from myself."

"If it's just you, why do I need protecting? I really lo—" He caught himself at the last second. "...Care about you."

Hikaru looked down at his younger brother. "That's what I fear. I need to protect you from me the most, because..." He blushed, looking back at their reflections: "I'm the one who will hurt you the worst."

They climaxed at the same time, trying to catch their breaths. "Hikaru...that was..." Kaoru smiled brightly, feeling deliriously happy. In fact, he couldn't ever remember feeling like that in his entire life.

Hikaru smiled wearily. "Yeah, huh? There's a reason that people wanted to see us together, I guess."

"Yeah," Kaoru looked away and his smiled faded. Hikaru hadn't noticed; he collapsed on the bed and closed his eyes, holding his brother closely. "G'night," he muttered lazily, pressing his lips to Kaoru's neck. Kaoru nodded in response, but his mind was racing. What did he mean by all those things he's said today?

They put their arms around each other at the same time, holding each other tightly. "I don't ever think about things like that. You shouldn't worry yourself," Kaoru whispered, trying to cheer his twin up. "If we just keep doing things like we have been, then nothing can change." Kaoru thought, 'I don't want things to change.' Little did he know that Hikaru was thinking, 'I don't want things to stay the same anymore...'

"You can't keep hiding yourself, Kaoru. One day...it's going to happen."

Kaoru frowned. "I am not afraid."

Kaoru looked over at his sleeping twin, then past his face at the clock. It had been an hour, and he was exhausted, but he couldn't sleep. He got up, still feeling uncomfortable, but the stickiness had all dried up. He sighed, quickly cleaning up in the bathroom with a washcloth and replacing his orange pajama pants with clean blue ones. This seems like another good diary opportunity, he thought, getting the black notebook out from its hiding spot and starting an entry.

I'm pretty sure we love each other the same way.

Well, I'm mostly sure, but he says a lot of things that I'm not sure about. Maybe he doesn't know what he's saying, or maybe he's trying to tell me something. I can't tell yet.

Either way, I'm glad we could share our first times with each other. Even if he regrets it in the morning...I was able to enjoy the time we spent together this night.

Kaoru