Within Living Memory

by Huaile

His eyes opened. Will stood, a sudden urgency compelling him to move, just...to do something. He couldn't tell what or why exactly, but there was something...something familiar in the air, something from long ago. It reminded him of...? Will frowned and stood again, making his way back to the spot where he'd been waiting patiently for—how long exactly? And why couldn't he remember?

I was informed just last night that today (November 10th) is officially Heronstairs Day, not September 29th. So happy Heronstairs Day!

Uh. This isn't an "actual story"- the plot (if you could call it that) is...really disjointed. I hope it makes sense?
...May do an extension of some of the parts later on, if people so desire.

Happy reading

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His eyes opened.

Will stood, a sudden urgency compelling him to move, just...to do something. He couldn't tell what or why exactly, but there was something...something familiar in the air, something from long ago.

He gazed at his own reflection in the river. It was the same; the same black curls hanging low over his eyes, the same blue eyes, the same ruddy skin. The same slightly-off-white silk shirt hanging loose, the same black pants. He was the same as the last time he'd looked. How long had he been waiting here? And, more importantly, why? He crouched and dipped a finger into the smooth water, watching as the glassy water rippled out slowly. It calmed him.

It reminded him of...of…? Will frowned and stood again, making his way back to the spot where he'd been waiting patiently for—how long exactly?

And why couldn't he remember? Had it been that long?

Absently, he tugged on the thin silver chain under his shirt and pulled out the jade necklace, absently rubbing his thumb against the smooth stone. It must have been a long time, there was a groove that he'd rubbed in.

Or had that already been there, made by another set of fingers? Had this necklace belonged to someone else? He felt like it did; he wouldn't have bought something like this.

But whose was it, and why did he have it?

He sat at the heavy memory he'd just remembered.

Night. He can't sleep, and it is deathly quiet- there has just been a storm and now everything is at peace. Will can only assume it is well past midnight. And yet he can't sleep.

Faint strands of violin music. It is the first time he has ever heard something so beautiful- he goes deathly still and strains to hear better. The music stops. Will sits up slowly, almost afraid to break the spell he has been put under.

Stands and pads to the door, listening intently. Nothing. And then, when his hand touches the doorknob, it starts again. Will freezes again, then yanks the door open and follows the sound of the music

To Jem's room.

He opens the door quietly and watches Jem play. It is beautiful.

After what seems like an eternity (and yet only a second at all) Jem puts the instrument and Will nearly begs him to keep playing. "William, is that you?" Jem speaks without turning around.

"Yes. I did not know you could play. It was beautiful."

"It was for you," Jem turns around then, and smiles, "because you could not sleep."

"How did you-?"

Jem lightly touches his neck. "Did you forget so soon?" Will can tell he is teasing.

Will snorts. "However could I forget you, James? You are…" he touches the same spot on his own neck, "you are my my parabatai. My brother.."

Jem's eyes go wide at that. "I have never had a brother."

Will goes to him and clasps his hand. "You do now."

Will mouthed the name. "Jem." It was only to taste the word, but when he spoke it, he felt...different. As if he'd remembered something important- he just didn't know what that something was.

"Jem. James-"

"I think, that you and I would have been great friends, had this been another place, another time."

"James-"

"William, listen to me." Jem turns his head to look at Will and his eyes are serious, saddened. Every day, his hair grows whiter and whiter- his eyes have pale silver rings around the irises now. "I am dying, you know that as well as I do. I do not know how much time I have, and...I want to spend it with the people I love." he raises his eyes, "with you." Jem touches his neck, something Will has been noticing Jem does when he's filled with emotion and doesn't know how to show it, "we are parabatai. And although it was not my choice...I am glad it was you. I only wish..." Jem shakes his head and turns away.

Will can barely hear what he says next. He thinks for a moment that he has imagined the words. "I wish I had more time..."

There was wet on his cheeks, and Will realized he was crying. "Jem…" the name became a mantra, bubbling from his lips without purpose, he just- Jem!

The significance of the name, he didn't know, but what he did know was that Jem was important to him. The name had a heavy weight to it- they had been brothers, and...parabatai.

...Whatever those were.

It had to be important though; Will felt a quivering in his very soul at the thought of the word. Parabatai. Brothers. Jem.

The quiet creaking of the heavy wooden door opening. Will glances up from his book and then abandons it entirely, unable to keep the smile from his face. "Jem."

A nod and a polite smile. "William."

"Why must you call me that, James? It is so...stiff. Parabatai need not be stiff with each other." Will stands and beckons Jem to to take his seat.

Jem wrinkles his nose as he takes the chair. "Thank you, Will."

Will shrugs and sits at Jem's feet, leaning his head against a slim leg. "My eyes hurt," he murmurs, "I want to finish this book, but it is rather late, right?"

"Past twelve." Jem sounds amused, "you do love your books. Charlotte did say that you will not be able to sleep in tomorrow, so…" his voice trails away, "come to bed."

Will grins up at Jem. "Is that an invitation?"

"No!" Jem splutters, "I-! You- you- húndàn!"

"As much as I love it when you speak Chinese to me, James…" Will stands and bends in front of Jem, tapping his lower lip with his finger, (a familiar jade pendant gleams up at him) "I love it much more when-"

The memory stopped. As if something- someone- had blocked it. Will frowned and stood, touching his lip. So he and this Jem had been together? Will rubbed his thumb against the jade pendant again. And this Jem had given him this necklace...why?

"I want you to have this," Jem takes the necklace from under his shirt and pulls it over his head. Will steps away as he sees which one it is.

"James, no, that was your mother's-"

"I know. It is…" Jem thumbs the jade stone, "very precious to me. From my most important person. But now…" he looks up at Will, almost shyly, "I want you to have it. You are my most important person now."

Will loses his breath and allows Jem to stretch up on his toes to drop the pendant around his neck. "I do not have anything to give to you, not yet." he says, regret clear in his voice.

"You could…" Jem lowers his eyes and touches his lips. A blush stains his cheeks, and Will can't help smiling.

"Of course, fy cariad."

His eyes opened.

Will stood, a sudden urgency compelling him to move, just...to do something. He couldn't tell what or why exactly, but there was something...something familiar in the air, something from long ago.

He gazed at his own reflection in the river. It was the same; the same black curls hanging low over his eyes, the same blue eyes, the same ruddy skin. The same slightly-off-white silk shirt hanging loose, the same black pants. He was the same as the last time he'd looked. How long had he been waiting here? And, more importantly, why? He crouched and dipped a finger into the smooth water, watching as the glassy water rippled out slowly. It calmed him.

It reminded him of...of…? Will frowned and stood again, making his way back to the spot where he'd been waiting patiently for—how long exactly?

And why couldn't he remember? Had it been that long?

Will yawned, suddenly tired.

He slept.

He dreamt.

And had no recollection of it when he woke, just the familiar touch of gentle hands at his temple, the sounds of soothing music, a familiar voice, a touch, a laugh. He remembered fighting back-to-back, he remembered the burn of...of something, and gentle hands on his wounds, and love, love that made his whole being ache.

He wished that person would be at his side now, he wanted to feel that familiar warmth against his side, he wanted to look over and know that person would be there- he wanted to know that person would never leave. He had the feeling, though, that even if that person left, he- or she- wouldn't be gone- not forever. That person would always come back, as if they'd never left.

...So why wasn't he here now?

The thought was troubling, but Will ignored it. He went back to the river and stepped in, ignoring the cold that shocked him to the bone. He waded in until he was waist-deep and then took a breath and dunked himself completely, and stayed under for a few seconds, then retreated.

Cold!

But the cold was welcome, at least he could still feel.

He knew that person would be fussing over him, scolding him harshly for being so stupid, and yet gentle hands would be trying to warm him the best they could. He could practically hear that voice in his head, "William, you idiot! If you get sick, I am not playing nurse again!" the voice would trail off and murmur something in another language and Will would just laugh and press his forehead to that person's and grin and say something snarky before shoving that person in as well, and-

Will grabs Jem's hips and circles his thumbs over the now-exposed hipbones and grins as Jem gasps, his fingers digging into the skin at Will's shoulders. "Will-!"

"You're so sensitive," Will presses a kiss to Jem's throat and his grin grows as Jem's breath hitches in his throat.

Despite his frown, Jem shifts his hips restlessly, wanting more of the teasing touches Will is bestowing on his body- he wants it so bad, but it's not like he can show it- he'd never hear the end of that.

Will frowns when Jem's movement ceases. "Do that again!" he commands, swallowing. Jem only complies because of the expression of utter need on Will's face.

"You're so sensitive," Jem teases him, laughing at the intoxicated expression on the raven's face. Will just snorts (with difficulty, it seems) and again massages at Jem's hipbones.

"Just do it."

Jem narrows his eyes but rolls his hips against Will's, rhythmlessly, unsure of what Will wants exactly. He feels silly for it, but Will's eyes are smouldering, completely on him, and it's burning him up inside- and he finally realizes what Will wants.

He begins by gyrating his hips in small circles, brushing his thighs against the new (and yet very familiar) tent in Will's pants. And then Will's hands are gripping hard against his thighs.

"Undress." His voice is rough; Jem can practically feel the need dripping from the one word.

Jem raises his arms—his hips unfaltering in the suggestive dance—taking his top with it. With each movement now, the material of his loose pants slips down, inch by suggestive inch. Will's gaze has fallen to burn into Jem's to the skin that is slowly becoming exposed with every passing second. His legs are growing weak now, and he's dizzy with want and utter need; and the motions are becoming less and less controlled- it's now more about pleasing the both of them than teasing Will, and Jem finally notices that Will's hips are moving restlessly beneath him. How hasn't he noticed before; the way Will is biting his lip, his eyes at half-mast. He looks as if he is seconds away from coming completely undone, as if he wants to shove Jem down and completely ravage him, until he can't walk for days

And Jem finds he wants that.

He realizes now that the low moan that split the air is his, and the sudden sound makes Will's eyes snap open (and they're nearly black in their desire) and at once his back is pressed against the bedsheets and his pants are rudely torn off (though it took more than a few tries) and he is in Will's arms and laughing- no, they both are.

"How eager of you," Jem murmurs around the skin of Will's neck, "you can't even get my pants off."

"You're the one teasing me like that," Will grips him there and those blue eyes are burning into him again, "you should dance for me more."

"I don't think so-"

All the playfulness in Will's gaze darkens at once. "It wasn't a suggestion."

Jem finds himself shuddering at the dark tone in Will's voice, and then there is Will's laughter in his ear again, "You like that? You're so cute. Makes me want you more."

"Idiot, just do it already!"

Will laughs again and his thumbs stroke at that spot and Jem is seeing stars, "Wonder if I could just keep rubbing you here," Will does it again and Jem loses his breath, "and you'd come from that alone."

"But…" Jem blinks up at Will, "don't you," Jem's eyes flit away, a blush staining his cheeks, and it's uncharacteristically shy for him, (and Will finds he likes seeing Jem like that) "want me?"

And that's when Will loses it. Jem has to bite his lip hard to keep the scream from bubbling from his lips (a breathy moan escapes, though) as a wet heat envelops him there and

He looks down and his whole body heats up as he sees Will's mouth to the hilt of his cock, and he feels Will's teeth graze him as he bobs his head up and down. And then Will glares up at him and pulls away,

"Who said you could stop dancing?"

Will...couldn't breathe for a moment. Remembering that, and that person- Jem.

"Jem."

That was an...interesting...memory. Will glanced down and saw that the memory had affected him in other places as well.

"Well, that's a first." He absently tapped a finger against his thigh and breathed out a heavy sigh. I want Jem to do it. I want him to…

"Will, you're heavy; get off!" Jem was laughing, his fingers tracing idle paths along the bare skin of Will's back. Will just shakes his head, his hair tickling the skin of Jem's jaw. Jem runs his fingers through the thick curls and frowns.

"William-"

"Don't wanna." Will squirms in place, looking up at Jem. He's pouting now, his lower lip stuck out over-exaggeratedly. It's very pink, and Jem wants to kiss it.

So he does.

Will pulls away almost immediately, a wide grin on his face. "Thought you wanted me off."

"You came into my room, shirtless-" (not that he was complaining) "and threw yourself on me with no explanation."

"Wanted to see you." Will shrugs. "Like you a lot."

Jem narrows his eyes. "Will."

"Yes?"

"Kiss me."

Will throws back his head and laughs, but the sound is cut off as Jem huffs and grabs his parabatai by the hair and tugs him down. Will hisses in a breath (but they both know he likes it like that) and his hands are in Jem's hair, on his shoulders, his chest, his thighs, his back- everywhere.

"Hey," Jem's breath ghosts over Will's ear and his teeth graze at the skin there before he continues, "you like me, right?"

"Of course," Will rears back and grasps both of Jem's cheeks in his hands. His thumbs gently stroke idle paths, "I love you. You know that, right?"

"I...yes." Jem sighs and removes Will's hands, "but it's not practical. You know that as well as I do, don't you?"

"James-"

"No, William, this is serious. We can't fool around like this forever. It's forbidden."

"So you don't love me."

"I do, I-" Jem moves to kiss Will, but Will turns his face away and rolls off of his parabatai.

"Don't."

Will passed a hand over his eyes and laid back on the grass. "Damnit."

He didn't know much of this Jem, but he did see that they had loved each other, that something about that was wrong, that it was his fault, that-

He'd made Jem sad.

The thought made Will's throat close up, and for a long moment, his fists clenched so tightly that when he finally unclenched them, nail shaped bruises were digging into his palms. He gasped from the pain of it (though he much preferred the physical pain to the emotional pain). He stood and turned away from the river. It hurt too much.

"No," Jem is scowling, "you can't buy me food and bat your eyes and expect me to-" his eyes wander down for a moment, then his scowl deepens, "no."

"James-"

Jem slams his door.

Will stands outside for a long moment, considers going back to his room, but then it opens again. Jem is still frowning, but there's a softness in his eyes. "Will," he starts out slowly, "I'll let you in if I can top."

Will grins and they're already inside, the door shut, and the food is on the floor (neither of them care) and hell, Will realizes again why he loves Jem-by the Angel, he is so good with his mouth

Will couldn't help laughing at that memory. Jem's actually pretty cute. And… Will rolled over, trying not to remember those memories. Based on the memories, he and Jem were…

"I want to see him." Will shut his eyes and threw his arm over his face. He didn't realize how tired he was until the memory stopped and

His eyes opened.

Will stood, a sudden urgency compelling him to move, just...to do something. He couldn't tell what or why exactly, but there was something...something familiar in the air, something from long ago.

The river was surprisingly misted over; Will didn't realize how dark it was until his bare toes were suddenly wet and he stepped back quickly. He couldn't even see the water- he could hear a faint rippling, though.

"Is...someone there?"

Silence.

Will turned around and went back to his spot under the tree and sat, idly thumbing the jade necklace around his neck. He felt like he should've been uneasy, but he was strangely calm. It felt...natural. And then

"Hello."

Will glanced up and frowned. Familiar. The boy looked almost his height, dark hair and dark eyes, pale skin. There was a familiar, faded white scar on the left side of his neck.

The boy smiled softly and held out a hand. "William." The word was filled with such a tender love that Will nearly blanched but for the trembling in his very soul to reach out and hug this boy, to walk beside him wherever their feet would take them.

He grasped the pale hand in front of him, and- "Jem."

And then, suddenly, he remembered. Everything.

"I waited."

Jem smiled.

---

Thoughts? Comments? Review!
(that was so cheesy sorry)

But really, if anyone wants an extension of any of the memories, just let me know. It'd be fun!