By tara M
Rating: PG, for very small indications of a f/f relationship.
Spoilers:Basically, up to New Moon Rising.
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its characters are all owned by the almighty Joss. I'm just playing with them, so please don't sue me!
I couldn't believe it. Just when things in my life were starting to go right, and he walks in. Oz. Willow's true love.
That was the single most terrifying moment in my life so far. Watching him walk through Giles' door, and the silence that befell all my newfound friends. He obviously meant a lot to them as well. More than me.
And the way they all gravitated toward Willow when he left. Leaving me on the outer. Standing there, like what I was - the newcomer, the one who didn't know the history between Willow and Oz, besides what she'd told me. They were sketchy details at best.
Seriously, my life hasn't been so great. I've always been shy, never been good with strangers, and my awkwardness has made me the subject of ridicule throughout my childhood years. Then I met her. Willow.
There was something special about her from the moment I saw her across the room in Wicca group. The way she was brave enough to speak out to the rest of those wannabes, I remember thinking how I wanted to have the power to do that.
Then I tried to grasp that power. But when they all looked at me to speak, I couldn't. And I was left looking like a cowardly idiot. Which I am. But she didn't care. She looked at me intently for the rest of the meeting. No one ever looks at me, not the way she did.
And when we started getting to know each other, the darkness that had shrouded my life started to lift. Finally, I had a friend. Someone who wanted to get to know me, the real me, and not just dismiss me as a shy geek not worth knowing.
Then, our friendship developed into something more. Something neither of us had ever experienced before, but something that proved to bring out the best in both of us.
I thought she was ashamed of me. But then she introduced me to her friends, and they accepted me. They accepted me because I was a friend of Willow's, and they trusted her judgement of people.
So my life was going really well. New friends, something happening with Willow, and my spellpower was increasing all the time. But when Oz walked in the door, I felt the darkness cover me again.
During those few days, I didn't know what to do with myself. I thought that Willow and I could talk it out when Oz first arrived. I was going to give her the chance to wash her hands of me, to return to a 'normal' life with a 'normal', loving relationship. Not like the relationship we had.
I knocked on her door with a rehearsed speech in mind. Then he answered it. Way too early in the morning for him to have come over, he had obviously spent the night there. I was speechless, I didn't know what to say.
The worst thing was, he seemed really nice. A guy that I could, if I had the courage, become friends with. Of course Willow would pick a nice guy to fall in love with. She does that.
While Oz was here, I felt so helpless. So alone. I didn't know what to do, or who I could talk to about what I was feeling - Willow was obviously not an option, and I didn't have any other friends. She cried on my shoulder, and I felt like a pillar for her to fall back on. That felt good. It meant something to me, her crying on my shoulder. That sounds sick, but it really did.
After he attacked me, I decided that avoiding Willow was the best option. So once I knew he was safe, and out of the clutches of the commandoes, I stayed in my room. Alone. In the dark again.
I was staring out the window, thinking about how good my life had been for that short period of time, when there was a knock on my door. I willed it to be her, but I felt that it was impossible. He was safe now, and I'd seen for myself that he was intending to go to school again at UCSD.
But it was her. Standing with a single candle, burning brightly in the dark of my life. She told me she loved me! Someone actually loved me.. and it was her. Willow.
I realised that, with her loving me, no matter how dark it got, the light would always reappear. As I blew out the candle, I realised. I was no longer afraid of the dark. Not while she was there in it with me.