Title: Education
Author: Drake Tepes
Rating: Teen-ish
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, which is why the IRS can't fondle me.
Summary: Set immediately after a scene in the movie "Serenity" and gives us a "What happened next?" view.
Author's Notes: This is dedicated to Sal.This fic was spawned from a late night talk, of which other stories may come in fact. Also, she very kindly beta'd this. See, I'm not Mark's complete bitch. Also, should note, this fic deals with adult subject matter and contains scenes that may be unsuitable for wimp-ass punks. Also, this is a one-shot fic. I hope.

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As sweaty, shirtless Simon sensually salivated kisses upon Kaylee, unbeknownst to the two aroused crew members they were being watched. River, peering down watched as her brother bumbled his way through getting Kaylee's top off. She shook her head sadly as the poor boy paid Kaylee's breasts just a moment's attention before his hands joined hers in trying to get his pants off.

"Really Simon, you should learn foreplay," River suggested.

Hearing his sister as he was trying to get his pants off, so he could get into Kaylee's, certainly killed Simon's mood. He hopped up too quickly, lost his balance, cracked his head on the ladder and fell unconscious. Kaylee, however, made it to her feet and swung the closest tool she could find at River.

"I'm going to kill you!" She screamed as she took off after the smaller girl, chasing her through Serenity and into the cargo bay where Jayne had been lifting weights. Turning to Jayne, who had jumped up at the commotion, Kaylee demanded he hand over his gun so she could shoot River.

Normally, Jayne would have gladly handed over his sidearm. Unfortunately he didn't hear anything Kaylee was saying as his eyes were fixated on her chest; she was so intent on killing River that she had forgotten to put her top back on. Jayne stood mesmerized with a goofy smile on his face. It took a couple of seconds for Kaylee to understand what was wrong with Jayne. She quickly covered herself and let out a scream.

Jayne, that goofy smile attached to his face, shook his head and then nodded to Kaylee's chest. "I'll be in my bunk," were his words as he awkwardly walked away.

"River, be a dear and come down here so I can kill you."

"Don't wanna."

"What is going on here? What's all this screaming about and... Gah! Kaylee would you put those away!" Mal said, as he responded to the commotion and quickly spun around to keep from looking at Kaylee.

"Captain, what's going on?" Zoë asked as she too came upon the scene.

"She!" Kaylee said, pointing at River and letting her wonders swing free, just as Mal had turned around and nearly hurt himself spinning back around to again not look. "She interrupted Simon and I just as we were finally getting together. No more batteries, but she had to interrupt."

"For your own good," River singsonged.

"Is there a problem?" Inara asked as she showed up late to see River on the upper levels dancing around, Mal and Zoë on the opposite part of the upper level with Mal deliberately looking away and a topless Kaylee in the middle of the cargo hold pointing at River.

"Foreplay for the good of all," River nodded to Inara.

"Um... Yes."

"You should teach my brother, he was doing Kaylee wrong."

"He was doing just fine!" Kaylee yelled, frustrated.

Mal whispered to Zoë, "She's not putting them away, is she?"

"Not anytime soon Sir." Zoë snickered to her Captain. "You might want to go back up and pilot the ship."

"Good idea."

"Or go visit your bunk."

"Anything to get away from this," he turned and motioned at the topless Kaylee and made a disgusted face like he'd just seen relatives in bed.

"He could do better," River said. "He was missing key erogenous zones and fumbling about. It's sad, but he's my brother and I still have to love him."

"AH!" Kaylee yelled, stamping her foot down on the grating and causing a most interesting swing to her still bare breasts.

"What happened?" Simon asked as he finally woke up and made it to the source of the yelling. "Why are you…"

"I'm going to kill your gorram sister, that's what."

River pointed at her brother and loudly proclaimed. "FUMBLER!" Zoë was holding on to the railing to keep her balance as she held in her laughter. Inara's cool Companion demeanor was nearly cracked clean through.

"Kaylee, sweetie, I'd rather you didn't kill her...erm." Simon had made his way over and, as he too was topless, tried to preserve Kaylee's modesty with his hands. "I mean, you know how she is, it's just her... remarkable sense of timing."

"This time she's gone too far," Kaylee said darkly, not even noticing his hands trying to cover her.

"Wasn't a bad moment, you were doing her wrong. Inara should show you how to do her right. For the sake of the pink bunnies."

"What?" Simon asked, looking around confused as Kaylee flushed. Inara and Zoë both stifled laughs.

"Fine! Inara could you, I mean..." Kaylee started.

"What am I missing?" Simon asked.

"Why don't you both use my shuttle, it's…" Inara tried to offer.

"Thank you!" Kaylee said as she grabbed Simon's hand and pulled him up to Inara's shuttle. Inara ushered them in then turned to Zoë and River and shrugged, before going in after them and shutting the door.

"Much better," River said with an arch of her back, long stretch and smile before she strode away.

"And where are you off to be?" Zoë asked the girl.

"I'll be in Jayne's bunk."

end