Exhale

Summary - When she lived, she took his breath away with only a smile. In death, nothing changed.

Disclaimer - I do not own anything. No claim intended.

- I tried out Once Upon A Time In Wonderland because I had been wanting to see it for a while, and I wasn't very into it, but I did enjoy certain aspects of the show, including the relationship between Will and Anastasia, so just watching them inspired me to write about them. I also cannot wait to see Michael Socha join the cast of OUAT, and I also hope that Emma Rigby will be along too, even for just a cameo or a flashback, I would be dead. They have so much chemistry together and I miss seeing them both on my screen already -

- Set after the events of 1x11 Heart Of The Matter. Kind of AU I guess -

She looks cold. Looks like she should be shivering all over on the hard ground, but she's not shivering at all. She's as still as a statue.

She's dead.

Knave closes his eyes, squeezes them shut in an effort to block out the sight before him, but it's of no use. The image of Anastasia - sprawled out on the stone, fair hair matted around her face like a curtain, lips painted red with blood - is imprinted into his mind like a curse and it has been for hours. He should've been able to rid the picture, should've been able to put it aside for even a second, but it's the heart that spreads pain through his chest that won't let him forget.

Inhale.

"Fuck."

He runs his palm over his face. He's sweating, his veins feel cold beneath his skin, and he might be shaking, but none of this stops his eyes from opening and falling onto the dead body of the red Queen - his Queen. "Fuck, fuck. Ana."

Exhale.

He knows full well that she cannot hear a word of what he's saying - she's been lifeless for hours, after all - but he can't pause the words that spill from his lips. It's like there's a tug inside of his chest, and it's just begging him to speak to her. It's beginning him to say goodbye while he still has the chance to.

"I'm sorry, Ana." His eyes burn with tears. He can't even remember the last time he cried like this - with so much ache, so much strength, that tears clog up his throat so badly that no sound is allowed to escape and he chokes on every sob. He's cried before, he's cried for Anastasia before, but never like this. Never so violently. "I'm so..so sorry."

Inhale.

His eyes run over Anastasia's body; dress as red as the blood that soaks her skin, lips slightly open though lungs not functioning at all, strands of hair stuck to her cheeks from the sweat that followed the blade.

It's bad enough that she had been stabbed to death before him, bad enough that he had to watch the light fade from her eyes and the blood leak out of the entry and exit wounds on her body, but the fact that she's right there - so, so cold, so small - and he can't hold her, can't take her delicate hand in his and honour her with a smile, it's torture. It's as if she wasn't worth anything. Jafar stuck a knife through her back and he just left her lying there like she didn't deserve to at least be buried or taken away from the puddle of blood that she lay in.

She deserved better than that.

She deserved the fucking world.

Exhale.

Knave's looking at her face, careful to stray from catching a glimpse at all of the blood - there's too much of it, not enough of it left inside of her - and he swallows down the tears in his throat. Swallows so hard that it hurts his greedy lungs.

"I know you think that after everything you did, I stopped loving you. You were wrong." His words are muttered into the air, lost on anyone but himself, as he presses his forehead against the cold bar of his cell. His lips shake with each word he breathes, but he carries on, because even if she can't hear, he needs to know that he's said it. He needs his clarity. "I still loved you, Anastasia, I never stopped. I can't just switch that off, God knows I tried."

It's hesitant, but he brings his forehead away from the bars, and he looks through them, looks at the Queen - though all he can see is his Ana. "I loved you even when I had no heart beating inside of my chest."

Inhale.

"I'll never stop." He swears. He chokes on another sob that bubbles up in his throat. He's banging his head against the metal bar like he hopes it might break his skull in two. "I promise you, I'll never stop."

(it's the least he can do)

Exhale.

He curses his heart for making him cry, curses it for causing his knees to go weak underneath him.

He doesn't want his heart any longer - it's only been a couple of hours, and he already wants it gone.

He'd do anything to have Jafar or the Jabberwocky reach into his chest and tear it back out and toss it into a dark chasm.

Inhale.

After all, a heart is no good if you don't have anyone to share it with.

"Goodbye, Ana."

Exhale.