Warriors fan fiction: Useless legs
Briarpaw sat in the medicine den, her paralyzed hind legs splayed out behind her. Great Starclan, she thought, her eyes widening and her breath speeding up, I can't do anything. I can't hunt or run or fight or go out alone. I'm just a burden now.
Despite what Jayfeather and the rest of the clan said she knew they were lying. She was just there. Not helping or contributing. Her camp was destroyed and all she could do was lie down and watch them help. Yes, she could sort herbs and sticks and make poultices but she couldn't be a medicine cat. If a cat was in the woods, too injured to move, they would probably be dead by the time she got there. And forget about going to the Moonpool. She couldn't do enough to make up for what she cost. An extra mouth to feed that can't help feed anyone else.
Oh, she could hear them now. The elders don't hunt but we don't abandon them or you can help in camp. She could only help so much. And while the elders may not hunt, they had. They had once been warriors or loners who had lived their lives and had earned the chance to be waited upon. She was young.
I was supposed to be a warrior! I want to fight with my clan mates and hunt with my brother and sister! I want to find a mate and have kits! Not just sit here and be a useless lump! She looked at the bustling camp, watched the groups of cats walk by her new, makeshift nest and saw as they worked together to fix the camp that had been partially destroyed. I don't deserve to be in this clan. In any clan! I…I don't deserve anything good do I?
She didn't want to live like this. She didn't want to die, not really, but was this sort of life a life at all? Always dead in the legs like this? In Starclan, she would be healthy. She would be fixed and strong and respected and a warrior. As she had always wanted, as she still wanted! But I really don't want to die.
She looked again to the cats she had known her whole life. She saw Jayfeather arguing with her mother, who looked like she was ready to claw off his ears. Probably about me. Just another bad thing I cause. She saw the young Dovepaw, who looked especially distraught, and Ivypaw working together rebuild and reinforce the warrior's den. She saw Lionblaze gazing at his young gray apprentice with a mixed look of guilt, regret and is that accusation? What did Dovepaw do? At least she can help.
The young brown she-cat dreamed that night. She was in the woods. She was healed, her legs muscular and strong. She jumped through the trees, form branch to branch, the wind grazing through her fur. She let out a wild yell, one of joy and relief and the absolute giddiness overflowing her heart. She was too blind in her happiness to notice the pale-eyed tabby on the forest floor below her. Jayfeather! But he seems different. Then it hit her. His eyes! He looked as if he could see her. Well, it is a dream. Why couldn't he be able to see in a dream?
"Briarpaw", he called up at her, " We need to talk."
"What about?" She questioned, her voice wary.
"Your," he seemed to be struggling to get the words out, "Your feelings" he said while cringing. He really did hate this type of stuff.
"What do you know about my feelings? You're a medicine cat, you're not useless Jayfeather! You don't know what its like to do nothing, to be sitting there and watching the world go on and other actually accomplish things while all you can do is sit by and watch! You can move Jayfeather! You can move without having to drag yourself and look like a pathetic excuse for a cat! I just want to be able to run again. Just one more time. " She let out all the anger and frustration she had felt in those few words. She wanted to be free of it. And she felt oddly relieved. She was able to say what she hadn't been in the waking world.
"Shut up Briarpaw and stop complaining." Jayfeather's quiet and serious voice didn't match with the harsh words they accompanied.
"Wh-what?" She stumbled over her words and finally jumped from her spot in the trees to stand in front of the sharp-tongued tom.
"You're not useless. Sure, you can't hunt or fight. I can't either." Before she could speak he started again. " And maybe you can't move very fast but you don't need to. No cat is asking you to be a medicine cat or some Windclan rabbit hunter. You can help me sort herbs and make poultices, which is an extremely vital job, or go sit in the elders den and have to have your ears talked off by Purdy all day for the rest of his life. Your choice."
"Everyone's been treating me like a kit. You aren't."
"They shouldn't be. You're not a kit. I'm not saying you haven't been through a lot or you don't deserve to be angry," His eyes softened, almost looking sympathetic and then he went on, "but there have been cats worse off than you. There are cats that are dead. Cats who have lost everything they've known, who they love." He growled at his own word and his eyes shone with a bitter and grief-filled glint that betrayed his harsh exterior. "You're alive and lucky to be so. You giving up on life is just going to hurt the others that love and care about you. Don't be selfish. You want to be a warrior right?" She nodded. "Then act like one." He stalked off, his tail high-held flicking angrily behind him. She could hear him muttering in a low and angry voice.
She was upset. Mad at Jayfeather and at herself. Angry at his being right and making her feel like a fool. He is right though. I guess. She felt the dream start to fade and she woke with a start in her nest. She could hear the pouring of rain outside and could smell the faint scent of Jayfeather across the den. She turned over to look at him. He appeared so little while curled up into a sleeping ball. She nestled down again and fell into a new dream.