A Simple Equation

Ookamirider

Since the beginning of my life, all that I've ever wanted was attention. From the moment I was born, screaming for my mother, to the time I was eight and needed friends to stand by. In my upcoming teens when everyone suddenly found the attractiveness of boys, to the mid-teen years fawning after the cutest one in class. Even now, I crave for the attention of a particular male. However, in every situation, there has been a particular equation.

Me plus x equals Happiness.

And as noted throughout my life, the variable has changed. So in conclusion, I have labeled myself as an overall inconsistent person. However, as I thought more into the issue, I realized that I am indeed, a very consistent person. In the retrospect that I've always been invariable in my choices for companions. Though the variable-the people-changes, the equation-myself-stays the same.

So in the end, I am simply predictable.

The first boy I ever fell in love with was Sasuke Uchiha. At the time we were in the academy, almost every girl groveled over him. Nevertheless, that didn't stop me. In contrary, it made me work even harder for his affection-and attention, especially when it came to my best friend and worst rival, Ino. Then I meet Naruto.

Naruto was everything I hated in a boy. That is, everything the typical pre-teen hated in a boy. So of course, I made fun of him, along with everyone else. It wasn't until years later that I realized how much of a total bitch I must have been to him. Though my 'undying' love for Sasuke continued all through team 7, my opinion of Naruto changed dramatically. In my mind, he went from an obnoxious, perverted, annoying little punk, to a hard working, honest, protective-and sometimes still perverted-young man.

Sasuke never really changed in my mind, because I made him out to be something he wasn't. And while I gave myself room to change my opinion of Naruto, I always kept the cool and talented Uchiha planted in my head, forcing him to stay while he obviously changed on the outside.

And in the end, he had left me grieving with a broken heart. In reality, I never really loved him as a woman would a boyfriend, or husband, and I can't really explain the kind of love I had for him. Still, it wasn't what I thought it was.

Naruto grew on me over the years we spent together, and after Sasuke left, new possibilities suddenly became clear. The younger Uchiha's departure had left behind a gap. However, after only a few months I realized that the hole he left was there even while he was. I simply hadn't understood that Sasuke was only hiding the gap. And now I was starting to comprehend that Naruto seemed like he would fit perfectly. There was still a small piece of the dark haired shinobi that would always stay behind, but I figured that if Naruto could fit, he would be able to mold around the old cover and find a way to eventually envelop it.

He was a man that cared for me, mind and soul. So much so that he would even bet the ultimate stakes, simply to the ends that I would live. How he could love me above everyone else? I had not the slightest idea. All I had ever given him was pain and suffering. I tormented him.

And yet he loves me.

I'm not sure what else I can say. I know that I care for him. And I am well aware that if he died, I wouldn't know what to do. There is a deep pulling in me whenever I see him, and my heart stops every time I see him wounded or in danger.

Is it love when, even if he hated me-God forbid-I would still care about him?

Is it love, when I can't stop thinking about him?

I'm not really sure what you want to call it. Love is simply a word. You can tell someone you love them a thousand times over, and that doesn't make it true.

Love is in the actions. In the way you show it. Love is when you can be alone together, silently, simply holding each other's hand and being completely and utterly content with nothing more. Love is in the heart.

I think I'm in love.