Closure
"Julian, you better talk to Nell. She is involved with the Sanctuary movement, isn't she?" Frank asked Julian point blank.
"I know that she helps immigrants with their problems."
"Some of those she helps are illegals. She helps them evade Immigration. Since you employ many Hispanics you should be concerned."
"All my employees are legal. You can ask them for their green card, if you wish."
Frank sighed. "Julian, I do not want to fence with you. I came as a friend, not as a cop. I know how you feel about Nell. You adopted her and taught all that she needs to know. He is your daughter in ways that Sasha is not, in ways that Sonny is not your son. I do not want any of you to be hurt, and so I tell you that Nell should be laying low for the next few days."
Julian nodded. "All right, Frank. Friend to friend, not policeman to Prince. What do you know about Nell, and what do you want me to do about it?"
"You know about the Sanctuary movement. Helping Central American refugees stay in the United States, moving them among safe houses sponsored by churches, until they can either get asylum or green cards."
"I have heard of it."
"And helped provide green cards for it on occasion."
"Do you want me to admit to an illegal act to a policeman?" Julian asked with irony.
"All right. Skip that question. There is nothing in the information we have that ties you into it."
"Which means I am innocent of your suspicions?"
Frank rolled his eyes. "Nell is not so cautious as you are. Her name has come up in a couple of cases. Nothing definitive, mind you, but probably enough to get her investigated if her name shows up again. And one thing that the Kindred cannot get is investigated."
"I am aware of that."
"So, whatever Nell is doing, she should stop. She should be very circumspect. You know that if she gets investigated by the authorities, she may bring about a breach of the Masquerade. Do you want to pass a death sentence against her?"
"No." the word was almost a plea in Julian's lips. He saw, for a moment Alexandra's face. "I do not want that. I will not have someone I love executed if I can help it."
"Then tell Nell to drop what she is doing, immediately. Sever her links with the movement, until I tell you that it is safe for her to get back to it."
"I will." he remained silent for a few moments, fighting back Alexandra's memory. For a moment he felt again the hartred he had known against Frank, who had cost Alexandra her life. Then the moment passed and he looked at Frank calmly.
"You are a good friend, Frank."
"Thanks, Julian. And you are a good guy. You take things too seriously, and have no sense of humor, but you are OK."
o
"Tell me about yourself, Laura." Julian spoke softly to the old woman as Nell watched.
The woman relaxed and told her story, focusing her attention into Julian's warm, compassionate eyes. Early childhood hopes, teenager urges, then love, then the inevitable disappointments, then new hopes, new disappointments, a life slowly being built, slowly developing in front of his and Nell's eyes. Laura spoke all of it, knowing that it would be heard.
"You must do this for her sake. She is ready to go and it is no kindness to make her linger." Julian said to Nell. "You must make it gentle for her, let her know that she is with a friend."
Nell nodded. She made the cut on Nell's vein and pressed her lips to it. She watched Julian so that he could tell her when she could stop feeding. She forced herself to banish apprehension from her mind. Up to now she had never hurt the one she fed on. And she was not hurting this one, she reminded herself, just sending her on her way.
Julian watched her, while keeping a soothing hand on Laura's eyebrow. He felt so proud of Nell, of how well she had learned the lessons he had taught her. And now she was learning the most precious lesson he had to give her: how to give an easy passage to the terminally ill and deliver them in the hands of the Angel of Death with love.
Nell swallowed the blood, aware of the fluttering heart. It was a heart that would stop beating soon, leading the one it beat for into a gentle sleep from which she not awaken in this world.
"It is enough, Nell. She will make the passage now."
Nell released the wound and closed it.
"Take her hand now, and sit by her side. Let her know that she has a friend with her."
Nell obeyed, as Julian began to speak.
"Laura, you are back in your childhood home, with all the children you knew. Your grandchildren are among them, too. They must remain behind, waving you goodbye. But others have gone ahead of you. They are laughing, remembering you, telling you how much they missed you..."
Julian wove a spell of words, bringing to life a sunlit scene, with a white-sailed boat coming to greet Laura. An all white boat with a smiling captain, ready to take her across the water. Nell followed it, taking the words into her heart. She would soon be saying these words herself. Laura's hand tightened into hers. She squeezed it affectionately, letting her know that she was not alone.
"You are with friends, Laura." she said. It would not be long now. She let herself be carried by Julian's words, sharing in the vision that Laura had. If only she could see what Laura saw...
The heart began to beat irregularly. Nell dropped her head, aware of each heartbeat, knowing that soon there would be no more.
"Look at the sun on the water, Laura. Look at the white sail. Listen to the laughter of those who wait for you. You are coming to join them at last. They have missed you so much all these years..."
One more heartbeat, one more, one more. Nell counted them, feeling peace wash over her. So this was how it ended. This was what a death vigil was...
There were no more heartbeats. Julian nodded his head. Then he looked around, hopefully. Nell followed his eyes, and was surprised to see Laura stand by her bed, with a young blond man by her side.
"I leave you in good hands, Laura." Julian said.
o
"You saw the Angel of Death?" Julian asked, surprised.
"I saw this young man leading her away. He smiled at me and at you. I thought you saw it, too."
"No, I was not that selfless."
"Selfless?" "The one who taught me, said that if I could be truly selfless when I did this I would see the Angel of Death. I never was. I do not do it for them, but for myself..."
"For the blood?"
"No." he smiled, sadly. "For the peace that washes over me. I told you that we must make it peaceful for them. That we must leave our cares behind when we undertake a death vigil. That is the only time when I can leave my troubles truly behind. That is the one time when I have no worries, no regrets, no anguish, no thoughts about hopes, about fears, about anything that besets me. All I have then is peace, real peace. I need to do these vigils, Nell, I need to be out of myself, out of the wear and tear that is my existence. Nell, whatever you do, do not seek power. It can destroy you. Find something that you love to do, and the means to do it, and leave the power games to people more damaged than you are."
"I am not seeking power. I have better things to do."
"I am glad to hear that."
"I like doing things for people. And I figure that if I must feed off them, I should give something back. I know that we do not hurt them in any way, that they only lose what they can afford to, but still it makes me feel better if I do more than take and take."
Julian nodded. He too, believed that the best feedings were the ones in which the people involved took something of value for what was taken from them. To hear Nell say it cheered him. But it also worried him because of what Frank had told him.
"Nell...there is something you must know. Something about the way you pay back..."
Reluctantly he told her what Frank had said, that the Feds were beginning to suspect her, and that if she was investigated, it might bring about a breach of the Masquerade.
"But Julian, you do not understand..." Nell pleaded.
"You risk being investigated, Nell. If you are being followed, you can lead those who investigate you to others. Drop anything that you are doing."
"But these people depend on me."
"Nell, drop what you are doing. We can use some of our people to warn the others not to come close. Tell them the truth, that you may be followed, and that you do not want to lead the Feds to them. They understand that. Then lay low for two, three months. Let them follow you, if they must, and see that you do nothing illegal. Then you can go back to it. Or find a less risky way to pay back."
Nell bent her head, upset at having to agree with Julian.
"We can do it better than we can. You know that I provide green cards for my people. I can let your people have them, through ways that cannot be traced to me. Nell, I know how to do these operations better than you can."
"I know that you do."
"Then let me tell you how to play it."
"All right, you tell me how to play it. Only what about the baby?"
"What baby?
o
"The mother died." Nell explained to Julian as she patted the baby. "She had no one with her, no way to trace her relatives. I am taking care of the baby until then."
"Does the baby have a father?"
"She was raped by a patrol guard. Or rather, he took that as payment for letting her go through. She was separated from her companions. I hid her. I helped her deliver the baby, then she took sick."
"Probably an infection. She should have had medical treatment."
"She did not want any. I did what I could. I begged her to let me call a doctor. I said that I could get one that we could trust. But she could trust no one then. She begged me to be good to her baby. I gave her medicine, even some of my blood. It was no use. I was considering embracing her, and then she slipped through so fast."
"And you have been caring for the baby ever since." The baby had blue eyes and blond hair, he noticed. Probably came from the anonymous Anglo father. It was a quiet baby, sleeping contentedly in Nell's arms. "Nell, do you know how to care for a baby properly?'
"I know what I am doing."
"It may be dangerous. You are what you are, and a baby cannot afford to lose much blood. One teaspoon may be too much."
"I would never!"
"Nell, we are what we are. One day an accident may happen. Kindred are no meant to raise children."
"This baby has no one but me. No family, no one who cares about him. His mother was an illegal alien. Immigration may well deport him if they find him. And in his mother's country he is just another illegitimate child, to be put in a orphanage, or to survive in the streets. Here he has a chance."
Nell hugged the baby to herself. She could never have a child of her own, Julian remembered.
No Kindred ever could. He had been fortunate, having had a child of his body before Archon had embraced him. Nell would never know that... Could he take that away from her? True, there was danger, if Nell ever became too hungry, but Nell did not allow herself to become hungry. The baby may well be safe with her. He looked at the baby, and then to Nell. Blond hair, blue eyes, from his Anglo father (and some Anglo maternal grandfather probably), he could well pass for Nell's son.
"What is his name?"
"Ernesto."
"Ernesto." he reached out and put out a finger, letting Ernesto close his fist around it. "You mother loves you very much."
"I will drop all the other Sanctuary stuff, as you want. At least until it is safe. But I will not give up Ernesto."
Julian nodded. "I will do what I can." he said to her.
0
"It may be a crazy idea." Julian avowed to Daedalus. "but before I decided that it was crazy I wanted to ask you about it."
"The blond, blue eyed part comes from his father, who, as I understand, has no interest in the child."
"Yes. We are not denying him any parental rights that he may care about."
"The baby is a boy, so he would keep his father's Y chomosome. The other X chomosome should be that of Nell. Except that, you want me to replace all the father's chromosomes with Nell?"
"Can it be done?"
"It could. It would change the baby. Not in ways that matter, its personality is not well defined yet, so it would not do violence to it. But why would you want to do it?"
"This is the only way that Nell would consent to give him up, and I do not want her to raise him. The danger is too great. Even the best of us gets careless, and if she did... a baby does not have that much blood to lose. She would never forgive herself if anything happended."
"And it would give closure to her parents. They would have lost their daughter, but would have a grandson. Any tests they would make would confirm that Nell is the mother. They would raise him, mourn Nell as dead, and get on with their lives. And Nell would be at peace about them."
"An elegant solution." Daedalus agreed.
"Can it be done?"
"Of course it can. The Nosferatu have done much more difficult things than that. Julian, one day you have to learn what it is that Nosferatu do or cannot do."
"Maybe one day I will have the time for it."
o
"Give Ernesto up?" Nell was aghast.
"Let your parents raise him as their grandson."Julian said. "Let them find closure that way."
"Say that is my son, by my lover..."
"Yes. That you died shortly after giving him birth, and that you entrusted him to a woman to give to your parents, knowing that they would love him."
"But..."
"You said that you wanted your parents to stop hurting about your disapperance. This will do it. They will stop looking for you. They will just mourn you as dead, and pour their love for you on Ernesto."
"But he is not really my son."
"It can be made to be." He explained what Daedalus could do.
"He would be my son, truly?"
"That and his mother's. He would have two biological mothers, and one wisp of a biological father."
"Yes. Two mommies, both of whom loved him very much." Nell bent her head.
"Nell, Kindred do not raise children. The risk is too great. What we take, an adult can lose without a thought, a child would be endangered, and a baby would die. If one day you are too hungry, Ernesto may die, and you would never forgive yourself."
"But I wouldn't!"
"Accidents happen to the best of us. I have had accidents myself. None with children, all with adults who recovered. You will have accidents, Nell. No Kindred ever escapes that. And I do not want Ernesto to be around when that happens."
"But..." she tried to find some objection, but she felt the weight of Julian's words and the expression in his face...
Kindred do not raise children... the thought came to her, battering her defenses. Kindred should never attempt to raise children...
"Give him to my parents..." she looked at Ernesto, at his sleeping face, at his closed fists...
"Your parents would give him a good home. And you could keep watch over him, at a distance, and help where you could." Nell nodded, aware that Julian was right, aware that she did not want to give up Ernesto, not yet...
"I know, it is hard." Julian put his hand on her shoulder. "I know what you feel. I had to give up my family when I became Kindred. It was forced on me, because of the consumption that was killing me. Afterwards I could watch over them and help them through crises. But I always regretted the few months that I would have had otherwise, the few months in which I could have been holding them, telling them how much I loved them. Ernesto will never know you, as he will never know his real mother. And yet he will carry the love of both of you with him."
Tears of blood were running over Nell's cheeks. She nodded, agreeing with Julian, and bitterly regretting that she had to agree with him.
"I will have Daedalus arrange for the chromosome transfer. In the meantime, you sit down and compose a letter, explaining about your Latino lover, how you got pregnant, and how you want your parents to forgive you, and to give a home to your child."
She nodded again. Julian took her in his arms. "It is a loving thing to do Nell, and you are full of love. It will be hard, but you will do what is right."
"Will you...will you help me through it?"
"Yes, Nell, my child. I will see you through this." he kissed her forehead. "I will not leave your side until this is done, I promise you."
o
The lights were on at the house where Nell had grown. She could see her mother and father through the windows. They were still as she remembered them, though there was a slight change in them, as age crept on them.
They sat together, looking at Ernesto, their grandson, who had closed a wound in them. Their daughter was dead, but their grandson lived. They could now mourn Nell, and go on, knowing that some part of her still lived, and that they held it.
"They are more at peace than they have been since I disappeared." Nell said.
"They found closure. And a new reason to go on." Julian said.
"You were right. It is better this way."
"I know that it was not easy for you. I know how being sterile and unable to raise children hurts us, when we admit it to ourselves."
"But it is worth it to see my parents at peace at last. And they will be good to Ernesto. He will be happy with them. And I... I will find someone else to love."
Julian hugged her. "I am happy for you Nell. And proud."
"I know." she looked around. "I...I don't think that I can watch it anymore. If I keep looking, I will want to join them, and I cannot."
"Yes, it is best to go now.'
They took flight together. They circled the house a couple of times, looking at the lighted windows, then they left.