The crow takes off from your windowsill leaving you reaching after it. You sit back on your bed; you had pushed it against the window when you had first gotten sick. That was about six months ago, exactly how long they gave you. You had thought that the time you had left would be spent doing the things you had always wanted to but instead it was spent sitting in the apartment you share with your brother. You have wanted to go out for ages but your brother would never allow you to, you were too fragile for the outside world. You just want to feel the sun on your face before it happens. You had accepted it long ago; you've felt it coming for weeks. Your Brother hasn't accepted it, he's been trying to save you for ages, and you've told him to stop. You're ready you're okay with how it's going to end.
You're lying on your bed staring at the ceiling when you finally decide. You're going to go out and nobody can stop you. You sit straight up and swing your legs onto the floor. You're about to go out of your room when you realize that you're still in your pajamas.
"Right, clothes….." You sigh and look around your room trying to remember what drawers are filled with random junk and which are filled with clothes. You hadn't been wearing real clothes in the past couple months as you rarely got out of your room, you miss them. You open a few drawers and pull out random clothes; socks, underwear, shirt, pants, sweatshirt. The shirt hangs off of you like your brother's did when you were little and the pants, designed to be form fitting, are just as baggy.
"I really should get some clothes that fit me." You plop down in front of your closet to pull out some sneakers. You root around until you find the pair you had gotten as a birthday present just days before you got sick. They were black with red record disks on the heels. Your friends had gotten together to get them for you knowing that you loved records. You smile as you put them on. It was time to go, the last thing you do before you leave your room is put on your sunglasses, because sunglasses are cool.
You peek out into the hallway checking for your brother. You hear snoring coming from across the hall so you tip toe out of your room. The snoring stops.
"Dave?" your brother's voice is groggy. You stop moving long enough o take a deep breath.
"Yeah, I'm just going to go get some AJ" You're completely convinced he sees right through you at this point.
"You feeling okay man? You need me to go get you anything?" You can still tell that he's half asleep at this point. It looks like you just might be able to get away with this.
"No, I'm fine. Just go back to sleep." You're already opening the door when you say this, he has already started to snore again so you just slip out and close the door behind you. By the time you're in the lobby of the apartment building you feel the guilt of lying to your brother but it's to late to turn back now. You pull the sweatshirt tighter around you and step out into the world.
You take a deep breath and feel the fresh air in your lungs. You had missed the cool and cleanness of air that hadn't been sitting in your room for weeks. After aimlessly wandering the streets you find the park where your brother used to take you as a kid and sit down. You lean back and look at the sky. The leaves on the trees are bright and rustle in the wind. You close your eyes and smile to yourself. You fall asleep still smiling with the sun warming your face…
"Dave!" you rush to your brothers side and grab his shoulders. "Dave! Wake-up! Dave!" You put your hand on his face and try to find some sort of recognition in his features. "Dave stay with me okay, don't do this to me man." You pull out your phone dialing 911. "ITS MY BROTHER! HE's-HE WON'T WAKE UP! WHAT DO I DO?" Your heart is beating faster than what should normally be healthy.
"Sir, can you tell me where you are? We'll have an ambulance on the way as soon as you tell me." The woman on the other end was calm and almost bored, although that just might be because you're freaking out.
"WE'RE IN THE PARK THREE BLOCKS DOWN FROM THE HOSPITAL! HURRY I THINK HE'S DYING!" You're kneeling on the ground in front of Dave and holding both of his hands in one of yours. When did he get so small, if you didn't know better you'd think he was six again and fell asleep while you were playing in the park?
"Sir, I think you are over reacting, is there any reason why your brother should be dying." At this point the woman sounds condescending.
"YES! 6 MONTHS AGO HE WAS GIVEN 6 MONTHS TO LIVE! DID YOU THINK I WAS JOKING?" you're angrier than you ever had been before, angrier than when the principal of Dave's school suspended him when another kid punched him. You're checking his pulse when the ambulance arrives. The paramedics push you out of the way and put him on a gurney. You can't comprehend what is happening, its like you're watching a movie. You're faintly aware of sitting in the ambulance as they hook him up to a monitor and the line goes flat. You barely notice when they call it. You don't notice the tears that stream ceaselessly down your face. You're only thinking of what could have been. What you could have done with your brother. What you didn't do.
You kneel down on the grave and brush some dirt off of it. You smile sadly. He was only 15. Why did he have die.
"Hi Dave," you laugh bitterly, "Its been a while since we last talked. When you said you were getting AJ. I'm sorry that I wasn't with you more than I was. I didn't really think it was going to happen." You pull a bottle of apple juice out of your pocket, "I, uh brought this for you. Its your favorite kind." You break down entirely and sob uncontrollably. "I'm sorry Dave." You collapse in front on the stone. " I'm so sorry." You're sobbing and your nose is running when it happens. A crow nudges your leg. You look at it and it looks at you, tilting its head. You knew that crows were always Dave's favorite animals; you had always thought it was weird. "dave?" your voice is small and weak. The bird nods at you and nuzzles your out stretched hand. "do you forgive me? For not being there sooner." The bird caws, and nuzzles you one more time before hopping and flying off. You wipe away your tears, and turn back to the stone "Thank you." You whisper to it. "Thank you."