Summary: Late night..Atop the Astronomy tower. Long drop. Sirius is afraid to loose the one thing he can't live with out.
Rating: T- Romance/Angnst- Sirius B.& Remus L.
Amlost Gone
"Moony. Don't." The two sixth years stood on the astronomy tower. The sun had set hours before leaving nothing but the crescent moon and a million stars to light the grounds. Sirius Black stood staring at his beloved friend. Remus Lupin Stood next to the wall. His body was turned toward the other marauder, his scared left hand resting on the wall as his head was turned to look down over the wall's steep edge.
"Sirius." He tried a smile. It was painful. Like he forgot how to work those muscles. "Padfoot it's-"
"Don't tell me it's for me or it's for the best!" The tall boy nearly shouted. Remus looked back out at the grounds. It was cool out the small midnight breezes bringing a slight chill. The dark blonde moved closer to the taller one who only looked to the ground and dug his nails in his palms in attempt to hold back tears.
"I love you Sirius." The dark haired boy's eyes widened the tears waiting to spill. He stared into his friends eyes with disbelief.
"Wh-What?" Remus bit his lip and gave a small whimpering kind of smile. The werewolf half expected his best mate to back away in disgust. "You love me?" Sirius couldn't believe his ears and thought maybe he misunderstood. "Love like friends? Best mates?"
The golden blonde gave a week laugh, "No, Sirius. Ilove you. I've liked you as more than just a friend for some time now. I-I just never had the courage to tell you." He gave a nervous chuckle taking a step back from Sirius. "Some Gryffindor I am."
The corner of Sirius' lips twitched into the smallest of smiles. So long he had wanted to here Moony say he liked him in the same way. He rested his hand on Remus' cheek feeling the smooth skin heated from his blushing. " Remus." It was barley a whisper. Suddenly Sirius' eyes narrowed, "You." The hand that was on the smooth skin swung back and smacked Remus across the face. The boy put his hand to his face after stumbling backwards. His golden eyes sparkling with tears and shock. "You liked me? You fell in love with me?!" His voice rose then fell deadly low. Remus desperately wished he'd just yell at him and he backed away. "You loved me all this time and you never told me?" The wolf gaped in udder surprise as those gray eyes he adores so much began to shine with tears, "How the bloody hell can you tell me you love me when your leaving me."
Remus sighed and walked to his friend who was now sitting on the ground palms pressed firmly to his eyes. The small marauder knelt down and put his hand on the animagus' shoulder, "Sirius I do love you. I realized that after last full moon. When I nearly killed you, nearly lost you for good." His hands shook. He remembered it all to well. It had been a particularly bad transformation. The wolf in him had acted in rage at his dark haired friend before he even fully transformed. Sirius had been with a rather beautiful girl and he was unfortunate enough to see them kiss good night on his way out to the whomping willow. The boy had trouble controlling his emotions when it was time for the wolf. His jealousy and outrage took control. Moony had attacked his friend in mid transformation. After Sirius was on the ground looking near inches from death Remus came in control long enough to realize what he had done. After that he pulled away from James' and Peter's grasp and told them to take Sirius and leave he curled up in the corner feeling more like a monster than ever. That night he had beat himself up worse than he had in years ashamed of what he had done.
Gray eyes looked up into golden, "But Moony your leaving me now. What difference does it make." He slammed his fist on the ground flinching at the pain. Remus took his friend's hand.
"Leaving now Padfoot would insure me that you'll have a future. A chance to live a good long life. It doesn't matter if I can't be here. I'd rather never see you and have you alive than me being here and you dead."
"I love you Remus." Sirius gave a shaky laugh hearing how strange it was to tell him finally. "How will I be happy knowing your gone?" They both dropped their gazes.
"I can't risk having you die. How will I live with myself if I were to kill you?"
"Please Remus. You can't leave. Not now." Sirius went to pull his new found love into a hug but Remus stood up and walked to the wall again. The animagus clenched his jaw as he watched Remus peering over the edge measuring the distance to the ground.
"I must. I need to. I'm sorry." The werewolf gripped the wall tightly tears threatening to spill.
"Moony." He ran over forcing the blonde to turn and face him. "I need you. Where will you go anyway?"
The marauder was still debating that. He could go home but how will his parents react. Remus' heart ached and he longed to stay with his friends, his home, with Sirius. At that moment Sirius pulled Remus into a long hug. Both felt they could never let go. They just fit so perfectly in each others arms. Sirius took the shorter ones chin and pushed his head up. Staring into each others eyes before they slipped shut as their lips touched. Sirius deepened the kiss and pulled away. "Where will you go?"
His golden eyes slipped shut. Remus reluctantly pulled away from hif friend instantly missing the warmth the feeling of safety. He looked over the wall again giving a small smile, he could still taste Sirius on his lips. "I'm a monster. There is no need for my kind to exist. Not with what we cause."
"Stop it!" Sirius stood next to the blonde and laid his hand over the scared one. "Don't say things like that Moony. It's not true." Remus glanced at Sirius ready to protest, "Your not like any of those werewolves Remus. Your nothing like Greyback, your not a monster. You're my best mate and one true love." The blonde smiled enjoying this romantic like side of Sirius. "Stay with me."
"I can't." His golden eyes stared intently at the grounds hundereds of feet below.
Sirius' gray eyes widened, "No Remus. You can't do that not here not in front of me."
"Then," Remus squeezed his eyes shut, "you need to leave."
Sirius felt his fellow marauder shift his weight to better pull himself up on the wall. "I'm not leaving and niether are you. You're the smart one what do you fucking think your doing?!"
"It's for the best."
Sirius grabbed hold of Remus' hand and said firmly, "You jump, I jump."
"No this is for you so you live!" The werewolf said trying to pull his hand back.
"Well your not leaving me. So where ever you go I go. There fore if you-"
"No! You can't! I won't let you." Remus was becoming frustrated.
"I'll do what ever the bloody hell I want. I don't see how you'll be stopping me since you'll be dead."
"I'll curse you." Remus narrowed his eyes becoming imencly afraid of killing Sirius along with himself.
Surprisingly enough Sirius gave a small smile pulling Remus a bit further from the wall, "Now what is it you plan to do after the spell breaks when you hit the ground? Do you think I won't jump?"
Remus hung his head. Sirius had one they both know it. He couldn't do it if it killed his love right along with him. The werewolf looked into Sirius' gray eyes that shone bright with determenation, "Fine Sirius. You win." They smiled weakly and embraced each other letting out sighs of relief.
"I love you Remus. And I will never let you end your life like this. How do you suppose I live knowing you did that because of me?"