Academy Chronicles: Remember and Cherish
(Published for Christmas 2017)
AN: Merry Christmas! I couldn't resist making something special for the holiday, so here it is, an entire one-shot revolving around and filling in the gaps regarding a certain character's emotional state during a specific moment in the roleplay SSMB Heroes Academy: Uprising.
Christmas.
Christmas is a time of giving, laughing, bonding, all that. For all of my life, it's my favorite time of year. My greatest childhood memories were formed from this holiday…
…Memories that never happened. Not anymore.
It's not like I can discuss them with my parents either… because they don't even know I exist.
My name is Madoka Kaname, and a long time ago I made the biggest sacrifice anyone could possibly do to save the world.
I destroyed my entire existence.
I made a wish to become a goddess, to save Magical Girls, people doomed to die of despair in my world from their cruel fate. I became the bearer of all their despair.
Because I became a concept, nobody remembered me. Not even my family. My own little brother is convinced that I'm just his imaginary friend.
For the longest time… I was okay with it. Homura, the person who gave me this power thanks to her constant attempts to save me was the only one who remembered at first.
Then there was Sayaka, my childhood friend. I saved her and brought her to the afterlife, and she remembers me now.
It's… not the same, though. It's not like I can see my little brother Tetsuya, or my mom… or my dad, again. Yet I don't want to mope around about it or else it would worry Homura.
So I keep my own pain to myself.
You see, I am no longer a goddess. My powers have been stolen by the enemy of the Disciples, the Metarex. As such, I'm a Disciple now, fighting to retake my responsibility.
I have my doubts, though. A part of me… doesn't want to go. Once I disappear and regain my powers, I can't interact with anyone anymore. Will my new friends even remember me when I go?
I don't want to be nothing again. It already hurts thinking about my parents during the Holidays.
I've been a Disciple for a while now, and Christmas hasn't bothered me before. This year is different, though.
I have a side-job with Sayaka and the others as a Skylander in a specific multiverse. I get to work with more people and even make new friends.
Our base of operations, the once abandoned island of Club Penguin is populated once more after the Hub was destroyed, and everyone's preparing for the big day.
I can see it as I walk down the island alone, trying to get over my own emotions.
As I walk into town square, I saw penguins waddle hastily in and out of places like the Gift Shop, getting some last-minute shopping done. I see children tugging on their parent's clothes exclaiming just how excited they are to see what Santa will deliver them.
Jingling bells and joyful carols filled the air, reminding me of days long gone… if you could even call them days that happened…
…
"To… Mar-o-ka and Tat-suuu-yah!"
"That's right, Tatsuya! To me and you!"
I pinched my dear brother by the cheek playfully as we stared at the big present box from mom and dad.
My mom, Junko Kaname gestured to us to open it up, to which we immediately responded.
Wrapping paper flew all over the room, some even landing on dad's face.
In front of us were two suitcases. One pink, one a light green.
"Woooow! Backpack! Backpack!" Tatsuya exclaimed
I giggled as I corrected him. "No, it's a suitcase! Say it, suuuuitcase!"
"Sooooht-kayse!"
My dad, Tomohisa Kaname then spoke up. "That's right, suitcase! Now, you better get packing, kiddos!"
"…Packing?" I asked.
"Yeah, of course. We can't keep the plane waiting when we go to Disneyland after all, right?"
My eyes immediately started to sparkle. "R-Really?! We're going right now?!"
My dad laughed. "Yes! So better haul your butts!" He playfully said, pushing the suitcases closer to us. "We leave in three hours!"
I jumped to my feet and grabbed the suitcase. I also whip out my phone and began to text Sayaka.
Madoka: Guess who's going to Disneyland?!
Sayaka: U?
Madoka: lol, yeah!
Sayaka: damn, lucky u!
Madoka: I'm leaving today!
Sayaka: DAMN, LUCKY U!
Sayaka: u better send me a mickey hat while you're out
Madoka: I'll try, Sayaka Mickey. XD
Sayaka: like i havent heard that one before :U
Sayaka: anyway, have fun!
Madoka: I will! Thanks, Sayaka!
I shut off my phone and reached for the doorknob which leads to my room. I have to pack the essentials. Clothes, toothbrush, maybe a portable console, definitely my sketchbook…
I just couldn't describe my excitement. It's gonna be a Christmas everyone will remember.
…
Words can't describe just how ironic things turned out.
Remembering the past I left behind just hurts, yet I still don't regret my actions. I saved so many lives…
…It still hurts though, because I want to see them one more time. Even if I do, though, it's not like they'll know who I am.
Did Christmas lose its joy on me?
I smacked my face furiously, trying to snap myself out of my own funk. If Homura saw me like this, she'll be dead set on stopping me from becoming the goddess again.
I need her to accept my future departure. I have to remain happy, not sad! For her, I have to!
My head started to feel heavy, as if weights are becoming tied to my very being. I turned to my hand and the ring on my finger morphed into a small egg-shaped jewel: My Soul Gem, my entire self, my soul, contained in a tiny capsule-like device.
Black swirls danced and consumed the once bright pink light that enveloped the gem's center. I sighed. Despair really is taking its toll on me.
Realizing I need a Grief Cube to replenish myself, I walked away to find someone who always has them for us Magical Girls in case of emergencies.
Knocking on the front door of a heavily-fortified igloo, the building of our temporary residence here on the island, the door opened to reveal a small, circular two-tailed fox I'm all too familiar with.
"Madoka, what's up?" Tails asked. "You need somethin'? A weapon? Christmas ornament? Weapon disguised as a Christmas ornament?"
I held up my Soul Gem, immediately the fox understands.
"Ahhh, I see. Come in, kiddo."
Tails led me into his igloo. I look around to see that even the Disciples' weapon specialist is in the holiday spirit. Yellow and white lights bordered the walls with a hologram in the middle of the room acting as a Christmas tree.
I passed through the hologram to find a cabinet containing hundreds of Grief Cubes we stockpiled over the years. I snagged one and pressed it to my Soul Gem, the despair seeping away into the black object.
Even though my soul is relieved, my thoughts are anything but.
"…Hey, Tails?" I asked, completely unaware I was speaking up at all. It's as if I was talking on my own.
"Yeah?" Tails piped up from his workbench, sketching on a blueprint.
"What… is Christmas to you?"
Tails' eyebrows raised at that question. "Why… do you ask?"
"Eheheh! I'm wondering! I wanna see what each Skylander thinks of the holiday!" I laughed, putting on a false smile.
Tails stroked his chin. "Hmm… Well, as you know I had a lot of Christmases in my life. Hell, I've been celebrating Christmas since Christmas started being a thing."
That is true. All the Sentinels have lived for 150 million years, after all.
"And you know, living the same holiday over and over can get really boring sometimes. Trust me; I have had it up to here with heart-shaped chocolates!" He said, holding his hand up to emphasize his annoyance.
"Yet… heh, Christmas is something I can never get tired of."
"Hm?" I asked.
"I know, right?" Tails chuckled. "After years and years of celebrating more Christmases than the standard human with the exact same people, I should be bored out of my mind. However… every year I try to make the most of it."
He continued talking as he sketched away, not looking away from his task.
"It gives me something to look back on. Every Christmas celebration is a new set of fun times with family. I love every year, as I always try to do something new so I can remember it."
I turned away to see a large line of photos on a nearby table. Some are black and white, some in color, some holograms.
Are these… pictures of Tails' favorite Christmases?
I walked towards it, and sure enough, Tails was right. Every year he tried something different.
In one picture, he celebrated the whole party dressed as Santa.
In another picture, he rented a bunch of reindeer and made a petting zoo out of it. That picture specifically has the reindeer biting down on Shadow's arm as the other Sentinels laugh at his expense.
In yet another photo, Tails created a machine that shoots Christmas decorations all over the room automatically.
All these years, and he's still looking back on every single one.
"Aaaand done! Time to get building!" Tails exclaimed.
I turned to the fox. "Done what?"
"My new Christmas invention!" Tails whipped out the blueprint in front of my face to show it off. "This 'ere I call the C-M.A.S. It's short for Christmas Music Automated System! It's able to broadcast carols in your mind! Your brain starts thinking about Christmas songs in such a degree that you can practically hear it! Awesome, huh?"
"Y-Yeah! It does!" I compliment.
…Although I would be lying if I said it wasn't a tad scary. Did he just build a mind manipulator that focuses entirely on Christmas carols? Is that some kind of hypnotism?
I let it go, though. I can trust Tails. At the very least, he made something new so he can remember this Christmas like the many others.
…Just like how I remember the Disneyland trip.
I closed my eyes again, remembering the fun times I had at the resort. I break into a small smile as a feeling of familiar warmth took me over.
My eyes shot open, however. Is it truly right to remember, though if it never happened?
Excusing myself and thanking Tails for using his Grief Seed, I left the igloo.
Walking back down the snowy ground, I found myself facing yet another encounter. However, this time the person came to me.
Not deliberately, though. We actually bumped into each other.
"Oh! Shuichi! I'm so sorry!" I told Shuichi Saihara, who was rubbing his head.
"I-It's okay, Madoka… I should've been watching where I was going instead of staring at my feet." The dark-haired boy replied.
Shuichi Saihara is one of my fellow Skylanders, an Imaginator created resembling the real Ultimate Detective. However, he was created without the memories of his other self, making him "defective". As I inspected the boy, though, he was… sweating?
"Hey, are you okay?" I asked, pointing at Shuichi's moist forehead.
Shuichi reached for his forehead with his right hand, touching and slightly circling around the skin's surface. He looked back down on his hand to see the sweat.
"Heh… yeah, I am. I'm just exhausted from playing the piano."
"Piano?" I asked. Shuichi's a detective, not a pianist. That's his best friend's specialty, Kaede Akamatsu.
Shuichi nodded. "Yeah. K-Kaede and I were practicing piano back at the Lighthouse. She was insistent about doing this with me. It was surprisingly difficult and I was tense… hence the sweat."
Kaede got him to try playing piano? Come to think of it, I remember hearing something about her trying to build up his confidence. Was this her plan?
"Anyway, so I'm heading to my igloo to take a shower," Shuichi continued. "Because… y-you know… sweat."
I awkwardly nod in understanding. Didn't think anyone would be talking about their sweat today, especially not from someone like Shuichi.
The two of us stand in silence, unsure if we should leave or not.
"S-So… doing anything for Christmas?" Shuichi suddenly asked me.
My eyes widened. "No… Nothing special. Why?"
"It's just… because I don't know what I should do for Christmas. It should be something special, right? This is my first proper Christmas, after all. I-I want to celebrate it."
Guess life as a defective Imaginator, forced to clean worlds day after day for the longest time meant no holidays.
"This really means a lot to you, huh?" I asked.
Shuichi nodded. "Yeah. I really want to cherish this day, make the most out of it. That should be what every Christmas should be about... right? To be happy with each other?"
For someone who never experienced a true Christmas, he got it right on the money. Christmas is a day where we all unite and enjoy a whole day where we all forget the stresses of our past and enjoy each other's company.
I remember many years where I have like, an assignment due for school and I've been cramming the whole time. It really stressed me out. However, on Christmas I just forget about all that and I return to my work all refreshed.
All this just gave me a warm smile on my face as I looked at Shuichi. "Yeah. No doubt about it."
Shuichi smiled with me. "I-I honestly cannot wait. I can finally be happy on Christmas. Especially with you, the Skylanders… Kaede…"
The latter name was a mumbling that was barely incomprehensible, yet I was able to hear it.
"…Kaede?"
Shuichi looked up at me, his face reddening and sweat trickling down his head.
"U-Um… I should probably take a shower now! See ya, Madoka!"
The boy runs off to his igloo.
I could clearly tell who he will spend time with this Christmas. I smile and wave goodbye at him, glad that Shuichi could find something to cherish the day.
I bet Christmas this year will be something great to enjoy, and something wonderful to remember…
…But what happens after it all passes, and I disappear? Will every Christmas I'm in be erased from time?!
Why?
Why can't I get my mind off this?!
I collapsed on the snow, pulling at my hair. I don't want to regret my actions, but just thinking of all the joy that never happened anymore… it hurts. All these memories lashing out at me relentlessly… never stopping…
I can't stop thinking about what would happen if I never became a goddess. Yeah, if I didn't do it… all this pain will finally sto-
"…Madoka?"
I looked up to a familiar voice. What I could make out immediately was her distinct blue hair… It's my childhood friend, Sayaka Miki.
She leaned to get down on my level, her face now that of concern. "Hey, what's wrong? This isn't like you."
I wiped away my teary eyes.
"W-What are you talking about, Sayaka? I was always like this." I corrected her.
I wasn't technically lying. When I was first exposed to the world of Magical Girls, I was really emotionally frail. I couldn't count how many times I cried.
Yet after my transformation, I wasn't like that anymore. However, today pulled me back into becoming the whimpering 14-year old Madoka Kaname from long ago.
Sayaka wagged her finger in front of my face. "No hiding from me, Madoka. Something's up and you're gonna tell me everything, okay?"
I nodded slowly. If I'm going to show my true feelings to someone, it might as well be with someone who remembered all this with me.
Without even realizing it, I threw myself at Sayaka. Her arms wrapped around me as I desperately searched for solace in her embrace.
It's an odd role reversal. I remember every timeline I hugged Sayaka and comforted her as she cried about her own woes. It shows just how much we've changed since then. Sayaka's so strong now, yet here I am… so weak and crying about Christmas. How childish is that?
"Sayaka, I-I miss Christmas with my family… Mama… Papa… Tatsuya… They don't know who I am. I don't exist…"
Sayaka remained quiet, with the only sound she made is her calm breathing.
"…How can I enjoy Christmas without feeling the pain that all my memories aren't real anymore?!" I sobbed.
I clutched her sleeves tightly as if my life depended on it.
"I-I just want to restart everything… and be with them one more time."
I continued to cry and cry, until Sayaka began to pat my head.
"Hey, who told you that those memories aren't real, huh?" She asked.
I looked at her. "H-Huh?"
"Madoka, even if they don't remember you now, at one point it did happen! I think that's still important!" Sayaka says to me. "If it didn't happen, than was the Transfer Student's attempts to save you not real?"
My eyes widened in realization. Sayaka… is right. Homura travelled timeline after timeline to save me from becoming a Magical Girl, and it's that selfless action that made me a goddess after all as her trips through time strengthen my magical potential.
Yet since I never existed, those timelines didn't happen. However, Homura knows what truly did occur at once. She knows what she did and what happened to me was a result of it.
I guess… the same goes for my family. Even if they don't know me, I know them clear as day.
I remember my dad's gardening skills, Tatsuya's adorable drawings and my talks with mom every morning.
And of course, I remember every Christmas.
It still happened. And for that I shouldn't be ashamed to forget about it.
As those thoughts flowed through, my tears ceased to do the same.
"That's true, but… I really want to be with them one more time." I muttered.
Sayaka gave me a warm, understanding smile. "I know. Me too, Madoka. Me too. My parents think I'm dead, you know. I can't really go back to my dimension either because exposing them to all this dimensional stuff, and intergalactic bad guys might put them in danger."
Sayaka began to let go of me as she looked at me in the eye.
"Do you know what could happen if you could turn back time to ensure you experience Christmas with them every year?"
"Huh?"
"It erases everything you've ever done after that. The friends you made? The people you saved? All gone. Will that be worth it?"
Will it be worth it? Is meeting Mami, Kyoko, the Disciples and everyone else something worth sacrificing? Is saving all those Magical Girls worth sacrificing?
Is it worth sending them to damnation?
"…No! Of course not!" I yelled.
Sayaka smirked. "Of course. After all, you did save me!"
I nodded in response. She would've been an evil witch otherwise.
"I think rather than dwelling on the past, we should look forward to the future, don't you think?" Sayaka asked.
"Yeah… definitely." I said, finally cracking a smile.
It makes sense now. Tails, Shuichi, Sayaka… they all showed me everything I should appreciate about Christmas.
I should remember the past fondly, I should cherish the present and I should look forward to the future. After all, Christmas is close to the New Years, isn't it?
Sayaka nudged me. "Now come on, we should finish the preparations for the party, right?"
I nodded. "That's right!"
The two of us got up and walked off to celebrate Christmas with my friends. I shouldn't be sad that my family is gone.
I looked up to my childhood friend, someone I spent all my life with ever since we started going to school. Her eyes filled with a sense of belonging as a Disciple, finding a new calling with all the friends she has made.
All the friends I have made.
Yeah… My family isn't gone.
They're right here.