A/N: Here is part two in my Journal Series...sorry it is so short, but I hope I delved into the boys' thoughts enough...Let me know how I did and if I am doing good enough to keep this up!!

Disclaimer: Yet again Eric Kripke owns the characters and such...I only own the idea and plot.

Sam's Blog...

October 8, 2007 - Monday

I have had some terrible experiences in my life, but nothing can ever compare to the last three days. I don't think I ever want to visit Indiana ever again. Of course that would never stop that damned blonde from following my ass. Now that I know how she can find me makes me want to rethink everything.

She is a goddamned daemon?? How the hell did I not see that one coming?? I am always so observant, so watchful, yet if I had not had my head in that book and on the internet looking up ways to help Dean I would have been a step ahead of her.

Now I find out that there was more to my mother's death, that yellow eyes took out everyone she ever knew. There is no one left, no one in her family and no friends at all. The yellow eye was one keen son of a bitch! Just had to clean up after himself! Now they want me, and Dean... Christ what have we done?

I just want to go back to college and forget any of this ever happened, have a normal everyday life, a house with a white picket fence, be married and have 2.4 kids. Yet I know if that were to happen in no time the blackness that reigns over us now would tear me asunder! In short, we are fucked!

I just can't take any more surprises at this time...That bitch just has a way about her that makes my blood run cold, daemon or no. I know she can help me save Dean, I thank her for that, but I am not sure if I want to be in cahoots with the very thing we have been hunting for 24 years!! It makes me feel dirty just thinking about it.

When the time is right I will tell Dean all this, but right now I have to sort all of this out for myself. It's just something that only a person in my condition can handle at this current juncture. I hate hiding things from my brother and spilling them to a screen like a cyber geek, but sometimes it just needs to be that way.

Dean...Dean, at least he found some form of peace with Lisa. Ben may not have been his but I saw the look in his eyes when the boy was in trouble, and I know that look. It's pure love and it is a side of him rarely seen. I know he wants to be a father, tries to be one to me and always did. This would have been the opportunity he had been looking for for years. I feel sad that it had been taken from him. Yet at the same time I hope it makes him think with his upstairs brain for a while and begin to realize that these things are possible, that running around like a damned horndog can cause accidents like that. It may cause him to change his mind. Or not, whatever!!

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Dean's Blog...

October 9, 2007 - Tuesday

Sammy passed out like half an hour ago. He looked angry about something. As I watched him, he groaned and stirred in his sleep. I have no idea what went one while I was at Lisa's, but something is tormenting him. He punched his pillow three times then yelled something unintelligible, almost sounding like, "Dead, all dead." Now I feel like I am the one that needs to help him instead of the other way around. I just wish he would tell me what the hell was bothering him instead of bottling it all...Oh, damn. Sammy I am so sorry, now I know how you felt kid. I'd kick my own ass if I could. Forgive me.

Ah Christ, it was like Children of the Damned out there...I felt like I had to block my mind with a freaking brick wall, or...something. Freaking spawns, they were almost as creepy as those dolls, which I will not think about right now or I will have to blast Metallica just to drown out the screams!!

Going back and seeing Lisa was a major shock. She was just as beautiful as I remember her...wonder if she was still as flexible?? Man she had this one move where she could lift her legs over...Okay, moving on...

I haven't felt like this in a long time...At least not since Sam was born. That odd need to take care of something smaller than yourself, something so small and vulnerable. The way he spoke crept me out at first, it was like looking in the mirror, or at least a carnival mirror. You know the size thing after all was a bit different. He is a kid...

Anyways, once I got to know him a bit better it was like, wow! This kid is exactly like me and in ways that were a little weird, but oh well. At least he was an AC/DC fan that was cool. I really need to have Lisa recheck that blood test, things must have gotten crossed or something.

I know now that he wasn't mine, but damn...I know I said before that I wouldn't like to have a kid at this point, but I take that all back. Yeah I know, I'm still like a child myself, but having a rugrat running around calling me Dad would be the coolest thing I could think of right now. It truly hurt when Lisa said he wasn't mine. She wasn't kidding when she said I looked disappointed. I was, deeply. It made me stop and think how little time I really do have left.

See I basically raised Sammy since my father was out most of the time. I argued about it, but on the inside I loved it. God if Sam knew this he would rag on me for days and try to hug me. Don't need that image in my head any more than it already is thank you very much!

But like I was saying, little Sammy relied on me for everything. I may not have been the best older brother, but I tried my damnedest to do what I could with what we had. I was too young to hustle pool, so once I did the old 'help me, my daddy is sick and we don't have any food' routine. It worked. Some old lady drove me to the store and got me whatever I wanted. I came back with like five bags of food. Dad never asked when he came back two days later, but he knew. He read it in my eyes.

I may pick on Sam, but if anyone ever pulls that shit on him, I will be the first to kick their ass. That was why it was fun having Ben kick the burger boy in the nut sack. Not like the kid needed them any time in the near future anyways. Or I should hope not! Not that I know what the hell kids do anymore.

Well, I just know that one day I want to have kids. I know Sam does to, but after everything we have been through things are too complicated for either of us. Both of us just want to be happy and put this beast to rest, but until then the road paved with good intentions just might have a few detours.

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