To all you Alois haters out there, well, this fic isn't for you. This is a fic about Alois because I, for one, find his character unbelievably fascinating and think he deserves more love because he certainly isn't getting it from many fans. Don't get me wrong, I adore Sebastian and Ciel with a passion, but I think new is good too.
Anyway. This is basically my first Kuro fic ever, so please be kind. I'm not sure what else to say about this, so read it yourself and please tell me what you think...
A Liar's Reflection
Mirror, mirror, on the wall...who is the fairest of them all?
They were all liars. He lived in a world full of them.
Everyone, everyone, everyone - they were such ugly little liars.
In truth, he hated them all.
He wore masks like them, played civil with them, put on a shining, sparkling facade for them.
In reality, he would have laughed if they bled.
Since when had he become this way? Since when had he become so demented?
He didn't care to remember how he was before. He was pathetic before. (And somewhere deep down, he realized he was pathetic still.)
And thinking about this, brought his thoughts to the subject of mirrors.
Whenever he saw himself in the mirror, he could only laugh, wanting to shatter the mirror, rid his eyes of the vision of himself.
He actually had, once; laughing all the while and snickering at his bleeding hands as if there was something humorous about the situation. (There wasn't, of course...or wasn't there...?) He didn't know any other way to release the sudden, sickening giddiness that had welled up within him at the sight of the shattered mirror and his own blood. The sting in his hands felt like nothing in comparison to the crushing ache in his chest.
That was the only time he had smashed the mirror, and he thought he would never do it again. He gazed at himself in the mirror occasionally, wondering about his outward appearance.
His looks spoke of everything gentle and light and sparkling; soft and warm like a cloudless summer day.
It was but a mask, it spoke nothing about what lie within the confines of his heart.
His heart, that blackened, aching, twisted thing that somehow still pulsed in his chest.
Maybe if this mask was broken, he wouldn't have endured such disgusting wretchedness. He always remembered every detail of his pain, every detail of the darkness he had been encased in. (It still covered him, even now, like an icy, trailing cloak.)
His pain was what gave him the ability to make his mask as strong as it was.
He trailed a finger down his jawbone, the expression on his reflection disinterested and bored.
Alois Trancy looked like everything vivid, light, and full of life.
What a contradiction he was. (He himself was not unlike the lies that slipped past his lips.)
But then...
A small smirk curled his lips as he wondered.
There was a certain someone who complimented him perfectly. Oh, they were such opposites, but if you exposed them both for what they were, threw away all the ugly masks and tarnished those pretty facades, you were met with the same basic elements.
It was part of why he wanted him, that boy. He was cold, edgy, but that only made Alois desire him all the more. (He wasn't even sure exactly why he wanted him in the first place.)
Indeed, that boy was so opposite from Alois. He almost laughed at the irony of that. So different, yet so the same.
This boy wasn't like the rest of them.
He was just like Alois, and he knew that, saw that. The more he learned of the little Earl, the more he wanted to know. The more he knew, the more he simply wanted and desired him.
What he would do with him once he had him...that, Alois wondered about.
He traced random shapes on the surface of the mirror, smudging it with the oils from his skin.
This mirror was nothing like him or that boy he so desired.
Perhaps if the mirror was dirtied, unrecognizable, and broken beyond repair, then - and only then - would it even began to resemble a being like him.
Even so...this mirror was so very much like him as it was different from him.
Such a pretty thing on the outside, something that told pretty lies. Not unlike himself.
Then, this brought up another train of thought, one that terrified him immensely.
Perhaps mirrors weren't liars.
His breath caught in his throat.
Perhaps...
...they...
...told...the truth?
He pressed his hands flat against the shining surface, staring desperately into the eyes of his own reflection.
If mirrors showed everything opposite, and he were a liar, wouldn't it make sense that the being he was looking at now was...someone who wasn't a liar?
What if mirrors showed a little more than just physical appearance? What if all his pretty, lying masks were truly what he was made of?
The realization struck him like a ton of bricks.
He was...no different from them.
He.
Was.
So.
Disgusting.
He threw back his head and laughed, laughed until he somehow found himself face down on the floor, laughed until he couldn't breathe, laughed until his face was flushed and his eyes alight with something close to insanity.
He turned his head and scowled at the mirror.
Everything betrayed him, didn't it.
A small smile curled the corners of his lips.
No matter.
He had known this from the beginning.
The one who disgusted him the most, the one he truly wanted to bleed was none other than himself.
Alois pushed himself from the floor and wandered over to the mirror, trailing his fingers over it's cool surface again.
"You and I, we aren't so different after all."
(He didn't know who he was speaking to.)
"You lie, like I do..."
(Somehow, at the same time...)
"But through lies you tell the truth. Isn't it funny? I'm sorry for breaking you before. Let's be good friends from now on."
(It all felt like a joke, really. Made him feel more insane than he probably was.)
His hands curled into fists, still presses against the mirror.
"Such pretty liars we are."
He remained like that, silent, letting his eyes slip shut and the heat from his skin steadily warm the mirror.
Um.
This feels like it came from the mind of an insane person.
-cough-
It um...it does have a meaning even if it is so very jumbled ._.
The parentheses are supposed to be his thoughts but at the same time not...it's kind of hard to explain...
I was in an odd mood while writing this. Um, please review...please? ^^;