The Story of Mulan X-Style
By LeMistressV
Disclaimer: This is a parody of Disney's Mulan done by the characters in X. I do not own any of the characters or the original songs. They all belong to Disney and CLAMP, so don't sue, k?
Cast:
Arashi as Mulan
Subaru as Fa Zhou
Kotori as Fa Li
Karen as Granny Fa
Kakyuu as Great Ancestor
Kamui as Mushu
Sorata as Captain Li Shang
Subaru as The General
Hinoto as The Emperor (Empress)
Yuuto as Chi Fu
Satsuki as Yao
Yuzuriha as Ling
Aoki as Chien Po & extra
Fuuma as Shan Yu
Nataku as one of Shan Yu's men
Kusanagi as one of Shan Yu's men
Seichirou as one of Shan Yu's men
Kanoe as The Matchmaker
Act 1
Scene 1
(Scene begins with Aoki walking around a cardboard wall. Fuuma's fake "falcon" swoops and hits Aoki on the head.)
Aoki: (continues to hum and type on laptop)…
Yuzuriha: Isn't Aoki supposed to be watching over…"The Great Wall?"
Sorata: Some guard. Tokyo would be under attack and he wouldn't notice.
Kotori: I thought The Great Wall was in China?
Kamui: (grumbles) Some "Great Wall." It's made out of cardboard.
Aoki: (still typing on laptop) Let's see…(mutters)
Plastic bird: SQUAWK! SQUAWK!
Aoki: (sees plastic bird) Oh! Look at the pretty birdy! Hello birdy! (pokes it and accidentally pushes it off the wall) Uh…(sweatdrop) Oops…
Fuuma: YOU KILLED MY BIRD!!! IT TOOK ME HOURS TO MAKE THAT!
Aoki: (sees Fuuma) AAAAAAAAH! We're under attack! (runs towards cardboard tower and takes torch)
1 Yuuto: Hey, if the Great Wall is made out of cardboard wouldn't…
Karen: Oh my God! Aoki don't–
Aoki: (sets cardboard pot connected to wall on fire) Now all of…Tokyo knows you're here!
Kamui: Dammit. Too late.
Aoki: (realizes that Great Wall is on fire) Woops.
Fuuma: Woops?! The %^*&$ Great Wall is burning and all you can say is WOOPS!!!!????
Aoki: (timidly) It was an accident? (laughs nervously)
Scene 2
(Subaru walks towards Hinoto.)
Subaru: Your majesty, the "Huns" have supposedly "crossed" our Northern border.
Yuuto: Impossible! No one can get through the Great Wall.
Subaru: (snickers) Yeah, that is if there was a Great Wall. Hehe…
Yuuto: (sweatdrop)…(twitch, twitch)…
Subaru: Well actually, it's not much of a loss. You see, now we have a Great Wall of Ashes! Ha, ha, ha! Get it?
Hinoto: …
Yuuto: …
(Crickets chirp.)
Subaru: (sweatdrop) You guys suck!
Yuuto: (five seconds later) AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That was so funny!
2 Arashi: …
Kamui: …Idiot.
Hinoto: …Who is leading them?
Subaru: Fuuma is. We'll…I'll set up defenses around your palace immediately!
Hinoto: No. Send your troops to protect the people of Tokyo. Yuuto.
Yuuto: Yes, your majesty?
Hinoto: Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves and as many new recruits as possible.
Subaru: Um…that's cool. But I believe my troops can stop him.
Yuuto: (bursts out in laughter) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Your troops, huh? You mean those cardboard boxes outside? (rolls on floor laughing) YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Subaru: (getting pissed off) Um…as I was saying…
Hinoto: That will not be necessary. I won't take any chances…general. For a single scale of rice can tip the scale.
Sorata: Man, all this talk of food is getting me hungry.
Yuzuriha: Let's eat!
Hinoto: One man may be the difference between victory and defeat.
Scene 3
(Arashi is sitting on her bed, playing with her rice.)
Arashi: Quiet and demure…graceful…polite…delicate…refined…poised…Why do I need to write this down on my hand again?
Kanoe: Just do it.
Arashi: But I–
3 Kanoe: JUST DO IT!!!
(Suddenly, a chicken crows.)
Arashi: (realizes she's late) Aiya! Inuki! Inuki! Inu–oh, there you are. Come on, can you help me with my chores today?
Inuki: (shakes head)
Arashi: Yuzuriha!
4 Yuzuriha: Inuki!
Arashi: Good!
(Arashi ties a sack of grain around Inuki's neck. She also ties a stick onto Inuki with a Pocky Stick hanging from it. Inuki lazily runs around, until it reaches the shrine where Subaru is praying. Chickens follow Inuki into the shrine.)
Subaru: Honorary ancestors, please help Arashi impress the matchmaker today.
Inuki: BARK! BARK!
Subaru: (sweatdrop) Please, PLEASE, help her.
Arashi: (walks into shrine) Father, I brought your – whoop!
Subaru: (bumps into Arashi and is hit on the head with the tea pot) Arashi…
Arashi: (Blink blink) Um…I brought a spare? Father, you're not well! Here, drink this! (shoves another cup of tea in Subaru's mouth)
Subaru: HOT!
Arashi: Remember, the doctor said THREE cups of tea in the morning –
Subaru: Arashi!
Arashi: And THREE at night.
Subaru: Arashi, you should already be in town. We're "supposedly" counting on you to up –
Arashi: (interrupts sarcastically) Uphold the family honor. Don't worry, father. I won't let you down. (mutters) Supposedly.
Subaru: (whacks Arashi with cane) DON'T INTERRUPT ME! (shoves her out of shrine) And get out of my shrine!
Arashi: (grumbles) Punk.
Subaru: I'm going to pray some more.
By LeMistressV
Disclaimer: This is a parody of Disney's Mulan done by the characters in X. I do not own any of the characters or the original songs. They all belong to Disney and CLAMP, so don't sue, k?
Cast:
Arashi as Mulan
Subaru as Fa Zhou
Kotori as Fa Li
Karen as Granny Fa
Kakyuu as Great Ancestor
Kamui as Mushu
Sorata as Captain Li Shang
Subaru as The General
Hinoto as The Emperor (Empress)
Yuuto as Chi Fu
Satsuki as Yao
Yuzuriha as Ling
Aoki as Chien Po & extra
Fuuma as Shan Yu
Nataku as one of Shan Yu's men
Kusanagi as one of Shan Yu's men
Seichirou as one of Shan Yu's men
Kanoe as The Matchmaker
Act 1
Scene 1
(Scene begins with Aoki walking around a cardboard wall. Fuuma's fake "falcon" swoops and hits Aoki on the head.)
Aoki: (continues to hum and type on laptop)…
Yuzuriha: Isn't Aoki supposed to be watching over…"The Great Wall?"
Sorata: Some guard. Tokyo would be under attack and he wouldn't notice.
Kotori: I thought The Great Wall was in China?
Kamui: (grumbles) Some "Great Wall." It's made out of cardboard.
Aoki: (still typing on laptop) Let's see…(mutters)
Plastic bird: SQUAWK! SQUAWK!
Aoki: (sees plastic bird) Oh! Look at the pretty birdy! Hello birdy! (pokes it and accidentally pushes it off the wall) Uh…(sweatdrop) Oops…
Fuuma: YOU KILLED MY BIRD!!! IT TOOK ME HOURS TO MAKE THAT!
Aoki: (sees Fuuma) AAAAAAAAH! We're under attack! (runs towards cardboard tower and takes torch)
1 Yuuto: Hey, if the Great Wall is made out of cardboard wouldn't…
Karen: Oh my God! Aoki don't–
Aoki: (sets cardboard pot connected to wall on fire) Now all of…Tokyo knows you're here!
Kamui: Dammit. Too late.
Aoki: (realizes that Great Wall is on fire) Woops.
Fuuma: Woops?! The %^*&$ Great Wall is burning and all you can say is WOOPS!!!!????
Aoki: (timidly) It was an accident? (laughs nervously)
Scene 2
(Subaru walks towards Hinoto.)
Subaru: Your majesty, the "Huns" have supposedly "crossed" our Northern border.
Yuuto: Impossible! No one can get through the Great Wall.
Subaru: (snickers) Yeah, that is if there was a Great Wall. Hehe…
Yuuto: (sweatdrop)…(twitch, twitch)…
Subaru: Well actually, it's not much of a loss. You see, now we have a Great Wall of Ashes! Ha, ha, ha! Get it?
Hinoto: …
Yuuto: …
(Crickets chirp.)
Subaru: (sweatdrop) You guys suck!
Yuuto: (five seconds later) AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That was so funny!
2 Arashi: …
Kamui: …Idiot.
Hinoto: …Who is leading them?
Subaru: Fuuma is. We'll…I'll set up defenses around your palace immediately!
Hinoto: No. Send your troops to protect the people of Tokyo. Yuuto.
Yuuto: Yes, your majesty?
Hinoto: Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves and as many new recruits as possible.
Subaru: Um…that's cool. But I believe my troops can stop him.
Yuuto: (bursts out in laughter) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Your troops, huh? You mean those cardboard boxes outside? (rolls on floor laughing) YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Subaru: (getting pissed off) Um…as I was saying…
Hinoto: That will not be necessary. I won't take any chances…general. For a single scale of rice can tip the scale.
Sorata: Man, all this talk of food is getting me hungry.
Yuzuriha: Let's eat!
Hinoto: One man may be the difference between victory and defeat.
Scene 3
(Arashi is sitting on her bed, playing with her rice.)
Arashi: Quiet and demure…graceful…polite…delicate…refined…poised…Why do I need to write this down on my hand again?
Kanoe: Just do it.
Arashi: But I–
3 Kanoe: JUST DO IT!!!
(Suddenly, a chicken crows.)
Arashi: (realizes she's late) Aiya! Inuki! Inuki! Inu–oh, there you are. Come on, can you help me with my chores today?
Inuki: (shakes head)
Arashi: Yuzuriha!
4 Yuzuriha: Inuki!
Arashi: Good!
(Arashi ties a sack of grain around Inuki's neck. She also ties a stick onto Inuki with a Pocky Stick hanging from it. Inuki lazily runs around, until it reaches the shrine where Subaru is praying. Chickens follow Inuki into the shrine.)
Subaru: Honorary ancestors, please help Arashi impress the matchmaker today.
Inuki: BARK! BARK!
Subaru: (sweatdrop) Please, PLEASE, help her.
Arashi: (walks into shrine) Father, I brought your – whoop!
Subaru: (bumps into Arashi and is hit on the head with the tea pot) Arashi…
Arashi: (Blink blink) Um…I brought a spare? Father, you're not well! Here, drink this! (shoves another cup of tea in Subaru's mouth)
Subaru: HOT!
Arashi: Remember, the doctor said THREE cups of tea in the morning –
Subaru: Arashi!
Arashi: And THREE at night.
Subaru: Arashi, you should already be in town. We're "supposedly" counting on you to up –
Arashi: (interrupts sarcastically) Uphold the family honor. Don't worry, father. I won't let you down. (mutters) Supposedly.
Subaru: (whacks Arashi with cane) DON'T INTERRUPT ME! (shoves her out of shrine) And get out of my shrine!
Arashi: (grumbles) Punk.
Subaru: I'm going to pray some more.