Title: The Drama That Can Happen In A Week
Author: lillie andrews
Disclaimer: in case you have been living underneath a rock for your entire life. The amazingly Fantabulous World of HarryPotter does not belong to me. For I am just a fan playing with the toys of this fandom :)
Thoughts are italicized
A/N:
This is a Drarry fic and this IS in the M section so if you feel you might be uncomfortable reading explicit love scenes between two male characters then feel free to click the back button on your browser and pretend that you never saw this fic. If that IS what you came looking for then feel free to enjoy :)
Chapter One: A Midnight Walk
Day of the Week: Sunday
PoV: Harry Potter
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
I am tired of not being able to get my mind off of him! I thought to myself as I walked down yet another dark and silent corridor, trying not to think of the blonde headed boy that had been plaguing my thoughts for over two months. Even before the war, I just hadn't been able to get him out of my head. It was as if someone was forcing me to think about him. I knew that wasn't the case as I had been to Madam Pomfrey many times to make sure I wasn't cursed or someone had slipped me a potion without my knowledge. He was the reason I had been wandering the corridors this late at night. I had to make an effort to clear my head and exhaust my body if I wanted to sleep and not dream of him.
I cast a tempus charm and learned it was half an hour past midnight, way past curfew. Although I knew I wouldn't be caught with my invisibility cloak on I still walked slow and silent. With a sigh, I decided to head back to my dormitory and try to get some sleep. On the way there I began to thought to myself about how I have been becoming distant from Ron and Hermonie. Or rather they have been becoming distant from me. They always were destined to be together but I didn't think them becoming a couple would hurt our friendship so much. I walked much more somber after that thought as I headed back towards the Gryffindor common room.
I walked slowly and finally reached the portrait hole after what felt like hours. I looked up at the Fat Lady and said the password,"Phoenix". I chuckle at the irony of the password as I climbed in. A phoenix is always reborn from its ashes but I wonder if I can save my friendship with Ron and Hermonie and start anew like Fawkes does . As I looked around, the room was just as empty as when I left. I take off my cloak and sit on the couch in front of the fire as I try to think of things other than the blonde headed Slytheirn that haunts my dreams.
I wish I could go to sleep without having to go though all this craziness. I thought to myself. But I can't, if I do one of the guys might hear me talking about...him in my sleep. And then all the guys would know...
I don't think I know when I first realized I was gay, but I guess I had just always known and never wanted to admit it to myself. I always found myself unable to chase after girls but I thought it had just been because of the war but now that the war is over I still have no interest in pursuing anything with boobs. And I find myself more often than not fantasizing about hard muscular chests rather than soft feminine curves.
I yawn I wish I could just go to sleep, but if I broke the silencing charm again and the guys heard me talking in my sleep about him another way besides an 'I want to hex you' I may as well just walk into the common room on day with a pink tutu and some spandex shorts and start sprinkling glitter everywhere and waving a rainbow flag.
I shake my previous thoughts away. What would it be like to tell them though? I had never given coming out a great deal of thought before tonight. I have to think of the repercussions first. If I told then I would be able to pursue the guy I have been obsessed with , but then I would also be available to those who want to pursue me. I shudder to thinking of Colin Creevey. There would also be plenty of people who wouldn't want their precious 'Boy-Who-Lived' to be gay. It would be all over the papers, Rita Skeeter would have a field day...
I was so lost in thought staring into the fire, I didn't notice Ron coming down the stairs from the boys dorm. "Hey." Ron said softly startling me out of my train of thought.
"Oh! Hey Ron" I said back too loudly in the almost deathly silent common room. With a little too much enthusiasm, I sat up straight and smiled a smile you could tell was fake from a mile away.
He could obviously tell something was wrong because he sat down next to me looking worried, "Harry what's wrong, mate?"
I looked at him, with my fake smile slowly leaving, "Nothing, just exhausted is all." I yawned to illustrate my point.
He looked at me suspiciously, I could tell I wasn't going to like what he was going to say. So I braced myself for the impending conversation that could upset the balance of our already fragile friendship.
"No seriously, mate, I know something has been bothering you. You've been taking midnight walks for almost two months now. I promised Hermonie that if you went on another one tonight that I would talk to you about it." I scoffed and rolled my eyes. Of course the only reason he bothered to talk to me was because of Hermonie, he hasn't made an effort to talk to me in weeks . He ignored my scoff and continued
"She told me I was not to take being tired as an excuse anymore. We defeated Voldemort; there's nothing you should be worried about that could be life threatening, so just tell me what's wrong. It can't be that bad mate"
I could tell that although Ron was trying to get me to open up he looked really uncomfortable, at least he was trying. This was more than could be said about anyone else. He gave me a genuine smile and I sighed and leaned back against the couch. I closed my eyes not wanting to see Ron's expression. A strained silence stretched between us. Ron just stared at me while I leaned my head back and tried to gather some of my Gryffindor courage to tell him the truth about why I wander the corridors at night.
I took a shaky breath but hunched down and put my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands and looked at the floor. "I-I-I'm..." I took another shaky breath. I didn't expect telling him would make me so nervous. He may be an unreliable friend but he is one of the few that I still have. "I-I-I'm" I stuttered once more really wanting to tell him but still afraid to do so.
"Just spit it out mate. Nothing can be that bad." He put a comforting hand on my back which gave me the courage to blurt out"I'm gay."
I heard Ron take in a quick breath and remove his hand slowly as if afraid of me. I looked up and watched him get up from the couch and walk back to the dormitories with a startled expression on his face. I sighed and tried to hold back the tears. I shouldn't have told him yet. I should have waited, or told Hermonie first. I could have thought things out more or... I let my thoughts trail off as I put my invisibility cloak back on and headed up to the Astronomy Tower to try and get a few hours rest before sunrise.
The walk was quick even with my saddened thoughts and silent tears streaming down my face. When I got to the door I could hear soft crying. I wiped off my tears, took a few deep breaths and opened the door to see if who was crying in the Astronomy Tower this late at night. Then I saw my blond headed Slytherin standing on the ledge.
I heard him whisper "This is it" with a shaky breath that one can only get from sobbing for hours. And then I watched him jump.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Chapter One Part Two: A Drastic Decision PoV: Draco Malfoy
I look around. The dark walls of the Slytherin common room seemed to grow in height and seemed to be closing in on me fast. I quickly shut my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened them the common room was back to it's usual dimensions. I sighed as I made myself more at home on my favorite armchair. I pulled my feet up underneath me and tuck my hands underneath my arms. I shiver from the cold since the fire had gone out already and I refused to curl up with a blanket lest someone happened to come down. Alone, always alone. At least no one knows that I am down here by myself. How embarrassing. I scoff at my thoughts. A Malfoy embarrassed? I listen to the dreary noise of water leaking form somewhere. Yet despite the dripping all I heard was silence.
At least my "girlfriend" went to bed early I thought to myself admiring the quiet. Claiming she needed her 'beauty sleep'. I laugh to myself, I don't see how sleeping is supposed to make her any less ugly, let alone "beauty" worthy. After I stop laughing I can't help but notice how quiet it is, not even the sound of people shifting their weight, or the rustle of parchment to distract me. Alone, Why do I feel so alone? I thought as another shiver racked through my body.
Then my thoughts wander, to the very boy I am trying to forget. Harry god-damned Potter. Merlin why does he have to be so perfect? "Because he is the precious 'Golden Boy' of course" I can hear my father's voice in my head. Why would he ever want me? I thought with disgust. I know my faults, I have a superiority complex, I don't think of others feelings before acting, my words are sharp and cruel, I tried to kill him more than once, and yet... I just want him to be able to see through the mask I put on for everyone else I thought gloomily before sighing.
But even after the war, with my 'Malfoy Mask' slipping more often than not, it seems as if he doesn't care. "He doesn't care Draco" My father's voice rang though my head. "You are known Ex-Death Eater. You fought against him in the war. You fought for the one person he hated the most. You served the person who killed his parents, who took every good thing he ever had away from him. Why would he ever want anything to do with you " I pull my hands out from under my arms and placed them out on each armrest of the chair. I rolled up the sleeve of my left arm. I look down at my arm in disgust. The dark mark. I shiver but not from the cold. I feel tears well up in my eyes looking at the very thing that separates me from the person I want most as I look away from the horrible tattoo that marks my pale skin.
Getting sick of the quiet and feeling like I am about to cry I decide to go up to the Astronomy Tower. Where I can wallow in my self-pity without fear of someone finding me I thought bitterly before heading out of the common room. I walk quickly but with my head held high ignoring the urge to start crying before I reach my destination. Once I arrive and shut the door I collapse against it and start to sob. My father's voice is still in my head, telling me how worthless I am. I can hear him now the drawl in his voice, the condescending tone laced with anger.. "Draco what are you doing crying on the floor? A Malfoy takes what he wants not caring about the consequences."I reign in my sobs to a quiet cry get up and go over to the ledge of the Astronomy Tower. I wrap my arms around myself even though the bitter wind isn't as cold as the dungeons are. I look down over the railing. It's a long way down. No one could survive a fall from this height, not even a Malfoy, I thought to myself emotionally unattached.
Whoa, did I really just have a suicidal thought? I look down again. It wouldn't be so bad, being dead, I mused. I sit down on the ledge still crying silently. I wouldn't have to look at Harry every day knowing that he would never be mine, knowing that he would never want to be mine. I wouldn't have to watch him from the sidelines of his life reading from the the Prophet to find out which bint he decided to marry. I took in a deep breath and held it as to not make any more noise than necessary while crying and slowly let it out when oxygen became a necessity.
I have to laugh at myself, This situation is hopeless, even if I confessed my feelings for him what would he do? Probably laugh, I thought with a bad taste in my mouth. I mean your schoolyard nemesis coming up to you and saying "Hey wanna get together and give this whole dating thing a shot?"
Yeah right. Not to mention I would get laughed at by the entire school because not even the 'Golden Boy' would be able to keep my sexuality to himself. And what if he did want to date me? What then? I would probably end up corrupting him and make all of his friends hate him then he would hate me. Or I would make a mistake and it would make him hate me so much I never even get to see him anymore. I look down still crying.
Then I notice I never rolled down my sleeve. My dark mark on display for all to see. I start crying harder and having a bit of difficulty breathing. We were always on opposite sides of the war. I guess we were never meant to be., I thought sadly. I take a deep, shaky breath and admitted to myself a truth that I know would send me over the railing. I am Draco Malfoy, Ex-Death Eater. I am no one to Harry Potter except for maybe his schoolyard rival. I am Draco Malfoy and I will never be anything important. I look back down, and think about all of the things I am going to miss out on. On being close to Harry even if we were only fighting. Of catching him staring at me... even though he was only doing that because he thought I was a Death Eater. I guess I can't blame him. I am a Death Eater. I cry harder and look down one last time. I climb up and stand on the narrow railing of the Astronomy Tower. The wind whips around me and I look towards the ground one last time. Then after another shaky breath I whisper
"This is it." Then before I take the one step I need to, to end the horrible thing called my life, I close my eyes. Harry will probably be glad I'm dead anyways, I thought with a sad smile. Then I step and wait for the darkness to take me.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
A.N.
please review and i love criticism!
lots of love
~lillie~