The Night Natasha left

Clint

"Is Lady Natasha dying?" Thor asks as I walk in to the communal kitchen. Why he thinks this, I have no clue, but as far as I know she's not. Thinking about it, I haven't seen Natasha all day, normally I see too much of her, if that's even possible. Is she dying? Is she avoiding me because of it? Thinking of this I ask J.A.R.V.I.S. where she is, and he replies that she's in the gym. Why didn't I think of that?

I head down there and silently slide open the door, only to find her punching the hell out of a bag, without taping up her hands. Her knuckles are bleeding, red liquid flowing freely on to the laminate floor. "NAT- TASH!" I shout, running over to her and grabbing the bag, only to drop it again when. I have to duck under her punch. I grab her wrists and lead her to one of the benches. "Nat what's wrong? You wouldn't normally do this." I'm trying to be gentle, but I don't think it's worked when she storms out half shouting,

"Things change, okay Clint, I'm going to get cleaned up." I'm left sitting on my own, about to storm out myself but I don't.

I find some paper towels and clean up her blood before walking out, almost straight in to Steve. I mumble something along the lines of sorry but he asks me, "Is Natasha ill? It just felt like she was saying goodbye." That's two people. What's wrong with her? I'll talk to her tonight, though that might be too late. I shrug and climb in to the vents as Steve enters the gym. I make my way up to the Avengers floor, where I find Tony and Thor discussing if Natasha is dying. It seems like she's said something like "you've been a great friend" to every one except me.

Throughout the course of the afternoon, I check on her at least once every hour, mostly more. She's curled up on my (well our) over large double bed, that has before fitted the six of us, and Pepper, in comfortably, making her already tiny frame seem even smaller. She's wearing her version of PJs, my top and her skimpy shorts. Every time I see her she's asleep, unlike her as she's usually played by nightmares. Maybe she is sick, she usually hardly sleeps at all.

When I stay with her I know I murmur, though I'm not entirely sure what I say. At some point, I fall asleep next to her because I am awoken by retching, and no Tasha beside me. I knock on the door of the bathroom, which she has unsurprisingly locked, but all I get is, "Go away, Clint. You don't need *retch* to see this. It's just bad food. *retch*" She sounds awful. She's definitely sick. "Please go, Clint. I'll-I'll be down soon." I can't really say no to her so I do as she says.

When she doesn't appear, I begin to feel a little more worried but I don't let it show, the others already thinking she's dying and everything. They ask where she is, I say she's fine, just not very hungry.

After I finish, I quickly get back to our room, where Tasha's reading a book in Russian. When I come in she shuts it and says, "Clint, I just want you to know that you've always been a great partner and I wouldn't change you for the world." She then flicks off the light before I can reply.

"Same to you, Tasha. I love you." I whisper in to the darkness. I change and climb in to bed with her. It only occurs to me the next morning that she's used past tense. The next morning when I wake, there's no Tasha next to me. It's not too strange, sometimes she goes for early morning workouts but given how she was yesterday, I wasn't so sure. As I am about to walk out our room. A piece of paper crumples under my feet. I pick it up and immediately recognise Tasha's cursive. 'Dear Clint,' it says,

'I'm so sorry. Sorry I had to go. Sorry I had to go like this. Yes, go, I'm gone. I would say don't try to find me but I know you will. Don't waste your time, Clint, you'll never find me. You, better than anyone, know I don't leave traces. I'm not saying where I'm going. Tell the guys and Pepper that I'll miss them. Tell Fury that I'm gone. I'm sorry I had to go this way Clint, but for now, so long. I'll miss you Clint, try not to miss me too. I don't know if I've ever said this Clint, but I really do love you.

Love you, I'm sorry, Nat xxxxxxxxxoooooooo'

She's gone. Nat? Seriously? Why? Please come back! I need you. Tash. No! I can't function, won't survive... Tasha... Please...

When I finally come out of my pleading, a good half hour later, the first thing I do is lock the door. Then I call Tash. Her voicemail has changed. "Hey Clint, I'm honestly sorry. It's better this way, I promise. I love you Clint. I'm so sorry." It then cuts to the operator woman doing the leave a message bit so I do. Tears falling., heart failing. "Tash, where've you gone?" I whisper in to the mouthpiece. " I can't live without you. I love you. Please come back to me." I stop and completely break down crying.

Sometime later, I've stopped and Steve comes to check on me. I know it's Steve from the polite yet timid knock on the door. "Clint, Natasha, are you up?"

I walk over to the door and say through the keyhole, "Nat's not feeling too great so we're going to chill here today." My voice is horse but Steve doesn't pick up on that. He replies that he'll tell the others to steer clear. For that I'm thankful. I lock the door and collapse back on to the bed, thinking of Natasha and how I wish she was here

"KATNISS! SPIDEY! YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE THREE DAYS, COME OUT OR I'LL GET THE HULK TO BUST DOWN THIS DOOR!" Tony shouts through the keyhole.

"I never said-" Burce begins but he is silenced. I haven't told then yet, and I'm still holed up in my room, thinking about her.

Why not just shout back at him now? There's no reason not to. Can't hide forever, right? "Nat left. I don't know where she is."

"Wait what?" Stark replies.

I walk over to the door, open it and say, "Tasha left. Three days ago. I don't know why she did." The shock on his face is almost comical, and I would have laughed I'd it was not such a serious situation. Stark and Banner walk away without another word. Inside my head I have no idea what to do.

Should I get up, Tasha wouldn't have wanted me to mope? But she left me, so why would She care? Then I have to prove I can stand alone. Or just try, because I know I can't. Maybe I can, if I believe.

In the end, I get dressed, but go and spy on the others from the vents. I arrive just in time to hear Stark say, "Guys, you know we all thought Natashalie was dying? Turns out she left. Birdbrain is killing himself."

"Stark, shut it." Steve says a little forcefully. "We all know what you'd be like if Pepper left. Think of what he's going through. He's practically lost part of himself." How does Steve know exactly what I fell like? It takes a few moments but I get it. I suppose when he got out of the ice, he'd lost a lot of people he loved, and one of them was probably a very special girl.

Suddenly, J.A.R.V.I.S. sounds the Avengers call thing, and I hurry to suit up. When I meet the others, they all look shocked, and Bruce even goes as far as to say, "Clint, what are you doing here?"

I reply with a dark look to each of them and a "I'm an Avenger, the Avengers were called. We can't be two down." I just about catch Tony's shrug as we climb aboard the jet.

Fighting without Tasha is completely different. It reminds me of being young and alone. Once or twice I almost die, someone saving me just in time.

First Barney left me
Then Coulson
Then Nat

It really is me on my own
I can't live, Tasha
Not without you
I miss you
So much
Goodbye.
-Clint