Another ongoing multipart fanfic from me, the usual weird humour involving
the well loved, and more obscure characters. This one features a group of
mismatched KOF fighters in a sitcom style setting.
KOF S(h)itcom Hell. episode 1.
An ordinary street in Southtown USA. Six fighters, some well known and famous, others less so are walking towards their new house. Reality TV bosses have come up with the idea of getting a group of fighters to share a house, and deal with whatever weird goings on might occur. The prospective housemates are introduced to us:
Terry Bogard- The relatively normal one.
Mai Shiranui- The sex crazed nymphomaniac.
Ralf Jones- The insane, crazy guy.
Kula Diamond- The perky, bubbly kid.
Bob Wilson- The perma-stoned rasta.
Gato- The antisocial loner.
They walk down the street, each carrying luggage, except Mai, who's used her feminine charms to persuade Ralf take hers. The soldier struggles with two people's luggage, Mai has loads, and his own includes heavy weapons. Bob has no idea what's going on, and Terry's had to guide him.
Terry- Is that the house we're supposed to share?!
Mai- It's horrible. All falling apart and stuff.
Ralf- If it wasn't for the money we've been promised at the end, I'd leave.
Bob- It's quite a nice penthouse, man. The garden's lovely.
Drugs are causing Bob to see things different from reality. The house, three floors high, is falling apart, there are cracked windows, and the garden is in an even worse state, with a rusting shopping trolley thrown inside overgrown grass.
Terry- It is not nice, OK Bob. I was told we'd have luxury accomodation.
Kula- Let's not get sad guys. It might be better inside.
Gato- Probably won't be. It'll be shit.
Terry unlocks the door and they go inside cautiously. The group split up to look around. Gato and Kula find the bathroom. It is filthy, and stinks like shit. Even Kula cannot be hopeful any more.
Gato- I hate you Kula. Always so enthusiastic.
Kula- Well, it's got a bath, a toilet, and running water. I think that heap growing mould is a towel.
Gato opens the toilet slowly. It is horrible, like the toilet seen in the film Trainspotting (apologies to readers eating lunch).
Kula- EWWW! That's gross! Looks like K9999's mutated arm in there.
Gato- You're cleaning that. (runs out quickly).
Elsewhere, Terry and Ralf find the living room. There is a three piece suite that doesn't match, and the couch is busted. It also has that hideous wallpaper with the fuzzy brown patterns on yellow background.
Terry- They really expect us to live here. This wasn't shown on the brochure. They're taking the piss.
Ralf- Nothing in my Ikari training has prepared me for this.
Terry- Seen Bob anywhere?
Ralf- I think he found the kitchen.
The kitchen. It's as shitty as the rest of the house, but Bob doesn't care. He has found the cleaning cupboard. His face lights up, excitedly.
Bob- Aw man, chemicals. I'm gonna get high tonight, yeah bred'ren. Mix this stuff up right, and my mind's going on a one way trip to Neptune...
As he goes on, someone else can be heard coming up the stairs. It is Wolfgang Krauser, the landlord, who's provided this accomodation. He heads towards the living room.
Krauser- Hi guys, I see you found the house all right. You like?
Ralf- Where's the luxury we were promised?
Krauser- Hey, those were old brochures we gave you. Now, see that meter in the hall? You put a quarter in their any time you want electricity, rent is $50 a week and if it's not payed straight away, I send the boys round.
Terry- $50 a week for this fucking dump!
Krauser- Sorry, $50 a week EACH. Except Mai, who's paying in her own special way. Now, the phone line only works between 5am and 5.12am...
Mai- Time to collect this week's rent, big boy.
Ralf- Damn, she works fast.
Mai is standing by the door, looking seductive, and slowly removing her top. Her and Krauser leave to the privacy of one of the bedrooms. Terry and Ralf are stunned by the details of this house. How are they going to cope? Kula and Gato join them, and moaning sounds can be heard above.
Kula- What's that noise?
Terry- Mai's way of paying her rent. Not ours though. You guys heard the rules?
Kula- Yeah. Mein Fuhrer went through them all.
Gato- I'm stuck in a shithole, with people I hate...
The others- SHUT UP GATO!
Later on, the six new housemates are sitting around eating a cheap pack of instant noodles each, cooked by Ralf using a flamethrower. Except Mai, who has a really nice looking roast dinner.
Mai- Isn't our new landlord lovely? He ordered this meal specially for me, and you guys should see the bedroom he saved for me. Five star hotels can't compete...
Kula- Can you stop rubbing our faces in it!
Gato- We kill her tonight.
Terry- 'Fraid we can't. Rules say we have to have a sexy housemate, to pull in viewers.
Bob- Screw this. (throws his dinner across the room, and pulls out his bong) Ahh, that's more like it. Where would I be without... Hey, a singing green M&M...
Kula- Don't talk about candy!
Can our group possibly survive, and perhaps even get along? Tune in next episode when the gang try and work out whether Johnny Maximum exists or not. Ahh, high class entertainment.
KOF S(h)itcom Hell. episode 1.
An ordinary street in Southtown USA. Six fighters, some well known and famous, others less so are walking towards their new house. Reality TV bosses have come up with the idea of getting a group of fighters to share a house, and deal with whatever weird goings on might occur. The prospective housemates are introduced to us:
Terry Bogard- The relatively normal one.
Mai Shiranui- The sex crazed nymphomaniac.
Ralf Jones- The insane, crazy guy.
Kula Diamond- The perky, bubbly kid.
Bob Wilson- The perma-stoned rasta.
Gato- The antisocial loner.
They walk down the street, each carrying luggage, except Mai, who's used her feminine charms to persuade Ralf take hers. The soldier struggles with two people's luggage, Mai has loads, and his own includes heavy weapons. Bob has no idea what's going on, and Terry's had to guide him.
Terry- Is that the house we're supposed to share?!
Mai- It's horrible. All falling apart and stuff.
Ralf- If it wasn't for the money we've been promised at the end, I'd leave.
Bob- It's quite a nice penthouse, man. The garden's lovely.
Drugs are causing Bob to see things different from reality. The house, three floors high, is falling apart, there are cracked windows, and the garden is in an even worse state, with a rusting shopping trolley thrown inside overgrown grass.
Terry- It is not nice, OK Bob. I was told we'd have luxury accomodation.
Kula- Let's not get sad guys. It might be better inside.
Gato- Probably won't be. It'll be shit.
Terry unlocks the door and they go inside cautiously. The group split up to look around. Gato and Kula find the bathroom. It is filthy, and stinks like shit. Even Kula cannot be hopeful any more.
Gato- I hate you Kula. Always so enthusiastic.
Kula- Well, it's got a bath, a toilet, and running water. I think that heap growing mould is a towel.
Gato opens the toilet slowly. It is horrible, like the toilet seen in the film Trainspotting (apologies to readers eating lunch).
Kula- EWWW! That's gross! Looks like K9999's mutated arm in there.
Gato- You're cleaning that. (runs out quickly).
Elsewhere, Terry and Ralf find the living room. There is a three piece suite that doesn't match, and the couch is busted. It also has that hideous wallpaper with the fuzzy brown patterns on yellow background.
Terry- They really expect us to live here. This wasn't shown on the brochure. They're taking the piss.
Ralf- Nothing in my Ikari training has prepared me for this.
Terry- Seen Bob anywhere?
Ralf- I think he found the kitchen.
The kitchen. It's as shitty as the rest of the house, but Bob doesn't care. He has found the cleaning cupboard. His face lights up, excitedly.
Bob- Aw man, chemicals. I'm gonna get high tonight, yeah bred'ren. Mix this stuff up right, and my mind's going on a one way trip to Neptune...
As he goes on, someone else can be heard coming up the stairs. It is Wolfgang Krauser, the landlord, who's provided this accomodation. He heads towards the living room.
Krauser- Hi guys, I see you found the house all right. You like?
Ralf- Where's the luxury we were promised?
Krauser- Hey, those were old brochures we gave you. Now, see that meter in the hall? You put a quarter in their any time you want electricity, rent is $50 a week and if it's not payed straight away, I send the boys round.
Terry- $50 a week for this fucking dump!
Krauser- Sorry, $50 a week EACH. Except Mai, who's paying in her own special way. Now, the phone line only works between 5am and 5.12am...
Mai- Time to collect this week's rent, big boy.
Ralf- Damn, she works fast.
Mai is standing by the door, looking seductive, and slowly removing her top. Her and Krauser leave to the privacy of one of the bedrooms. Terry and Ralf are stunned by the details of this house. How are they going to cope? Kula and Gato join them, and moaning sounds can be heard above.
Kula- What's that noise?
Terry- Mai's way of paying her rent. Not ours though. You guys heard the rules?
Kula- Yeah. Mein Fuhrer went through them all.
Gato- I'm stuck in a shithole, with people I hate...
The others- SHUT UP GATO!
Later on, the six new housemates are sitting around eating a cheap pack of instant noodles each, cooked by Ralf using a flamethrower. Except Mai, who has a really nice looking roast dinner.
Mai- Isn't our new landlord lovely? He ordered this meal specially for me, and you guys should see the bedroom he saved for me. Five star hotels can't compete...
Kula- Can you stop rubbing our faces in it!
Gato- We kill her tonight.
Terry- 'Fraid we can't. Rules say we have to have a sexy housemate, to pull in viewers.
Bob- Screw this. (throws his dinner across the room, and pulls out his bong) Ahh, that's more like it. Where would I be without... Hey, a singing green M&M...
Kula- Don't talk about candy!
Can our group possibly survive, and perhaps even get along? Tune in next episode when the gang try and work out whether Johnny Maximum exists or not. Ahh, high class entertainment.