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1

Amanda stood looking expectantly at Rafael Barba.

"So you mean that…?"

"Yeah."

"So that means that I…?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"In forty five minutes."

Amanda went and took a seat at the periphery of the courthouse, needing to get off of her shaky legs.

This was happening. It was really happening. She knew that it was five years ago for her. She hadn't reported it. If she was completely honest with herself, she hadn't even tried to mentally prepare for this situation. She presumed that her testimony would get thrown out on the grounds of being prejudicial. But it hadn't. And now she had to testify. In forty five minutes. And she wasn't ready.

Barba had moved over to the side with her and had seen the instant change in demeanour. Shit. She was shocked that she would be testifying. Crap, crap, crap.

This was not good. Quickly he waved Olivia over and talked to her in a hushed tone at a distance from Amanda.

Olivia's eyes cast a glance at the younger blonde detective and saw the trembling.

"It's okay Barba, I got it just give me a minute okay?"

He nodded and headed off to compose himself and get ready for what would almost certainly be a challenge and Olivia headed over to sit next to Amanda.

"Sargent, I'm not ready for this." She told the presence next to her without looking up.

Olivia lifted her hand up and it hovered over her sub-ordinates back for a moment before she decided to lower it and show her some support.

"It's okay Amanda. I don't think anybody can be truly ready. What is important is that you go up there and you get up there and that you tell the truth. Barba will do his best and ensure that he sees this through. You just need to do your part. We are all here for you, no matter what."

Amanda rubbed her face with her hands and looked up at Benson.

"Sarge, I just… I don't know if I can do it. I don't want to do it. I was happy with the whole thing being over and done with. It was forgotten and I could live with that. I was doing fine. But now it's all back up at the surface and I feel like I am on a sinking ship. I don't want to do this. I wish I had kept my mouth shut."

Olivia took in what the detective was saying and saw parts that she didn't recognise. Amanda Rollins was a very headstrong, southern detective who would take on anything that came across her path. But there were certain glimpses that Olivia was getting into a person so deep down inside of Amanda Rollins that it almost seemed as though there was a split in her personality.

If she wasn't mistaken, it sounded as though Rollins was scared.

"Amanda, look at me?"

She looked up and met the gaze of her Sargent and waited for something to follow.

"Amanda, I know that this situation may seem impossible and that you are probably scare-"

"I'm not scared." Rollins interrupted. "I just don't know what to make of the entire situation. But that does not mean that I am scared." Amanda argued defensively.

"Okay, okay." Olivia conceded holding her hands up unthreateningly. "I can understand that you felt like you were on solid ground when you moved to New York. But then Patton comes here and everything has been turned upside down, and now you are back to not knowing where you stand."

Amanda was about to say something but was interrupted by Barba as he came up to them.

"I am so sorry Amanda, but we've been bumped for some reason. You're on the stand now. We really need to get in there."

Rollins' eyes went wide with unspoken fear as she considered what the next hour would bring. Heck, it would change her life considerably. Everyone would know. Everyone would know everything. There was no hiding it now. No denying it. She couldn't get away with that anymore because her team wouldn't let her as much as she would want them to.

"But… I can't, I…"

"Amanda, we went over this. We prepared for this. You did well. Everyone is going to be there supporting you. It's going to go fine. It will."

Amanda nodded unsteadily and wiped her sweaty hands off on her pants.

The two walked into the courtroom at a steady pace with Benson following close behind. She took a seat next to the rest of her team and watched as a nervous looking Amanda walked up and took the stand. The judge deemed the court to be in session and Amanda was sworn in within minutes.

Olivia looked at the two men sat next to her. Both of them were tight-lipped, their jaws set in a permanent tense state. Their fists were balled up on their laps to match their feelings.

Olivia had to admit that she felt the exact same way, except she kept her utter disdain for the entire situation on the inside, preferring to keep a look of support on her face, so that she could reassure Amanda if the time were to come.

Barba wasted no time and stood up getting ready to question Amanda, he took a deep breath before he started, casting a glance at the jury before turning to Amanda, smiling and nodding.

"Detective Amanda Rollins, correct?"

"Yes."

"Now, just to be clear, you have been with the Manhattan Special Victims Unit, for nearing five years? Is that correct?"

"Yes it is."

"So then you are no newcomer to taking the stand and testifying?"

"No. No, I'm not."

"Now, to clarify, there was no relationship that occurred at any time during your stint at the APD?"

"No. Not at all."

"In spite of his many attempts and offers that suggested he wished otherwise?"

"That's correct."

"When this incident occurred you chose not to come forward?"

"No, I didn't feel comfortable doing so."

"And why was that?"

"Patton was my boss. I had been working at the Atlanta Police Department for years, working hard to get to where I was. At the department there was a large gender bias. I was one of the only females in the department, let alone working as closely with Patton. I felt as though my job would be threatened if I were to come forward and chose to put my prospective career ahead of… what happened to me."

"When you had the opportunity to leave, not very long after the incident you chose to do so, yes?"

"Yes. As soon as I was able, I took a transfer out of the department and got as far away from Atlanta and Deputy Chief Patton as I possibly could."

"I see. So what was it that lead the incident to occur?"

"My sister was facing felony charges and Deputy Chief Patton asked for me to go into his office, and told me that we could fix the problem."

"To you, what was inferred by that statement from the Deputy Chief?"

"That if I were to have… sex…with him, that my sister wouldn't be prosecuted."

"Detective Rollins, did you consent to having sex with Deputy Chief Patton?"

"At first, I… yes I did. We met at a motel, and it was clear that he was drunk. He started to grab at me and began to pull off my clothes. I asked him to slow down. But he got rough. He… he bit me. Also he slapped me, and banged my head. I had started to bleed. And I tried to get up but he said…" she looked away from Barba for a moment, breathing in and saw Benson giving her a nod, signalling that she was doing okay. "He said 'Amanda, you know I don't take no for an answer.'"

"What happened next Detective Rollins?"

"Deputy Chief Patton took my wrists and pinned them above my head… and told me I wasn't going anywhere, and that there would be no one that would believe me anyway… I… gave up."

With tears beginning to form in her eyes, Amanda bit her lip before saying "And… he raped me."

"Thank you Detective Rollins, I have no further questions."

Taking his seat, he looked over to the defence to see the lawyer standing up, preparing for the beginning of his cross examining.

"Now, you claim that there was no romantic relationship occurring between you and the Deputy Chief?"

"Yes."

"Despite the fact, that he was your mentor, you never crossed the line?"

"No, we didn't. I did not have an affair with him."

"So your relationship was strictly professional. So if you were so adamant about keeping your relationship strictly professional, why did you agree to go to the motel?"

"As I said, my sister was facing felony charges and I was thinking of her."

"You were thinking of her, even though an affair could have had potential negative effects on your career?"

"Yes, I love my sister."

"I see. So when you went and met up with Deputy Chief Patton, you had every intention of sleeping with him so that your sister wouldn't be prosecuted. Correct?"

"I…"

"It's a yes or no question Detective Rollins."

"Yes."

"When was it that you decided that you did not want to have sex with Patton? Was it before? Or was it after that you regretted it? Did you feel that it would be easier to say that he raped you?"

"When Deputy Chief Patton started to get rough with me, and… take off my clothes, I decided that I did not want to continue."

"Did you ever say no? Tell him to stop?"

"I tried to get off of the bed, and I would have left if I had been able to. But I-"

"That was not what I asked. Did you ever tell the Deputy Chief no?"

"I… no. I froze. My head was bleeding and he told me that no one would believe me."

"So you are saying that in spite of all of your training, you were unable to fight back? Or was it that you chose not to? You were at a motel, surely if you had yelled out or screamed, someone would have heard you? Did you do either of those things Detective Rollins?"

"I…"

Amanda was sitting on the stand. She was looking shell-shocked. Barba was beginning to wonder if she was going to answer.

She continued to stare at the floor saying nothing. This prompted the lawyer to move closer to her. He moved right up to the stand, repeating exactly what he had previously asked. Alas, again there was no response.

"Judge, I ask that you tell this witness to answer."

"Detective Rollins," the judge began "Detective, you are obliged to answer. You need to do so."

Rollins however continued zoning in and out. She looked up at the judge, with a glaze covering her eyes. There was no depth to them.

"Detective Rollins, are you okay?"

Amanda felt as though the room was moving around her. Suddenly it took a sharp turn, and the world tilted sideways.

She quickly grabbed a hold of the podium in front of her and closed her eyes.

The judge started speaking to the blonde again, "Detective Rollins? Do you nee-" but she was cut off by the detective's eyes rolling back and her passing out, falling off the chair, and hitting her head on the way down.

Hello. So I have been wanting to write this for a while. Please let me know what you think. : )

Also, I am tossing up between this being a two shot or being slightly longer. Does anyone have any preferences?

Either finishing it up next chapter. Or having Sam Reynolds show up angry and take it out on Amanda and have further Patton – Amanda interactions. Thanks!

Also, I know basically nothing about the legal system etc. So this was largely just guesswork with help from the actual episode. Thanks!