Title: How would you feel.
Number of parts: 1/?.
Pairings: Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler, Tenth Doctor.
Synopsis: "Rose had seen all the therapists of the country and nothing had changed. So, when they opened the door to introduce her to a new therapist, she hadn't expected much from him. Until she saw his face. Until she realised he was the perfect double of her Doctor."
A/N: The characters and the universe don't belong to me. All rights goes to Russell T. Davies, Phil Collinson, Susie Liggat, Steven Moffat and to the BBC. Everything else belongs to my imagination.
A/N2: Once again, this story has been rewritten from a roleplay I'm doing with (impossible).(wolf) on Instagram. The roleplay is still on so the chapters won't be up a fast as they are for My Time Of Dying.
PROLOGUE
Rose Tyler had never thought such a thing would ever happen. She had never thought that travelling with the Doctor would end in such a tragic way. It had been magical, extraordinary but it had ended brutally when she had absorbed the Vortex and become the Bad Wolf, when her Doctor had regenerated into a new man and thrown her out of the TARDIS, back on Earth. Things had never been the same ever since.
Living a life day after day wasn't exciting at all, but she was there, back at living with her mom in the Estates and mourning the loss of her Doctor. She was depressed but that was all. Until the Bad Wolf started showing up. She thought her Doctor had taken all the Vortex out of her and that it was the reason why he was dead and gone. However, the Bad Wolf was still there and it was driving her crazy.
At first, it was soft. She had headaches and the Bad Wolf would turn her eyes golden and make her look like a complete freak, but it slowly became worse. The Bad Wolf was mourning and its pain was burning through Rose's brain and veins, destroying her mental health bit by bit, until Rose scratched herself to blood, until Rose yelled because of how terrible the pain was, until Rose didn't make sense at all when she was speaking.
That's when Jackie decided to have her locked into a psychiatric unit. She just wanted to help her daughter and hadn't thought the things could go any worse. But they did. The Bad Wolf hated its new surroundings and became even more furious. The poor Rose couldn't cope with such an anger and became uncontrollable. Only the drugs they were giving her to keep her calm seemed to work on the Bad Wolf. And that's how Rose Tyler had become a drug addict, and started messing around to have her daily dose. Many therapists had come and tried to help her but they all ended up running away from the room absolutely terrified by what they saw.
Rose had seen all the therapists of the country and nothing had changed. So, when they opened the door to introduce her to a new therapist, she hadn't expected much from him. Until she saw his face. Until she realised he was the perfect double of her Doctor. Had he found a way to come back to her and help her? The thought was quickly overwhelmed when the Bad Wolf started showing its anger. Immediately, Rose was controlled, drugged and left alone in the room with that man looking so much like her Doctor.
CHAPTER 1: NEWBIE
Rose Tyler had never thought that the Doctor and her adventures would ever end so abruptly. She had never thought that things would end so tragically for her. But they did. Rose didn't think much about the headaches at first. She just assumed they were just any normal headache. Until she started seeing the golden light come from her hands and eyes, until the pain in her head became unbearable. She hadn't wanted to go to the psychiatric unit and had begged her mother not to take her, because she wasn't crazy. No, she was just the host of some incredible power she couldn't control, a power she shouldn't have kept after she saved her Doctor from a certain death, a power she thought was gone with her Doctor. None of them had expected it to stay in her mind, and to burn through her body. None of them had expected her to survive with such a power into her mind. But she did. Somehow.
The power of the Bad Wolf scared her of course, but it scared her mother even more, and that was why Jackie had sent her into mental institute. She had hoped they would help her daughter, that they would find a way to control the beast in her. The best solution would have been the Doctor, but the pretty boy had flown away as fast as he could when he had felt better, and he had left Rose behind him, ignoring what she was dealing with. And now, she was stuck in that place she hated because they in no way were helping her. Plus, it made the Bad Wolf even worse. It hated its new surroundings and made poor little Rose completely uncontrollable. Because of it all, Rose had become a drug addict and she was causing trouble everyday just so she could have the medication that would help her stay calm, that would help her stay numb to the pain that Bad Wolf and the loss of the doctor caused her every day.
Rose didn't really trust many people anymore. She had lost all faith in therapists and medical staff in general. They always ran off whenever they saw Bad Wolf come out. She wasn't expecting much more from this new therapist they had told her about either. Until she saw him, until she saw that face that looked so much like the man she loved and adored and risked her life for. Had he degenerated and come back to save her? That thought was casted aside when Bad Wolf showed through and Rose was immediately overpowered and drugged yet again by the nurses. Now, she was sitting in the room with the man who looked so much like the man she had once loved, the man she mourned for every day. And she just sat there, her knees tucked tightly against her chest and her chin on them, and stared off into space.
Maxence Spitz was young in the profession. Actually, he just came out of the school and it was his very first case. He hadn't expected such a difficult patient from the start. He had read the medical record on the road. The details and the different notes from all the therapists who had worked on that case before him had left him a bit anxious about what he was gonna face. He had wanted to become a therapist to help people out, but he had thought he would start slowly and take it easy. He hadn't thought that he would be recruited so fast to treat a case everyone seemed to have run away from before. He was a newbie and he was sent into the jungle without a real experience, because they had no one else to take care of that person. Rose Tyler. A young woman who had suddenly gone crazy. A young woman who could turn her eyes golden. Someone had even written that she had tried to get into his head. Maxence had thrown the record into his shoulder bag and slipped his glasses on his head, sighing.
As soon as he arrived at the hospital, they brought him into the isolation section and into the room of his future patient. The young girl was listless on her bed. She didn't seem that dangerous that way. But his presence created a reaction no one had expected. He couldn't see much of what was happening and before he could say a thing, they had drugged the girl. He caught a nurse's arm before she went out.
"Was it necessary?" he asked.
The nurse looked at him. He was their last chance to help Rose Tyler, but he was a newbie. He probably wouldn't last long here, and Rose would be lost. There already was a bet in the building to know how long he would stay in there. Most of the staff didn't think he would last long. They were a lot to think he would run away as soon as he would be able to. But a few of them wanted to give him a chance.
"You've read her record," simply replied the nurse.
She left the room and shut the door a bit brutally behind her. She locked Maxence in it for the next hour. He was a bit confused to be honest. He had a wrong feeling about the whole place, and he didn't like the way they were treating their patients already. He pushed away his thoughts. He had a job to do, but how was he supposed to help the girl when they made her forget her own name?
A therapist just starting out in the profession. Great. That was a great person to put in a room with Rose Tyler, someone who they called insane, someone who used to be so loving and gentle. Someone who now was drugged every day because of something she couldn't control. Rose had had her own dreams and they were all crushed. She had been in this place for a while. A couple years to say the least. She couldn't really tell. She had lost tracks of time. She even forgot what normal, good food tasted like. She got nasty food all the time. Sometimes she didn't even get food. She only got a tiny portion of food and a shower today because of her new therapist was coming to see her.
Rose knew he wouldn't stay long. They never did. She was just a young woman who didn't see much of a future for herself. She didn't see herself having a job or anything because she couldn't picture herself ever getting out of here. She was actually kind of scared of herself. They had stuck her into an isolation room, alone, because they were afraid of what she could do. She was just sitting lifelessly on her bed, what she normally did a lot. She never really moved, but when she saw her new therapist, she went nuts. She fought against the nurses and a growl surfaced from her throat until they drugged her. Then, Rose was back to her lifeless, blank, and limp self.
Once the nurses were gone, Rose sat on her bed with her back against the wall, her knees tucked tightly against her chest as her round hazel eyes stared blankly at the man, the man who looked so much like the man she used to love. Her bottom lip lightly quivered for a moment. But she was numb now. She couldn't feel much anymore. She probably wouldn't answer any of his questions, assuming he would just leave her like all the other people did.
Maxence looked around the room. It was tiny and messy and dirty. How could they keep someone locked into such a place? No one should ever live into a room so disgusting. The girl didn't even have any access to water, wasn't even close to a bathroom for her needs. That room was worse than any prison cell. He would ask for her to be transferred into another room as soon as he would get to talk to someone here. He looked at the chair in the corner of the room. The therapist's chair obviously. Sit there and have a full view of what was going on in that room. Sit there and judge your patient while he was going nuts. He chose not to use it. Instead, he took off the shoes without shoelaces they had given him when he arrived and sat cross legged on the bottom of the bed, facing Rose.
Thankfully, he had managed to keep his bag but they had taken all the things susceptible to be used by Rose to hurt him or herself: his keys, his phone, his keyrings. He had managed to keep his notepad and pen though. He watched Rose silently for a moment knowing it was useless to try and talk. The poor girl was terrified and all they were doing was drugging her. No wonder why she was going crazy with such a treatment. A small noise made him suddenly look for something into his bag. A chocolate/banana bar he was always keeping on him in case he would get hungry. He placed it on the bed and pushed it towards Rose.
"Don't tell them I gave you that," he said quietly. "It will be our little secret." There was no particular purpose behind his offer. He had just noticed how thin she was and realised that they weren't feeding her properly. But it could be a first step towards a trust he would have to earn, little by little. "You can eat it. I won't tell them."
Rose liked having a clean place, but they barely ever cleaned the room they kept her locked in so she wouldn't hurt or manipulate anyone. She hated being in dirty places, but she couldn't complain. Otherwise she would get in trouble. They didn't give her access to water or anything because they said she didn't deserve to be treated as a human. She had to use one of the corners as a bathroom, like an animal. Is was really disgusting and she hated it. She hated being in such a small space.
Rose was thankful he didn't choose the corner chair, for that was what the other therapists chose. She played with her long blondish brown hair, twirling it between her fingers to keep herself busy and in control. Her eyes watched the man as he sat cross legged on her bed. She indeed was terrified and they were just being mean to her. They were just drugging her. So, she had a reason to go crazy.
Rose's gaze averted to where she heard the noise, then back at Maxence. She stayed silent. Only her soft breathing was audible. Her stomach growled loudly as soon as she saw the chocolate and banana bar. She flinched away from him a little as he pushed the bar towards her, but nodded a little at his words. She indeed was thin. They didn't feed her often at all. Maxence had a lot of work to do to earn her trust.
Rose slowly took the bar and unwrapped it. She shoved the whole thing in her mouth hungrily and savoured the taste of the new food as she chewed it. She soon swallowed it with some trouble because of the large bite. She whimpered a little as there was no more. She put the wrapper down near him so he could take it. She looked at him, silently thanking him for the food, which made her stomach quiet down.
Maxence observed her silently, not moving much so he wouldn't scare her. He saw how mistrustful she was towards him. It would take time before she started trusting him, but he wouldn't let her down. He was her last chance and she was his first patient. He couldn't start with a failure, and didn't want to. He felt very sorry for the girl and promised himself to do anything to help her. No matter what would happen. He had read all the notes from all the therapists who had come to help her and didn't understand how it was possible that everyone had run away and let her down, forcing her to live into that miserable dirty cell. The girl was starving. Probably hadn't eaten in days.
He watched her behaviour towards his 'gift'. He didn't make a move in her direction or in the opposite direction. He stayed sat still on her bed and watched her as she greedily ate the bar he had given her. It was their very first interaction. He was taking the things slowly. He didn't want to make her feel rushed. He grabbed the wrapper and put it back in his bag. He would throw it away later. He pulled a small bottle of water out of his bag. He had managed to keep it. Once again, he placed it on the bed and slightly pushed it towards her.
"It was supposed to be my snack of the day. I'm still like a kid on that point," he admitted. "But you seem to need it more than me." His voice was quiet. He never changed his tone.
Rose was mistrustful towards everyone, really. She had a reason to be. No one was helping her. They only managed make a drug addict of her and they didn't even know it. Maxence was her last chance, her only hope. She doubted he was gonna stay though. She figured he was just gonna leave and she would be considered as a lost case. The other therapists didn't have any heart apparently. They didn't care. They cared more about themselves than her. Rose hated that dirty cell, but that was the only place she was ever in. They wouldn't take her to a different room.
Rose hadn't eaten in a while. A few days at least, except for the chunk of hard bread they had given her that morning. She greedily ate the bar in silence. It was their very first interaction and it was a small one. But it was something. She watched him put the wrapper back in his bag and took the water slowly. She opened it and listened to him. Her lips twitched at his words. He indeed was like a kid in that area still. But if he got hungry throughout the day, it was understandable to have a snack.
"T-t-thank you," she murmured quietly.
It was the first words she had said in days before she drank the whole bottle of water as greedily as she had eaten the bar. She was unable to save any for later because she was too thirsty. She was thankful Maxence had never changed his tone. He was quiet, and it was kinda peaceful. A real change from the nurses' yells she was used to.
Maxence nodded quietly. "They're not treating you very well down here. I wonder why they all look so terrified of you, when you're the only one allowed to be afraid of them."
He sighed deeply and observed her as she drank the whole bottle of water. How long had they been keeping her down here without any food, water or cleanliness? It was inhuman to let someone live in such a place, to treat someone that way. It was revolting him, but he remained very quiet.
"I'm gonna ask for a transfer. To another room. A clean one, with a bathroom. And I'll make sure you'll always have the food and water you need."
Maxence was a newbie in the profession so maybe they wouldn't listen to him. Or maybe they would leave her there all the time he wasn't there and transfer her to a clean room when he would have to see her. That seemed like something they could do. Something he couldn't approve of. Rose couldn't stay here. Maxence pulled out her record from his bag and opened it in his lap. He looked for his glasses.
"Where did I put them again?" he muttered for himself. There were on his head like always, and yet it was still looking for them. He should know it by now, but he was always looking for his glasses. "It's a funny thing how you can always look for something and yet, know that it's here, under your nose." He finally managed to find his glasses and put it back on his nose. He took a look at her file once again. "You've seen all the therapists this country can count and no one has even been able to ask for a transfer in a better room. What kind of people are they? You can't possibly look at a patient in such a situation and do nothing about it."
Maxence was talking more for himself than for her. Rose nodded slowly, even if he wasn't looking at her or talking to her. They indeed weren't treating her very well in that institute. They were treating her like an animal almost. She knew why they were all terrified of her, but she wouldn't hurt them. She always hurt herself instead. However, she had almost hurt a few of them. She was the only one allowed to be scared of them though. They had freedom. She did not.
Rose shut the bottle when it was empty and put it back down in front of him. She nodded a bit at his words as he said something about transferring her to a different room. She didn't have any hope that they would accept that request, but she was glad that he thought she was worth a try.
"Thank you," she murmured again.
In the bottom of her heart, even she was telling herself not to believe anything coming from that stranger, Rose hoped they would listen to him. She didn't want to be in that cell. She didn't want to be in that disgusting room anymore. She figured that they would only transfer her to the room when Maxence would come to see her and then throw her back in that room after he left. She didn't want that to happen. She didn't want to stay there at all. She assumed Maxence wouldn't approve of her staying in that room because of the conditions, but every other therapist never did a damn thing about it. They didn't care. She watched him look for his glasses, studying him closely as she tried not to stare at him.
"T-They didn't care. No one does. They're t-too scared of me."
Rose's voice was just a whisper and sniffled quietly. Maxence grabbed the empty bottle and put it back in his bag. He felt sorry for not being able to give her more, but he had already given her everything he had in his bag.
"I'm sorry. I don't have anything else on me."
He wished he had had the time to bring something more. The girl obviously needed to eat something substantial and not some chocolate bar he had on him for whenever he felt hungry. He looked at her above his glasses which had slipped on the tip of his nose.
"That's what I don't understand. Really. What do you have inside of you that's making them so afraid of you? It's something that's terrifying you too." He closed the record and put his glasses back on his head. "You gotta know, you're not forced to talk to me if you don't want to. That's what they think in those hospitals. You're feeling awful so you need to talk to someone who has studied for years just to make you talk. No. I don't think it works that way. Not with people as damaged as you are right now. You gotta trust the person you're gonna tell everything you have on your heart. That's my opinion." He pointed to the record. "Those people never gave you a reason to trust them, and they all ran away."
How was he supposed to earn her trust when they had all broken it bit by bit until nothing remained? That's a challenge he was ready to accept. He was gonna show all those so-called therapists with all their experience that he could be a better man and a better therapist than them all. He wasn't bothered with Rose watching his every move.
"It's okay," she said quietly.
Rose indeed needed more than a chocolate bar to eat and a small water bottle to drink. She needed something more substantial, but she understood it wasn't his job to bring her food. She crossed her eyes as he looked at her from above his glasses.
"I feel like you wouldn't believe me if I told you what is inside me," she replied honestly.
"Give it a try, if you feel like talking to me. I'm not forcing you."
"I-it's something called Bad Wolf. It's a Time entity that I t-thought was removed from me. I used to travel with a man called the Doctor. I tried saving his life and in the process, I got Bad Wolf s-stuck inside me. He thought he'd gotten it all out of me and h-he didn't. And it can cause me to be really violent sometimes. It-it caused me indescribable pain every day."
Her voice was lightly trembling, causing her to stutter, but she had managed to explain the situation quietly to him. She didn't have a reason to trust anyone. They went to school for years to do this stuff and they all ran away. They didn't even give her a chance. They just ran at the first sign of danger. They had broken her trust bit by bit and there wasn't much left.
"But that's right. They all r-ran away. You're my last chance. If you run, I have n-no one else to go to. I'm already a lost cause," Rose murmured, her bottom lip still quivering.
Maxence put his hands on his knees and listened to her quietly. He didn't interrupt her, didn't speak until she was done. He remained silent for a few minutes. He hadn't moved, wasn't staring at her with curiosity or with indifference or worse, with fear of the crazy girl.
"That's quite an interesting story you have there,' he finally said. His tone hadn't changed at all. He was still talking to her very quietly. "And before you think I don't believe you, know that I believe into supernatural things. I believe that we're not alone on this Earth and around." He scratched his head lightly. People would say he was encouraging her delirium but that was really what he thought. "I can feel there's more to your story than just those simple words, but I don't need to hear it now. Tell me about that pain, about what Bad Wolf is doing to you."
Maybe that was just some schizophrenia but his instinct was telling him that everything was true. Whoever that girl was, she had seen things people wouldn't believe, things people didn't believe in and that was why she was there. He wouldn't run away. He would help her. No matter how long it would take him to get her out of here.
"I've become a therapist because I wanted to help people. I didn't want that job to be honest. I didn't want to be paid to help people. I am gonna help you. If you allow me to."
Maxence wouldn't be able to do much if she didn't help him. They had to work together. Rose acquiesced a bit. At least, he wasn't forceful. She was so glad he wasn't forceful. He was the first therapist who didn't force her to speak. But after she told him her story, she waited patiently for his reply, watching him as her chin stayed rested on her knees, and picked at her fingers. Maxence wasn't staring at her with curiosity or with indifference or with fear even. Which was shocking for Rose. This man was different to say the least.
Rose let out a small sigh at his first sentence. That's what they all said. Nevertheless, his tone had never changed and she was relieved it didn't. She enjoyed the quiet tone right now. She listened to his response, her lips twitching as he said he believed that they weren't alone in the universe and that he believed in supernatural things. He was right. Supernatural things existed and they indeed weren't alone at all in the universe.
Maxence caught her sigh, before he could go on. Of course that was something they had all said before him. But the difference was that he believed her. He could feel in his guts that she was saying the truth about that Bad Wolf. He didn't mock her or look her any different.
Whenever they said that, they hadn't believed her and they just looked at her like a crazy person. She couldn't believe that he believed her. No one had ever believed her, but he didn't mock her or look at her differently. She was relieved to be taking things slow. She needed things to go slow. She would tell him more later. She would tell him the rest of the big story another time.
"There is more to the story, but I'm sure you aren't interested in hearing it today or even at all."
"I will hear it, but not today. We will take things slow."
He was curious about her story, and when he would know it, it would help him to understand her better. Rose Tyler had seen things no other human had ever seen. She had seen things no one would believe. She had seen many extraordinary things to say the least. She knew that they had to work together but she couldn't trust him yet. Not until he proved himself. Not until he showed her he was trustworthy.
"Bad Wolf causes me to get angry sometimes. Sometimes I don't even know why. I'll just get really angry and really violent in some occasions. It causes me indescribable pain in my head. It's like nothing can make it go away. Like it'll never stop. And I get it every day. It's normally how I wake up. Bad Wolf will cause me pain. And then they have to give me high dosages of this drug every day and sometimes multiple times a day to calm me down."
Maxence listened to her as she told him what Bad Wolf was doing to her, and how they were handling her fits in that institute. He bit the inside of his cheek not to say a thing about that terrible treatment they were giving her. They really didn't how to handle her case.
"I want to try something," he told her quietly. "No drugs, no restraints, no violence. Would you trust me enough to do it?"
Rose knew they didn't know how to handle her because she had had to bear their methods every day for years, but she couldn't do or say anything about it or her situation would get worse, and it was already critical. She bit down on her lip as he said he wanted to try something. She picked at her fingers, her eyes on him.
"… Sure."
Her heart was beating faster nervously as he wondered what he was gonna do. She was afraid of what he could do to her. She was so used to the bad treatments so she kinda expected him to lay a harmful hand on her. The quieter people were often the most violent ones when they lashed out.
Maxence put the record back in his bag and got up. His moves were slow, quiet. He was showing her that he had no intention of running away. He put his bag on the chair in the corner and put his shoes on it. He looked at her and gave her a small reassuring smile.
"It won't hurt. I promise."
Before doing anything, he would explain her what he wanted to do. He couldn't go on and surprise her. If he wanted to earn her trust, he had to go slowly and tell her everything he had in mind. It was a team work. If he wanted something from her, he had to give something from him.
Rose watched him as he slowly put her record back in his bag. She could kinda tell he had no intention in running away. But she wasn't going to immediately assume it. He had to show her. She watched him put his things on the chair in the corner and swallowed silently. She believed him for some reason. She believed that it wouldn't hurt. To earn her trust he indeed had to go slow and tell her everything he had in mind of what he wanted to do to her.
"You're telling me the Bad Wolf is influencing your mood. I don't really understand what you mean with Bad Wolf, but I will. With time. For now, I'm just assuming it's a part of you you don't have any control on, a part of you that can show up whenever you feel in danger or frustrated. Whenever you're feeling a strong negative emotion. Let's say it's your bad side. And all that violence, that anger, you have inside you needs to be brought to a lower level, a bearable level. I'm not gonna do any miracle, but I'm gonna help you to feel relaxed enough." Maxence rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. The word 'RUN' was carved into the skin of his right arm. It was long healed, but it was still visible. "I want you to lay on your back, okay? I'm gonna help your body and mind to relax with a massage. You can close your eyes and keep them open, whatever helps you to feel better." There had been no physical touch between the two of them yet. He didn't want her to feel uncomfortable with him. "You can refuse. If you feel uncomfortable, you just have to tell me. I will pull away immediately."
"Bad Wolf influences my anger mostly. I have some control over the other emotions," she told him.
Rose was nervous and she had every right to be. She didn't know him, didn't know what he could do to her, and after seeing so many people treating her like shit, feeling confident wasn't something she could do, and he understood that position.
Rose watched him as he rolled his sleeves up and bit her lip at the word carved into his skin. The first word the Doctor had said to her. She swallowed harder and rubbed her eyes casually, rubbing away the tears that were threatening to come. None of the therapists had ever done a massage on her, and she raised an eyebrow lightly at the idea. But she very slowly lay down on the bed on her back, keeping her eyes. She always kept him in sight and listened to him speak. He was her last hope. So, she figured his massage was worth a shot.
Rose nodded. She would let him know if she felt uncomfortable. She had been treated like shit so much that trust and confidence wasn't something she could do. It wasn't something she could feel anymore, but she somehow felt like she could give him a bit of that trust. Just to see. She was thankful someone understood her position. She put her arms at her sides, her hair sprawled out on the bed. She looked at the word carved on his skin again.
"How'd you get that?" she asked quietly.
Her gaze averted back to his face as her hands played with the dirty sheets beneath her. She couldn't help but study his face again. He looked so much like the Doctor, the man she used to love. Not the one who left her behind. How was it possible that someone looking so much like that extraordinary man she was in love with was sent to help her? Was fate sending her a message? Or was it just another way to make her suffer? She let out a shaky breath to try and relax a bit as Maxence slowly walked close to the bed. He stretched a bit.
"It's only fair if we're two to share stories." He had had the word on his arm for as long as he could remember and that wasn't the only word carved on his body. It was just the only one she could see. "I don't really remember how it happened. I woke up in the middle of the night because of the pain. I thought it was just because I was in a bad position. It happens sometimes. But when I switched the lights on, I saw all that blood on my sheets, on my clothes and that word carved on my arm. The nurse who took care of me that night said it was self-inflicted. I don't remember doing it, and I don't know what it means or why I would have done it. This is the only mystery about me. I'm a very ordinary guy."
"I see. I wonder why you carved that into your skin for. There has to be a reason. That was the first word the Doctor ever said to me," she confessed, saying the last part softer.
"That's a nice coincidence. I have that word on my arm for years now. Maybe I'll find the reason, the meaning someday." He slowly rubbed her arms, always making sure she could see his hands. He didn't ask about the Doctor. He wouldn't force her to talk if she didn't want to. He would wait until she felt ready to speak. "I've been running most of my life. Maybe that's a reminder. A sign. I've had this word on my arm for so long I don't notice it anymore."
"Hm. We all get used to the scars on our bodies. It indeed is a sign if you've been running most of your life."
Maxence just nodded. Scars were interesting at first but soon, they became a part of them and they were quickly forgotten until someone asked about them. It was the same for everything little word carved in his skin. He had tried to find a meaning or something but never did find anything. Scars were so interesting and noticeable at first. But soon enough, they were forgotten. Like Rose. Maxence cracked his knuckles.
"My hands might be a bit cold."
"It's fine. I'm used to the cold anyway. The temperature is never changed down here. It just gets colder at night."
They obviously didn't turn on the heating in her room and it was really cold around here. It was autumn, almost winter, and the weather was terrible outside. The hospital was well insulated and heated as a whole. But they were in the isolation area. In the basement of the hospital. Where they put all the patients they couldn't control. Where they thought they had all the rights on the patients, even to treat them in an inhuman way. He placed his hands on her temple and started rubbing her head slowly. His moves were gentle and soft. He looked at the word on his arm and remained silent a moment. Rose flinched as Maxence's hands touched her head and closed her eyes a little. She wondered if there were other words on his body besides that one and what they were if there was any.
Rose shivered at her own words. They indeed didn't turn on the heating in the basement. It was cold down there all the time. Rose didn't know what season it was since she couldn't see outside. There wasn't any window in her cell. The hospital was well insulated and heated, but it wasn't as warm down in the basement, where they were, as it was upstairs. Down there, the nurses thought they had all the rights on the patients. They even had the guts to not treat them as humans.
"Sorry. Do you want me to stop?" he asked when he felt her flinching.
"No, you're fine," she replied softly.
His hands slowly went from her head, to her neck and then, shoulders. His gestures were slow and soft and he always made sure to be in her field of vision so she wouldn't freak out. That massage was to help her to relax, not to add more stress on her.
Rose watched his hands closely while chewing the inside of her cheek. She was thankful that his hands were always in her field of vision. She really wondered why he had a word carved in his arm. There had to be a reason. Maybe he would find out why one day. She glanced around the small and dirty room. If you took a deep enough breath, you could smell some pee and poop, which was highly embarrassing. But it was all Rose had.
Maxence nodded. Rose had been locked down there for years. It was surprising that she hadn't caught a cold or worse. The smell in the cell was almost unbearable. It was making him feel nauseous. How could they leave her locked in such a horrible cell? He couldn't let her in such a condition anymore. As soon as they would come to open the door, he would order a transfer. He would supervise it and make sure she had a free access to a bathroom and food and heating.
"How do you handle it? The outfit, the blanket, it's not much to protect you from the cold. Are they giving you some soup to help you get warmer?"
He doubted that they did but he asked anyway. He could tell she had lost track of time. The isolation and solitude tended to do such a thing, to make someone forget about the progression of time. About their own name.
Rose had caught a couple colds from being down here, but she had managed to always get rid of them. Hopefully she wouldn't get another one. She hadn't been feeling very well the last few days. Maybe she was getting another one, and the almost unbearable smell made it worse. It made her nauseous every day. She didn't know how the medical staff could leave her down there in such a horrible cell. She wouldn't be able to thank him enough for getting her transferred to another room if it happened. Hopefully they would listen to him.
"I don't handle it very well. I've been sick pretty often down here. I just got over a cold a few days ago. The outfits are thin and so are the blankets. We aren't given much to be protected from the cold. And we don't get soup. That's for people upstairs. We sometimes get spoiled food or sometimes fresh food if we're really lucky."
It was a chance that she only caught some colds and nothing worse than that. With such surroundings, it was surprising. A lot of diseases probably were proliferating there. He could definitely not leave her here and go back to his life as if nothing had happened.
Rose was so glad that she has just caught a cold and nothing much else. There indeed were so many diseases brewing down here, threatening to get her sick at any moment.
"I'm sorry to hear that. I never thought establishments like this existed. I'll get your transfer into a better room. Even if I have to hit someone."
Which would probably end his career before it even started. He had to let them know that he wouldn't accept that treatment anymore. If they wanted Rose to get better, they would have to help him get her out of here. An inspection and the place would be shut down for sure. But he guessed that whoever had sent Rose here didn't have much money for her health and that was why she was treated so badly.
Rose didn't wanna be left in there anymore. She was glad Maxence was gonna get her transferred to a different room. He was the first one to ever try to do something for her. Maybe he was the one. Maybe he was the therapist that would get her out of there. But she didn't want to hope too much so she wouldn't be disappointed when he would run away. Her mother didn't have a lot of money and that was why that was the place she was brought to. Rather than a nicer mental hospital.
"Thank you." She sighed. "Oh, they do. They sadly do exist. It's horrible here."
Rose shouldn't be thanking him until the change was done for real. She would be disappointed if he didn't manage to convince them. And he would have failed her. That was something Maxence didn't want to do in any way. He was trying to build a bound, to create trust between the two of them. If he failed at transferring her, he would have to start all over again next time he would come over. He couldn't let that happen. He couldn't let a human being live into that room and he wouldn't leave the hospital before he got what he wanted, what she needed.
Rose wanted to thank him because no one else had ever transferred her to a different room. They never promised to get her a better place. They just left her in this dirty place, claiming that she deserved to be here in this room because she would never be good enough for anyone. That she would never be good enough to get out of here. And now she believed that. But that man seemed to want the best she could get at the moment. He seemed like the kind of person that wouldn't leave until they got what they wanted.
"When they teach you the job, they don't talk about the wrong side of it all. I just came out of school. Had my certificate last week. I never thought I would be recruited so quickly. Maybe that's a test. For you. For me. Like they do with teachers. Sending them in the worst establishments around the town. If you can take up the challenge, you're good. If you can, you're out."
Maxence didn't know why he was telling her such things. It wasn't very encouraging for her to know that he was a newbie, that he didn't know the job pretty well for now and to hear that he was implying that she was the worst case locked in the worst hospital around the town. He mentally cursed himself.
"Well, good job on graduating. I'm glad you got recruited so quickly."
No, it wasn't encouraging to know that he was a newbie, but he was a nice newbie. He was implying that she was the worst case in town. Locked in the worst hospital. Rose closed her eyes. She couldn't blame him. It was true. They all had told her she was the worst case they had ever seen. She had started believing it too. And she was well placed to know that hospital was the worst in town.
"Well, thanks. I was as surprised as happy. Even if happiness isn't really a right word for what I do. I help people getting out of their pain and despair, leading them to the happiness and relief. So, I hope I'll be able to lead you on that path, no matter the time it will take. I don't give up so easily."
Some people, his girlfriend and brother in the first line, said he was like a dog. Once he bit something, he didn't loosen his grip. It would be the same with his patients now. He wouldn't let them down. He would go despite all opposition to help them.
"You're welcome. I'm glad you get to help people get out of their pain and despair and lead them to a bath of happiness and relief. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get on that path of happiness and relief."
The Doctor had said that about Rose too. He had said that she never gave up easily and that she was a fighter. She would be kinda sad to know that Maxence was dating someone else, but she doubted that anyone would ever want to be with someone like her. He deserved to be happy. She didn't want Maxence to let her down. She would be heartbroken if he did. More than when the other therapists let her down.
Maxence remained silent for a moment. The path of happiness and relief was a hard path to reach when you fell as low as she did, and it was full of failures and ordeals. It was a long path which asked for a lot of efforts. It was a hard path to get back on but Maxence was convinced everyone could do it. Even Rose.
"Someone once told me that everything was in your mindset. Believing in yourself is the first step to achieve anything. This is a part of my job, giving you that faith in yourself. It's essential to lead you on the right path."
But it was also one of the most difficult part of his job. When people like Rose were locked up in such a terrible place to the point of losing track of time, they slowly fell into a deeper madness, a deeper darkness and they couldn't see the hand someone was holding out to them. Maxence was the last of many people to come around her, people who had broken her even more than she was when she was first locked up in there. His part now was to pick up all the pieces of this broken women and to help her sticking them back together.
The path of happiness and relief was a path that Rose couldn't really see herself ever going on, because of everything she had been through. She felt so low and she doubted that she could reach that path.
"I don't know if I can ever see myself on that path. Where I'm at now, I don't think I'll ever get back on that path. I wanna try though."
Rose swallowed quietly. She could feel herself slowly falling into a deeper madness and a deeper darkness. She couldn't really see the hand he was holding out to her to help her. So many people had broken her down and she was worse than she had been when she first came here. Maxence Spitz was the one that had to pick up all her pieces.
Maxence could understand her position and he was there to help her getting through that terrible ordeal in her life. He would have a lot of work, but he would succeed. He had to succeed. He couldn't let her in that situation.
"That's why I'm here," he told her with a small smile.
He knew she was stuck in a madness and darkness so deep it would be hard for her to see the hand he was holding out to her. He would grab her and pull her up if needed. He wouldn't let her down.
Rose was relieved a bit that he could understand her position. Maxence indeed had a lot of work. But she was sure he would succeed. He seemed like someone who didn't give up easily. She gave him a tiny smile in return. It was hard for her to see the hand he was holding out to her. She was stuck in a madness and darkness so deep that she was scared of herself. She was scared of what she was capable of.
"And I'll make sure to have some good food on me next time I'll come."
"Thank you. I'll really appreciate that. My stomach will too."
Rose was his first patient, his first case, and it was important for the both of them. Plus, the girl was nice. He didn't understand why people were afraid of her. The Bad Wolf hadn't showed up yet, and he doubted that Rose would hurt him if it ever showed up.
Rose knew that the first patient was the most important patient when it came to certain careers. She was a nice girl. She was a nice and gentle and loving girl. But not when Bad Wolf showed up though. However, Bad Wolf was pretty calm with this guy around.
"How do you feel?"
His hands were still soft and slow on her body as he was getting down. He didn't go any lower than her waist. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable in any way. For now, it would be good. He could tell she was feeling a bit more relaxed now.
"I feel much better, thank you," she told him honestly. "What season is it outside? What day is it today?"
She indeed felt much more relaxed than she had when he had first come in to the room. She ran a hand through her knotted hair and picked at her fingers. She hadn't brushed her hair with her hands yet. That was obvious.
"Autumn. It's November, the seventh. A rainy windy Monday," he answered her. "I'm glad to hear it. You can sit up if you want to. I am done."
Rose's lips twitched sadly. "My dad died twenty-nine years ago today." Rose frowned and closed her eye for a moment.
"I'm sorry," he said, a hint of sadness in his voice.
Maxence never had the chance to really know his father either and the only memories he had of him were bad ones. His father was a very violent man, and his mother kicked him out of the house. Maxence had grown up with only his mother. Rose and him were the same on that point.
"I only have my mother too."
"It's okay."
No, it wasn't okay. For him or for her. Losing someone never was okay, because it was also losing the chance to know them, to create memories with them. His mother never talked about his father for an obvious reason, and he never asked questions. There wasn't any picture of him at home. Nothing to remind them of the terrible man he had been. Maxence didn't even remember what his father looked like, but he would always remember his violence.
Maxence pulled his hands away from her body and rolled his sleeves down, hiding the word once again. He had forgotten about it until she asked about it. He wondered what it could possibly mean, and why that word had appeared on his arm so suddenly. He couldn't have carved it himself and not remember it right?
She knew it wasn't okay that she lost her father. Because she never got to meet him. Never got to make new memories with him. Rose hadn't had the chance to know her father either. She knew kind of a lot about her father. Rose shrugged.
"How is your anger?"
Rose sat up slowly when he was done and started brushing her hair by running her fingers through it gently. She hadn't cared much about the way she looked all the time she was down there, but that man was making her feel really embarrassed to look so lame. She wished she wasn't so disgusting and ugly and dirty.
"Hum, it's good actually. It's bearable. Bad Wolf seems to be calmer when you're here."
Rose looked at him. Once again. Maxence straightened his shirt and scratched his head lightly. He seemed so awkward, so uncomfortable in that room, and yet, he was so soothing. There was something about her that made her calm. Or was it because he looked like the Doctor so much?
"Did it happen before? Was the Wolf calm with the other therapists, or did it show up soon as they were here with you?"
"Bad Wolf has never been calm around anyone. Only you. It always showed up as soon as they came here with me."
"Pretty weird. Maybe it's the soft touch. Be soft and the Wolf becomes a kitty."
"I don't know. It's weird. Bad Wolf hasn't been calm like this in a very long time. But maybe you're right."
"It's a good thing for you. Your Wolf is quiet for now. It means you can fully relax and rest as much as you need."
"Yeah. It is good. Hopefully I can get some rest for once. It's nice that the Wolf is quiet."
Rose smiled slightly but the smile was nearly impossible to see. Maxence noticed it though, he was trained to see every change in people's behaviour and mood and he knew he had made the first step. He had created the first bound. He was doing good, but Rose was still protecting herself and she had a reason to.
"I'll make sure you do. I'll help you to stay calm so you can get some rest. My job isn't only about making people speak. It's also about helping them to relax, to help them feel better by some small acts. I'll try my best so you can get that rest you need so much."
"Thank you. I need the rest. I can't seem to get it anymore. I know that just making people speak isn't your only job."
Rose was suddenly feeling a little nauseous and knew that in the next minutes, she would be sick. As usual. She also knew that she would get punished for being sick. Maxence noticed her going paler than she already was.
"Are you okay?"
Rose shook her head at his question. She was already pale and was surprised that she was going even paler. She really didn't feel good right now.
"I think I'm gonna be sick," she whimpered.
Rose immediately went over to the corner with all the faeces in it and threw up. Her back was on him. She held her hair back the best she could. Maxence came closer and gently rubbed her back and held her hair back for her. He definitely had to get her out of here. He too was sick in his stomach just by the view and the smell. Living here would make him mad and much sicker than she was. Strong girl. Maybe out of habit.
Rose flinched at his touch again and closed her eyes. He slightly pulled away when he felt her flinching under his hand, but kept rubbing her back. She swallowed hard, which just caused her to vomit again. She wiped her mouth carefully when she was done. She was trembling. She always felt miserable down here. She always felt sick. But she was a strong girl. It was out of habit to be strong.
"Come on, lay back down a little."
It was useless to ask Rose if she felt better. She still was pale, and he could see she was trembling. Maxence gently pushed her to the bed. He wasn't forcing her. It was just a proposition he was doing to her, but when he heard the door being unlocked, he knew she wouldn't go back into her bed, that she would try and put as much distance as she could between what was coming and herself…