Title: Whereabouts of happiness
Author: Kidishcaresh
Pairing: ex 5xMeiran and 2+5
Word count: 5036
Theme: memories
Timeline: post wars
Author notes: Came to me while working. The title of the story just stuck to my mind and this story formed. The real fans will know what episode of gundam wing bore the same title.
I walked around with the idea for a while. I wanted to give my idea of Wufei's relationship with his Wife, but I was afraid I'd get angry uber-fangirls (obsessive fangirls who review only to point out how much you've ripped their favorite out of his normal character). Considering that the episode ZERO starts at their wedding day I after a lot of thinking decided to go with the ideas I had in mind for this and just write the pre-wedding relationship between them out. I wanted to have a suitable ending, but I didn't want it to end all heavy and sad. Please let me know what you all think of it. I'd like to know how I did on their pre-marital relationship especially.
Summary: Wufei reflects on his past when he finds a book which has special meaning to him, but which he never finished reading. Better yet he never got past the first three lines.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my OC's.
Chapter 1,
I gently run my fingers along the cover of the old book and smile a rare smile. I remember this book. I never got to read more than the first three lines and I know those first three lines by heart.
The whereabouts of happiness.
True happiness is nothing. One spends one's entire life searching for it, only to find that it was right in front of them all that time. People do not know the happiness they possess; until it is lost.
I take the book and return to the warmth of the living room. My bedroom is cold as the central heating there is broken. I sit on the couch tucking my legs beneath me to keep my feet warm and I open the book. I stare at the first page never reading past those three lines. Three lines that hold a lifetime of memories and a moment's happiness.
"Why are you reading?" the question came out of the blue. I hadn't expected it. Hadn't thought anyone would find me here.
"Because I like reading. " I answer trying to ignore her and turning the page of the book on building houses. She huffs.
"You should be fighting, like the other boys." she says angrily.
"And you should be at home learning how to cook and clean." I answer her. She growls and kicks the pile of books beside me causing them to scatter.
"You're stupid! Stupid, Stupid weakling!" she yells before running off. I stare at her retreating form, then turn and begin to gather the books that now lay scattered around me from her kicking the pile. I sigh and shake my head as I finish collecting them and head home.
"I saw that girl again. She kicked my pile of books. She says I'm a stupid weakling. I don't understand; what's her problem anyway?" I say to father as mother fills our plates with food.
"Perhaps she's jealous." mother says putting a plate down before father.
"Jealous, of me? Why?" I ask confusedly.
"Well you're a boy. Boys get to do whatever they want whereas girls must do as they're told. Boys get to learn to fight and girls don't. They only get to learn to cook and clean and take care of their own children." Father explains as mother goes to collect her and my plate. I think about what father just said. Mother chuckles lightly.
"Maybe, or maybe she just likes you." she says.
"No way! That's stupid. She doesn't act like she likes me. She doesn't giggle and stuff like the other girls do." I say quietly.
"Are you here again?!" she asks in a huff. I look up from my book and nod.
"I am. It's my field. I can be here whenever I want." I say smugly. This time she kicks against my arm.
"Ow that hurt! Stupid girl! Why do you have to be like this?!" I yell angrily as I get up.
"You're weak! You should be fighting like the other boys do, but instead you just sit here and read these stupid books!" she hisses angrily before punching me. It doesn't take long before we have an all out fight and father and a stranger drag us apart.
"Go home." father hisses to me. I'm confused. Why is father angry with me? It's not my fault; she started it.
I do as father told me though and go home. Once home I tell mother what happened. She doesn't say anything; she just looks at me sadly and then tells me to go to my room until father comes home. I do as she says and return to my reading after putting ointment on my bruises. I look at my arm. Where the girl kicked me my skin has turned an angry purplish black across the whole upper part of my arm. When father returned he said little. He scolded me on touching a girl like that and tells me not to hurt a girl ever again. To my defense that she kicked me first father simply states that even if she did I'm a man and it's forbidden for a man to touch a woman in any way that is hurtful or disgraceful. He even went as far as to take me to her house and make me apologize.
"Well?" Father hisses when we stand before Meiran's door. I glare at Meiran and then at father.
"I don't understand why I should apologize! She kicked me first and she tried to rip up my books! She should apologize to me instead!" I say angrily. Father gives me one of his famous looks. One that makes me do what he says for fear of what might happen if I don't.
"Sorry…but I still think she should've and not me." I mumble before storming off. When I got home Father was already there. I received a spanking and father said I had a lot to learn yet.
Later I lay on my bed. I'm trying hard not to cry. Mother comes into the room with ointment. She sighs sadly before rubbing the soothing ointment on my sore backside.
"You shouldn't be so stubborn Wufei…yes Meiran was wrong to kick you, but you were wrong to fight her. It's not how good boys behave. If you had just apologized properly back then, well then you wouldn't be having a sore butt right now." she said shaking her head as she finished and I gingerly sat on her lap.
"But I didn't pick a fight mother…she just kicked me and when I asked her why she did it she yelled and punched me. I just tried not to get beaten up by her…I don't understand…why does she hurt me all the time?" I say sadly. I'm only five. I'm smart, but there's only so much I understand and girls are not part of the things I understand.
"Maybe you should ask her why she did it when she next comes to see you. I know it's very hard not to, but you really have to try not to fight back when she fights you for no reason. She is a girl and you know all the rules, right?" Mother says. I pout. It's not fair. Mother always knows just the right thing to say. I do know the rules. I spend the last three years memorizing them as father read them to me and later had me read them myself.
As the years passed and I grew older my relationship with Meiran changed too. She would still come and scold me, but now it was because I refused to train at the gym with everyone else.
I had always closely watched father train and observed his sparring matches with my uncle or one of his friends. Through watching I learned myself. Learning was my greatest joy because every time I learned something new and showed father he would give me that pride filled look. It was that look that pushed me to learn more and learn faster. To make father proud of me and to have mother wrap her arms around me and tell me that I would grow to be a wonderful son.
It was for that reason that I refused to train at the dojo when father took me there when I turned seven. I went the first day and found there was nothing to learn. I left and spend my training time in my field reading more books. Of course Meiran insisted I come to the dojo and more often, than not under the threat of killing my books, she would drag me to the gym with her. What can I say? The books I read belonged to grandfather who'd passed away when I turned four. They were precious to me and considering Meiran always carries out her threats I had little choice and so I went under protest.
Finally on my tenth birthday the teacher insisted on a match to see if I was really as good as I claimed. The match was long as the teacher seemed intent on proving me that I still had much to learn. I realized right away that this was not an actual fight, but a show fight. The teacher wanted to teach everyone and so he performed each technique perfectly then waited for me to show him. I smirked at the challenge and mimicked his every technique proving that I hadn't just said what I said to stroke my ego, but that I really already knew all he could teach me. When the match ended the teacher conceded that I had a unique talent and he would put in a good word with the elders to let me do the necessary tests to gain the title of Dragon. This was the highest title any martial artist could gain and the greatest honor for a man.
Meiran was suitably angered by this as it meant she no longer had reason to drag me to the gym. She still came to the field though, only now though we only had verbal fights for fear of angering our parents by getting into another physical fight. I began to actually enjoy her presence there. I actually started to look forward to the moment where her snide voice would cut through my concentration and drag me out of the world of my current book and back into the real world. I found it strange as well, but told myself that it was because our verbal fights were challenging. It was because she was the only person who argued back.
As I sat in my field of flowers the day of my thirteenth birthday I reminisced on an old memory. I'd been six and father had begun to prepare me for manhood by explaining to me what would be expected of me once I turned fourteen. I remember even now; I had asked father what kind of woman he would have married if he could have any woman he wanted. He hadn't thought twice about it and answered 'your mother, son.'
I had later asked mom as well and she said that she secretly wanted to marry a man who'd go out to fight for her and instead she got my father who was clumsy and goofy, but would fight without fear if it meant protecting her. He'd been in every way not the kind of person she thought she'd love, but over time she fell for him after all. It was mother who asked me what kind of woman I would like to marry. Until then I hadn't thought about it though, so I spend days in my field contemplating the question and then I finally told mom I had an answer. I wanted a strong willed woman for my wife. She shouldn't be afraid to speak her mind, but she had to be caring too. Like mother was.
I look up when a voice cuts through my thoughts. Instead of Meiran it is father's friend. He looked hurt and quickly tells me. He leaves and I remain where I am. I stare at the flowers. I feel numb inside. It couldn't be…
"Are you here again?!" Meiran's voice this time breaks the spell of this field, but I don't care. I don't feel up to arguing with her today. It's only been two days and twelve hours since he told me and I've yet to get up. My body feels numb and I think she noticed.
"What's wrong?" she asks quietly. I look up and see her flinch.
"There was an accident at father's work…mom went to see if he was okay…there was an explosion…" I say quietly. Meiran doesn't speak. I looked at the flowers again.
"They're gone…they're gone and no one will tell me why…why them…why now…what did they ever do to deserve death?" I murmur. I've asked myself this over and over and I've yet to find an answer. Meiran doesn't answer either. She just stands there. Time passes slowly and I stare at the book that hangs limply in my hand.
"You're just…you just lost your parents and you don't even cry! You're so stupid!" Meiran shouts suddenly. I look up only to receive a punch to the side of my head. I remain lying down and watch as she storms off again. It starts raining and with the rain finally my tears fall too.
"I'm a man…men aren't supposed cry…stupid woman…" I murmur hoarsely.
After three more hours I finally get up and walk home. Grandmother is waiting for me. She says nothing and simply wraps a warm towel around my soaked body and leads me to the kitchen.
"Meiran came again today…she hit me…but I didn't hit back father…I was a good boy right?" I say quietly. Or at least that's what grandmother told me later when I woke up. I had a bad fever from having been in my field for so long and getting rained upon. My face was black and purple for days after that, but it mattered little. Something changed then. Justice…the thing my father held so dear, to me justice was dead. There was no justice for my parents when the explosion took place. It just took their lives from them like that.
Then came three months before my fourteenth birthday. I hadn't seen Meiran all year. I figured she'd grown tired of fighting with me and let it be. I spend my time until then by preparing for my inevitable wedding. Come my birthday I would be wedded off to some woman or another. I had already decided I no longer cared. Father had chosen a wife for me just before he died and I would marry that woman out of duty. It was to be that way. I wondered who would be wedded to Meiran as it was her fourteenth birthday soon too and shuddered. I felt sad for whoever would marry a woman like her. She was always far too stubborn for my liking.
I prepared myself for the formal ceremony as well as for the start of my personal project. I hadn't spent my youth in those books without reason. I was going to build my own house. It would be a strong house and it would be nice. It would be a house that would please my wife to be.
The elders came very early that day and dragged me off to be cleansed and dressed in the ceremonial garments for my wedding. I was then led to the temple where the wedding ceremony would take place in some eight hours and was introduced to my new wife.
"You?" I said staring up in surprise. Before me standing on a stool so as not to have her wedding gown hit the dirty temple floor was Meiran. She was the last person I would've thought my father would choose for me. Deep inside I felt proud. I would have the strongest woman of our clan as my wife. I snapped out of my shock when she spoke though.
"You're that scholar." she said. The way she said that; it hurt. The way she said it made it sound like she found it a very nasty idea to be married to me. It sparked something inside me as it cut through my chest and I threw off my robes.
"You're discontent?!" I asked annoyed. She was behaving like that again. It bugged me.
"Someone like you has no right to carry on the line of our proud clan!" she said in that same cutting tone of voice.
"Well it certainly wasn't my idea! Do as you please!" I growled angrily trying my hardest to keep my temper in check. I stormed off angrily and did the only thing I could think of to calm down. I went to the bookstore and grabbed as many books as I could carry. I didn't care for titles as long as they were thick enough to keep me from thinking about the strange hurt in my chest that Meiran's nasty tone had put there. It was around then that I first found it.
It was a plain looking thick book with a dull grey exterior. Printed on it neatly was the title 'Whereabouts of happiness'. I opened it and found that there was no author information in it. Somehow despite its plain looks I was attracted to it. I wanted to unravel its mystery and so I bought it as well. I stumbled to my field with the books and set down to read them. When it became too dark to read I went home and the next week I spend my days building the home I'd sworn I would build. It was shaping up nicely and I was working on the roof supports when Meiran interrupted me. I noticed her presence right away, but ignored her. I couldn't hear what she was yelling at me anyways.
It went like this for about two weeks. I slowly worked on the roof of our house as Meiran watched from the ground. I remember little of the day of the accident. I remember having finally gotten to the point where I could put the roof panels on my house and was making good time. I was putting on the panels, one at the time working my way up making the structure sound and water tight, when it happened. As I said, I don't remember much of it. I remember there was a strong trembling happening and losing my balance from leaning down to grab another plate at the wrong time. Strangely enough I also remember Meiran crying out my name in terror. After that it's all black to me. I woke up in the hospital only to be wacked over the head by Meiran who gently wacked me on the head and scolded me. I remember her trembling and the gentleness with which she wacked me. I remember apologizing for scaring her and getting wacked a second time for assuming she was scared.
Of course when I was released a week later I went back to work again; miraculously I'd not broken a thing when I fell and would only have some rather nasty bruises. Meiran came every day and watched me closely. I noticed how she subtly tensed whenever it looked like I would lose my balance again and she was insistent that I was foolish to build a house for us to live in.
"You spend all your time in that stupid field…and besides you own your parents' house now! What do you even need to build this thing for?" she asked glaring at the now almost finished house.
"I wanted to build my own house. Besides it's not like you'd understand anyway." I told her. I glared at her almost willing her to go away and leave me be. She didn't of course. She just stood there and glared back.
"How am I supposed to understand? It's not like you tell me anything. We'll be wedded soon and this time before the wedding is supposed to be for us to get to know each other, but you're always here working on this thing or out there in that stupid field of flowers. You…You don't even go home!" she yelled taking up her usual stance legs at a spread position, hands by her side; the tell tale trembling telling me she was close to physically attacking me.
That was all I could take at that moment. I had enough to deal with as is. I didn't need her stupid inexplicable anger on top of it all.
"Go home now!" I hiss pushing her toward the road. She stares at me with a hurt expression and leaves.
'No I don't go home and you will never understand my reasoning! You don't know what it's like! I can't go there Meiran! I can't! I constantly see them everywhere I look! You don't know what it's like to be reminded by every stupid little thing! To have the fact that they're dead thrown in your face at every turn! I'm building my own home because I promised! I promised I'd build it! So he could be proud! I go to that field because it's the only place where I don't see my parents!' I think as I watch her start to run toward her home.
I know now that she was trying; that in her own way she was reaching out and trying to get me to open up to her. I knew it then too, but it hurt too much still. It'd not yet been a year; I just couldn't face the overwhelming emptiness of that house or the constant memories that haunted me. I'd tried, but I ended up running to my field. The following day I'd set up a tent next to the at that time beginnings of my house and spend the nights in that tent and my days working on the house or reading so I wouldn't have to think of the pain that filled me.
Our wedding was kept small and formal. Meiran's grandfather and my Grandmother decided this. They thought that a large festive wedding would be a bad idea. Given both our tempers and the fact that we barely got through the practice ceremony without being at each other's throats it was likely that we wouldn't get through the festive wedding without a fight. Both Meiran and I had lamented that since we fought so much even on our wedding, then maybe they should find us different partners. Sadly though both grandparents were firm in their belief that we'd make it work somehow.
After the wedding I began to read that book. 'The whereabouts of happiness', I wanted to read it. I really did, but Meiran was incorrigible. Every day at the exact moment I read the last word of the third line she would interrupt me and insistently fight with me verbally. She still insisted I should practice martial arts and I she did. She'd at some point claimed to fight for justice and to my plainly telling her that justice doesn't exist she insisted I fight her. Of course she lost the fight, but she didn't give up on her believes.
It was at around that time that I started seeking refuge with master O to get away from my wife and have some form of privacy and peace. He was an intelligent man and very interesting. He didn't praise my intelligence like most people I know did. He simply told me outright that there was no use being smart if you just sat back and did nothing with it. I didn't really care much; I suppose I was more interested in these mobile suits he made. While I claimed them to be pieces of junk I found them highly interesting. I'll admit, though only to myself, that I feigned disinterest because I didn't want to admit that I was curious about these tools of war. The scholar in me wanted to take them apart and see what made them tick. I only got to see them when they were nearing the final stages of the build and pretty much everything safe some plating and the interior of the cockpit and the weapons was finished.
Shortly after that fight in the rain the colony was attacked. I watched as my wife went off to battle and gave chase because I feared that if I didn't I'd lose her like I lost my parents. In the end though my efforts were in vain, she was beyond saving even for the best surgeons in the world. I didn't know it at the time, but see seemed to know it. She demanded I take her to the field of flowers that I would always read in and she died there. She died in my arms after I told her I was proud to have her as my wife. I truly was despite our conflicting character and despite that I would never admit it to anyone, but myself she was the person I would have wanted for a wife. A strong woman who wasn't afraid to say what she thought and in her own way she even cared about me.
I never got past the third line of that book…and to this day…I still can't read past that line. That last very painfully true line…
"You there Wufei?" Duo's voice sounded through the memories, pulling me back to reality.
"Sorry, got lost in thought." I mumbled looking away.
"Next time bring a map?" Duo said wryly as he sat down beside me on the couch. I smiled back; if it can be called a smile…I tried okay?!
"So…what brings you here at this time of night? Other then torturing me." I asked calmly.
"Well, I couldn't sleep and I noticed you sitting here when I came down. I asked what you were reading, but you didn't answer.
"It's something I bought back before I became a pilot…it's called 'Whereabouts of happiness'. It's philosophical. I never got past the third line on the first page myself." I said running my finger over the title.
"How come? Didn't have the time to?" Duo asked genuinely curious. I shook my head.
"Nah, it's just…someone very distracting kept me from reading more. Then things happened and…ever since that day…I can't read past the third line…the letters blur and…forget it, you wouldn't understand." I murmured.
"You'd be surprised…but hey it's your past n your choice. Just being curious here." Duo said.
That's what I liked about Duo, while he was loud and very much present he also respected your privacy in terms of questions asked. He'd back off if he saw you didn't want to talk about it. Normally I would leave it at this and walk away now, but this time is different. I'm not sure if it's the reminiscing or maybe just the scholar in me, but I want to talk. If it were any one of the other three pilots then I'm sure I wouldn't have this feeling, but somehow Duo is Different. It's something in those eyes. That something tells me he might be the one who would truly understand. I was curious as to how much he trusts me perhaps and perhaps I just didn't want to be the only one bringing up the past.
"I'll tell mine if you tell me yours." I said watching him from the corner of my eyes.
"Hm, only if you read me that book later." he said smirking.
"Deal." I said switching positions because the leg currently propped up under my backside was beginning to go numb.
"They'll kill you for this Quat." Heero murmured. I mentally smirked, but outwardly feigned sleep; quite convincingly even if I say so myself. I noted that Quatre had a small camera in his hand and was snapping a picture, two, three, four and then Duo stirred. I opened my eyes and quickly grabbed hold of Duo's wrist as his hand already shot out to snap the neck of whoever invaded his peace. I raised an eyebrow at Quatre's shocked face and watched bemusedly as he tried to come up with a good excuse for this and stumbled over his own words.
"Ah…Wufei? Ya gonna let go any time soon? I really need to go." Duo mumbled.
"Oh sorry, forgot I was saving him from you ripping out his throat while not fully awake." I mumbled letting go of him. Heero chuckled amusedly. I shook my head and got up.
"I had better not find any blackmailing in my mailbox later Quatre or I might let Duo follow through next time." I said stretching and loosening a few joints with an audible plop. I smirked as the blonde paled.
"Hey Wufei! Don't forget you n me got a date with that book tonight!" Duo called from halfway up the stairs.
"I won't, but you're making snacks and drinks." I called back receiving a mock salute from him. I chuckled as I followed him up the stairs to head to my room for fresh clothes and a shower. I had seen the shocked looks on the faces of the three others who stood in the living room and it amused me to no end.
I had come to a decision this night. I wasn't going to waste the happiness I had right in front of me. Not a second time. I would grasp it while I had it and I wouldn't let it go to waste. For the first time since Meiran's death I felt that maybe I would finally get to read the rest of that book.
Okay that's it. Hope you enjoyed it.