Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed/Destiny
We're Okay
She takes off the ring he gave her months ago. She gives it to him, even though she finds it difficult to let go. His eyes flicker to her – a bit of curiosity, a bit of worry, a bit of confusion. She tells him, "I can't wear it just yet."
He smiles a little. "I know." He pauses. "I understand." Cagalli sighs, not of relief but of dread. He understands, he says. Cagalli bites her lip. He always does.
They fall into a familiar silence, and Cagalli is reminded by how much she misses this, how much she misses him. They never really did talk much, only during the nights when Cagalli has nightmares about everyone and everything. Sometimes he has nightmares too, but he doesn't really show how scared he is. On the cold nights, Cagalli would crawl in beside him on his bed, in his room that is adjoined to hers, and to take the pain away, they'd talk. He'd tell her about the time Kira got in trouble at school, and she'd tell him about the time she pranked Kisaka. They'd talk about petty things – favourite songs, favorite flowers, favorite foods, hobbies, likes, dislikes, interests, how the weather was, and all the little things that don't really matter but really do. It takes their minds off the pain, off the tears, and off the blood. They'd laugh at the silly things, and Cagalli remembers just how beautiful his laugh is and just how much she loved him then and loves him still.
The silence is comforting. His mere presence is comforting, and Cagalli's guilt for all the sins she's committed multiplies tenfold. She wishes they could go back to the simpler days, when happiness was dark nights, warm blankets, and each other, but Cagalli knows they can't go back anymore. They are children no longer, yet even now, Athrun still makes her heart flutter and gives her stomach butterflies, and she knows, that in one way or another, she's going to be alright, and she hopes that they're going to be alright.
She feels like telling him something. She feels like telling him that she loves him, but then she thinks that it will ruin things, so she does not. Besides, there is no point in saying something that the other already knows. He is well aware of her feelings for him, as she is of his. They both know that this is where they are, and that this is where they want to be. So instead, she asks, "Will you wait?" because for her, that is far more important to say than a declaration of love. This, she feels, will define their relationship, will define Athrun and Cagalli.
She waits for his answer, but then she becomes scared because waiting is all he's been doing for two years and maybe he's grown tired of it, grown tired of her. She almost cries then and there because she loves him, she loves him so much, and she knows he loves her, but what if the love he holds for her doesn't go that far? She does not want to lose him. She does not know what she'll do if she loses him, and she freezes at the thought. What if she overestimated herself? What if she was fooling herself all along? What if – ?
He touches her cheek and kisses her there. He whispers, "Always."
She smiles, and she cries because she knows that they really are going to be okay.
Just to clarify, this takes place before Cagalli's speech and subsequent hug scene in GSD ep 45.
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Cheers!
~Aly