Full Summary: Relationships are complicated. That's what Sirius Black concludes after his latest break up anyways. Katherine Wright just thinks they're a fancy way to manipulate someone, so she hasn't really bothered with them either. Of course, she could be considered a hypocrite with her messy love life, if you could call it that. James Potter likes to think he's a guru in the relationship field, but he's scared shitless when he actually manages to somehow woo the girl he's dreamed of. Lily Evans struggles with the constant trust issues she has, and wonders how the hell she ended up dating an arrogant prick anyways. Love, a word that is hesitant to be thrown around these four individuals. While everyone else seems to have this whole romance thing down, how come they can't get it quite right?

Pairings: SiriusOC, JPLE, OCOC, and AberforthGoat (Not really, but that couple needs more fandom)

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Which includes that Daniel Radcliffe guy with the ugly teeth.

"Wright, what was with that piss poor effort out there?" Huffing slightly, the Hufflepuff Quidditch Team Captain pointed across the field as I headed towards the Girls' Changing room.

"Eat shit, Kirk." Just as I was about to fling the door open to the Changing Room and make my dramatic exit, Henry Kirk had to ruin it by yanking my hair back to him. I let out a loud, painful yelp as he forced me to turn towards him.

"I said," His stupid, pretty-boy eyes slightly twitched "What was with that piss poor effort, Katherine?"

My eyes fluttered to the back of my head in irritation. Apparently, that wasn't the right answer since Henry tugged my hair again, harder this time.

"Merlin! There are nicer ways to ask!" My hand tore his own hand off my hair as I tried to stare him down. Of course, whenever I try to stare someone down…

"Ha ha!" Nervous giggles teetered out of me as I looked away.

There was just something about staring people in the eye that I just could not handle.

"Aha ha ha, aren't you adorable?" He flashed me a fake grin and then quickly reverted to his angry stare.

I decided it was best to look down and bask in my anger rather than chortle like a twit.

"Your performance out there," A dramatic pause came since conceited gits like Kirk loved the tenor in their voice "Was absolute shit. It's our last practice before the first game and instead of chasing the damn Quaffle, you're just floating about over the field with your 'La di dum diddle sum'. If I wanted an idiot on the field, I would have gotten Abbott with his butter fingers."

And I was supposed to believe that Derek Abbott was actually Henry's best friend.

Some friend all right.

"For your information," Roots of hair on my head pulsed from the attempted tearing "I was trying the hardest I could but some glory hog who stalks James Potter's shadow wouldn't pass the bloody ball!" Pretty-boy eyes bulged at me.

I didn't care at all though since, believe me, I was open the whole entire practice.

It was a low blow, I realize, but I wasn't the one who tried to tear his hair off his scalp.

"Me? Stalk Potter? Rubbish. Utter Rubbish." That of course won the argument. What can beat a simple 'rubbish'?

"Oh, so the way you ruffle your hair identically to his is purely coincidental. And how about whenever he says anything, you find it extremely hilarious and guffaw like a horse. 'Say, Kirk, your Quidditch team is composed of a bunch of pansies.' He would say and you would go: 'Hur hur hur hur aw Jimmy that's a good one!"

A scoff came from Henry, but his eyes slightly averted. The bugger was guilty of stalking him, I was sure of it.

"Or perhaps," I continued "he would talk to you in Potions saying 'Dear chap, do you by any chance have a spare piece of parchment?' to which your response would follow 'Ah hur hur hur, you're so brilliant, Jim Jim, I wish I was as funny as you, hur hur hur!" Flabbergasted, Kirk's mouth moved like he was eating air or maybe in this case, my words.

"Yeah, sure, Potter and I have shared some laughs," Another dramatic pause, this time his hand going to his hair "But I hardly know the man."

And yet he ruffled his hair, like the little fan boy he was.

"By laughs you mean that one time in Third Year. I can just see it now. James Potter acknowledging your existence for the first time, your heart morphing into thousands of butterflies. He tells you a knock-knock joke, and you listen with all of your heart's desire. As soon as the blissful moment has passed, you run to your dorm room, bust open your diary and begin to describe how his eyebrows arched beautifully at Lily Evans in a suggestive manner that morning…"

"Like I said, you're just adorable." Henry droned but the corners of his mouth twitched, trying not to smile at my being ridiculous.

"…And you will start to go in detail about his hair, how its raven locks taunt you from behind…"

"Yes, of course, because his hair has that 'Drives Me Wild' scent to it."

"Raspberry strawberry, you learned from sneaking into his dormitory bathroom late at night, is his favorite soap…"

"And aftershave too, don't forget that."

"No, no, his aftershave is the manly aroma of cedar bark. And so to be fully one with him, you dumped his cedar bark aftershave all over your naked body as you lathered, rinse, and repeated his shampoo twenty-seven times."

I'm sure the grin on my face was as wicked as Henry's guffaw.

"And you call yourself a woman with a weird mind like that?" Again, his hand ran through his sandy hair, failing to master the James Potter look.

"Ah hur hur," I mocked his laugh "I'm only speaking the truth. I know that you constantly talk to Derek and Alden about how you wish Potter would notice you and get over Lily Evans. That whole you having a girlfriend thing? Total cover up."

A snort of laughter blew from his nostrils onto my face.

What a lovely set of nostrils they were.

"Oh, you're a riot, Wright, but don't sidetrack away from the topic of your shitty playing…"

"I'm sure this is how you sound when you whine to Derek: 'Oh Derek! Why does Jamie notice me! I said hi to him that other day but he just walked past me! But then, after that he said he liked my broom! What kind of game is he playing at? Such a tease with his beautiful'—what color of eyes does Potter have again?"

"Hazel." Without a thought, Henry said this. I raised my eyebrows.

"Don't look at me like that. I'm just good at remembering things. Like the fact that you liked Amos Diggory when we were wee tots." This only made me scoff.

Who even bothers remembering trivial things like that?

Henry Kirk did, apparently.

"Well, anyways… 'With his beautiful hazel eyes that I get lost into. The way his numerous cowlicks stick up drives me mad with desire! And when it comes down to that bum of his!—Hey, I'm doing an impression of you, it wouldn't hurt if you would listen and…"

Henry didn't listen however.

He was too busy looking at the ground, his body turned partially away from me. He only did that whenever Alden or I messed around with him in public. It didn't make sense though because…

"What's this about my bum?" A voice laced with arrogance came from behind me.

I fought a grimace as I looked over my shoulder, dreading the outcome.

Strolling towards us without a single care, James Potter mockingly grinned at us. Along his side was none other than Sirius Black, who shared the same smirk but said nothing. They were both donning Quidditch gear, probably planning to sneak on the Quidditch field after hours.

Normally I would be upset to learn they were sneaking in more practice hours than our team, but the fact they felt they had to sneak in extra hours for our scrimmage match was flattering in a way.

"Just discussing our plays for the upcoming scrimmage." Even if James Potter was the subject of our conversation, it really wasn't any of his business.

I mean if you just so happen to hear someone mocking you, just mind your own business and go along your merry way. Yes, I'm joking there but with James Potter, I'm somewhat serious.

"That involves my bum? You know now that I think about it, Quidditch is a great way to get away with sexual harassment. You can see my bum from all sorts of angle up in the air. Is that always why you ride on my tail, Wright? "

Goodness, it was probably one of the few times I was ever admittedly obnoxious at Hogwarts and of course, James Potter had to overhear me.

A few chuckles came from his best friend, who I noticed had quite the nice Cleansweep broom. Knowing his family's background, it wouldn't surprise me if it was the newest model.

He, however, must have gotten the notion that I was staring at him instead of his broom and questioningly raised his eyebrows.

I blew a big, fat raspberry at him as I told James Potter he smelt of dungbombs and dragon bogies, making the two of them go as red as two first years. Then I turned and kneed Kirk in the groin just because his face aggravated me. I would then become Hufflepuff's new Quidditch captain and would lead our team to their first victory in fourteen years. A scout from some horrid U.S. team would spot me and make me their star chaser. I would then bring that team also to victory for the next five years. After that, I would settle down with a beautiful Italian, male model from the International Wizard Modeling Agency. Our two children would be named Katherine One and Katherine Two, their middle names being Wright.

…

I actually just looked away from him before I busted out into nervous tittering.

Unable to help myself, I also looked at Potter's broom and noticed it was the same exact model as Black's.

Oh, matching brooms, how adorable.

Part of me wondered if they engraved each other's initials on the handles.

"Well?" Oh yeah, they were talking to me.

Correction, I mean mocking me. Well, it was just Potter really because Black wasn't much of a talker.

I mean he did talk a lot but, not as much as Potter. Instead, he would leave most of the glory of badgering to Potter, adding his tidbits here and there.

"I," Feeling confident, I looked Potter straight in the eye "…Need to pee."

Surprised snorts of laughter came from both of them, Kirk adding his chortles in the mixture.

"Charming, isn't she, Padfoot?" Black cracked a grin at me as he nodded in agreement. Even though my face burned with embarrassment, I kept my head leveled with theirs.

The whole thing about urinating was for the purpose of shock factor.

But, I really did need to pee.

"Well," Potter shot Henry and me an amused look "If you're done talking about my bum and your bladder, Padfoot and I have some serious business to attend to. That is, unless you want to stay and tell me how my bum looks from ground level." Cue condescending smirk here.

Kirk bellowed out into bits of laughter that were a little too eager while Black just looked bored.

See, at least my statement about peeing made him laugh or blow snorts of laughter, whatever.

Same difference.

"He got you there, Wright." More enthusiastic chuckles came from Henry as he looked at me like I was some incomprehensive bint.

"Ah hur hur," I returned the look "Potter's never going to give you the time of day, so stop flipping your hair around him. Last time I checked, he was more into man-hating redheads. So, respect his one-sided love and step off. Only time can heal wounds to the soul." Another round of surprised laughter came from Potter and Black as I turned towards the Girls' Changing room.

Kirk tried to laugh along but his smile was too awkward to be genuine. The look on his face was priceless. It was a mixture of trying to hide embarrassment and a creeping blush while trying to appreciate the blow of the insult.

I bit my lip as I tried to keep my face straight but when I flung that door open to the changing room, I let out a tirade of nervous giggles.

Even though Potter and his Crusader friends—whatever he calls them—might have glorious moments like that every day, I only had them about once a year.

In other words, it was a great start off to the school year.

Sirius

Man-hating redheads, hm.

Simple, but to the point.

I found myself liking it more and more as it ran through my head.

Prongs, on the other hand, was a little amused by it but also felt bothered since lately, it seemed that even insane Hufflepuffs knew how Lily Evans was persistent in rejecting him in every way possible.

"You call yourself a Beater, Padfoot? Snivellus could send those Bludgers farther just by batting them with his nose." I only clicked my tongue as I shook my beating stick at Prongs.

"You're the Head Boy now, Prongsie. You can't insult studious, respectable well-liked men like Snivellus without the stake of losing your glorious reputation." Laughs only came from Prongs in return as he zoomed around on his broom, making huge loops.

"I suppose you're right, my dear Padfoot, but it's just so—Bludger coming," The bat made a cracking noise as I sent the Bludger in the opposite direction

"It's just so hard when it comes to Snape. The fact that he's a Prefect doesn't help either. Lily insists we hold a meeting every week with the Prefects, so that means I have to see him more than I'd like to. The way his beady little eyes follow Lily's every movement, it's disgusting."

He was now hanging upside down on his broom, his arms stretched outward.

"Aren't those two neighbors or something?" Swerving a little to the right, Prongs tried to fly while hanging upside down.

"Where did you hear that?" His broom continued to sway as he tried to retain his balance.

"Marlene was telling me about they knew each other since they were four or five years old. I think they were childhood friends, but I can't recall exactly." Now Prongs was upright again, sitting sideways on the broom.

He tried to hide his eagerness, but I knew him better than that.

"Did Marlene tell you anything else?" Even I would have to admit that the way Prongs fidgeted when he talked about Evans was adorable.

How come Evans couldn't see that?

Then again jinxing every boy that showed interest in her wasn't too adorable, but some women like jealous men.

"Well," I couldn't help but sigh when it came to the subject of Marlene.

"She told me that recently, so most likely not. She usually turns any conversation into one of those 'talks'."

Prongs smirked at me as he repositioned himself on the broom, sitting the correct way.

"I could ask something as simple as 'Are we going to Hogsmeade together this weekend?' and then she goes off at me. 'Why wouldn't we go together? Are you hoping that I'll break it off with you so you can go with Julia Finnegan?' And so on. Then she'll start an hour-long—minimum, sometimes she takes the talk into my free period—discussion about how we should serve each other as a couple and work on co-dependence."

Jolly laughter came from Prongs as he swerved around the Quidditch hoops.

"Can I ask something?" Permission granted or not, Prongs would ask anyways. Both young women and men loved that confident quality about him.

Except Evans, but there's the fact that she might not even be human.

No, instead, she was more like a fire-breathing, PMSing dragon.

"Where did Marlene get that whole scheme about you and Julia Finnegan?"Good question.

I really had no idea.

"I can't say that I know, Prongs, except that maybe Mary MacDonald's boyfriend, that Kirk bloke, probably filled her head with all sorts of nasty tidbits about me." That mad Hufflepuff girl came to mind again

"You mean that fellow who was with that Wright girl?" Prongs smirked a little and I found myself grinning too.

"Yeah, that git. He has a pretty good sized grudge against me. Probably because I'm so close to you, my lovely Prongs." A scoff came from him as he swerved beside me.

"That was probably the highlight of my day. It is a little disturbing though, to think that even—Bludger," Another crack whipped throughout the field "Men are interested in me."

"As much as I like to hear your modest pondering, Kirk did deny it and tried to laugh it off." Kirk was a two-faced prat, that was granted, but I was unlike him.

I did not spread false rumors…unless if it was to my own benefit.

While Kirk was just a gossip dying to start trouble, so he liked to spout off nonsense to his girlfriend, Mary MacDonald, who would then repeat the nonsense to another girl. That girl would then tell three or four of her closest companions.

And so on.

What exactly did Kirk gain from telling, apparently, both the Gryffindor house and the Ravenclaw house that I was only interested in a relationship if I could—to quote the concerned, young man—"Have a variety of flavors on the side."

Variety of flavors on the side?

What was my love life to this bloke anyway?

Some sort of erotica novel?

Consider me now as Count Ronaldo Regisina from The Broom Maker's Daughter's Most Forbidden Desire's Mistake in the Quest for Passionate Renewing Love.

"Oh, but his face was as red as Avery's oily, pimpled face. From how horrid it looks, you would think a pixy gnaws at his face continuously, Avery that is. Anyhow, do you reckon Hufflepuff has a chance at putting up a fair match?" This I had to consider for a moment.

"Well, if your speculating has any truth to it, then Kirk will follow his heart and let us win." We laughed at the absurdity of it, or I thought it was absurd anyways.

Even though he was my best mate, I could not help but admit that Prongs had the tendency to blow things out of proportion.

"Seriously though," The Bludger flew straight towards me this time. "I think it will be a reasonable game."

With another crack, the Bludger flew in the direction of Scorekeeper's tower.

"Kirk and Wright make a considerable pair of Chasers. That Alden Oates fellow makes a fair Keeper too. As for their Seeker, Diggory, he's okay but I think our own Meadowes has him beat in that category." Prongs nodded in agreement as we fell into a comfortable silence.

"So, how it's going with Evans? You two off to a good…" I didn't have time to finish my sentence however.

CRASHFWUNKFERSHCLUNK.

"Shit."

Was all Prongs could say as we watched the Bludger bounce about in the Scorekeeper's tower.

"You think McGonagall heard that?" Unsure on whether or not to move, I swayed slightly on my broom.

"What do you think, Padfoot?" Prongs called back over his shoulder as he whizzed towards the field.

I was thinking that maybe if we were going to practice after hours, we shouldn't bring out the Bludgers.

The whole Crashing-Into-Windows-And-Buildings thing.

Not the greatest idea for after dark.

"You mean to tell me that instead of meeting me in the Common Room, you went to play Quidditch with James?" Eyebrows furrowed up at me.

I tried to look away from the angry stare as I reached across the table for a second helping of pancakes.

I also tried to ignore the pointed looks from Marlene's social group as well.

Prongs was nowhere to be found, which was unusual since he loved the new seating arrangement that came along with me dating Marlene.

Lily Evans was good enough friends with her, so she sat her tight arse down with us, but she never had much to say.

As a matter of fact, she was sitting across from me, just nibbling on a piece of toast as she shot me filthy looks.

Kirk was there too, with his haughty attitude. His arm was slung around a quiet Mary, who just stared down at her plate. From what I've gathered, Mary wasn't a fan of confrontations so she often kept quiet during times like these.

"Ahem." An expectant look came from Marlene.

"Well," The eyebrows lightened a little as if they were wary. "Yes."

I really had no idea what to say besides that one, irksome word.

Kirk gave a disbelieving snort while Evans increased her glare tenfold.

I fought the urge to hex the both of them.

Mustering up the most adorable smile I could, I turned towards Marlene.

Her eyebrows furrowed again, this time a little harder.

"Sirius Black, you said and I quote 'If you want to talk, then I'll talk to you after dinner in the Common Room.' Guess who waited for nearly three hours in the Common Room?"

Not only did she address me by my full name, she started drumming her fingers.

Even though I was in deep shit as it was, part of me felt really irritated and I just couldn't help it.

Since when did you have to have a roll call with your bloody girlfriend?

"Well, I don't remember signing a contract on it, love." A little screeching noise came here and there as I dragged my knife across my plate.

Moony and Wormtail had better come soon or I was going to be torn to pieces by the Lily Evans Man Hating Interrogative Team.

I had to thank that Hufflepuff lady for the inspiration of that name.

"Well when two people date, they shouldn't have to make fucking contracts!" Ouch, profanity.

It seemed I was sinking farther and farther into that deep, stinking, pile of shit.

"Yeah, really Black. From what Mary's told me, poor Marlene was pacing in your Common Room until eleven. You had to have made somewhat of a serious promise if she stayed patient that long." Oh look at Kirk and his words of justice.

Reprimanding big bad Sirius Black just so his girlfriend could fawn over of how much of a good little nancyboy he was.

"I'll take your input into consideration, Kirk but I'll have to remind you that a relationship consists of two people. I'm pretty positive that I'm not dating you. How can I kindly phrase this," I feigned a look of tenderness "Mind your own bloody business."

Turns out that Kirk didn't find my grin adorable either.

"Can you be even remotely serious? All you do is mock everyone around you." Marlene's soprano voice rung from my side.

Have I ever mentioned that especially high voices grated on my nerves?

"Well maybe I wouldn't feel the need to mock everyone around me, if everyone around me didn't spout such idiotic things!"My fork jabbed at my pancakes vigorously.

Silence came from Marlene in return, which didn't bother me in the least. Her constant nagging was beginning to make me cringe.

"Listen here, Black, you should…" I would never know what I should have done because Kirk was promptly cut off.

"Oi, Kirk! Look it here! See what Kitty's grandmum sent her!" Two Hufflepuffs appeared on each side of Kirk, one of them being that Wright girl. The other was that Alden Oates fellow, I believe, but I wasn't so sure.

"Do you two ever get the hint that you're irritating?" Rolling his eyes, Kirk shot his girlfriend an annoyed look. He was trying to arouse some sympathy but Mary just looked down at her plate.

If you ask me, Henry Kirk was the fattest hypocrite in school. Well, besides Professor Slughorn, but Kirk made a fair match against him.

"Not really. Well, with you. It's not like we give a damn about your touchy feelings anyways. Anyhow, look at this." Alden shoved a muggle-looking a magazine onto Kirk while shooting everyone a toothy grin.

"Top of the morning, guv'." He nodded towards everyone while mumbles of 'Morning's and 'Stuff it' came in response.

Only a small sniff came from Marlene.

Part of me hoped to God that she wouldn't make a scene first thing in the morning.

I hadn't even had the chance to finish my pumpkin juice, for Merlin's sake.

"What the bloody hell is this?" This demanding cry came from Kirk as he lifted the muggle magazine towards his face. A portrait of a handsome enough muggle man was on the cover with headlines such as: WHO'S YOUR SOULMATE, DREAM DATE SCENARIO, or TRUE STORY: MY BOYFRIEND, THE AXE MURDERER?

"So Alden and I were having a nice breakfast, brunch—whatever you want to call it—when this lovely magazine landed onto my waffles, hence the syrup stains," With a disgusted face, Kirk shook his hand free of the goopy mess,

"Anyways," The Wright girl continued, a smug smile hanging on the corner of her mouth "We found this soul mate quiz."

"Page Seventy-Three, to be precise." Alden leaned over Kirk's shoulder as he flipped the pages a few times. Frowning at whatever was written on it, Kirk attempted to shut the magazine but the Wright girl put her hand on it to stop him.

"You seemed a little," Wright paused as she glanced at me "…unsure about your feelings for Potter, so Aldie and I thought this little quiz would help you."

"… 'Does he stop by your locker everyday just to see you?' … What in the name of Merlin is a locker?"

Trying his best to look bored, Kirk dismissed the magazine but embarrassment tinged his cheeks. Wright only laughed as she continued to the point out other obnoxious questions in the magazine, grinning up at me once or twice.

My mouth pulled into its own smile, but only for a short period of time because I remembered I was in a—as Marlene would put it—a codependent discussion.

Whatever that meant.

"I'm sorry that I constantly spout idiotic things." Marlene's murmur was higher than her usual voice, her sniffs growing louder.

A sudden urge to bang my head against the table hit me.

"I didn't mean you, love," I tried to reason but she was already getting up.

"Marlene, listen to me, Marlene!" I called after her as she pulled her body away from the table.

"It's only been three weeks since we've started school, and I haven't had much time to practice. I just needed," My legs twisted as I tried to scramble out of the table. "...Oh fuck it."

Marlene was already out the door and my pancakes were about to get cold.

Do I go after the hormonal girlfriend who will only throw even wilder accusations at me or do I enjoy the most important meal of the day?

...

I'd take my chances with breakfast.

Lily

Stupid Black with his stupid, insensitive mouth.

Stupid Potter with probably influencing said stupid mouth.

Stupid Third Year that ogling at me as my friend, Marlene, wailed on my shoulder for the umpteenth time that week.

"D-d-d-did you see how h-h-h-he br-brushed me off-ff-fff!" Blubbers came from the wailing creature on my shoulder. Hey, now don't go judging that I'm some horrible friend. I really do care for Marlene since she's a sweet, wonderful, and fun person. I just didn't care too much for her constant worries about whether or not Sirius Black was cheating on her with his broomstick. From the start, I didn't like the two of them dating since Black had all these rumors circulating around him. Whether or not if they were true, I didn't care. I just cared about how Marlene was a cautious person to begin with, so when you put a paranoid person with a confident, questionable person like Black, human hankies were going to be the needed.

I was the current human hankerchief.

"If you cry Marlene, sweetie, you'll just give into his childish ways. Show him that his idiocy doesn't bother you! Do you want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he affects you this much?" Actually, I think he already knew that and was indifferent about it, but as the human hanky, it was my job to stir anger and determination.

You know, to stop that whole wailing and crying thing.

"But his stupidity does b-b-b-bother me!" She looked up at me, mascara smearing down her cheeks which reminded me of a sad, sad raccoon.

Even with raccoon eyes, she still was a very pretty girl. Part of me wondered on whether or not if I cried my eyes out if I could have looked so composed.

"Yeah, it bothers pretty much anyone he encounters but you can't let him know that! It will only aggravate him and encourage that stubbornness of his that you always tell me about." She just clutched onto me harder and proceeded to wipe her face all over my shirt.

Ah, who cares about not-so-cheap uniform blouses anyways?

There were always stain removing charms.

"We u-u-u-u-sed to get along s-s-o w-well!" More choking sobs and a few sniffs. I added a few pats in the mix while the Third Year added a few nosy looks. I fought the urge to hex that stupid little curious face of his since a Head Girl really shouldn't do just ghastly things.

"But you guys still would get along just fine if you stopped focusing on...on..." Oh great, it was a perfect time to draw a blank.

"On what?" Sniffles came in response.

"Uh...everything? You know, maybe you two should take a break from..."

"AHHHUUUUAAAHHHHHHAHHH"

...

I didn't even know humans could make sounds like that. If dating a good looking guy like Sirius Black made a mess like my dear friend Marlene, I wanted no part of it. The sobs from Marlene this time were heavier and faster, nearly on the brink of hyperventilating.

"It's not like you two don't like each other! It's just you guys are having...misunderstandings...yes, misunderstandings." This whole comforting business? I wouldn't think of getting a muggle degree in it.

"Like w-w-what?" Oh, bugger.

Where was Alice with those smothering hugs of hers? Surely they would be better than my awkward pats and shushes.

"Well, there is a lot left unsaid between the two of you and either you guys should talk it out or just take a break…"

"But we've talked about it many times! He just won't listen, Lily! It's like he just wants me to shut up. You know me! I'm not the usual nagging girlfriend but he turned me into one with his nonstop flirting!" She kind of had a point there.

But I wouldn't go so far to call "Hey Jane, can I borrow a quill?" flirting.

"Then maybe taking a break would be best. You two had great times last year, it's nearly been a year. But since we're having N.E.W.T.s this year, maybe a relationship that involves such high levels of stress isn't a good idea." It was useless to even say anything at this point. Marlene just crumpled up against me and wailed as I scowled at the Third Year that was still watching us.

I suppose it was best to sit this whole thing out until a concerned Mary or Alice comes running to us, saying just the right things to cheer Marlene up.

"Oi, Lily! There you are!" Or until an arrogant berk named James Potter strolled by and somehow managed to make things worse. Part of me wondered how he knew where I was all the time but the other part was too afraid to ask, since it was Potter we're talking about.

"Oh goody, here comes the sunshine parade." Marlene looked up again as I said this and took one good look at Potter.

"James, do y-you think Sirius and I s-should break up?" Oh Merlin, she had to ask Potter of all people. Like my word was suddenly deemed useless and Potter's meant to the world to her. Glad to know how much my opinion was valued.

"Well," He paused, causing my breath to hitch. "He kind of needs to focus on Quidditch. It is our final year, you know. Not that you're a total distraction or anything." Only such wise words come from such an arse.

"That's just me though," Oh, don't forget the great conclusion he ends with. "Now Lily, we need to discuss on how we're going to do our rounds with the Prefects before classes start."

"I do that during Lunch, Potter. You just repeat everything I say in a 'professional' voice" I couldn't help but let out a sigh of frustration as Marlene continued to sob on my shoulder while Potter grinned at me. I'm guessing that he didn't see the wailing girl that was dating his best friend that was currently using my shoulder as a hanky.

Then again, I really wouldn't expect him to notice.

"And what a fine job you do at bossing those noble students around, Evans! I would help out too during lunch but you see, Sirius and I need to practice for the big game this Saturday. So, I figured why not move the meeting to this morning. It only takes like what, five to ten minutes? We have enough time." Patience was the key with Potter.

I must have lost that key.

"WHAT?" I exclaimed as Marlene suddenly ceased her sobbing. She looked up at me and then to Potter with a curious expression. It was almost as curious as the Third Year's nosy look…who was still watching us. I was standing now, my hands quivering slightly in anger.

"Don't worry, Lily, we'll get it taken care of." He even had the gall to rub my shoulder, as if that would actually comfort me.

"Oh, I won't worry, James," I spat his name while he looked thoroughly pleased "No, not at all! Even though classes start in two bloody minutes and hardly anyone is left in the Great Hall, we'll have a hell of a meeting! I'm so lucky to understand even half of the brilliant things you say." My nostrils had to be flaring by now. Bogies were sure to be flying out of my nose any moment.

"You look kind of sexy when you're being sarcastic, just putting it out there." What kind of response is that? Seriously, I just announced that we managed to mess things up after only being Heads for three weeks and he tells me that sarcasm turns him on?

"You're pretty much irresistible when you fuck us over, Potter." Well, if it sarcasms he wants, he can sure as hell have it.

"I could branch off into all sorts of conversations from that statement, Evans, but we need to round up Prefects before classes start." What bothered me the most about his grin that it wasn't even smug. It was like he honestly expected me to run around the entire campus of Hogwarts just so he could zoom around on a stick.

Really, could you blame me for hating him?

"Okay, sounds fantastic, Potter. You can help me at Lunch or you can go play 'chase-my-tail' with Black. Your choice. I honestly don't need your insufferable assistance anyways, if you can call it that." Marlene now had stopped crying for the most part. Now she was pretty much staring with a somewhat disturbed face. Perhaps she was heading into Stage Two of accepting that Sirius Black was an insolent prick, that stage being furious rage.

"Since when do you and James talk so calmly?" Or she could just be completely engrossed in my personal life.

Whatever helps her get through the day, I'll say.

"It's amazing, right?" Potter winked at Marlene as he wrapped his arm around me as if we had been good ol' chums our whole entire lives.

"Get your filthy paws off me, you mongrel." Shrugging off his grip, I tried to look sympathetic towards Marlene. It was really hard to do so when you had arrogant, ignorant, and infuriating creature breathing on the back of your neck.

"Pretty amazing…" Oh, great. Now she had that dreamy look in her eyes as if Potter and I were newlyweds.

Psh, as if that would ever happen.

I'd rather marry Slughorn, have an affair with Dumbledore, and go through a nasty divorce where I only got to see the kids every other weekend.

"Marl," I tried again to look sympathetic as I drawled her nickname "Are you going to be okay?"

"Hmmm, I guess so…" Was what I got in return. Even though I knew she'd probably bawl her eyes out again tonight, I was determined to get going. I wasn't a person who could really relate to relationship problems. Usually my own relationship problems were so insignificant that even portraits had more drama than me.

Well, if you knew what the Fat Lady did to the portraits in the West Wing, you would be in an uproar too,

"I'm glad to see that you're okay, Marls! Listen, don't pay attention to anything Sirius said. It wasn't you, it was the relationship that tied him down. Really, love, it was for the best. It's great that you're taking it like a team player. Just think of how you sacrificed your relationship for our seventh championship in a row. Perfect Record. Doesn't that sound great?" Here's the part where Potter somehow managed to make things exceedingly worse.

"We…we didn't br-break u-u-up…" Oh, Merlin.

Oh, sweet Merlin.

Was I going to hate this year

Katherine

Really, sneaking out of a broom closet in the middle of the night was not the greatest idea. Especially when certain Prefects have certain grudges pertaining to certain scars that you may or may not have left on their left buttocks.

Buttocks, that's a really weird word.

Anyways, that Avery bloke had it out for me since Third Year when I accidentally hexed his pants off.

Literally. I really did hex those bad boys off. It even left a hole in his bum, but I swear it wasn't intended for him.

No, it was intended for Kirk, who just lazily waved his wand and countered it.

Bloody cocky smart pretty boys.

Cocky, hm, that's another funny word.

Oh, stop side-tracking, Brain, you're not making any sense whatsoever. The problem really needed to be analyzed right then and there: Avery was on Grounds duty tonight, meaning he has it out for Gryffindors and stupid Hufflepuffs like myself.

But I like to think myself of being somewhat witty.

Or charming, at least give me that.

One might think that sneaking out in Hogwarts really isn't so hard, but that one in particular hasn't tried running around the castle while trying to tie a tie and trying to put on outer robes. No, that person probably hasn't lived for much and probably only fantasizes about throwing himself a birthday bash in his House's broom closet only to discover not only does the whole female population of the school loves him, but he had a long lost twin that showed up specifically for the said birthday bash. Then they found twin girl soul mates only to confuse them for one or another constantly.

…

Where was I going with this?

Honestly, part of me never knows how to fully explain how my mind works because…I don't really know how it works.

I just know that I hate broom closets.

And Henry Kirk.

I also hate Remus Lupin because he has nicer hair than mine. Of course, I really couldn't hate him since he's a nice guy or something like that.

Then again, it all could be a façade and he could be planning all of our demises this very minute and…

"You told James that we broke up!" A shrill but somewhat pretty voice interrupted my thoughts. Oooh, forget my insanity.

An ugly, bloody break-up scene is way more entertaining.

"Oh, did I now? Obviously I wouldn't know what I said to my best mate since you're fucking omniscient and all." I wish I knew to use such developed vocabulary when I was angry. Instead, I would just scream something along the lines of: YOU BLOODY MOTHERFUCKING TOSSER, FUCK YOU TO HELL.

Can someone even, pardon my muggle French, "be fucked to hell"?

"Well, you aren't denying it, are you? You haven't even said anything to me all day!" Her foot started tapping now. Oh, Merlin, was he ever going to get it.

"What are you talking about," He cried this and I could just see him throwing his arms in the air, doing Spirit fingers of some sort "I tried to talk to you like five fucking times but you just sniffed and turned away. What did you want me to do? Throw a fucking parade with banners reading: I FUCKED UP, MARLY, PLEASE TAKE IN MY POOR LITTLE OL' BUM?" Hah, he was kind of funny. Hell, if he was breaking up with me, I'd laugh at that anyways.

…

Maybe that was why my relationships never really lasted.

"You just said 'Hi, Marlene, can we talk?' and didn't wait! You have to wait for those type of things! You just can't expect me to forgive you right away because…"

"Because why? Because you like to make an issue over nothing? Because you like to worry about meaningless things? Because you are starved for attention even though I've clearly devoted much of my time to you? Or is it simply because you're convinced that you're the victim? If that's the reason, then let me really make you the victim." Oh, bloody hell! Was he going to punch her?

I had to see this.

Hoping to see some teeth flying and a bloody nose, I instead saw Sirius Black and—I'm guessing—his girlfriend glaring at each other.

"If that's how you feel, Sirius, then maybe we shouldn't be together." What? No! He didn't even get to spit at her yet and she was leaving? Talk about a pitiful break up,

"Sounds fine to me. Really, it was fun Marlene, but you're just too damn demanding. You need a guy who can tend to your every need."

WHAP.

Tiny feet stomped off as I watched from behind the corner of the corridor. A huge pink, hand-shaped welt was growing on Black's left cheek as he looked down at the ground.

"SHIT…!" He did that whole screaming under his breath thing, which sounds kind of demented from a bystander's point of view. Kicking the wall, he started to throw a little tantrum until he turned fully to where I was.

And then he saw me.

"What are you looking at?"

Oh, what a day.

Oh wow, I don't know how I feel about this fanfic, but it was amusing to write. Expect James's POV in the next chapter. Now I really have to pee. Review or whatever.