Note: This was originally intended to be a quick one-shot, something cute to follow my interpretation of episode 10. However, it grew into a huge monster. A three thousand word monster. Regardless, I am proud of it, and as always, I hope you like it.
Reviews are greatly appreciated. Kthanks
"Always Remember That"
Arthur watched Merlin as he moved about his chambers, cleaning and tidying the large space before he left for the night. The usual mindless chatter was gone tonight, replaced only by silence. Merlin had barely said a word since they got back from Ealdor. He knew it was Will's death that still haunted him. Merlin blamed himself for it even though it was not his fault, and Arthur felt he could have prevented it as well. He was the reason that Will was dead.
Ever since that night, something about him seemed more fragile, stretched thin to the point of breaking. Merlin's back was turned to him, shoulders hunched, tense. Arthur knew he was trying to hide his tears. He was surprised that Merlin hadn't completely shut down after they returned from Ealdor. Arthur wanted nothing more than to reach out to him, to hold him, comfort him.
Morgana's words echoed in his mind as Arthur followed his every move. …Merlin. Arthur may act like he doesn't care, but he wouldn't be here if he didn't. She was right; he cared a great deal about him, even if he was just a servant. If only she knew just how much. He trusted Merlin with his life, relied on him, he confided in him when there was no one else to turn to. In short, he needed Merlin.
He wished to see him smile again, to see those beautiful blue eyes sparkle, halfway between cheeky and mischievous. He loved those blue eyes, like the color of the lake on a sunless spring day. They spoke of a silent power deep within Merlin, a knowledge that seemed a thousand years old.
Merlin's eyes were just one of hundreds of things Arthur loved about him. The high cheekbones that framed his eyes, the pale skin stretched over them that seemed to glow in the light of the evening candles. His long graceful fingers that had become so skillful at fastening his armor, Arthur almost missed his clumsiness that resulted in their skin brushing as he fumbled with the leather straps, sending electricity dancing over the prince's skin. The raven hair that was permanently messy, as if a perpetual lover was always behind him, their fingers playing in the soft locks. Arthur could go on and on about Merlin.
But the thing that made him the most beautiful was his innocence, his complete lack of knowledge of his own attraction. It only added to his allure, the way he was completely unaware of the effect he had on the prince. It was a long brush of fingers as he straightened his tunic when dressing him, a passing glance, a small smirk, even the way he watched him when Arthur spoke to him made his knees weak. He never thought anyone would ever have as much power over him as Merlin did. It was slightly frightening, the force of his own feelings for the raven haired boy.
"Merlin," Arthur called to him. The boy spun quickly, turning to face him.
"Yes, my lord?" His voice was thick, and Arthur could see tears welling in the corners of those beautiful blue eyes. He stood to move towards him.
"Still thinking about Will?"
Merlin nodded, eyes dropping to the floor. Arthur closed the space between them, pulling him into a hug. "He was a brave man, Merlin. He died saving our lives." He felt his breathing hitch, tears soaking the shoulder of his tunic. He placed a gentle hand on the back of his neck to comfort him. "It's alright Merlin. He is at peace knowing you are safe."
Merlin pulled back to look Arthur in the face. "I… but, how…" Merlin was at a loss for words. He looked surprised at his sudden tenderness, the blatant display of friendship the prince was offering.
Arthur saw the sadness in his expression and his heart hurt. Merlin was the sole person in the world Arthur loved more than life itself. He tried his hardest to cover it, with harsh words and half-assed insults, so no one would even suspect. He was the crown prince of Camelot, the future king of this great land. He couldn't be in love with a servant, much less another man. He had tried to deny it for the longest time. But his heart broke every time he saw the boy's face fall, eyes dropping to the floor after a rude comment from the prince. He wanted nothing more than to comfort him, to see him smile again.
"I know how it feels to watch a good friend die." He held him tight against his chest once again. "Look," Arthur spoke softly into his ear. "You're my best friend, Merlin. Probably the only one I've ever had. I'd give my life to protect you, you know that."
Merlin nodded. "You have, on several occasions."
He felt so safe, so warm and comfortable in the prince's arms. He never wanted to let him go. He was close enough to hear his strong heart beat in the silence that surrounded them, a steady rhythm that sounded so calming to Merlin. He knew the prince was just trying to comfort him, trying to be a good friend. Merlin couldn't help thinking there was more, just for a moment. He did just call him his best friend, after all, and the way he held him was far too close, too intimate, to be simply that. But he didn't let his hopes rise; he figured Arthur would return to himself in a second, a snide comment already on his lips.
Arthur simply pulled away, holding the boy's shoulders at arm's length. "Are you going to be okay?" He asked tenderly.
Merlin nodded, blinking hard.
"Good." He smiled. "Well you better get home, because we have a big day tomorrow."
"Right." Merlin swallowed. They were headed out on a hunting trip the coming weekend, and there were still tons of preparations to be made. "Goodnight, sire." He shrugged out of Arthur's grip and headed for the door.
Merlin paused, his hand on the knob. He glanced back, to where Arthur was climbing into bed. If he hadn't been present for the prince's most recent display of affection, he would have sworn he imagined the look of longing on the blonde's face as he watched him leave.
Something more than anger stirred in Arthur as he saw Merlin sitting on the beach with the sorcerer, Anhora. The bottom of his stomach dropped out in fear. He knew his final test would include Merlin, and he knew it would not end well. Arthur knew all too well what happens in situations like these; one of them always ends up in a great amount of trouble or bodily harm.
He couldn't let it happen again.
"You know me, Merlin. I never listen to you." Arthur raised the goblet in salute to his friend and knocked the potion back. The last thing he saw before falling backwards was Merlin's horrified face.
Instead of the world going black, like he had expected, Arthur dreamed.
Arthur was standing in Gaius's chambers, staring down at a dying Merlin. It was the night that he had saved him from Nimueh's poison. As he lay there, fevered and shivering, Arthur's heart was breaking. He could not bear to lose Merlin. He depended on him too much, he needed him, he…
He loved Merlin, he was sure of it. There was no way he was going to let him go, not when Arthur needed him this much. Not before Merlin knew just how much he truly loved him.
Anger swelled in his chest as his father commanded him to stay in the castle, preventing him saving the boy he loved so much. He stormed back to his chambers, shaking with anger and fear. Gaius's words repeated in his head. "He may hold out for four, maybe five days, but not for much longer. Eventually, he will die."
A roar of anguish ripped through him, echoing through the halls of the castle.
"He was willing to sacrifice his life to save yours. He has proven what is truly in his heart."
Merlin glanced down at Arthur, trying to convince himself that he was just sleeping. When he looked back up, Anhora was gone.
Merlin's heart leapt into his throat when Arthur stirred, eyelids fluttering rapidly. Everything was going to be okay. Arthur was alive, and the curse on Camelot was lifted. The kingdom was safe, once again, but most importantly,
"Arthur," He breathed, placing a gentle hand on his soft cheek.
Arthur's eyes focused on Merlin's face, lit from behind by the afternoon sun. He looked so ethereal, young and angelic in the warm light. Arthur felt his warm hand on his cheek and he reached up to cover it with his own, holding him there. He saw Merlin smile in relief and he knew.
"I knew it just wouldn't be heaven without you." He squeezed Merlin's hand.
Merlin's eyebrows knit over his deep blue eyes. "Heaven?"
"I'm dead, right? So this must be heaven."
"No" Merlin answered. "You're still alive. You've passed the test."
Arthur raised his head to look around. The sound of the waves reached his ears, a constant roar as the tide swept in. Behind Merlin stood the same old wooden table, the solver goblets still perched atop it.
Arthur's eyes scanned around, and finally back to Merlin's face. "What happened? Where's the sorcerer?"
"Gone," Merlin replied. "He said that you have proven yourself to be pure of heart, and that the curse will be lifted." Merlin smiled again, relived. "Camelot is safe."
"Oh thank god," Arthur heaved a sigh of relief. He pulled Merlin down to his chest, wrapping him in a strong embrace. A lump formed in his throat that he couldn't swallow around. His people were safe once again. The curse was lifted. He was still alive. But most importantly, Merlin was still safe.
"I'm so glad you're safe." He whispered, his throat still thick with tears.
Merlin raised his head to look at Arthur. "Me, too." He paused, eyes filling with tears. "Arthur, I -"
"I love you, Merlin." A gloved hand came up to wipe at the tears on his cheek. "I can't live without you. You're everything to me."
Merlin was speechless for a moment. The prince actually returned his feelings? In his mind, images of Arthur flashed rapidly, memories of moments with his prince. A small smirk that passed between them, his soft touch when helping him up off the ground, the strong arm that would always be there to catch him again. The look of longing he had started to see in Arthur's eyes whenever he left him. Anhora's words echoed over his memories. "He has proved what is truly in his heart."
"I love you, too."
Merlin shivered as their lips met for the first time. The moment couldn't have been more perfect. There, on those rocks, the roar of the surf behind them, was a memory Merlin would hold onto for a lifetime.
As they placed the stones over the unicorn's horn, Merlin felt a rush of magic. He looked up, and not twenty yards away was the unicorn.
"Arthur," He breathed. Arthur stood, staring incredulously.
"When he who kills a unicorn proves himself to be pure of heart, the unicorn will live again."
They were silent for a moment, until the unicorn was gone from their sight.
Arthur turned to Merlin, a slow smile splitting his face in two. It did not, however, reach his eyes. Merlin reached out his hand towards him, and the prince took it. He pulled him closer, noticing the slow deliberate movements, hesitant, nervous.
"Arthur, what's wrong?" He asked softly, pulling him ever closer.
Finally, the prince met his eyes. "I don't know." His voice was barely a whisper. They were close enough now that Merlin could smell his breath mixing with his in the space between them. He raised his free hand to stroke Arthur's cheek lovingly.
"I love you." He stated simply.
"I love you too." This time his eyes smiled. Merlin grinned in relief. But slowly, his prince's cheeks turned pink. "I- uh, I'm sorry." Arthur's gaze dropped to his boots. "I've never…" Even though Arthur didn't finish his sentence, Merlin knew everything he needed to.
"Hey," Merlin put his hand under Arthur's chin to raise his face again. "It's alright." He cupped the beautiful face in both his hands, comforting. They were silent for a moment, searching. "Do you trust me?" He asked.
"Yes."
Arthur was nervous, embarrassed that he had let someone see him this vulnerable. But all thought was once again dispelled as Merlin's lips captured his. He marveled at how soft they were, his warm tongue darting out between them to press against his own. He let Merlin in, allowing him to explore his mouth, to claim it for his own. His hands splayed out against the smaller boy's back, pulling him closer, if at all possible. Merlin's fingers twisted in his hair, tugging backwards to break their kiss.
"Arthur," Merlin's voice was soft, like a prayer. His skilled fingers played over the hood of his chainmail, gathering it to pull it over his head. He allowed Merlin to undress him, which felt not unlike the other thousand times he had performed such a task, and at the same time completely different. Merlin's soft fingers were caressing him, his warm mouth exploring each new patch of skin being exposed to him. Sparks raced down Arthur's spine, making him shiver. They danced through his veins and settled in his groin. He had never felt anything like this in his life.
Arthur leaned into his touch as much as he could. His slender fingers were amazing, leaving gooseflesh in their wake, stroking, and the simple contact aroused him immensely. Arthur's own hands fumbled with Merlin's belt, hurried and unsteady. Eventually, he managed to work both the belt and the tunic off, his own shirt following Merlin's to the floor of the clearing. Merlin wrapped him in his warm embrace once again, the contact of bare skin making his cock jump in excitement.
They paused for a moment to allow Merlin to lay their clothes out, a makeshift bed for them to lay on.
Merlin lay him back, kissing him tenderly. "We can always stop, whenever you need to."
"I know," He nodded again and pulled Merlin down to him. They kissed again, this time more passionately. Each touch became increasingly impatient, each caress more heated. Merlin moved slowly down Arthur's muscular body, paying special attention to the spots that made him gasp and arch into his touch. Merlin knelt between the prince's legs, who spread his knees wider to accommodate, to communicate his need for more.
Merlin dipped his tongue into the shallow well of the prince's navel, making him shiver. He continued lower, nose nuzzling the soft blonde trail of hair that was rudely interrupted by his breeches.
"May I-" Merlin swallowed, his voice thick with lust. "May I touch you?" He asked, fingers playing at the space where the soft cloth met his skin.
"Yes," Arthur breathed, involuntarily bucking his hips at the thought of Merlin taking his pants off. Merlin untied the laces slowly, cherishing each inch of skin that was revealed to him.
The blond was lying before him, exposed, vulnerable; he was Merlin's for the taking. Arthur's stomach turned nervously at the thought of someone stumbling upon them in the clearing, but he dispelled it quickly as Merlin's attention turned back to him.
"Gods, Arthur." He breathed. His prince flushed, partly out of shyness, partly out of arousal. Just when he thought he couldn't be more turned on, the hungry look in Merlin's eyes made his whole being ache with need.
Slowly, Merlin ran his hands over the prince's knees, down his thighs, and traced his previous path back to his face. He kissed him once more, reclaiming his mouth, before retreating back again to his groin. He wrapped one hand around the base of Arthur's sizeable length, pumping slowly. The prince let out a groan of pleasure and restrained himself from bucking up into his lover's hand.
Merlin bent and pressed his lips to the head of his prince's cock. His tongue darted out to taste him, and Arthur thought he would die right then. His tongue was warm, his full pink lips looked so beautiful as they wrapped around him, sucking lightly, moving now, up and down. The pleasure was all consuming, and he was certain he would not last long. His fingers knit themselves in the dark hair and he chanted Merlin's name, the pleasure building to an all time high.
Arthur felt a familiar tugging sensation in his gut and he pulled Merlin's mouth away from his cock. "Merlin," He panted, trying to steady himself. "I need you,"
"You already," Merlin started, misunderstanding.
"I need you, Merlin." He repeated. "Inside me, please. I want," Arthur stopped, the message conveyed.
Merlin stood to remove his pants, and Arthur let out a growl of appreciation. Merlin was thin and willowy, but he did not look bad. His thin chest was toned, the pale skin in high contrast with the dark hair that lightly furred his chest, a small trail that lead from his navel down to his groin, framing his cock. The organ was swollen to a size comparable to Arthur's, dark pink from the blood rushing to it in need.
Merlin settled back between Arthur's legs, teasing him with his hands once again. He pushed the blonde's knees apart and towards his chest to reveal his tight hole. Merlin went to work on it, licking and sucking and probing, opening him, preparing him for what was to come.
Merlin's mouth was brilliant. Arthur never wanted it to end. He wanted to stay this way forever. When that lovely mouth was suddenly gone, his eyes shot open, nervous for what was to come. Merlin positioned himself over the blond, pausing to kiss him reassuringly.
"Ready?" He asked. All he could do was nod. He tensed as Merlin pushed into him. It burned, and he held his breath.
Merlin was patient, though. He paused, reaching a hand up to stroke Arthur's cheek. "You need to relax. It will get better, I promise." He kissed him softly. The prince let out a breath and relaxed. Merlin pushed gently, filling him to the hilt. Arthur tried to relax his muscles around him. He felt so big, and he wasn't sure if he could.
Merlin pulled out, just as slowly as he had pushed in. "Oh, Arthur. You feel wonderful." He coaxed. He wanted so much to do it right the first time, feeling as though he only had one shot at it.
Arthur let out a gasp as he slammed back in, grazing that spot of blinding brilliance "Oh fuck, Merlin. Do that again." Merlin repeated his movements, slowly building a rhythm. He soon had the blonde begging for more. Arthur pulled him down to attack his mouth. Merlin growled in his ear. "I want you to stroke yourself while I fuck you." Arthur was surprised at Merlin's sudden aggressiveness, but he obeyed. The result was excruciatingly beautiful. His cheeks reddened as he wrapped one hand around his leaking cock. As he stroked, he moaned Merlin's name, over and over.
He continued to talk to him, riding him hard as he watched the boy writhe under him. "You look so beautiful, Arthur. I want you to come with me." He wrapped a hand around the prince's, aiding him in bringing himself off. Arthur screamed, coating both of them with his seed. He clenched around Merlin, milking him. He filled the prince, collapsing over him. They were both breathless, hearts pounding against their chests.
Spent, Merlin mumbled against his neck. "You were brilliant." He kissed his cheek, moving to disentangle himself from the blond. Arthur held him there, pinning him with a passionate kiss.
"I love you, Merlin. Always remember that."
Merlin smiled coyly. "Of course, sire."