ShadowKurayami: I have been so damn busy with work and school. I am so sorry for not updating my stores to any of my current followers who are reading this.

Any followers of The One Who Started It All, it will be a slow work in progress, I am going through a dead muse with that, so it is a very slow work in progress.

Anyways. On with this one. This is a one shot- possibly multi chaptered Bellarke Fanfiction based around Season Three Episode Five: Hakeldama

Spoilers!

Sacrifice or Selfishness

Bellarke

Clarke stood there after Octavia helped sneak her into the base. The brunette girl was going to get her brother so they could speak in private.

Clarke regretted a lot of things, especially the fact that she didn't come back to Arcadia with Bellamy, but she wasn't willing to risk everyone for her to be happy. She needed to stay with Lexa to see things through. To be sure that if it came down to Lexa betraying them again, she would be the one to kill her.

"What are you doing here Clarke?" She could hear the anger in his voice, see it in his eyes. She knew this wasn't the same Bellamy she left. Nor was it the same Bellamy that tried to save her from the Ice Nation Prince… this Bellamy was so angry.

"We need to talk." Her voice was soft, but it held the authority she gained during their time on Earth.

"Oh?" There was a scoff in his voice. "You decided that. The mighty Wanheda." The sarcasm was evident. "You chose the Grounders over your own people who turned their backs on us when we came to rescue you. So, now you want to talk?"

"I didn't choose them. I chose you… I will always choose you over them." She didn't voice her thoughts no matter how badly she wanted to. She sacrificed everything for them, and she was sacrificing her freedom to keep them safe only to have Pike tear that away.

"I came here to tell you that the Ice Nation has paid a price. Justice has been served for the attack on Mount Weather, I came here to tell you it's over. —."

"And there it is again." His arms crossed, a bitter look on his tanned face. "Why do you get to decide it's over?"

She didn't get to decide it was over and she knew that. She had hoped everything she did was not in vein. Staying with Lexa, not killing her when she had the chance, killing everyone on Mount Weather… From what she was seeing, she was giving up everything for an empty result.

"We did our part…" Her voice was small, almost pleading.

"We?" His voice raised, Clarke knew Bellamy was accusing her of something. Inwardly wincing at her next words, she continued.

"Lexa and I…" Her eyes gaging his reaction as she moved to swallow. "The Ice Queen is dead." She was proud that that woman was gone, but she could see it wasn't enough for him. "The problem was solved, and then you let Pike ruin everything."

Her blue eyes watched as he uncrossed his arms and moved closer to her, she didn't know if it was out of habit, or even trying to intimidate her, but it made her nervous. "Why are you here Clarke?"

Her eyes met his, she wasn't going to back down. The death of two hundred and ninety-nine soldiers and Indra's heavy wounds were on him, Pike, and the group that slaughtered everyone. "Arcadia needs to make things right." She paused. "Or Lexa and the twelve clans will wipe us all out."

"Let them try."

She was shocked at his words. This wasn't cockiness or bravery; this was pure anger on his part.

"Please tell me that going to war is not what you want." She was pleading with him, trying to make him realize that this was wrong.

When he lifted his eyes, she had a flicker of hope only to have it crushed. "We've been at war since we landed. Pike understands that." He words cut her deep.

"Pike is the problem!" Clarke rose her voice, careful to not get too loud. Her emotions blending into the words. "This isn't who you are." She wouldn't believe it, couldn't believe it.

She remembered him, remembered the fear in his eyes as his hands shook when Atom begged him to kill him. She remembered the relief that crossed his face when she took the knife and hummed to Atom, ending his pain.

"You're wrong. This is who I have always been… and I let you and Octavia and Kane convince me that we could trust these people when they have shown over and over who they are! And I won't let anyone else die for that mistake!"

"Bellamy, I need you…" Tears were in her eyes, but she wouldn't allow them to fall. "And we don't have much time."

"You need me?" Bellamy looked at her. He was angry and happy at her words, but he wouldn't back down.

"Yes, I do. I need the guy who… wouldn't let me pull that lever in Mount Weather by myself." He could see that Mount Weather still haunted her.

"You left me." He was hurt. She left, she left him to take care of everyone while she left. "You left everyone."

"Bellamy—."

"ENOUGH Clarke!" He snapped at her. "You are not in charge here. And that's a good thing, because people die when you're in charge."

Her face didn't change much, but her eyes… he knew in a way he had gone too far. She had killed Atom to help him, but then Charlotte died, then she killed Finn, and lastly Mount Weather. Even if he didn't really blame her, he was too angry, too hurt to let her not feel as hurt as he did.

"You were willing to let a bomb drop on my sister." That pissed him off the most. Octavia was his to protect, and when he needed Clarke to protect her, she put her directly in harm's way. "Then you made a deal with Lexa who left us in Mount Weather to die and forced us to kill everyone who helped us!" He felt tears sting at his eyes at the memories of everyone who died. "People who trusted me!"

Her eyes were full of tears, the pain and self-loathing on her face. "I…"

He couldn't look at her. He wished that maybe he could have been calm enough to wrap his arms around her and tell her he was just glad she was safe, but after losing Gina. He could barely look at her.

She couldn't stand after his last shot at her. It was why she left. Every one of those reasons and more. "I'm sorry…" Her voice was just above a whisper.

She took a breath to focus herself and to keep herself from crying, he could hear it. "I'm sorry for leaving." She looked up at him. "But I knew I could. Because they had you."

He turned to look at her, his own breath and frustration stopped. He knew she trusted him, but… to that extent.

Clarke's face dropped, her hair a curtain hiding the tears. He knew she was crying. Bellamy took a few slow steps before crouching down in front of her. His hand taking hers. He had never felt her grip so light and fearful before.

Brown eyes met watery blue eyes when she offered a weak smile. "I know we can fix this."

He wished he could believe that, but he didn't. "I'm sorry too." He saw her lips turn into a soft smile, and it hurt. Because in the next instant he was handcuffing her.

He had to zone out her cries and pleading as he went to gather his supplies to get her. He was going to bring her to Pike. Deep in his soul, he knew it wouldn't end well.

When he came back to get her, her face was stained with tears. She couldn't scream, it would only alert more people to her presence.

"You think I am selfish..." Her voice was broken, it forced him to pause in his steps towards her. "I killed Finn to keep him from dying a painful death… I was willing to let Octavia get a bomb dropped on her to keep you safe… I was betrayed by Lexa and had to kill every one of the members of Mount Weather with you. And I left because I couldn't look at myself." She laughed, "I hated myself!" Her eyes, watery and cold looked at him. "I stayed with Lexa to protect you. Because if she ever… EVER betrayed us again, I would take her fucking head off."

Her breathing was becoming labored, possibly anxiety or just anger. "Then she bows down before me and pledges her life for my people… for Skaikru, making her next choice in commander make the same pledge, I though… I would be able to come home and make things right." A hateful, bitter laugh. "This time Bellamy, you betrayed me. Because everything I've done has been for your safety."

He tried to ignore her angry gaze. Moving to undo her cuffs and pull her to her feet.

"I realized something when I listened to you. I may have been selfish leaving. But, you're the one who is going to be alone. You'll get us all killed." She leveled him with a glare. "You haven't always been like this. You aren't a monster like Pike, because when Atom was begging you to kill him… you couldn't even hold the knife steady, I remember your nightmares after Charlotte jumped as well."

Her head tilted, blonde hair in a messy curtain around her face. "You're becoming just like Pike now. I told you once I forgave you… that you weren't a monster. And back then, you weren't… but now? I am not so sure anymore."

His breath hitched at her words. Bellamy felt hurt, wondering if this was what she felt earlier. "Whatever Princess. Let's go." He pulled her along only to have her yank her hands back against his.

"No. You do not get to call me that. Not anymore. When the smart Bellamy comes back, you'll get that right. Because the Bellamy I trusted, that I loved wouldn't be so stupid to kill allies. To allow someone to control him and hurt people. To let his sister be seen as a freak." Octavia told her what happened when Pike was voted for. "Till then, you can fuck off." She spat out.

He didn't look back at her, pulling her along. When Octavia came by, angry at him, only to see her surprised when Clarke shocked him with his own baton. He wasn't unconscious, but his body would not move, his muscles tense and stiff, unyielding. He couldn't even scream.

"I want the Bellamy I knew back… the one I saw in that cave… the one I was ready to die for to keep safe." Clarke whispered as she stole the keys to the cuffs.

When they were gone and he could finally move, he didn't stand. He just sat up and dropped his head to his knees. What was he doing anymore?

"Clarke… Octavia… I'm sorry." He felt tears at his eyes and for a moment, a brief moment he let them fall before getting back up. He didn't know what to do. His choice would be to stay with Pike and destroy all the Grounders in his way, or go to Clarke and Octavia and forgive everything that has happened.

"Mom… what do I do?"

1863 Words

Questions, Comments, Concerns? Please Review or PM. Also, should I keep this as a One Shot, or continue it?

Ranting Time!

So let me be up front about this.

I love Clexa and Bellarke (Blasphemy I know) but I am currently annoyed at Lexa and Bellamy. Although, when it comes to Bellamy, I am unsure what is going through his head. He is either just lost to his own anger over losing someone that he was able to turn to (Gina, because I doubt he actually loved her) or he is playing a double agent kind of thing. And I am seriously hoping it's the latter.

Bellamy has been one of my favorite characters, and to see what happened during this episode had me and my best friend in tears.

I wish Clarke had gotten angry at him. Even if she didn't really have a right to. Because while she was selfish for leaving, in my opinion she had the right to be a bit selfish. She sacrificed so much. She lost Wells after getting him back, Charlotte, Finn, and had to kill so many people to keep her people safe.

When it came to the bomb, she was wrong. At least she could have told Octavia, but if anyone knew, Bellamy would have been caught sooner.

Clarke did deserve to be a bit selfish in the end, and running away shouldn't have been the answer, but if he was so damn upset over it, he should have went looking for her, really looking for her.

Well, that rant is over. At least until the next episode.