Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, Funny Girl, or any of the characters. I merely write for them on occasion from afar. :)
Enjoy, and please review!
My entire life had been revolving around a single dream for as long as I could remember. Ever since I could remember, I had dreamed of a single thing. I had always had the desire, more than anything in the world, to become a star. No matter what people said, and I assure you, they said a lot, I had kept that dream and kept believing that it was possible. Not only did I believe it was possible, but I knew it was possible. It was something that I was just sure of; it was a given, because I just knew it was going to happen. Even when people told me I didn't have what it takes, which is the biggest lie I've ever heard, I never let them change my fate. They couldn't change it; I've never let what other people think of me define me. I've believed in myself, and it has certainly paid off.
Tonight was the official night that my dream was going to be truly achieved. There had been a few interviews and photo shoots leading up to tonight, but this was the real thing. This was the opening night of Funny Girl. On Broadway, with me as Fanny Brice; the pinnacle of what I have been striving for forever. For months, I was going to be able to portray one of my all-time favourite characters almost every night, and people were paying to see me shine. They were going to see me achieving what I had always desired to do, and I couldn't be happier for them. I couldn't be happier for me.
I'm not just doing this for me anymore. I'm doing it for him, too. Even though he never shared the same dreams as me, not really, I was going to make him proud. Finn had always believed in me more than anyone; he had been my number one supporter and my biggest fan. Even when we weren't together, he had made sure that I knew that, and I wish I could express my gratitude to him. The only thing I could do was show him that I had finally done it; I had finally accomplished the things that the both of us believed I could do.
Officially, we had been broken up, but we both had known that this was barely true. We still loved each other, more than anything, but things just became complicated. I knew we were going to end up together, and he knew it, too. He would have been in the audience tonight. I know he would've been. Without telling me, he would have managed to get himself front row seats, and he would have been there. He had promised back in senior year that he would never miss a show. And he was keeping that promise, because he was still here, just in a different way.
A crew member showed up to my dressing room door, telling me I had ten minutes till show circle. I nodded, too emotional to speak. This was it. It was finally happening. There were so many things rushing through my mind. I don't think I had ever been quite so excited before. This was the real thing; the real dream, not one of the moments leading up to it.
There is a huge part of me that has wanted, more than anything, for Finn to be by my side this whole time; cheering me on and giving me feedback for every step of the way. I didn't want it to dull my happiness about the night, but it did, and how could it not? I miss him in a way that I can't even describe, with every fibre of my being, and I just want him back. Not just for me and for this, but for everything. He's missing so much.
After taking a final look at myself in the vanity mirror, I took a step across the polished hardwood and sat on the couch, risking wrinkling my first costume of the night. I would distract anyone from a few creases in my dress with my voice and my performance in general, I hope. I pulled my legs to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, looking up to the ceiling. I had been doing that a lot lately. Whenever I needed to talk to someone in particular, I looked upwards, as if I would see something. I guess it made me feel closer to him, or more like he was looking down on me, making sure I was okay.
"I never thought that this would be happening this way," I said quietly. "I always thought that our pep talk before my first real Broadway performance would happen more face to face." I smiled a little, even as my eyes welled up with tears, as I imagined what he would say. My mind immediately jumped to the plaque that was hanging in the auditorium now. Something along those lines, I guarantee it.
"Even though you're not here, I'm really excited for tonight. Everything's finally coming true." I looked down from the dull looking ceiling for a second, wiping my eyes quickly. I didn't want to mess up my makeup only minutes before the show. Nobody would understand why.
"I really wish you were here, though," I choked out, holding my legs to the rest of my body even tighter. "Maybe it's selfish. I don't know. I just want you to be here, Finn," I whispered, still looking up to the ceiling through my eyelashes. When was I going to be able to talk to him without completely breaking down? Probably never, but I wish that wasn't true.
"I hope you like the show tonight. If you're watching. I know you are. You always said you wouldn't miss it. I've been rehearsing until I can't stand or even talk, in case you didn't know. I want this to be the best it can be. And I have to prove everyone wrong," I explained. "Because I know I always believed in me, and I know you did, too, but hardly anyone else did." Showing everyone what I was truly capable of was going to be the best feeling ever, I think.
"I wish you had been here for all the stuff with Santana, too," I admitted. "I know this is selfish, too, but it would have been easier if you were there." Suddenly, I looked to the door to see if anyone was there, waiting for me. They would have thought I was crazy. Maybe it was weird to talk to people who were seemingly nonexistent, but it was often what got me through the days.
"You would've taken my side. I know it. You always did," I smiled, laughing nostalgically just a bit as I remembered times when Finn had stood up for me. He was more fiercely loyal than anyone I would ever know. "I got her back, too. For the slap. I'm still mad about that. But I definitely got revenge. The slap she gave you had nothing on the one I gave her," I said sincerely. It was true. I had never known that I had that in me. I just couldn't believe what she was saying about me; none of it was true, and she was being so horrible. At the time, I had felt as if I had no other choice, and I really don't regret it, as awful as that may be.
"Well, I think I have to go soon. I don't want to be late for my first show," I explained, starting to stretch my legs out. "I'm going to make you proud. I'll make the show go all over the place." Immediately thinking of the time he had said that, I smiled, and another tear slipped down my cheek as I did. I decided that I had to get up and make my way out of my dressing room to get ready so no one got mad at me on the very first night for being late. I took one last glance upwards.
"I miss you, you know," I stated. Everyone knew that, but it was important that I reiterated to him, so he didn't think that I didn't. "I love you."
I checked the mirror again, making sure there weren't any noticeable tear tracks. Thankfully, I was good, so I headed out the door, down to where people were slowly gathering for show circle. I couldn't believe this was happening. It was all coming true. This was like some out of body experience or something; I just really, truly couldn't believe what was happening.
The show circle was brief; I think everyone was expecting me to make some big speech or something, but I couldn't form words. At this point, I was just going over everything repeatedly in my head. I couldn't choke; I knew this whole show backwards. The last choke in senior year was just some sort of weird fluke, I know, but the fear still stuck with me. It probably would forever.
Standing in my place backstage, I would've been able to countdown the seconds until I was walking onstage if I had wanted to. Instead, I was going over every line and movement from my first scene, praying I would get it all right. I wasn't just doing this for me anymore; I was doing it for both of us.
Right on cue, I took my first step towards the stage, a whole new bout of adrenaline rushing through me. A crew member gave me an affirmative nod to keep going, and I merely nodded back. Before I took my final steps, I looked up to the roof of the theatre one last time, slightly smiling and blinking back tears.
"This is for you, Finn," I whispered so nobody could hear but the two of us. Nobody else needed to hear. This was our new version of the pre-show pep talk. It was just for us, or maybe just for me, really, but I'd like to think it was for the both of us.
I looked down again and finished the walk onto the stage. This was it. I was finally Fanny Brice, on Broadway, about to make the show go all over the place… Or something.