Hey all. I'm sorry to say i've hit writers block on TDRL, but here's another piece of angst for all of you. Characters are not mine, they're JKR's. Never said they were, so don't sue me. The characters you don't recognize are most likely mine. I also admit to not being one of the best typists on earth, so if you see a typo, drop me a note. It'll be fixed. On the same note, I love reviews! They inspire me! So, be kind, though I know it's a pain. I myself hate writing them. Heh. Enough of my rambling and onto the story!
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Chapter One: The Orphanage
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I hate Sundays. I mean, I really hate them with a passion. Wednesday nights, too. But now I'm getting ahead of my story. Far ahead of it. in order for you to understand me, and I mean really know what's going on, I'll have to start from the very beginning. From the start of all. I won't be able to leave anything out, because I need to get it off of my chest now, or forever hold my peace. My counselor says this, that I hold too much in. It is only under his insistance that I write this. Perhaps you won't understand or approve some of my actions or decisions, but you must understand that at most of the times, I felt I had no other decisions. Besides, this is not made for you to judge me. This is made for you to know who I am, or perhaps even what I am. For you to perhaps understand a few more of my present decisions. So read on, this is...perhaps you'd say...for your viewing pleasure.
The beginning, ah the trivialities of it all! Well, the beginning...My name is Remus Johanus Lupin, I have an older brother that goes by Romulus Telari Lupin. My parents died when I was five years old, he was ten. That's when all the trouble began. We had no other living relatives that were known, so we were shipped off to an orphanage. You know those places where stink rules over all, that are overcrowded, overly noisy? Yes, that's where I spent a year of my life. I'd simply glaze over this part, if it didn't help emphasise that things would get worse, afterall, we tend to realize the things that hurt us the most are the very things that we cling to to remember ourselves for who we are. So, I suppose this is where the story truly begins. Forgive me for leading you to believe otherwise.
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Orphanage - June 24, 1965 - March 27, 1966
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The smell of rot crawled over my senses as I entered the small building. The noise was incredible, it overwhelmed me with the sheer suddenness of it all. I clung to the hand of my brother, Romulus, as he was the only lifeline of familiarity I had. Where was Mama? Where was Papa? Who was the strange lady that had taken us away, and why were we here with all these strange people? I wanted to go home! I wanted them to leave me alone! I wanted Mama and Papa.
I shrank away from the gazes of the other children, something about them intimidated me. I had always been small and lithely built for my age. Romulus told me that my father often compared me to a female because of my lithe frame. It was noticeable even when I was that young. "Shh, Remus. They're not going to hurt you." Romulus said quietly to me, though i could tell by his voice that they disturbed him too. We followed a woman into a bedroom that was deserted. Fifteen beds were lined up with no more than an inch of room between them. Each had a trunk in front of it.
"You'll be staying in here. Those two beds." the strange woman stated, motioning to the two beds with our own trunks in front of them. She had a cold voice, a harsh voice that frightened me. Romulus didn't like her voice either. He squeezed harder on my hand as she spoke, then let go as soon as she had left. He slipped his hand from mine and walked over to the bed with his trunk, sitting down and putting his head in his hands. He began to cry, quietly. Ashamed of having to. I had never seen him cry before.
The sight of Romulus crying broke me, sent everything that had happened in the past few days crashing down on me. Mama wasn't coming back. Neither was Papa. They were gone. They left us to stay in this stinky place. I crawled towards romulus, climbing on his lap, and I too, began to sob into his shoulder. As a matter of fact, I cried myself to sleep.
***
When I woke up, it was morning. I was in a bed. What bed was this? Where was I that the sun dappled onto my face so gently, yet the smell was enough to nauseate me? I sat up slowly, still fully dressed from the night before. ROmulus was in the bed beside me, still asleep. So were a lot of other boys, most of them older than me. Who were all of them? Perhaps it was odd that I felt so utterly alone in a room with so many people, but that's how it was.
It was about a half hour before others were up. Eager to introduce themselves, and I was glad to be accepted so easily. The day was full of introductions, most of the boys and girls simply gave their name then ran off. I of course, preferred to stay with Romulus. At least until Nikolas came. He was cheerful, bright, and only a year older than me. He would become my best friend in the time I was in the oprhanage. He was a bit tall, and had black hair. Green eyes. Amazing how even now I remember the details about him so vividly, even when so much else flits away from my grasp.
I had clung to Romulus almost relentlessly, whether it was to his hand that I clung or to his leg. I was like his shadow, and I played the role quite well that first day. We were walking around the area with all the toys - a dirty room that you had to watch every step lest you fall.
"Why are chu hanging onto him like that?" I heard the voice as I felt someone poke me in the back. I let go of Romulus' hand and turned around, looking to see who it was. It was Nikolas, though I didn't know it at that time.
"I-I'm afraid. I don't like it here." I replied slowly, forcing a faint smile as I spoke.
"Don'tchu worry. I been here since I wasth really ickle. They don't hurt you. Justh don't get taken out by the people that come. Some of'em are meeeean." he warned, giving a nod of assurance. I couldn't help but give a light laugh at his antics.
"Why do you say that the people are bad?" I had long been taught to speak properly, if I was going to speak at all. As such...I hadn't started speaking until just recently, but I had skipped over most of the gibberish.
"Because that's what they say." his voice had dropped to a confidention whisper. I tilted my head slightly, confused by this. I never even had time to realize that Romulus had slipped away.
Despite my original distaste for the place, the orphanage became my home. I became attatched to it and its wretched smell, it's odd people, the doting nurses. It became too familiar. The routine became familiar too. Wake up, Monday through Fridays get dressed and attend the overcrowded supposedly classrooms, share a book with five people nearby, if there were books at all. It was routine. On Saturdays and Sundays do what I wanted.
It wasn't beautiful, or fancy, but nothing I ever had was. It was home. As they say, home is where the heart is, and throughout the next five years, my heart would remain with the orphanage, as I never found it in my heart to forgive my parents for leaving. Even today I resent them for the hell they sent me through, but that is not until the next part of my life.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
To Be Continued
~~~~~~
Chapter One: The Orphanage
~~~~~~
I hate Sundays. I mean, I really hate them with a passion. Wednesday nights, too. But now I'm getting ahead of my story. Far ahead of it. in order for you to understand me, and I mean really know what's going on, I'll have to start from the very beginning. From the start of all. I won't be able to leave anything out, because I need to get it off of my chest now, or forever hold my peace. My counselor says this, that I hold too much in. It is only under his insistance that I write this. Perhaps you won't understand or approve some of my actions or decisions, but you must understand that at most of the times, I felt I had no other decisions. Besides, this is not made for you to judge me. This is made for you to know who I am, or perhaps even what I am. For you to perhaps understand a few more of my present decisions. So read on, this is...perhaps you'd say...for your viewing pleasure.
The beginning, ah the trivialities of it all! Well, the beginning...My name is Remus Johanus Lupin, I have an older brother that goes by Romulus Telari Lupin. My parents died when I was five years old, he was ten. That's when all the trouble began. We had no other living relatives that were known, so we were shipped off to an orphanage. You know those places where stink rules over all, that are overcrowded, overly noisy? Yes, that's where I spent a year of my life. I'd simply glaze over this part, if it didn't help emphasise that things would get worse, afterall, we tend to realize the things that hurt us the most are the very things that we cling to to remember ourselves for who we are. So, I suppose this is where the story truly begins. Forgive me for leading you to believe otherwise.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
Orphanage - June 24, 1965 - March 27, 1966
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
The smell of rot crawled over my senses as I entered the small building. The noise was incredible, it overwhelmed me with the sheer suddenness of it all. I clung to the hand of my brother, Romulus, as he was the only lifeline of familiarity I had. Where was Mama? Where was Papa? Who was the strange lady that had taken us away, and why were we here with all these strange people? I wanted to go home! I wanted them to leave me alone! I wanted Mama and Papa.
I shrank away from the gazes of the other children, something about them intimidated me. I had always been small and lithely built for my age. Romulus told me that my father often compared me to a female because of my lithe frame. It was noticeable even when I was that young. "Shh, Remus. They're not going to hurt you." Romulus said quietly to me, though i could tell by his voice that they disturbed him too. We followed a woman into a bedroom that was deserted. Fifteen beds were lined up with no more than an inch of room between them. Each had a trunk in front of it.
"You'll be staying in here. Those two beds." the strange woman stated, motioning to the two beds with our own trunks in front of them. She had a cold voice, a harsh voice that frightened me. Romulus didn't like her voice either. He squeezed harder on my hand as she spoke, then let go as soon as she had left. He slipped his hand from mine and walked over to the bed with his trunk, sitting down and putting his head in his hands. He began to cry, quietly. Ashamed of having to. I had never seen him cry before.
The sight of Romulus crying broke me, sent everything that had happened in the past few days crashing down on me. Mama wasn't coming back. Neither was Papa. They were gone. They left us to stay in this stinky place. I crawled towards romulus, climbing on his lap, and I too, began to sob into his shoulder. As a matter of fact, I cried myself to sleep.
***
When I woke up, it was morning. I was in a bed. What bed was this? Where was I that the sun dappled onto my face so gently, yet the smell was enough to nauseate me? I sat up slowly, still fully dressed from the night before. ROmulus was in the bed beside me, still asleep. So were a lot of other boys, most of them older than me. Who were all of them? Perhaps it was odd that I felt so utterly alone in a room with so many people, but that's how it was.
It was about a half hour before others were up. Eager to introduce themselves, and I was glad to be accepted so easily. The day was full of introductions, most of the boys and girls simply gave their name then ran off. I of course, preferred to stay with Romulus. At least until Nikolas came. He was cheerful, bright, and only a year older than me. He would become my best friend in the time I was in the oprhanage. He was a bit tall, and had black hair. Green eyes. Amazing how even now I remember the details about him so vividly, even when so much else flits away from my grasp.
I had clung to Romulus almost relentlessly, whether it was to his hand that I clung or to his leg. I was like his shadow, and I played the role quite well that first day. We were walking around the area with all the toys - a dirty room that you had to watch every step lest you fall.
"Why are chu hanging onto him like that?" I heard the voice as I felt someone poke me in the back. I let go of Romulus' hand and turned around, looking to see who it was. It was Nikolas, though I didn't know it at that time.
"I-I'm afraid. I don't like it here." I replied slowly, forcing a faint smile as I spoke.
"Don'tchu worry. I been here since I wasth really ickle. They don't hurt you. Justh don't get taken out by the people that come. Some of'em are meeeean." he warned, giving a nod of assurance. I couldn't help but give a light laugh at his antics.
"Why do you say that the people are bad?" I had long been taught to speak properly, if I was going to speak at all. As such...I hadn't started speaking until just recently, but I had skipped over most of the gibberish.
"Because that's what they say." his voice had dropped to a confidention whisper. I tilted my head slightly, confused by this. I never even had time to realize that Romulus had slipped away.
Despite my original distaste for the place, the orphanage became my home. I became attatched to it and its wretched smell, it's odd people, the doting nurses. It became too familiar. The routine became familiar too. Wake up, Monday through Fridays get dressed and attend the overcrowded supposedly classrooms, share a book with five people nearby, if there were books at all. It was routine. On Saturdays and Sundays do what I wanted.
It wasn't beautiful, or fancy, but nothing I ever had was. It was home. As they say, home is where the heart is, and throughout the next five years, my heart would remain with the orphanage, as I never found it in my heart to forgive my parents for leaving. Even today I resent them for the hell they sent me through, but that is not until the next part of my life.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
To Be Continued