WARNING: This is a dark fic, there's a lot of different kinds of abuse, and neglect. Its a McHastings fic, but just to let you guys know, there is also going to be self harm. Please read at your own risk,

Disclaimer: I don't own Pretty Little Liars, just using the charecters.

Lost Souls

Chapter 1

P POV

It started with a loud crash, and i knew what was coming. He was home, my dad. "PAIGE!" He screamed, it echoed off the walls in the house, and rang in my ears. You'd think that after four years of this, I'd be used to it. I'd be used to the yelling, and the blaming, and the drinking… But I'm not. It just gets harder and harder to deal with every time. I heard his shuffling footsteps getting closer to my room. I've long learned that hiding from him only fueled his anger, so I stayed at my desk. My door flew open with a loud crash, the stench of heavy spirits instantly filled my room. "You are supposed to answer me when i call your fucking name!" He yelled, slightly slurring his words.

"I'm sorry, i didn't hear you come in." I lied. It wasn't good enough for him, because he stormed over to me and roughly pulled me up by my shirt. The smell that his breath gave off was almost enough to make me gag. How he could drink something that smelt so awful was beyond me, but i closed my eyes and braced myself, knowing what was going to come next.

"You ungrateful little shit." He snarled as he threw me to the floor. I didn't make a sound as i thudded to the floor and got a swift kick to the stomach. "Don't you fucking be slick with me." I coughed from the impact and curled into a ball. Hoping he wouldn't hit me again. Thankfully he didn't, and i heard him mutter something that wasn't coherent and stumble out of my room. I stayed curled in a ball with tears leaking from my eyes, long after he slammed my bedroom door shut, and i heard the tv turn on. He had probably gotten another bottle of vodka and continued to drink. Eventually i uncurled myself from the floor and hissed when i straightened my back. Slowly i stood up and went over to the full length mirror in my room. With delicate fingers i rolled up the material of my shirt, and saw dark purple splotches that scattered and covered my torso. Some were dark purple and new, others had turned a disgusting shade of yellow-green. But i saw another red welt where he had just kicked me, knowing another giant bruise was going to form. I sighed as i rolled my shirt back down. I looked at the clock above my desk and saw that it was 12:30, I walked over to my bed and laid down on top of the covers. I lay there, tears flowing freely now. Crying silently was necessary. If he heard me, he'd come back in here and hit me again. I learned that in the first three months. Thankfully his drinking hasn't gotten worse. If anything its gotten better. This used to happen almost three times a day. Then twice, then once, then he'd miss a day, and now it was only a few times a week. He's never hit me so hard that i break anything, but the bruises are almost constant. My body is littered with them, on my chest, on my stomach, my sides, my thighs, my back, my arms, and sometimes my neck and face. He's more careful about hitting me in the face, those are harder to hide. I know what your thinking, if this has been going on for four years, then why am i still here? Why do i put up with this? why haven't i told anyone… why haven't i run away. Well, I'll tell you why. Its because its not that simple, and its because its my fault. I'm the reason he started drinking. I was the one that had my mom pick me up from a friends house late at night. I was the one who wouldn't stay at her house because we got in a fight. I was the one that begged my tired mom to come get me. I was the reason why we got in that accident. She tried to get me to stop crying in the car and tell her what happened. She turned her attention to me, because I was hurting, and the other car ran a stop light and smashed into her side of the car. She didn't die on impact, but she was hurt really bad. I remember crawling over to her almost lifeless form, telling her everything was going to be okay, and that she was going to be alright. But she smiled at me and made me make her a promise.

"Take care of your father, He's going to need you after this. Please Paige, promise me you'll look after him, he's so forgetful he'd probably forget to eat without someone to remind him to." I cried into her telling her that I promise to take care of my dad no matter what. It was easy to promise that then. My dad and I were best friends. Both super competitive, both loved sports. She died in my arms just a few minutes before the ambulance got there. I had a concussion, a few bruised ribs, a black eye, and a bust lip. But my mom was the one that lost her life that night. I wondered for the longest time, why she had to die, why couldn't I take the injuries she got. My dad would be okay if she were still here. I'm not good enough to take care of him. Even though still to this day i still try. He doesn't mean to hurt me. Normally he doesn't even remember doing it, but when he does, things go back to the way they were before mom died. He would take me out to eat, buy me ice-cream and we'd go to an arcade and play games until midnight. But these days were rare to come by now. I can't tell if he wakes up and remembers hitting me and choses to ignore it, or if he simply doesn't remember it. But either way, its not exactly something i can bring up in a casual conversation. He has it hard, and I don't want to make things harder for him. All I can do is keep the promise I made to my mom. It was the last thing she ever said to me other than 'I love you.' and that isn't a promise you can break.

Before I knew it, my phone's alarm was going off, telling me it was already 5:30 in the morning and I had to get ready for school. With a heavy sigh i slowly got up, wincing at the pain in my side. I went over to the mirror and again and pulled my shirt off slowly. The bruise was full, puffy, and a dark blue-purple. sighing i opened my dresser and pulled out a clean shirt, pulling it on, before changing my pants. I stalked quietly to the bathroom, washing my face and brushing my teeth, before quietly tiptoeing out to the kitchen. On my way there i saw my dad passed out on the couch, with an empty bottle of vodka on the floor. Quietly as possible i went over and picked up the bottle off the floor, and threw a blanket over his sleeping form. he didn't stir, even the slightest so I went to the kitchen and made coffee, breakfast for the both of us and a lunch for myself as well. Maybe the smell of coffee woke him up, but soon he groggily wavered off of the couch clutching his head. I poured him a cup of coffee and set it on the edge of the counter. He whispered a thank you to me and grabbed it before sitting down on a chair. I didn't say anything while i continued to cook and make my lunch simultaneously. When the eggs and toast were done I separated them onto two plates and placed his near him with a fork. I ate mine on the other side of the kitchen, as i finished packing my lunch and drinking coffee as well.

"Paige…" He started. I stopped, i was on my way back to my room to get my backpack and keys. "Do… do you need anything? Money or…" he stuttered.

"No dad, i think I'm okay." I shook my head. He nodded slowly and i took that as an okay to leave. I grabbed my backpack after putting my homework in it and then got my car keys, phone, and wallet, placing them each in different pockets. I really was okay with money. I had my own job, and didn't really buy much. my job paid well and so i kept most of the money i made. When i walked back out to the kitchen my dad was standing in front of the door. I stopped and gulped, i didn't know what he was going to do, he seemed okay earlier… I cast my eyes down and grabbed my lunch, putting it in my bag, and turned to the door.

"Here." He said handing me money. It was a large stack of money. Easily in the thousands, i grabbed it and flipped through it. I was right, they were all hundreds with a few fifties, twenties and tens to the end. "Go, shopping, or.. buy a new car, or that motorcycle you've wanted for a while." He said awkwardly. He must've remembered last night, because he had this sad look in his eyes and he couldn't look at me directly. I took a step forward and gave him a hug. It must've caught him off guard because his body went ridged.

"Its okay Dad." I said. It took him a minute before i felt his arms wrap lightly around me. But soon we both let go and he stepped out of the way and I left for school. Money really want a problem in my house. We practically lived in a mansion and I had a really nice car that my dad bought me last year for my sixteenth birthday. It was a brand-new midnight blue Ferrari, a little excessive for a sixteen year old, i know, but i cherish it with my life. My dads got two cars to himself, both expensive, and we still have lots of money left over to blow. Another question you have for me? If we have so much money why do i have a job? Well if it wasn't obvious, i like to spend as little time at home as possible. That's why.

I got to school and parked, stepping out i noticed my friend Spencer just getting out of her car. "Hey Spence." i said as i approached her. As usual she had too man books in her skinny arms, so i rushed over and grabbed a few from her before they all toppled to the ground.

"Thanks Paige." She said smiling at me. We were pretty good friends, and the oddest pair around. I was the popular rich kid. And Spencer was the nerdy brainiac. Atleast, thats what i thought of her the first time i saw her. But when we were paired in a partner project, I got to know her and we've been inseparable ever since. I like Spencer because her family has money also. She never wants to hang out with me just because of the things I have, no, she wants to hang out with me, because I'm me.

"No problem little Hastings." I said, she threw me a stern look, "Sorry. i mean Spencey." I laughed. Spencer hates being called 'little hastings'. She has an older sister whose shadow is unbelievably large. Spencer is literally the smartest kid in our grade, and yet, her parents don't recognize it because her sister was smarter at Spencer's age. Spencer is a year younger than us, she skipped a grade, which in my mind is amazing because i suck at school.

"Thats right McCullers." She snapped back, I playfully nudged her shoulder with mine and we walked into the school. Spencer and I's lockers are unfortunately on opposite sides of the school, so to fix the locker situation, we share both of our lockers. We keep certain books in one, and the others in the other so that we don't have to rush all the way to the other end of the building for a book. It works out great for the both of us. Today however, Spencer and I had our first period open together so, after we grabbed what we needed, we headed to the library.

I watched Spencer as she opened up a huge book and a notebook and immediately set to work. I admired Spencer for more reasons than one. We both have problems at home, that we don't like to talk about. We each know a little bit about the situations with the others family, but never question further unless the information is willingly given. Spencer know's that my dad drinks. And that he yells a lot, but she doesn't know about him hitting me. She also doesn't know about my mom. And even though i really like Spencer, i hope she never has to find out about either of those things.

I must've been staring at her and spacing out because she threw an eraser at me that bounced off my nose. "Stop staring at me… its weird, and i can't concentrate." She teased. I smiled at her and leaned forward, staring at her intensely. She pretended to ignore me, but i could tell it was bugging her. As much as Spencer craved attention from her parents, she hated getting it from anyone else. She was quiet, and rarely talked in class. She never said it right out, but getting to know her for the better part of a year, i've picked up on a few things. She looked up at me and glared her signature 'Spencer Hastings' look, which let me tell you, is quite terrifying. I chuckled lightly and held up my hands in defeat, casting my eyes down and grabbing a notebook from my backpack and doodling in it to pass the time.

"Wanna go shopping after school?" I asked when she closed the book she was working in.

"Yeah, i need to get a few things anyway." She said, while pulling out another book and staring another assignment.

"I need a lot of things, so can we drive out to Philly?"

"Where else would Paige McCullers shop for things?" She said without looking up from her work. I scoffed, in mock hurt.

"Oh I'm sorry princess, i didn't realize i was so predictable and high class." I rolled my eyes and she giggled, but didn't look up.

"Clearly you don't pay attention to your wardrobe." She said. I looked down.

"Whats wrong with what I'm wearing?" I asked. She looked up at me and gave me an 'are you kidding me?' look. "What?!" I said confused. She rolled her eyes at me and sighed before pointing the eraser piece on her pencil at me.

"One your shirt. Its cleanly pressed, no creases, no stretches, no scuffs anywhere and has a logo on the breast pocket. Indicating that it's name brand, in this case, a Ralph Lauren button up." I leaned back in my chair while she took a breath before continuing. "Your jeans are dark wash and hug your features perfectly, the design on the back pocket suggests that they are Silver brand jeans. You're wearing Steve Madden boots, and judging by the shine on them they're new." She smirked and squinted her eyes at me. "As for your bra it's L'Argent and your probably wearing some silk panties as well." I stared at her wide eyed. I looked down at myself (and down my shirt) and she hit everything spot on.

"Okay Sherlock, do your homework." I teased her after she laughed.

"How do you not know what clothes you put on in the morning?" She laughed while continuing her homework.

"I don't know, i just pull things out of my closet and put them on… should i not do that?"

"Your ridiculous." She smiled at me. The bell rang and we packed up our stuff, promising to wait by our locker for the other for lunch, and then to meet at Spencer's house after school before we go to Philly.

I pulled up to Spencer's house and noticed her car was already here. I walked to the front door and Spencer came down to let me in. Her mom was sitting on the couch papers strewn everywhere in front of her and she didn't even look up. Spencer just walked past her and we went to her room upstairs. Spencer was just grabbing her wallet and things, when her dad walked past.

"Spencer, how did that test go yesterday. Did you get it back?" He asked.

"Great, I got 102% on it." She said, happily. He just nodded his head, and stared off.

"Melissa always got 103%." He muttered before turning and leaving. I looked to Spencer and saw the crushed look in her eyes.

"Come on, Lets leave. We can take my car." I said quickly. I grabbed her hand and we silently left her house, not bothering to tell her parents she won't be home tip late. We jumped in my car and I sped off, in anger at Spencer's dad. Its not the first time he's done that in front of me. Spencer was quiet for the first fifteen minutes, and i couldn't stand it. So i decided that we needed a small change in plans and pulled into a little place. "Follow me." I said, unbuckling my seatbelt and and getting out. Spencer followed, but didn't really look around. I grabbed her hand and laced it in mine, leading her inside. There were loud crashes and yells inside, and Spencer looked up suddenly and clung to my arm.

"Hello ladies, how can i help you?" The guy at the desk said.

"Yeah, gimmie six large plates and 6 large cups." I said to him.

"Its not cheap…"

"I know." pulled out my wallet and dropped a few hundred bucks on the counter and he rung up everything and then told us to got to room three and that someone will bring us our items shortly.

"Paige… Where are we?" Spencer asked as we walked to room three.

"A magical place." I said, i found this place a little while ago, while driving around stalling before going home. Spencer and I found room three and went inside. The walls were painted yellow and a booth with a thick ledge in the middle. Not he other side was a wall that had cracks and dents in it with a picture of a giant 'pow' in comic book style. Soon someone came in with our plates and cups and Spencer looked at me puzzled. Once the lady left i picked up a plate and handed it to Spencer. "I found this place a while ago, it really helps to vent." She looked down at the plate, and i picked up a cup. I handed her a pair of goggles and she slipped them on while i put mine on. Spencer looked a little timid so i started. I pulled my arm back, wincing at the new bruise, before using all my anger to launch the cup foreword as hard as i could at the wall. Feeling satisfied as i heard the shattering glass as it hit the wall. I turned to Spencer who stared with her mouth agape. "Well, your turn" I smiled at her.

"I don't know…"

"No Spence. Throw it." I hated ordering people around, but in this case, it was necessary. Spencer was so uptight all the time. She needed to learn to let lose, and that doing things that weren't ordinary was okay. She took a few deep breaths and threw the plate like a frisbie at the wall. It shattered and i smiled at her and pulled her into a hug. "Good job!" She smiled up at me and i let go as she reached for a cup. She pulled her hand back and threw it, it hit the wall, but only the handle on the ceramic piece fell off.

"What?!" She yelled. Angrily she grabbed another cup and threw it at the wall. the same thing happened. I could see her anger really pouring out now, as she grabbed the plates and threw them at the wall one after another watching them shatter as they hit the wall. Soon the first pile of plates was done and she picked up another cup. She threw it at the wall, and this time it shattered upon impact.

"Whoo!" I threw a fist in the air in celebration but immediately regretted the decision as sparks of pain shot up my arm. Instinctively i clutched my side. I know Spencer saw that, but was thankful she didn't comment on it. I went over to her and gave her a hug. "Keep going champ." I said to her. We stood side by side throwing plates and cups at the wall. Each one shattering. We spent a few hours there throwing plates and cups, laughing and having a blast. At the end we were sweating and hungry. We left and got back in my car.

"I think its to late to go to Philly." She said. I agreed and said that we'd go shopping tomorrow instead. We turned the car back and went back to Rosewood and i drove us to the Grill to eat. We ordered our food, Spencer got a chicken ceasar salad and i got a buyer with fries. Spencer ate neatly while i stuffed my face at an impossible rate. Spencer was only half way down with her Salad by the time i was picking at the little crumbs left behind by my fries. I was still hungry and went and got our waitress and asked for another basket of fries. "How on earth do you eat so much so fast?"

"Simple," i said when the lady brought the fries, "I don't eat them. I inhale." i said grabbing more french fries and stuffing them in my mouth. Spencer laughed and i smiled at her, chewing slowly. I reached over and grabbed a piece of chicken from Spencer's plate and popped it into my mouth.

"HEY!" She said.

"Sorry, not sorry." I smiled, "Thats really good…" i commented trying to grab another piece but she hit my knuckle with her fork.

"You are such a heathen!" She laughed at me. "No more for you! Im aware it's good thats kind of why I ordered it!" I pouted in my seat but it went ignored by Spencer, so i just finished off my fries. When the waitress returned with our check, I pulled out my wallet as Spencer reached for her purse.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked her.

"Getting my money out. What do you think YOU"RE doing?"

"Im paying."

"No you're not."

"yes i am."

"You paid earlier!"

"And?" She narrowed her eyes at me and got close. I was expecting her to give in and say fine i can pay, but instead she blew in my face causing me to close my eyes, as she grabbed the check and walked away up to the cashier to pay for it. i huffed and let her pay. She returned to the table smirking triumphantly at me. "Thats considered poor sportsman ship." i said at her gloating face. She rolled her eyes at me and we left. I dropped her off at her house and promised to pick her up in the morning and we'd go straight to Philly after school so she didn't have to stop at home. When I got home, my dads car wasn't in the drive way. I breathed out a sigh of relief, and worry. And went inside. I took a quick shower and went to bed, not having nay homework to do. I laid down in bed, and closed my eyes. A little while later, i heard a crash, and my body went rigid.