Is this the End?
I could feel the blackness rising to meet me. To envelop me in its shadowy embrace and consume me. It will consume both my mind and soul. It is griping at my bare skin with the cold grasp of the reaper, and I am here slowly descending in to the unknown which we call death; feeling a creeping sense of acceptance mixing itself with the deep set feelings of loss and remorse. Loss from not being able to start my new life with vigour and a refreshed view, my conscious not being able to let go of all the mistakes and wrong-doings from my past life. Remorse from not being able to complete my goal, even knowing that, me, failing will result in the deaths of many. Remorse from being the one responsible for the death of the people who tried to get close to me; the ones who tried to break the walls I have built around my heart. Remorse from not being able to live up to my name, Ichigo, One Protector. The name my now deceased mother gave me. It is my fault she died, she died because of me. Just like it's my fault for the death of the rest of my family, my dad and my two younger sisters. It was my all my fault.
As I sink toward the infinite abyss I can't help but to wonder if I'm going to go to hell or heaven. Why am I even thinking about this, of course I'm going to hell. For all I've done, hell would be an act of mercy. My eye lids begin to get heavy, as if I was there was a weight tied to my top eyelid. As my eyes stopped blinking and settled closed, I remember something 'she' told me; on one of the many times I was about to end it all. When I told 'her' I have nobody left and I would be doing everybody a favour by just dying, 'she' looked at me with the most hurt eyes and said, "Am I nobody? Am I nobody to you? Do you think you would be doing me a favour by dying?" Tears began to pour out of 'her' eyes. "Am I not worth fighting for?" After that I never tried to kill myself again. Well that doesn't matter anymore. It is my fault I didn't push 'her' away when I had the chance; I hadn't pushed 'her' away like everybody else. If only I pushed 'her' away and kept my walls firm, 'she' wouldn't be dead now. It is my fault 'she' is dead.
Maybe there is no hell or heaven; maybe what I'm heading towards is just a collective unconscious? Will my mother be waiting for me there? What about my father and sisters, will they be waiting? Will 'she' be waiting; will Rukia be waiting for me?
As my mind goes blank I hear a voice. A voice I've been longing to hear for an eternity. It is 'her' voice.
"Welcome Ichigo, I've been waiting for you," Rukia calls in her soft, angelic voice.
My eyes shoot open.
The is not the End.