Diary of a SOLDIER
21st August 1785
I had just returned from a mission involving some unsettling mobs that disturbed the peace of Midgar. Relaxing in the comfy chair in the Director's office, I waited for him. Unbidden, thoughts about the old lady whom I'd met came to mind. Her wise words that she told me, "Don't work for the devils! Go back to your family!" made me think of the family I'd abandoned and the guilt that came with it. Too bad I had a contract with Shinra and there were consequences if I... RETIRED... Furthermore, I am no longer just a human. Infused with Mako along with Jenova cells, I was granted with increased strength, stamina and speed, perfect for fighting like the soldiers we are trained to be.
We SOLDIERs have been despised for throwing away our lives and working as slaves to Shinra. Some people think of us as power hungry demons who had forsaken their family for better quality of living. There is a good thing though, the smiles of the ones you protect and save can ease and sooth your heart, strengthening the belief that you are doing the right thing. I have no regrets being a SOLDIER, having been trained because of unsettling events and the prediction of war against neighbouring nations, such as Wutai. They have massive armies with countless advanced machinery and materia. Also, Wutai was famous for their martial arts, boasting many martial arts and Materia masters. In order to combat this, Shinra came up with a countermeasure, SOLDIER. SOLDIERs are humans that are infused with Mako energy, AKA energy from the life stream. Not only is it a powerful source of energy, it was discovered to be a type of "booster" for battle. Experiments were started on monsters and their strength, reflexes and speed increased tremendously. Mako energy was then proposed to be injected into a human. I volunteered. It was a success!
Although the side effects had caused me much pain and misery for the first two weeks, I was left feeling better than ever. Missions started soon after. Being the first SOLDIER, I was made captain of a certain rescue mission and, although it went smoothly, I was quite shocked at the hatred some of the villagers had for Shinra. On the mission, I was amazed with how I changed. Mostly thanks to my enhancements though. Moving in a way that normal humans could not accomplish. When I finally arrived back in headquarters, the director of SOLDIER, Lenny, was relieved. Lenny was my best friend. We had grown up together and when he heard about my choice, he applied for Director position to be close with me.
As I was the first human to be infused with Mako, naturally, mistakes were made.
The amount of Mako injected was too high for the human body to maintain, having a high risk of a death that is not going to be a pretty sight. Furthermore, the excessive Mako had strengthened the Jenova cells, causing them to be aggressive to it's host. The Jenova cells attach themselves to my life force and slowly eat away at them. When they have absorbed enough energy, they would burst and inflict damage to me on the inside. Physically, I was fine. However, my life force was fluctuating, slowly corroding away. At any point of time, if the Mako energy decides that going crazy would be fun, I would become nothing more than a sorry state of ruptured flesh. Lenny was devastated and had nearly killed himself over guilt for giving approving the experiment. From that point on, I couldn't bear to visit my family anymore, leaving behind my wife and son with no idea on what fate had in store for them. I had wanted to return to them a hero, not to blow up in their face while walking through the door or to collapse and just die like that. I was afraid. Plus, I didn't want to add on to their worries when they already protested me joining SOLDIER. Ah... my son must be lonely..
Now, 7 years had passed from the day I joined Shinra and 2 since I had stopped visiting my family. Countless times of being in extreme pain, wishing I was dead and times where I was exhausted, unable to even pick up a feather. The scientists came up with a remedy that could stop the constant fatigue but there was no way to avoid the pain inflicted every now and then. I can't help but be envious of the new recruits who have been enhanced with the perfect Mako infusion that has nano machines to keep the Jenova cells useful but dormant. Only I had these symptoms of weakness. They came and disappeared without a trace, making Lenny miserable whenever I was in pain or was getting a regular check-up. It was as if the Mako energy inside of me was playing around, getting excited at one time, bored at others. I already gave up on a cure. There's no way of escaping the fate of a sudden death, whether i like it or not.
As I sit here, writing my first diary entry in this fresh new book, I think of my son, the little runt who wanted to be a hero and enter the army like me. Oh, how his dreams will be shattered when he finds out that I was killed by my own ambitions. Who knows, this may be the last thing I will write. I wanted to find Lenny and ask him to entrust this to my son if anything happens to me but I was tired. Too tired to even return to my quarters. Maybe, after it ends, I'll finally find the peace I've sought after for so long. Ah.. I haven't even received this month's paycheck...
Signed,
Kraz, SOLDIER 1st class.