They walked through the darkness, with the assurance that no one could see or hear them. Eren and Mikasa were looking for food, anything edible that could be anywhere round the cabin they've been hiding for over a week now. They have already collected some berries and mushrooms, no wild animal caught in their traps that night.
They've been walking for over an hour and Eren was quieter than usual, just walking behind Mikasa, grabbing in his jacket whatever Mikasa thought was well enough to eat. The branches broke behind their feet, the trees swinged with the night wind, silence and more silence.
The black-haired girl was clearly worried, it was time to change their location. Again. They could not afford being found by the Military Police; even when they needed for someone from the Legion, anyone, to come to their rescue. Levi said it wouldn't be long.
-Mikasa- said the boy, while he walked near behind her- there's something we need to discuss
-For the last time Eren, no one is going to Shiganshina, let it be already- her voice filled with exasperation
-Marry me Mikasa-
She turned to face him, speechless
-What?
-Marry me, please
-Stop fooling around, it's time to go back to the cabin- she tried to walk away and the young man's hand stopped her when she did
-Mikasa, i know you want to protect me, protect us all, but you also need someone to take care of you, to be your faithful companion
She didn't answer, her eyes locked to his, trying to understand what he really meant.
-I need you Mikasa, and you need me
-No Eren, you need a good soldier to go with you to a Titan plagued territory to get to our old house basement and find i don't know what….
Jaeger lowered his head, unable to deny her accusation. He heard Mikasa's sigh and saw her walk back to where Armin, Historia, Jean, Sasha and Connie were waiting for them. He had to try again.
-Mikasa, you are the only one skilled enough to take me to the basement with our resources, you HAVE to come with me. Shiganshina is just a few miles away, i know we can do it
-It could be 500 meters away and i wouldn't go with you anyways Eren, we have no gas for the 3D maneuver gear, we only have 6 blades and we are absolutely not abandoning the rest
-Do this for me, just this. In return i'll be your husband, i'll be with you forever Mikasa, we won't ever have to be apart and you won't have to worry about me or my well-being. I know that's what you want
-You're insulting me Eren
-I may not be able to give you the kind of love you want, but…
-That's enough- she approached, fury in her eyes and closed fists- I am not going to let you insult me that way. And for the last time Eren, NO ONE is going to Shiganshina
Mikasa turned around and walked, while tears filled her eyes and she started feeling empty and hopeless. She tried to think about something else…the plan, she had to readjust the plan. They needed a new shelter, even when that meant getting closer to Wall Maria and the titans…She kept walking, ignoring Eren's pleads; he stood in front of her, trying to stop her, so she took him from the shoulders and then she heard it
¡Mikasa!
That voice, she was sure it was Levi's
¡Mikasa, please!
She looked around, trying to find a sign that could guide her to the source of the scream. There was no lights, fire or smoke to where her eyes could see in the darkness. Nothing. The desperate scream filled her senses again
¡Mikasa!
They were definitively in the cabin. She ran as soon as she could find the road back to the cabin, her legs jumping over the tree roots.
-What the hell Mikasa, did you hear anything?
She did not answer and ran, with a startled heart race and growing excitement. She fought the urge to cry like a child, she wasn't going to let anyone see her like this, much less Levi. She spotted the cabin and the fear seized, no horses around, no torches, no noise . Something was very wrong.
-Mikasa wait!
Jean went out, alarmed by Eren's cries, sword in hand.
- Where are they?
- Where is who?
- The rest of the Legion, what do you mean who? -she walked around the cabin, invaded by desperation
Everyone stood at the entrance, looking at her as if she had lost her mind. It could not be, she was sure that scream was Levi's, and it was close, she would NEVER confuse that voice. She stood still, suddenly aware that everything had been in her mind. She turned and walked away from the group while saying
-I'll take the first watch
She climbed the nearest tree and hid from the inquisitive view of her comrades, and only that way she was able to cry. She felt like a complete idiot and could not believe her own despair and the overwhelming need to see his superior had controlled her that way. She could not deny that she was worried, very worried. It have been over a week now that he had taken them out of the cabin in a hurry, promising to go looking for them (even when he had to turn stone by stone ) once he could mislead the Military Police...
-Go away Ackerman, we have no time for this
- Heichou, I'll stay, you are going to need help in case you have to face them
- That bunch of useless brats need someone with skills to survive out there Ackerman, listen to me for once and go. They are your responsibility while I'm gone
-But
- I'll go get you when I can, now go.
She knew she shouldn't have listened to the fucking midget. He probably was with Erwin and Hanji in the castle, near the fire and eating soup, badly cooked and tasting like paper, but soup after all. Something hot and cooked. Or he could be drinking tea with that "everything around me smells like horse shit" face. How she missed the bastard. A week without knowing about him and it already felt like too much, she needed the closeness of his body when they trained , his calming words when she found out about the most recent experiment on Eren.
How dare Eren to propose like that? As if she needed the crumbs of his affection, as if she didn't deserve a happy life and a loving marriage just because of who and how she was. She was not going to settle for what Eren offered: company and brotherly love, much less now that she had already tried what real love could feel like
-Look Ackerman, there's an owl on that tree-
She'd been looking at him for a long time, encouraged by the certainty that he had not noticed her presence. He looked so different, so calm and relaxed, as if in that moment of solitude in the night shift he got rid of the burden of being the strongest soldier of humanity and he could be just Levi, the man. She loved that Levi, even more than the "i'll push your limits in each training" Levi, or Levi the military mind, or Levi the clean freak. She loved Levi, much as she hated to admit it. And she suspected he knew, one day while collecting berries he asked, just like that, if she found him good looking. It was unbelievable how cocky he could be.
-Sorry, I was just…
- Be quiet or you'll scare it
She stood next to him, ignoring the brief height difference and tried to find the spot he was pointing...
- What would you do, Mikasa, if there were no walls? - She felt a rush through her spine at the sound of her own name
-I don't know
- Would you go away? Would you look for that big pile of water Artlet can't stop talking about?
- I don't think so, i wouldn't be able to go that far away
-I'm glad
She turned to look at him, confused. He was staring straight ahead, to where she was supposed to find an owl.
- You're glad?
-Ye Ackerman, I'm glad. If you go far away, I'm pretty sure you'd forget me ... you would live your life, you would find a good man and be happy.
-Impossible, I could never forget you- she said, unable to stop the words- could not forget any of you
- Why wouldn't you? You're young, if all this ends as soon as all of us hope, you'll still have a whole life waiting for you, a life away from unnecessary suffer- she saw Levi lowered his head, as if he cared, as if it hurt Deep in his soul the sole idea of her forgetting. She felt her heart skipping a beat.
- I have lived a full life here at the Legion. I've been recognized by my own merits, more than for being friends with Eren and Armin. Wonderful people have come into my life, I've met you... - she felt like fainting when he turned to her and she could figure out what she just said.
-Ackerman-He quickly shook his head- Mikasa- he knelt in front of her- Be my wife
She felt all of her blood stop flowing
- Are you kidding me?
- Do you doubt me?
-Of course I doubt you! It's obvious this is one of your absurd ways to piss me off. What on earth are you thinking? That I have no heart? That just because i am obscure, plain and practically a child i have no feelings? - She tried to hit him in the face, but Levi stopped her fist with his hand
- I speak to you from the heart Mikasa, accept me as your husband. I can't bear the idea of you leaving me, of you being with someone else. As obscure and plain and sttuborn as you are, i must have you for my own. As my equal and my likeness, as my damned complement. Accept me Mikasa Ackerman, don't make me turn it into an order.
Tears slipped, with no way to stop them, down her face. Levi grabbed her arms, looking right through her soul and she felt like melting right there between his fingers
- I ask you to spend your life with me, as long or short as it may be, but with me
- You really want me to be your wife? - She said in a soft whisper, Levi nodded- Do you love me?- he nodded again- Then i'll be your wife
And she hugged him like she could lose her life if he let go.
She was sure she was about to have a nervous breakdown any time soon. She needed to be between Levi's arms again, taste his lips again, and soak herself in his scent. Where the hell was he? Was he alive and well? Each passing day sank her a little deeper into despair, remaining sane just for the sake of his friends and colleagues, Levi had trusted the squad's safety and she could not disappoint him. Sasha was coming towards the tree for the shift change (she had been crying for that long?) And when she stood to get down without killing herself, she heard it again:
Mikasa! Mikasa!
Cold blood ran through her and she was filled with the purest fear she had ever experienced. Something was wrong with Levi, she could feel it. She HAD to find him.
- Where are you?- she yelled into the darkness- Wait for me!
Mikasa!
She was sure that last scream came from the west, so she jumped to get down of the tree and ran to where her instinct, her heart told her she should go. She ran until her legs burned, until she felt her lungs could explode; she could not take it anymore, but kept running. Dawn and dusk came along and she was finally able to recognize her surroundings, she was near the house they all hid, the house where she fell in love with Levi. And then she saw it. Burned to the ground. Shee fell to her knees, hit the floor with her fists and stayed still, trying to recover from all this.
- Mikasa?
It was Erwin. Shee got up the best way she could and gave him the best military salute that came out. Hanji and Moblit accompanied him.
-Thank the heavens! I told you Erwin, Levi would never let them die, I told you they were safe. Where are the others? - asked the scientific
- Deep in the forest, at least a day by walk, we had to relocate several times. And Corporal Levi? Is he alive?
Hanji looked at Erwin, looking clearly alarmed, and the blond lowered his head.
- He's alive Ackerman- said the captain- get on the horse, you and Hanji will return to the castle. Moblit and I will get the rest of your squad
Too tired to protest, Mikasa took the horse Erwin offered and rode near a very quiet Hanji.
- What happened after we left?
- They burned the cabin. Not even two minutes after you leave. Levi was still inside, trying to save the important information
- But he's fine captain? Was he able to escape without problems?
Hanji was silent a moment, like choosing the right words
- He eventually escaped, but not unscathed
- What do you mean?
- I suppose there is no polite way to say this Mikasa, you must forgive my lack of sensibility. Levi is blind
She did not know how to react, it was too much. Her poor Levi, deprived of sight forever dependent on another human being to take pity on him and help him get through life easier. She could not imagine the hell he was going through.
-He's been unbearable. He wants no visits, no help from anyone. Erwin has managed to keep him in the Legion, saying it was my fault he's blind. A failed experiment is the official version. So now he's just Erwin advisor and official hermit. Only the two of us have seen him ,his wounds have not healed entirely, so he needs me to cure them, but he's made very clear that the minute he stops needing that he's gonna lock himself in that room, you know him…
- Yes- was all she could say
- Mikasa listen , I know he proposed. I heard it that night. I won't say anything, so do not panic. I only ask you to stay at his side, help him get through this. He is a good friend and doesn't deserve what is happening to him, I would not ask if we had not already tried everything ...
- You do not have to ask captain, I was gonna do it anyway
- You know he's not gonna make it any easier, right?
- I will not give him another choice
They arrived at the castle late at night and Hanji was received by a bunch of her special squad members…
- He won't let anyone give him food, not even going into the room capitain
- Are you saying that he has not eaten a thing since we left?
- Ehmm…yes
Not wanting to hear another word, she went to the kitchen and put some soup, tea and bread on a tray. She walked towards his room, her legs already resenting the run and the horse ride. She tried to open the door, not being surprised in the slightest when she found out it was locked. Leaving the tray safe on the floor, she stepped back and kicked the door down.
-Who are you and what the hell do you think you are doing?- shouted Levi, somewhere in the very, very dark room
Mikasa said nothing and walked the best she could towards the dresser near the bed. Left the tray there and went on to search something to turn on the candles, she opened the curtains to let the moonlight fill the room and help her in her search.
-Get the hell out of my room NOW! Blind or not, I can still kick your ass, or better, make you pick horseshit for the rest of your life. Get out!
She could see him now, sitting on the bed, opposite to where she was. His torso and his eyes bandaged, his back muscles tense and his breathing fast and shallow. She needed to look at him, to feel him, to kiss him. She turned on the candles at last and Levi turned to look the source of the noise. She saw him stand up and give a few trembling steps around the bed, supported by the matress; her heart ached when he was finally at the reach of her hand, but she didn't touch him. She didn't threw herself to his arms, as much as she wanted to do it, no, she stood very very still, waiting for his reaction
-Not again, dammit- he sighed and let himself fall to the matress, he rubbed his temples. She could feel his despair, it killed her, to see him so sad and helpless
-You should eat something, you're getting too thin
-Damn ghosts! Leave me alone! Haven't you had enough with my pain? I'm blind for fuck's sake, stop torturing me with Mikasa's voice. You're going to drive me crazy!
Mikasa took a chair and put it in front of Levi, getting as close as she could. Both breathings clashing. She took his hands and put them on her own face. Levi gasped and she let him do whatever he wanted to; he ran his finger through her cheekbones and went down, in a leap of faith, to her neck. He touch her scarf longingly, caressed it for a few seconds and he put his head on her chest.
-Have mercy, tell me it is you and I'm not hallucinating
-It's me Levi, you're not hallucinating
She separated his head from her chest and got up to get the soup bowl, she fed him bite by bute and the talked about the fire, the woods, the Military Police (Filthy pigs, they sould burn in hell! Said Levi when he felt more like himself) and about how funny was Sasha when she was deprived of food for a week. When the tea was running low, they were in a very akward silence
-Mikasa, you don't have to stay
-I know
-I'm a blind man who has absolutely nothing to offer, you are too young and talented to be wasting your time here with me, I'm sure Erwin will send you in a mission soon enough and I don't want you to feel tied up
-Are you leaving me?
-No, of course not! It's just
-Nothing. You are going to have to stand me while I'm here
-And when you're off for a mission?
-You're going to sign reports and let people bring you food and clean this pigpen you call bedroom
-I'm being serious Mikasa, if you don't want to stay, I'll set you free
-Do you love me?
-With all my heart, but I can't ask you to take care of me
-Well, then don't. Eren never asked for it and look how well it has worked for us
- Please don't even mention your brother while we talk about us
-And you stop being so stubborn. I'm gonna stay and if you want me to leave, then you'll have to beat me in sparring. Are we clear?
Levi smiled and searched for the girl's face with his hands, he held her near him and kissed her. He kissed her for what felt like several hours, looking to feel saciated of her smell, her taste, her touch. He didn't want to let her go, but eventually they had to stop kissing.
-I had a really bad day yesterday- he whispered- Erwin took Moblit and Hanji to search for you guys for the third time Mikasa. Everyone hear swore they were going to find dead bodies only and I was really beginning to believe it
-But I'm here, you don't have to worry about it anymore
-Anyways, I did something really stupid-he laughed like the memory was somehow funny- I opened the windows and shouted your name, I screamed until I had no voice. Can you imagine that? Corporal Levi Rivaille, shouting in the middle of the night the name of a subordinate who is lost God knows where. I can only imagine all the gossip in this castle…
-I heard you Levi
-What?
-I swear, I heard you. I heard you and I ran to search for you, that's how Erwin found me. You saved my life, our lives.
-And did you answer Mikasa?
-Yes, I told you to wait for me
-And here you are
-Here I am
-And you're not leaving
-Never