AMS: First fanfic! I'm a little nervous, and a little scared, but hopefully you will enjoy it! I gave it my all! Please review!
-xox-
- beautiful-
:: a word that meant nothing to me until he came along ::
-xox-
My name is Kairi Sotobe, I'm sixteen, and…I am BEAUTIFUL.
Okay, so I must admit, that was an extremely conceited introduction of myself right there.
But that's what I get told everyday of my life. So even if I don't feel like I am at all, it's kind of been carved in my head for forever that I was "beautiful".
No, "cute" wasn't the only thing that people called me. "Stunning", "gorgeous", "cute"-- they were all meaningless adjectives that people called me every where I went. It would be extremely wrong of me to complain about it, but I can't help it.
I hate being pretty. Or beautiful. Or whatever the heck you call my flowing long red hair, my glassy perfect blue eyes, or my gentle white skin.
Personally, I hate the whole idea of judging people about their outer appearances.
It's shallow!!!
A person shouldn't be labeled by those words because of their outer appearances, but their inner appearances. So every time some random person came up to me, and commented about my appearances, no matter how nicely it was put, or how much they meant it, it pissed me off.
Lots.
What did they know about beauty!? I could've been a real bitch for all they knew!
So I hated it every time someone came to me and complimented me about my looks. I hated all the "nice" comments they tossed at me and the fake smile that went along with it.
But I especially hated that being called that one single word:
Beautiful.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-xox-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"Come on Kairi Sotobe!!! I beg of thee beautiful highness, please go out with me!" that annoying boy with spiky brunette locks begged me once again.
"No!!!" I yelled back at him, looking at him with an annoyed glare. "Get away from me! If people see a popular guy like you hanging around with a girl like me, all kinds of rumors will spread!"
"You know you want to!" he said, giving me a cheesy grin. "Think about it! Beautiful Kairi Sotobe and handsome Sora Kyoko going out! It'll be like the sexiest couple ever to make high school records!"
Giving him a death glare, I yelled at him, "That's not a good enough reason to go out with me!!!"
"But I love you too!" he replied back, looking at me with big, innocent eyes.
"Like I'd actually believe that!" I frowned, sticking my tongue out at him. "Besides, I already am in love with someone else!"
O//__//O (- blushing face)
Yes, that's right…
I was already in love with another person. Another person that went by the name of Roxas Chisato. Every time I thought about him, I would start blushing and my eyes will turn about ten times bigger, and ahhhh!!! He was just the love of my life!!! He was the only one who would understand me. He was the only one listening to my numerous rants and complains…he was the only one who never called me beautiful.
Which was the one reason why I was so in love with him in the first place. I knew for a fact he knew how I felt…the only one.
"Kairi, you're so funny." Roxas told me one day, just out of the blue. "You don't like being pretty? Why not?"
"Because! Because…because those words just don't mean anything to me…and…because of how I look, I don't have any friends, people tried to abduct me two-hundred fifty nine times, and weird perverted guys always try to like rape me! People always think it's so amazing to be beautiful, but I really hate it!"
And that was the whole other truth I left out before. I was always a social outcast…girls always never wanted to be close to me either because they were jealous or afraid that their boyfriend's would fall in love with me. Guys were either too intimidated to get close, or afraid to get heartbroken. As a result, I never had any friends except Roxas- another reason why I loved him so much.
"Wow…I never thought of it like that." Roxas said, giving me a gentle smile that made my heart leap. "You have a point…I guess, if I had such hot looks like Sora does, I would understand it's not that easy looking so amazing."
"But that's not true!" I objected. "In my eyes, you are so much hotter than So--"
"Kairi! There you are!" I heard a voice call out from behind. I turned around slowly and sighed.
Sora.
"You just ran away like that, Kairi! After I poured out all my heart and soul to you too!"
"What heart and soul?!" I yelled back at him, once again sticking out my tongue at him while putting my hands in my waist. It was a funny thing, really. Every time I was with Roxas, I felt so calm and relaxed while when I was with Sora, I felt like an immature child.
"You have such a beautiful face, yet you say such mean things." he replied back, shrugging his shoulders.
"Stop saying I'm beautiful!!! I'm not!!!"
"KAIRI SOTOBE, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! What's so bad about being told that you are anyways?!" he yelled back.
"Arghhh!" I put my hands over my ears, and ran far away from him. I decided right then and there, that I would confess my feelings to Roxas the next day and…and maybe we'd be a couple!!! The thought made me blush tremendously. Yes, it was perfect! If I went out with Roxas, then Sora didn't have to bug me so much about accepting his unrequited love and I would finally be in a relationship that I knew didn't involve my beauty in any of it.
I looked up at the sky smiling at the plan, but somehow the sky seemed to have turn a dark gray color.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-xox-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Dear Roxas,
We've been friends for a while now and I just want to finally let my feelings pour down onto you.
I really think I like you lots. I don't know what this feeling is, but every time I'm close to you, I feel happier and very comfortable.
I want to make this feeling somehow permanent…lock it up somehow.
So I guess, what I'm trying to say is…will you go out with me?
-Kairi.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-xox-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
I reread the letter I had worked on forever last night to make it sound less awkward. I blushed a deep red hue and held onto the letter tightly. I glanced up at Roxas' locker, and my heart thumped. My heart was thumping so hard, I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. My knees and legs were going weak…
'Kairi…Kairi…just put the mail in, and run…just put the mail in and--'
"Kairi Sotobe?" I heard a female girl call out my name. I looked back happily. Possibly a girl who wanted to be my friend?!
"Yesss?" I asked her, smiling a sweet smile. My hopes of having a new friend when I saw her serious face. There seemed to be a cute blonde haired girl behind her, seeming like she was hiding from me.
"Is that a love letter for Roxas Chisato? If it is, please throw it out and leave." she asked in a firm voice, her emerald eyes stern.
I looked at her with sudden shocked big eyes…what?
"This is Naminé Shizuki." she told me, pointing at the girl that was avoiding eye contact with me. "She is now going out with Roxas Chisato…please don't ruin this fairy tale dream for her."
Somehow my heart seemed numb, and my heart shattered into two.
"Please…" Naminé's gentle voice asked me, her eyes begging me. "I asked him out yesterday, and he told me 'okay'. I was so happy…if a beautiful girl like you asks him out, no doubt about it…he's going to ditch me and go for you…please don't ruin it for me!" By then, tears were streaming down her pale face.
"You're so gorgeous that you have tons of guys to chose from, right? So why don't you just let Roxas go and you can chose some other guy in your pile of guys on the list?" the brunette girl asked- who I remembered was Olette Misaki from my homeroom class.
"S…sure…" I stuttered to them, keeping my head low so they wouldn't see the tears from coming down. I turned around and ran down the empty hall, still clutching on tightly to the love letter that would never get delivered.
I was running down the hall not once looking up and bumped hard into a built boy, which sent a huge collision causing me to fall.
"Woah, woah, woah!" the boy said, helping me get up. I turned my face around the other direction so he wouldn't see me, but he already caught on that I was crying. "Why are you crying?"
He noticed the letter that I dropped while bumping into him and before I could notice he even took it, he tore it open and read it.
"Wow…" he told me harshly, looking at me with cold eyes. "After I told you how I felt so many times, you completely ignored my feelings and rejected me just like that."
I felt a pang of guilt overwhelm me…why was I feeling this way? I already told him I didn't love him…so why did I feel so bad?
"Are you going to hate me too?" I softly said, bursting out into another set of tears. "You asked me what was so wrong about being beautiful! Well, this is what's wrong! I can't be with the person I really like, I don't have any friends, everyone hates me!!! My life is always in danger, and people mistake me for being some t-t-tramp!" I stuttered to him, my voice sounding weird because of the tears. "Everyone tells me I'm beautiful, but what use are those words to me?! If inside I don't feel beautiful at all, what use is the outside?!"
He came over and held me tightly, and I cried into his arms. They were so comforting, so soothing. It wasn't like the time I had with Roxas…nope, it felt like something else…not the fatherly feeling that Roxas made me feel.
"It's okay…to cry…I don't think it's possible for me to hate you even if I wanted to." he told me, hugging me tightly.
His arms felt like home. They felt beautiful, just like his words.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-xox-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"Kairi…" Sora told me, his hair swaying gently amongst the grass from the breeze. We somehow ended up on top of a hill, feeling the gentle breeze tickle our skin. Both our shoes were off, and we were looking at the sunset far off in the horizon.
"Hmmm?" I asked, turning my head from the direction of the sunset to his face, smiling at him expectantly. Our eyes caught for a moment, both causing us to blush.
"Do you remember me?" he asked, looking back the horizon.
"Do I…remember you?" I asked him back, scrunching up my face. Did we meet before?
"Ha, what am I saying. You probably don't remember me…I changed tons. But I don't think I would've ever been able to forget you, even if I somehow lose all my memories in a car crash. I'm glad we got to meet again…"
I looked at him questioningly…he did seem familiar somehow, but I couldn't quite place my finger on it.
"Do you remember that play you were in back in the second grade? 'Santa's Precious Children' I think it was called…"
The name immediately brought back old memories…how could I forget the play? It was a touching story about how Santa loves all his children equally. The main plot was about a little girl who lost her parents in a fire. Ever since then, she asked Santa every year for new parents who would love her as much. She became discouraged when she was never adopted, but she never gave up hope. Santa was deeply touched by her will, and how she never gave up hope or lost faith in him. In the end, Mr. and Mrs. Claus adopted her and a bunch of other kids as well. It was a cheesy production, but extremely cute as well.
"Yeah! I do!" I excitedly said. "But…how do you know about it?" I asked in confusion.
"Don't you remember that extremely fat boy who fell and you helped pick up?"
I widened my eyes at him.
"N-No way!!!"
He looked at me with a gentle smile and nodded his head.
"Way."
xox 10 years ago xox
"Okay, class!" the raven haired second grade drama teacher smiled, gathering her class together. "You guys were all so great! Here is everyone's parts- Kairi, you will be Sara Shizuka, the main leader role! Yamaki, you will be--"
Crash!
"What was that?!" Ms. Tifa said, looking around at the source of the noise. She turned around to see a overweight boy with shaggy brunette hair and tiny sea-blue eyes that were covered in layers of fat covered in green paint. "SORA!!!"
The poor boy looked petrified, quickly trying to rub off all the paint but ironically seemed to spread it around instead.
"You fat, disgusting, ugly big ball of gross slob!" she spit at him, looking at him venomously. He looked at her with his big blue eyes, which were tearing up. "You should lose some weight if you have time to fool around in paint! You gross boy! Consider yourself lucky for even getting the part of being a tree! You--"
"Teacher, stop it!" a little girl's voice rang in the silent auditorium. All the rest of the second graders were frozen in shock, too afraid of their teachers' outburst to say anything. All but a tiny girl with short silky crimson hair. She ran up front to the boy, spreading her arms out in front of him in a protecting position. "It's enough already, don't you think?!" she asked her teacher, looking at the shocked teacher with unwavering clear blue eyes.
The little girl took the remaining contents of the green paint and splashed it all over herself.
"There, I guess I'm a burden too! I like playing with green paint and splashing in it! I guess since I cause mischief too, I can't play the role of Sara. Too bad! Me and Sora can play the roles of trees together!"
The awed teacher stared blankly at the witty girl. The adorable loved girl-despite the green paint that was drying on her hair causing her hair to be a big mess- turned around to the hated fat boy and smiled widely at him.
"Don't let mean words get the best of you, okay? I think you're beautiful the way you are." the tiny girl said to the blushing boy who's tears seemed to have stopped. "My name is Kairi, nice to meet you Sora! You look like you got hurt while playing in the paint. Let's go to the nurse and ask for some band aids."
She held out her hand to the boy, and bringing out his shaking nervous hands, he grabbed onto hers tightly. They both walked together out the auditorium, hand in hand with the whole class looking back at them.
"Thank you…" he muttered shyly, looking up at the beauty.
"You're welcome!" she smiled at him, causing him to blush a deep red hue.
I looked blankly in the horizon…so that was why he seemed so familiar.
"I loved you ever since that day." Sora said, looking at me with a smile, causing my heart to once again thump hard. "People told me to give up on you, because I was fat and ugly and you were way too high for my leagues. But the words you said to me that day remained in my head, and if it took for me to lose weight and become your league, I was willing to do it. I was willing to do anything to be with you…you were the first one who ever genuinely smiled at me and made me feel like a human."
Our eyes crossed paths once again but this time they never left each other.
"When I said that I loved you, I truly meant it. When I said that you were beautiful too, I really meant it. I just kept saying it so you would believe it too...and when I said it, I wasn't just referring to your face either…" he said, leaning closer to me and gently putting his warm hands on the side of my face. "I meant your heart as well. I could never forget that pure, kind, and beautiful heart of yours…I really, truly love you from the bottom of my heart, Kairi Sotobe. I always have, and I always will."
He closed the inch gap between our lips, and I felt like my heart was going to leap out of my body. This feeling was like no other- it wasn't the feeling I got when I was with Roxas. Nope, the feeling I had for Roxas was a father-to-daughter feeling. I had mistaken adoration to love. But, this feeling, I was sure of it. The minute I kissed him, my heart was burning of pure pleasure and I couldn't get enough of him. He was the one who truly gave beauty meaning to it.
"You're beautiful." he whispered once again in my ear, combing my hair that was flowing with the summer's breeze with his fingers.
- xox -
:: and for once in my life, I truly believed and felt like I was ::
- xox -
How was it? *cringes*
Too short?
Too shallow?
Too boring?
Please review!
- AMS -